we had a delivery today of a poinsetta going to a manager at white castle. (i don't know why i always want to spell poinsetta with three ts instead of two. but it makes typing it difficult). i've been a vegetarian as long as i've been in chicago, so i've never been to a white castle and have no desire to ever be. but did i have any opertunities for white castle experiences in my childhood? i don't think pennsylvania has white castles. does anyone know? and it's also odd that my mother, who's lived in pennsylvania her entire life, loves the movie harold and kumar go to white castle.
but i'm not gonna take her to one next time she visits!
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
5.12.07
4.12.07
and another thing...
there was also an article on raymond carter, and it included this poem:
late fragment
and did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
i did.
and what did you want?
to call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
how do i know this? it is so familiar to me, yet i can't place the quote. i'd say it was on the library walls, but it doesn't have anything to say about books. i'm baffled. what do you think?
late fragment
and did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
i did.
and what did you want?
to call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
how do i know this? it is so familiar to me, yet i can't place the quote. i'd say it was on the library walls, but it doesn't have anything to say about books. i'm baffled. what do you think?
17.11.07
resigned
so, i quit my job.
not the flower shop, or the bag lady. the other one, the graduation parade one. christopher was my buffer last year between me and management, and with him run away and joined the circus, i was just at loose ends and didn't know what to do or how to relate to anyone. the manager is a really odd personality, and she gives the shop a vibe that it's hard to work in. and the boss and i have a really hard time communicating. we were fine last year when we had christopher translating each other's messages back and forth, but we can't seem to do it well in real life.
she told me about 2 weeks ago christopher wasn't coming back. it really upset me. so i sent him a text, and it probably wasn't a very nice text, because i've been blaming everything on him, not so much as it's his fault as it's easier to be angry at someone else than at yourself, and he's not around to defend himself. he called me after the text, unwilling to take any shit from me. it's not my problem, he said. i'm with the circus now. i'm not there. deal with your own problems. if it's that bad, quit.
so i did.
i wrote my resignation letter last weekend, and had my mom proofread it, then i sent it yesterday. christopher ended up having december off, so he'll actually be in the shop in december, but i won't. boss said that it's the end of a payroll period so there's no reason for me to come back. i feel like such a looser, even though i quit instead of being fired. like if i was a better or stronger person, i would have been able to keep it. or i'm being cocky- who am i to demand wonderful jobs that i love with fabulous bosses who take me out drinking or invite me to camp on their summer home's lawn?
and i feel a little sucky from her response. it's such a perfect example of how we communicate. i mean, i don't know how my words are recieved. i imagine she thinks i'm prickly, easily offended, and slightly autistic. but i have no idea. as for how i hear her, well it seems like everything she says is so nice, but i hear it all as back handed compliments, or thinly veiled put downs. i mean, i could tell you what she said in her letter, but when i repeat it it sounds snide, and the letter wasn't at all. lets see, like she just said, "I think now would be a good time to end your tenure at the shop, instead of working the rest of the semester- although I thank you for that offer! It is the end of a pay period coming up, so it will be easiest to
transition...So, thank-you, and if you have left any personal belongings at the shop
please pick them up soon so they don't get lost in the vortex of the move..." which sounds to me like being kicked out immediately
eh. this isn't even making sense. i can't even explain what i mean. cause, these all are perfectly reasonable. sure, i imagined finishing out the semester, it's only about three more weeks, i didn't know i wouldn't be back at the shop again... but give me a break, I"M the one who quit! what am i expecting? it's what i wanted. and though i worry about paying for xmas when i've just quit a job, i am also feeling positively GIDDY about having tuesday off. a whole day! in the middle of the week! imagine!
i'm going to use it for all the other sewing i'm behind on. won't have a lot of time to sew over thanksgiving.
oh, and have i mentioned i'm spending thanksgiving in IOWA with d's family? yeah, i know.
not the flower shop, or the bag lady. the other one, the graduation parade one. christopher was my buffer last year between me and management, and with him run away and joined the circus, i was just at loose ends and didn't know what to do or how to relate to anyone. the manager is a really odd personality, and she gives the shop a vibe that it's hard to work in. and the boss and i have a really hard time communicating. we were fine last year when we had christopher translating each other's messages back and forth, but we can't seem to do it well in real life.
she told me about 2 weeks ago christopher wasn't coming back. it really upset me. so i sent him a text, and it probably wasn't a very nice text, because i've been blaming everything on him, not so much as it's his fault as it's easier to be angry at someone else than at yourself, and he's not around to defend himself. he called me after the text, unwilling to take any shit from me. it's not my problem, he said. i'm with the circus now. i'm not there. deal with your own problems. if it's that bad, quit.
so i did.
i wrote my resignation letter last weekend, and had my mom proofread it, then i sent it yesterday. christopher ended up having december off, so he'll actually be in the shop in december, but i won't. boss said that it's the end of a payroll period so there's no reason for me to come back. i feel like such a looser, even though i quit instead of being fired. like if i was a better or stronger person, i would have been able to keep it. or i'm being cocky- who am i to demand wonderful jobs that i love with fabulous bosses who take me out drinking or invite me to camp on their summer home's lawn?
and i feel a little sucky from her response. it's such a perfect example of how we communicate. i mean, i don't know how my words are recieved. i imagine she thinks i'm prickly, easily offended, and slightly autistic. but i have no idea. as for how i hear her, well it seems like everything she says is so nice, but i hear it all as back handed compliments, or thinly veiled put downs. i mean, i could tell you what she said in her letter, but when i repeat it it sounds snide, and the letter wasn't at all. lets see, like she just said, "I think now would be a good time to end your tenure at the shop, instead of working the rest of the semester- although I thank you for that offer! It is the end of a pay period coming up, so it will be easiest to
transition...So, thank-you, and if you have left any personal belongings at the shop
please pick them up soon so they don't get lost in the vortex of the move..." which sounds to me like being kicked out immediately
eh. this isn't even making sense. i can't even explain what i mean. cause, these all are perfectly reasonable. sure, i imagined finishing out the semester, it's only about three more weeks, i didn't know i wouldn't be back at the shop again... but give me a break, I"M the one who quit! what am i expecting? it's what i wanted. and though i worry about paying for xmas when i've just quit a job, i am also feeling positively GIDDY about having tuesday off. a whole day! in the middle of the week! imagine!
i'm going to use it for all the other sewing i'm behind on. won't have a lot of time to sew over thanksgiving.
oh, and have i mentioned i'm spending thanksgiving in IOWA with d's family? yeah, i know.
