on sexyness

ever since i came back from philly i've been wanting to write this little blurb of a blog - thinking about it after something i said to sarah. so z doesn't think d's cute, but i totally do. and hotness is important to me- my friend tammy, upon enterign a party, works her way around to speak to everyone. i beeline towards the people who look like they would be interesting. if you're ugly at a party, i won't chat at you. but it's my own standard of hot vs. not... and that's not the opposite of what culture says is hot. there's some differences, some similarities. i think since we're told skinny is good but anorexic is better, and since i don't believe that, it's automatically assumed that i am on the hunt for fat girls and i find them all sexy. and it's just not true. i just don't automatically exclude fat girls from my hotness scale- my scale is full of girls of all different shapes and sizes. certainly skinny ones too. maybe the fat girls i think are the sexiest because i tend to be in the minority. but it doesn't neccesarily make it a given. i have an online admirer who i don't really have any interest in being friends with. usually i try hard to return comments on flickr read the blogs of the people who read mine, and send care packages to anyone who leaves a comment. but i just can't be inspired to do so with her, cause, well, she's just not hot. does that make me a bad person?

a little addendum to this post that came up a little later this week, is this phenomenon i can think of in at least three couples i know- there's half of the couple, and they are usually the one i'm better friends with, and they and i really click. they're smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever in ways i can totally identify with and hang out with. and then they're dating these really hot people. but i know the hot people (because i'm friends with their partners) and i'm not jelous of their partners, because each hot one has a personality quirk or two that while charming (or annoying) in a friend is not anything i could handle as well as the partner they've got does. and while i love the smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever one, i'm usually not attracted to them- beyond the mere friend stage, obviously, because i only make friends with people who are good looking. sorry. so, if you're reading this and you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner whom i know, you can play the "which one am i?" game. and if this insults or offends you, well, know that i love all of these friends, and it's just an odd frequent phenomenon but doesn't translate to all of the couples i know everyhere, so you're probably not who i'm thinking of when i wrote it, in fact, you're probably someone who i've secretly lusted over for years and will never get the guts up to do anything about, because you're just beyond what i could ever attain.