14.11.07
don't walk
in our lives full of warnings, some seem so reasonable, believable, followable. in a fire, i would never take the elevator instead of the stairs. i wouldn't cross when the light tells me not to. and i won't cross the tracks outside of the approved walkways.
tben of course, there are the warnings i disregard. i eat and drink on cta vehicles. i stand above that step. i use that product while charging. i leave that product plugged in when not in use.
but there are some..
let's just say that everyone has a secret rebel streak in them somewhere. i'm sure some people would commit theft or arson or something if they "turned bad." and others can't resist the pull of the dark side and actually do those things. me, my crimes would be much more minor. but still, though minor, every time i see these warnings, i have to make a concious choice to obey.
i want to pull in case of fire. i want to eat silica gel. i want to write below that line.
tben of course, there are the warnings i disregard. i eat and drink on cta vehicles. i stand above that step. i use that product while charging. i leave that product plugged in when not in use.
but there are some..
let's just say that everyone has a secret rebel streak in them somewhere. i'm sure some people would commit theft or arson or something if they "turned bad." and others can't resist the pull of the dark side and actually do those things. me, my crimes would be much more minor. but still, though minor, every time i see these warnings, i have to make a concious choice to obey.
i want to pull in case of fire. i want to eat silica gel. i want to write below that line.
24.10.07
newsy!
now, you know i've occasionally blogged about politics, but i'm not the sort of news-watch blogger so many of my companions are. (who are my companions? stay tuned, in an upcoming post i will reveal all!) sure, i get the newspaper. but i read the comics and the "lifestyle" section, and do the crossword. MAYBE the local news. but i don't have a tv, and don't read internet news. i guess the sorts of things i find interesting are just a "huh," sort of thing. but here is a news article i can relate to:
an hydrangea problem
if you don't feel like clicking on the link, here are key quotes from the new york times:
"The bride, Elana Glatt, says her florist committed a series of faux pas at her wedding on Aug. 11. In the most “egregious,” Ms. Glatt says in a lawsuit alleging breach of contract, the florist substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green hydrangeas she had specified for 22 centerpieces."
"He said that he and his wife, Paula, had done their best to match the color of the hydrangeas with a picture Ms. Glatt had given them, but explained to her that because of the vagaries of nature and the lighting at the reception, the colors might not look exactly the same."
"“The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for,” Ms. Glatt, a lawyer who practices under the name Elana Elbogen, said in the lawsuit, which she filed on behalf of herself, her husband and her mother-in-law, Tobi Glatt, who paid for the flowers."
----
now, obviously, i have some pretty strong opinions on this, since it's something that comes up in my day-to day life. it's so wierd to me to have things i deal with at work written up in a newspaper- i guess cops and politicians and lawers and such are used to having the details of their careers written in newspapers. but it's not often you can say, "goddess, why do brides always want hydrangeas? and what florist would promise to find two tone ones?" the color problem is something i often deal with in corsages- she has a pink dress, can i have a pink rose corsage? well, yes, but you can't dye the flowers to match your shoes. (i said that to a bride once, and she was really offended. i felt bad) i think the most important thing is coming to an understanding with your client- know what it is that they like about a certain arrangement= is it the two toneness, the burgandy, the hydrangea, what? that way you can substitute, say, green and burgandy callas and spider mums if the hydrangeas are all pink. did they get samples in for her, i wonder? we try to show our clients how they will be disapointed before the big day comes.
we actually did a wedding recently with big color variations. the bride wanted all orange and white flowers. and ch had, without thinking, sold her all hard-to-get or delicate flowers, like dahlias and ranunculus. i think the bridesmades and the wedding decorations had orange alstro, daisy mums, and ranunculus in them. and they were ALL dramatically different shades of orange. the alstro was basically yellow, the mums were a rusty brown, the ranunculus was ORANGE ORANGE. i was really worried about them all not matching at all, until the orange dahlias came, and they were a bittersweet, really red orange, and that made it a full spectrum of orange, and like we meant it, and it was very pretty and fall, esp. ch said when held in front of the bridesmaid's pale-coral-y dresses.
we also, it must be admitted, only take on brides that we like. friends, neighbors, customers we have experience with. rosexpressions, catering to the budget bride and the lowfrills committment ceremonies. it just fits with our shop. we're not cheap or cheap looking. but we're not snobby, we work with you, and we understand small. the shop, it's rather small itself.
an hydrangea problem
if you don't feel like clicking on the link, here are key quotes from the new york times:
"The bride, Elana Glatt, says her florist committed a series of faux pas at her wedding on Aug. 11. In the most “egregious,” Ms. Glatt says in a lawsuit alleging breach of contract, the florist substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green hydrangeas she had specified for 22 centerpieces."
"He said that he and his wife, Paula, had done their best to match the color of the hydrangeas with a picture Ms. Glatt had given them, but explained to her that because of the vagaries of nature and the lighting at the reception, the colors might not look exactly the same."
"“The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for,” Ms. Glatt, a lawyer who practices under the name Elana Elbogen, said in the lawsuit, which she filed on behalf of herself, her husband and her mother-in-law, Tobi Glatt, who paid for the flowers."
----
now, obviously, i have some pretty strong opinions on this, since it's something that comes up in my day-to day life. it's so wierd to me to have things i deal with at work written up in a newspaper- i guess cops and politicians and lawers and such are used to having the details of their careers written in newspapers. but it's not often you can say, "goddess, why do brides always want hydrangeas? and what florist would promise to find two tone ones?" the color problem is something i often deal with in corsages- she has a pink dress, can i have a pink rose corsage? well, yes, but you can't dye the flowers to match your shoes. (i said that to a bride once, and she was really offended. i felt bad) i think the most important thing is coming to an understanding with your client- know what it is that they like about a certain arrangement= is it the two toneness, the burgandy, the hydrangea, what? that way you can substitute, say, green and burgandy callas and spider mums if the hydrangeas are all pink. did they get samples in for her, i wonder? we try to show our clients how they will be disapointed before the big day comes.
we actually did a wedding recently with big color variations. the bride wanted all orange and white flowers. and ch had, without thinking, sold her all hard-to-get or delicate flowers, like dahlias and ranunculus. i think the bridesmades and the wedding decorations had orange alstro, daisy mums, and ranunculus in them. and they were ALL dramatically different shades of orange. the alstro was basically yellow, the mums were a rusty brown, the ranunculus was ORANGE ORANGE. i was really worried about them all not matching at all, until the orange dahlias came, and they were a bittersweet, really red orange, and that made it a full spectrum of orange, and like we meant it, and it was very pretty and fall, esp. ch said when held in front of the bridesmaid's pale-coral-y dresses.
we also, it must be admitted, only take on brides that we like. friends, neighbors, customers we have experience with. rosexpressions, catering to the budget bride and the lowfrills committment ceremonies. it just fits with our shop. we're not cheap or cheap looking. but we're not snobby, we work with you, and we understand small. the shop, it's rather small itself.
18.10.07
talking about haunting
which is my verb of choice today, no offence ch, it's just fall-o-ween.
my season has been changed forever! it's that turning point of the year, that first slip into sweaters and glitter and bare trees, that sign that 2007 is entering into the season of gratitute and nurturing....
the grocery store, it has the cinnamon scented pinecones out.
i don't know what it is about the cinnamon scented pinecones. but it is. it is something. i FEEL them. they make me emote. ach. cinnamon scented pinecones. i cannot even describe the effect you have on my life.
my season has been changed forever! it's that turning point of the year, that first slip into sweaters and glitter and bare trees, that sign that 2007 is entering into the season of gratitute and nurturing....
the grocery store, it has the cinnamon scented pinecones out.
i don't know what it is about the cinnamon scented pinecones. but it is. it is something. i FEEL them. they make me emote. ach. cinnamon scented pinecones. i cannot even describe the effect you have on my life.
15.10.07
this post brought to you by the letter "S"
i must sew sew sew this week... but not right now, first there are flowers to do! tomorrow is boss's day! yes, that's three "s"s is right in a row! and there's two more! wow! teleflora is going with the plural, but we like the posessive better, and it's what's on the balloons.
premakes all day today, but the big rush is tomorrow- boss's day is not a(n) holiday you preorder for. blah. d drove me to vogue to pick up foam for the cushion, only to find they have to special order 5". so we'll have to go back on thursday. wah-wah.
feeling good about the week. lots of work, but it will keep me out of trouble. and i'll get paid. if i come right home from work, and spend an hour cooking and eating, and an hour managing my house, and an hour sewing, why, that still gives me over an hour to waste online. doesn't that sound like a nice plan?
so, to recap today's fun with english:
-boss's day has three "s"s right in a row.
-a holiday or an holiday? i think with the h, it's "you decide"
-d and i also did the crossword together after after vogue and she discovered another one of those triple-double-letter combos i like so much: sweettooth. however, it, like balloonnut, is actually two words, whereas bookkeeping is the real thing. what about a bookkeepperson? that's a quadruple double! wow!
premakes all day today, but the big rush is tomorrow- boss's day is not a(n) holiday you preorder for. blah. d drove me to vogue to pick up foam for the cushion, only to find they have to special order 5". so we'll have to go back on thursday. wah-wah.
feeling good about the week. lots of work, but it will keep me out of trouble. and i'll get paid. if i come right home from work, and spend an hour cooking and eating, and an hour managing my house, and an hour sewing, why, that still gives me over an hour to waste online. doesn't that sound like a nice plan?
so, to recap today's fun with english:
-boss's day has three "s"s right in a row.
-a holiday or an holiday? i think with the h, it's "you decide"
-d and i also did the crossword together after after vogue and she discovered another one of those triple-double-letter combos i like so much: sweettooth. however, it, like balloonnut, is actually two words, whereas bookkeeping is the real thing. what about a bookkeepperson? that's a quadruple double! wow!
5.10.07
rote tasks
one of the most calming soothing things to me is to do the same repititous work over and over and over again. this brings me peace, it helps me meditate. things that go into this catagory are things like coalating. preparing bulk mailings- address address address address stamp stamp stamp. and knitting and spinning, of course.
the best ones are also things that remind me of my childhood. with this weeks apples (oh, i MUST remember to tell you all about my share) i made a waldorf salad. i AGONIZED over the grapes. they had ugly green ones for 1.29 and boring red ones for 1.49. they had the most beautiful dark purple ones for 2.99, and the hugest most perfect globes for 1.49. i really wanted to buy the dark ones, but i couldn't justify it. so i bought the huge red globes, knowing full well i'd be cursing myself when it came time to actually make the salad.
but you know what? i was still glad i did it. seeding grapes i think falls into that mesmerizing task catagory. i remember my grandmother seeding masses of grapes to make 24hr salad for thanksgiving. my mother always rolled her eyes and said that it was a stupid reason to buy the grapes with seeds, just cause they were cheaper. but now i know, it wasn't cause they were cheap, it was because they were huge and sweet and beautiful. it was because seeding them drove her crazy that she thought seedless grapes are the only way to go. my grandmother and i, we don't mind it so much.
the best ones are also things that remind me of my childhood. with this weeks apples (oh, i MUST remember to tell you all about my share) i made a waldorf salad. i AGONIZED over the grapes. they had ugly green ones for 1.29 and boring red ones for 1.49. they had the most beautiful dark purple ones for 2.99, and the hugest most perfect globes for 1.49. i really wanted to buy the dark ones, but i couldn't justify it. so i bought the huge red globes, knowing full well i'd be cursing myself when it came time to actually make the salad.
but you know what? i was still glad i did it. seeding grapes i think falls into that mesmerizing task catagory. i remember my grandmother seeding masses of grapes to make 24hr salad for thanksgiving. my mother always rolled her eyes and said that it was a stupid reason to buy the grapes with seeds, just cause they were cheaper. but now i know, it wasn't cause they were cheap, it was because they were huge and sweet and beautiful. it was because seeding them drove her crazy that she thought seedless grapes are the only way to go. my grandmother and i, we don't mind it so much.
25.9.07
resolution recap
wanted to do one for summer, too, but never got around to it. so now here's my fall acomplishments:
falures:
1. spend less than 1 hr online daily. it continues to take up my life.
2. watch 4 movies a month. i continue to average about 2.
3. go to figure drawing once a month. still have never been.
7. do a sketch every day. yeah right.
11. paint more. could i possibly paint less?
15. write more. not at all. but i'm PLANNING on doing nanowrimo. i'm gonna write a novel in november. so if i manage any of that, well. first, i probably won't blog AT ALL. but this one will certainly move to the other column.
16. go to bed on time, get enough sleep. i've been doing ok at the latter, but i suck at the former. thank goddess i don't work 9-5m-f.
18. floss. eh, maybe every other month. and the week before the dentist.
19. make my arms strong. i did this for a while. but i got out of the habit. how to get back in?
sucesses:
4. do a patternless crossword every week. maybe not EVERY week, but with frightening regularitly.
5. write a letter every week. i tend to binge, still. but i usually pull off an average of a letter every other week.
6. take a photo every day. barely a success. but i'm still tumbling the 365day track in fits and starts.
8. drink the flylady kool-aid (eg shine my sink everyday). while i'm not a dedicated sink shiner, i do have a weekely houseblessing, morning and evening routines, and am just starting excitedly on her basic weekly plan.
9. complete plus level square dance class. done and done. wish there were advanced options. want to change this to contra.
10. take violin lessons. acomplished... now i need to practice the darn thing. so it should really be in the falure catagory.
12. read more. put this one on mostly so there'd be a plus.
13. knit more. with all this sock yarn? oh yeah. i knit a sweater this year.
14. travel more- st. louis, san francisco, michigan, pa, day trip to baltimore. i think that counts.
17. celebrate seasonally (eg. ice skating in the winter, sending out valentines, decorating easter eggs, etc)i think i need to define this more. i was better in the spring. but i did travel a lot during the summer and wear lots of sundresses and now i'm making applesauce and mushroom squash soup. and i bought mums for my planters. so so i think, while not extraordinary, i'm certainly celebrating seasonally more than i'm, say, sketching.
so i'm half way there. my spring recap had 5 falures, but 6 in a "hopeful" catagory. so i definately feel there is self-improvement happening. watch me become a better person daily!
falures:
1. spend less than 1 hr online daily. it continues to take up my life.
2. watch 4 movies a month. i continue to average about 2.
3. go to figure drawing once a month. still have never been.
7. do a sketch every day. yeah right.
11. paint more. could i possibly paint less?
15. write more. not at all. but i'm PLANNING on doing nanowrimo. i'm gonna write a novel in november. so if i manage any of that, well. first, i probably won't blog AT ALL. but this one will certainly move to the other column.
16. go to bed on time, get enough sleep. i've been doing ok at the latter, but i suck at the former. thank goddess i don't work 9-5m-f.
18. floss. eh, maybe every other month. and the week before the dentist.
19. make my arms strong. i did this for a while. but i got out of the habit. how to get back in?
sucesses:
4. do a patternless crossword every week. maybe not EVERY week, but with frightening regularitly.
5. write a letter every week. i tend to binge, still. but i usually pull off an average of a letter every other week.
6. take a photo every day. barely a success. but i'm still tumbling the 365day track in fits and starts.
8. drink the flylady kool-aid (eg shine my sink everyday). while i'm not a dedicated sink shiner, i do have a weekely houseblessing, morning and evening routines, and am just starting excitedly on her basic weekly plan.
9. complete plus level square dance class. done and done. wish there were advanced options. want to change this to contra.
10. take violin lessons. acomplished... now i need to practice the darn thing. so it should really be in the falure catagory.
12. read more. put this one on mostly so there'd be a plus.
13. knit more. with all this sock yarn? oh yeah. i knit a sweater this year.
14. travel more- st. louis, san francisco, michigan, pa, day trip to baltimore. i think that counts.
17. celebrate seasonally (eg. ice skating in the winter, sending out valentines, decorating easter eggs, etc)i think i need to define this more. i was better in the spring. but i did travel a lot during the summer and wear lots of sundresses and now i'm making applesauce and mushroom squash soup. and i bought mums for my planters. so so i think, while not extraordinary, i'm certainly celebrating seasonally more than i'm, say, sketching.
so i'm half way there. my spring recap had 5 falures, but 6 in a "hopeful" catagory. so i definately feel there is self-improvement happening. watch me become a better person daily!
birthday musings
you can catch all my stories over on flickr, i feel like. i've just been wasting so much time online... or, i am distracted by real life people and don't get a chance to sign on. there are other things i want to do, too though. contra on mondays. draw on wednesdays. find out my options for the center on halsed activities. chicago is a big place- i need to apply myself more. i had a wonderful time with ch and hugo and d this weekend... yet i feel like i need more local friends. d and i talked about having a fall dinner party, and i don't know who i'd invite except for them.
don't get me wrong- my birthday was a weekend long celebration, with yarn and music and sex and crafts. i had a good time. but i long to see what's in store for the next year. in fact, let me go find my resolutions. it's time for a resolution recap.
don't get me wrong- my birthday was a weekend long celebration, with yarn and music and sex and crafts. i had a good time. but i long to see what's in store for the next year. in fact, let me go find my resolutions. it's time for a resolution recap.
17.9.07
sparkle
the last item of my houseblessing is taking the trash out to the dumpster. it's beautiful in chicago tonight, so i decided to do it in my bare feet and savor my last outside shoeless experience of the season. i've done it a couple of times (taken the trash out in bare feet) and i always am fine with it until after i've dropped my bags in and i turn around to walk back to my gate and see the asphalt sparkling in the streetlights. even though y'all know my favorite color is glitter, then i always think, "eh, THAT was a silly thing to do." though i never cut my feet. so far, knock on wood. the only glass splinters i've ever gotten have been in my own house, from things dropped on the marble floor. those sorts of things make me contemplative, though. what is the lifespan of this glass? where was it before it was here? what was it before it was broken? one of the sparkly things in the light i noticed was a safety pin, head bent, most likely fallen out of one of my trashbags. that's one story i know a good chunk of. will anyone else imagine my life when they see the safety pin in the alley?
9.9.07
on sexyness
ever since i came back from philly i've been wanting to write this little blurb of a blog - thinking about it after something i said to sarah. so z doesn't think d's cute, but i totally do. and hotness is important to me- my friend tammy, upon enterign a party, works her way around to speak to everyone. i beeline towards the people who look like they would be interesting. if you're ugly at a party, i won't chat at you. but it's my own standard of hot vs. not... and that's not the opposite of what culture says is hot. there's some differences, some similarities. i think since we're told skinny is good but anorexic is better, and since i don't believe that, it's automatically assumed that i am on the hunt for fat girls and i find them all sexy. and it's just not true. i just don't automatically exclude fat girls from my hotness scale- my scale is full of girls of all different shapes and sizes. certainly skinny ones too. maybe the fat girls i think are the sexiest because i tend to be in the minority. but it doesn't neccesarily make it a given. i have an online admirer who i don't really have any interest in being friends with. usually i try hard to return comments on flickr read the blogs of the people who read mine, and send care packages to anyone who leaves a comment. but i just can't be inspired to do so with her, cause, well, she's just not hot. does that make me a bad person?
a little addendum to this post that came up a little later this week, is this phenomenon i can think of in at least three couples i know- there's half of the couple, and they are usually the one i'm better friends with, and they and i really click. they're smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever in ways i can totally identify with and hang out with. and then they're dating these really hot people. but i know the hot people (because i'm friends with their partners) and i'm not jelous of their partners, because each hot one has a personality quirk or two that while charming (or annoying) in a friend is not anything i could handle as well as the partner they've got does. and while i love the smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever one, i'm usually not attracted to them- beyond the mere friend stage, obviously, because i only make friends with people who are good looking. sorry. so, if you're reading this and you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner whom i know, you can play the "which one am i?" game. and if this insults or offends you, well, know that i love all of these friends, and it's just an odd frequent phenomenon but doesn't translate to all of the couples i know everyhere, so you're probably not who i'm thinking of when i wrote it, in fact, you're probably someone who i've secretly lusted over for years and will never get the guts up to do anything about, because you're just beyond what i could ever attain.
a little addendum to this post that came up a little later this week, is this phenomenon i can think of in at least three couples i know- there's half of the couple, and they are usually the one i'm better friends with, and they and i really click. they're smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever in ways i can totally identify with and hang out with. and then they're dating these really hot people. but i know the hot people (because i'm friends with their partners) and i'm not jelous of their partners, because each hot one has a personality quirk or two that while charming (or annoying) in a friend is not anything i could handle as well as the partner they've got does. and while i love the smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever one, i'm usually not attracted to them- beyond the mere friend stage, obviously, because i only make friends with people who are good looking. sorry. so, if you're reading this and you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner whom i know, you can play the "which one am i?" game. and if this insults or offends you, well, know that i love all of these friends, and it's just an odd frequent phenomenon but doesn't translate to all of the couples i know everyhere, so you're probably not who i'm thinking of when i wrote it, in fact, you're probably someone who i've secretly lusted over for years and will never get the guts up to do anything about, because you're just beyond what i could ever attain.
14.7.07
my morning
i got a new job. slipcovers for three big cushy chairs. hopefully my measurements are acurate... but the chair is now in my apartment. good so i can try the the slipcovers on multiple times... but hopefully my new employer will get fabric quickly so i can get started on them! after he brought it, i started measuring, so now i would like to transfer those to paper so i have a pattern to work from- a much better idea if i have to make three of them.
anyway, to make room for this new chair, i moved my pillow filled wicker chair into the kitchen. thank goodness the card table is still out there, or there would be no room for it. i curled up in its pillows in my cozy kitchen to finish my book and eat breakfast this morning- quite delightful. hard to feed the worms though, with it blocking their bin.
my book was "a true and faithful narative" and takes plaace in 1687, a bookseller's daughter longs to write books of her own. it reminded me of aftershocks, by william lavender, which is a daughther at the turn of the century who wants to be a doctor like her father, and gets opertunity after the san francisco earthquake- which i suppose is on my mind, since i'll be leaving for sf in four days.
i guess all through my childhood i've read, and been drawn to books like these. certainly children long to read about other children, but specifically i've always read about upity women who disobeyed their parents- the true confessions of charlotte doyle, anything about maid marion, that sort of thing. i makes me wonder what kind of woman i would have been if i had been alive at any point in history. i would like to think so, but i fear i would be much more passive. for starters, i like to sew, and am not against cooking, which it seems all my heroines have problems with. i know now how much i need to read, but would i have worked so hard at learning if it wasn't around?
i never learned to read in the sense i learned phonics and sounding out words. perhaps i should ask my parents, and they would remember differently, but i think it was just one day the print i was surrounded with was uncodeable to me, and the next day it wasn't. i don't remember very much from my childhood, or have any really early memories like some people do, but i do remember where i was when i first read, and the book and my excited parents.
anyway, if i could learn to read the same way even without being surrounded with print, i'm sure i would have enough gumption to persue prohibited words. and i certainly would work hard against my father marrying me off to anyone, ever. so maybe i would be able to be all strong and brave like my novels' heroines. but i have a feeling hindsight is 20/20, and it's easy to put today's morals on the past. though fiction is full of such empowered women, history isn't quite. i have a feeling my life would have been pretty content with status quo. but it depends alot on the cercumstances, of course. things like if we had a spinning wheel or if we had a lot of silver to polish or if the family business had to do with chamber pots or what.
i also sort of like the element of surprise. like, women's lib has made equality of the sexes expected. it's much more impressive if a girl knows how to read latin or handle a sword if such a thing is prohibited. i guess i was raised to believe girls can do anything that boys can do, but no one believes it. so us girls, we can be impressive. watch out.
anyway, to make room for this new chair, i moved my pillow filled wicker chair into the kitchen. thank goodness the card table is still out there, or there would be no room for it. i curled up in its pillows in my cozy kitchen to finish my book and eat breakfast this morning- quite delightful. hard to feed the worms though, with it blocking their bin.
my book was "a true and faithful narative" and takes plaace in 1687, a bookseller's daughter longs to write books of her own. it reminded me of aftershocks, by william lavender, which is a daughther at the turn of the century who wants to be a doctor like her father, and gets opertunity after the san francisco earthquake- which i suppose is on my mind, since i'll be leaving for sf in four days.
i guess all through my childhood i've read, and been drawn to books like these. certainly children long to read about other children, but specifically i've always read about upity women who disobeyed their parents- the true confessions of charlotte doyle, anything about maid marion, that sort of thing. i makes me wonder what kind of woman i would have been if i had been alive at any point in history. i would like to think so, but i fear i would be much more passive. for starters, i like to sew, and am not against cooking, which it seems all my heroines have problems with. i know now how much i need to read, but would i have worked so hard at learning if it wasn't around?
i never learned to read in the sense i learned phonics and sounding out words. perhaps i should ask my parents, and they would remember differently, but i think it was just one day the print i was surrounded with was uncodeable to me, and the next day it wasn't. i don't remember very much from my childhood, or have any really early memories like some people do, but i do remember where i was when i first read, and the book and my excited parents.
anyway, if i could learn to read the same way even without being surrounded with print, i'm sure i would have enough gumption to persue prohibited words. and i certainly would work hard against my father marrying me off to anyone, ever. so maybe i would be able to be all strong and brave like my novels' heroines. but i have a feeling hindsight is 20/20, and it's easy to put today's morals on the past. though fiction is full of such empowered women, history isn't quite. i have a feeling my life would have been pretty content with status quo. but it depends alot on the cercumstances, of course. things like if we had a spinning wheel or if we had a lot of silver to polish or if the family business had to do with chamber pots or what.
i also sort of like the element of surprise. like, women's lib has made equality of the sexes expected. it's much more impressive if a girl knows how to read latin or handle a sword if such a thing is prohibited. i guess i was raised to believe girls can do anything that boys can do, but no one believes it. so us girls, we can be impressive. watch out.
6.6.07
parents
so our Star Name is actually a child of a Super Famous Person. some one was saying how every actor takes their cues from what they want themselves, or the director, or what each designer wants. and something we've noticed about Star Name is she takes her cues from the director, and it's the same thing Super Famous Person does. i guess Super Famous Person is a real director's actor, and he's taught his daugher the same thing. so whenever there's a question with wardrobe, do you want to wear the bronze boots or the silver ones, she always says "let's ask tom." i really respect her for that, i feel like it shows she knows who's important and isn't trying to be diva-y. just like everyone else, we're all working together to make this big piece of art. i have this warm fuzzy fantasy too, of him sitting down with her before she flies out to chicago, and telling her to respect the director, and telling how it's helped him to make really wonderful movies- the sort of talk my dad would have with me. it made me wonder what sort of advice my parents would give me if i was following in their footsteps carreer wise. or i guess conversely, what advise they would give me if they had my profession.
4.5.07
updates
well, from the last post, i got 3 of the first 4 things done. didn't clean under the desk, but did clean it off, and it was quite a task. also painted in the bathroom and fiddled. i took desk pictures, before
and after
one of the things i unearthed in the little scraps of paper on my desk was a list of things i forgot to blog about. i mean, i blogged about these subjects, but there was always one point i forgot to make.
in my blog on brown line construction i forgot to mention one of the best parts. sure, i'm as grumpy as the next person about construction. but they're CONSTRUCTING something! i really like transfering and once a week or so noticing, "my god, they destroyed the whole TRACK" or "where did the PLATFORM go" or "check out the new shiny fence". it reminds me of nan saying she minded lsd construction much less once she saw the machine that unzips the barriers from one side to the other to open up a lane for rush hour traffic. i would feel much more miffed at all the construction delays if all there was to show for it was some police tape.
in my blog about garrison keillor's a writer's almanac,, i forgot to mention the best part, perhaps. which is his tagline. i think i want to take it up as a personal mantra to live by. my life statement, the goals, a summary of the way i live. at the end of every podcast he says, "be well, do good work... and keep in touch." what more could ANYONE ask for out of life?
finally, in my list of all the things that are changing in my life between may 9th and 19th, i forgot to mention postal rates. which would have been a nice extra item to fill out my list.
hey hey! one more note i can throw away!
and after
one of the things i unearthed in the little scraps of paper on my desk was a list of things i forgot to blog about. i mean, i blogged about these subjects, but there was always one point i forgot to make.
in my blog on brown line construction i forgot to mention one of the best parts. sure, i'm as grumpy as the next person about construction. but they're CONSTRUCTING something! i really like transfering and once a week or so noticing, "my god, they destroyed the whole TRACK" or "where did the PLATFORM go" or "check out the new shiny fence". it reminds me of nan saying she minded lsd construction much less once she saw the machine that unzips the barriers from one side to the other to open up a lane for rush hour traffic. i would feel much more miffed at all the construction delays if all there was to show for it was some police tape.
in my blog about garrison keillor's a writer's almanac,, i forgot to mention the best part, perhaps. which is his tagline. i think i want to take it up as a personal mantra to live by. my life statement, the goals, a summary of the way i live. at the end of every podcast he says, "be well, do good work... and keep in touch." what more could ANYONE ask for out of life?
finally, in my list of all the things that are changing in my life between may 9th and 19th, i forgot to mention postal rates. which would have been a nice extra item to fill out my list.
hey hey! one more note i can throw away!
3.5.07
habeus corpus
have been listening to that episode of this american life, about guantanimo bay. am about 15 miniutes into it, but am already feeling physically ill. i don't know if i can finish it. i feel so powerless. it makes me want to burn my passport... yet i won't. it disgusts every moral fiber of my being, yet since it doesn't effect me directly, i'll just not listen to it or think about it, because it can be avoided, and there is nothing i can do to make it better. and any other distancing myself i could do, i won't do because it won't make it better either, it will just make me feel less involved.
16.4.07
on poetry
this post brought to you by garrison keillor's a writer's almanac podcast. because it's exactly as long as my walk between my home and the trainstation. i thought it was closer to 7 minutes, but the podcast is between 5 and 6 minutes long, and it usally gets me from front door to train door or vice versa. first, he has such a soft soothing voice. it's a great way to wake up... or to decompress at the end of the day. there's ads at the begining and end, the first part is the birthdays of authors and a little about their work, and the second part is a poem. it's nice. and it's a good way for me to learn to appreciate poetry. cause i don't really like poetry.
which tends to come as a surprise to people. since i love words so much. i love vocab, i love reading, i love song lyrics. but i can't appreciate poetry. it's to small, goes by to fast. i'm too much of a skimmer. i inhale what i read, and so i really don't do well with books of poetry. i do better when i'm slowed down. i can read the poetry in my planner, because it's just one poem that lasts all week- i am stopped from going on to the next one. and i'm looking from a distraction from my to do list. song lyrics obviously have music to entertain me. and now, garrison keillor's homey voice slows me down. and he picks the poems. so i don't have to go out and find them, they are just fed to me. i think it's good for me. my podcasts, in general, make me feel like a more well rounded person. they are edifying. i feel educated. unlike time spent online, or playing video games, which just dissapears into a useless void.
which tends to come as a surprise to people. since i love words so much. i love vocab, i love reading, i love song lyrics. but i can't appreciate poetry. it's to small, goes by to fast. i'm too much of a skimmer. i inhale what i read, and so i really don't do well with books of poetry. i do better when i'm slowed down. i can read the poetry in my planner, because it's just one poem that lasts all week- i am stopped from going on to the next one. and i'm looking from a distraction from my to do list. song lyrics obviously have music to entertain me. and now, garrison keillor's homey voice slows me down. and he picks the poems. so i don't have to go out and find them, they are just fed to me. i think it's good for me. my podcasts, in general, make me feel like a more well rounded person. they are edifying. i feel educated. unlike time spent online, or playing video games, which just dissapears into a useless void.
15.4.07
resolution update
a quarter of the way through the year, i think it's time to look back and see how i've been doing with these goals i've set. because why make resolutions if you can't revisit them in april?
unsuccessful:
1. still spending hours online. damn you flickr!
3. have not been to figure drawing ONCE. am hoping for a change once squaredancing and fiddle and manifest are over.
7. have had no interest in sketching every day
11. i think about painting. but i never do it.
15. i want to write. i should do that.
hopeful:
2. am watching MORE movies, though not up to the 4 per month yet.
5. i forgot about the letter a week goal. i'm going to be better about it, i promise. maybe i'll write one now.
13. because i've been reading more, i haven't been knitting THAT much more. but i am getting closer to finishing the 2nd sleeve of my sweater. once that's done i'll be confident enough to move this into the successful category.
14. though i've been to st. louis, that's the only travel i have planned till august. i have a free plane ticket that expires the end of july, and i guess whether i use that or not will determine whether i move this one up or down.
16. though i havn't been good at going to bed on time, i feel i have been getting enough sleep. but this one definately needs to be worked on.
18. eh, i floss like once a month. i guess that's an improvement.
successful:
4. i've been pretty faithful with the crossword. i've missed maybe 2 weeks since the begining of the year. and i've started to finish them too- woot!
6. a photo every day has been easy with the 365day project and community
8. though i don't shine my sink every day, i'm still putting flylady in the successful catagory, because my house is cleaned regularly- or was until i started working tuesdays- but you can't look at my closet photos and put this one in the hopeful catagory!
9. i'm now a plus level square dancer, and i'm online shopping for a petticoat to wear to graduation!
10. i have 6 weeks of fiddle lessons under my belt
12. read more was a goal? i read ALL THE TIME.
17. i haven't been real great about celebrating seasonally, but i've been passable. i sent out 4 valentines. i dyed easter eggs with jr. i didn't go ice skating or make pysanky, but i am going to go to the green fest to celebrate earth day, and i want to make plans for mayday. i don't know what yet, but i'll let you know.
ALL THIS TO SAY- i've added a new one! i was watching motorcycle diaries (see goal #2) and i thought gael garcia bernal's muscley arms were so hot. then d told me i looked all buff in this photo:
so i decided it is time for me to become strong! or at least work my triceps and biceps until i can be useful moving my friends furnature. how hard could it be for me to add 10 tricep dips and 5 pushups to my daily routine?
unsuccessful:
1. still spending hours online. damn you flickr!
3. have not been to figure drawing ONCE. am hoping for a change once squaredancing and fiddle and manifest are over.
7. have had no interest in sketching every day
11. i think about painting. but i never do it.
15. i want to write. i should do that.
hopeful:
2. am watching MORE movies, though not up to the 4 per month yet.
5. i forgot about the letter a week goal. i'm going to be better about it, i promise. maybe i'll write one now.
13. because i've been reading more, i haven't been knitting THAT much more. but i am getting closer to finishing the 2nd sleeve of my sweater. once that's done i'll be confident enough to move this into the successful category.
14. though i've been to st. louis, that's the only travel i have planned till august. i have a free plane ticket that expires the end of july, and i guess whether i use that or not will determine whether i move this one up or down.
16. though i havn't been good at going to bed on time, i feel i have been getting enough sleep. but this one definately needs to be worked on.
18. eh, i floss like once a month. i guess that's an improvement.
successful:
4. i've been pretty faithful with the crossword. i've missed maybe 2 weeks since the begining of the year. and i've started to finish them too- woot!
6. a photo every day has been easy with the 365day project and community
8. though i don't shine my sink every day, i'm still putting flylady in the successful catagory, because my house is cleaned regularly- or was until i started working tuesdays- but you can't look at my closet photos and put this one in the hopeful catagory!
9. i'm now a plus level square dancer, and i'm online shopping for a petticoat to wear to graduation!
10. i have 6 weeks of fiddle lessons under my belt
12. read more was a goal? i read ALL THE TIME.
17. i haven't been real great about celebrating seasonally, but i've been passable. i sent out 4 valentines. i dyed easter eggs with jr. i didn't go ice skating or make pysanky, but i am going to go to the green fest to celebrate earth day, and i want to make plans for mayday. i don't know what yet, but i'll let you know.
ALL THIS TO SAY- i've added a new one! i was watching motorcycle diaries (see goal #2) and i thought gael garcia bernal's muscley arms were so hot. then d told me i looked all buff in this photo:
so i decided it is time for me to become strong! or at least work my triceps and biceps until i can be useful moving my friends furnature. how hard could it be for me to add 10 tricep dips and 5 pushups to my daily routine?
missouri highlights
i feel like i kinda shorted you, so i guess i should write something about my reactions to mo. in general, i had a really good time. i loved st. louis. it was the cuteist little city. and i would have to say my fave part was the city museum. it was amazing. d and i had gone to the cathedral, which was amazing too, but i said to her, all that money and time that went into making that huge piece of art- i gotta say, i think jesus would be more impressed with sandwiches for the hungry or microloans for the poor than thousands of golden tessalae. i guess i found the grandeur kind of upsetting. but the city museum! it was such a labor of love, all this spectacular art made out of TRASH! industrial waste turned into jungle gym, and not just jungle gym but ART. it was wonderful and beautiful.
there were more mosaics there, but they were out of chipped tiles and old gears and plates from printing presses. and they were fish and dinosaurs instead of jesus. or teepees.
on the other side of the scale, waynesville was hard. i expected the children to be the diffucult part, but really i was fine with them. it was more the country that upset me. we didn't eat one meal but breakfast in the house, and so it was impossible for me to find a vegetable beyond onion rings or iceburg lettuce. i was so sick of fried foods, i never wanted to see another grilled cheese again. this made me grouchier than i would have otherwise been. i tried not to be whiny, because no one likes a vegetarian that makes her diet an ISSUE, but it's hard to be consistantly cheerful when you are being so poorly fed.
our second night there, i was really starting to feel the country closing in, and we were "going out" with arthena and tony. what do you want to do? they asked. what are our options? we replied. there's not alot to do for fun in waynesville. we ended up going to tony's mom's bar in devil's elbow to play pool. we pull up and there's a HUGE bald eagle painted on the side, with a flag painted in the middle. oh yeah. we go in and order drinks and arthena's joking with an oldtimer sititng at the bar and he starts heckling me about my pink hair. i'm like whatever and go to the bathroom, i hate drunk people. so we get our drinks and our pool table and everyone's apologizing and making excuses for this guy, and i'm like, please, they have old drunk guys in chicago, too. it's the general air that's hard for me to breathe. can we just let it go and not make me stick out any more than i already feel like i do? and d comes over to me and starts touching on me, what's the matter baby? we can leave soon. and i was SOOOOO uncomfortable. and i said, "please don't touch me here." she was of course hurt and we finished our drinks and our game and left. when she was so aloof in the car home, i started to cry and cry and cry, and she softened, and then we talked about it that night. she felt she had nothing to hide, and she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. i felt very very vulnurable. there was no public transportation to get me home if things got hairy. i wasn't a person to these strangers, i was just a symbol of all sorts of things they don't like or feel threatened by. there is so much hate out there. d said tony and arthena wouldn't let anything happen to us... but i guess i've seen too many movies and read too many books to take much comfort in that. (when i told christopher this story, he said, "girl, i've seen the laramie project!")
so that i can safely say was the low point of the trip. and even that had it's good moments- the music was FABULOUS, totally appropriate for the scene, these old old country songs back when contry had more in common with folk than pop. and it was totally the bar out of ani d's untouchable face, though i couldn't find any recognizable constellations when we were playing. and that one incident didn't color my whole trip- the joys of st. louis, and the b&b, and the brazillian restaurant, and the museums and the sightseeing overrulled it all. it rocked. i really love traveling with d. i wish real life was like that. coming home to reality is always so hard.
there were more mosaics there, but they were out of chipped tiles and old gears and plates from printing presses. and they were fish and dinosaurs instead of jesus. or teepees.
on the other side of the scale, waynesville was hard. i expected the children to be the diffucult part, but really i was fine with them. it was more the country that upset me. we didn't eat one meal but breakfast in the house, and so it was impossible for me to find a vegetable beyond onion rings or iceburg lettuce. i was so sick of fried foods, i never wanted to see another grilled cheese again. this made me grouchier than i would have otherwise been. i tried not to be whiny, because no one likes a vegetarian that makes her diet an ISSUE, but it's hard to be consistantly cheerful when you are being so poorly fed.
our second night there, i was really starting to feel the country closing in, and we were "going out" with arthena and tony. what do you want to do? they asked. what are our options? we replied. there's not alot to do for fun in waynesville. we ended up going to tony's mom's bar in devil's elbow to play pool. we pull up and there's a HUGE bald eagle painted on the side, with a flag painted in the middle. oh yeah. we go in and order drinks and arthena's joking with an oldtimer sititng at the bar and he starts heckling me about my pink hair. i'm like whatever and go to the bathroom, i hate drunk people. so we get our drinks and our pool table and everyone's apologizing and making excuses for this guy, and i'm like, please, they have old drunk guys in chicago, too. it's the general air that's hard for me to breathe. can we just let it go and not make me stick out any more than i already feel like i do? and d comes over to me and starts touching on me, what's the matter baby? we can leave soon. and i was SOOOOO uncomfortable. and i said, "please don't touch me here." she was of course hurt and we finished our drinks and our game and left. when she was so aloof in the car home, i started to cry and cry and cry, and she softened, and then we talked about it that night. she felt she had nothing to hide, and she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. i felt very very vulnurable. there was no public transportation to get me home if things got hairy. i wasn't a person to these strangers, i was just a symbol of all sorts of things they don't like or feel threatened by. there is so much hate out there. d said tony and arthena wouldn't let anything happen to us... but i guess i've seen too many movies and read too many books to take much comfort in that. (when i told christopher this story, he said, "girl, i've seen the laramie project!")
so that i can safely say was the low point of the trip. and even that had it's good moments- the music was FABULOUS, totally appropriate for the scene, these old old country songs back when contry had more in common with folk than pop. and it was totally the bar out of ani d's untouchable face, though i couldn't find any recognizable constellations when we were playing. and that one incident didn't color my whole trip- the joys of st. louis, and the b&b, and the brazillian restaurant, and the museums and the sightseeing overrulled it all. it rocked. i really love traveling with d. i wish real life was like that. coming home to reality is always so hard.
20.3.07
movie musings
am going to talk to my friend cory about the movie he's making today. it shoots for 4 weeks in june. should i do it? i am so torn. i wish shooting a movie wasn't such an enormous, enourmous committment. i don't know why i feel so two ways about this. i know it's an amazing opertunity, a project i really believe in, magical collaboration, and good art.
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