100 things- unglaubliche history

1. i was born in reading, pennsylvania 24 september 1980
2. i could read before i started kindergarten
3. this is when (and why) my little sister (z.) and i started hating each other
4. my mother learned to knit when i was about 7, and taught both her daughters. we didn’t make anything.
5. i have always had the smallest feet of anyone i know
6. i have always felt like i didn't belong in my hometown
7. my mother taught me how to sew, and i created many inventive projects and injured many of our dolls.
8. my parents divorced when i was in the 6th grade
9. mom moved to the suburb south of the river, dad eventually moved to the suburb north of the mountain
10. i had no friends at my old school, and made few new ones at my new school
11. the bullies weren't as mean at the new school
12. i went to chuch camp every summer, where i first committed my life to jesus
13. i met amy (a.) in my 7th grade math class, where i complemented her jesus shirt
14. i was in the middle school color guard, then joined up in high school for 2 years of service on the football field.
15. as a freshman, i had a crush on a sophmore named jeff
16. a. and i stopped being friends over him
17. he was nice to me but didn't like me back
18. he was gay, and i was his cover, cause he was friends with our school's token lesbian couple, and they got SHIT and it was much easier for him to hang out with a girl. as far as i know he still hasn't come out.
19. my sophmore year, meike, a german exchange student, came to live with us
20. she imediately became a blood relative and made life worth living in shillington, pennslvania
21. after attending the philadelphia folk festival a number of years, i decided to wear fest clothes all year round. (i didn't have many at the start, so i had to do every other day for awhile.)
22. i did alot of thrift store shopping, mending of gauze skirts, and eventually gave up pants
23. i was very unhappy, hated my life, wanted to escape, and wrote tortured notes to a. and occasionally meike.
24. sometime in here, i stopped eating meat.
25. my mother gave me the teenage liberation handbook: how to quit school and get a real life and education by grace llewelyn from the library. it changed my life.
26. we had an awesome summer, where among other things we went to creation, a christian music festival, where we met jon.
27. jon lived in lititz, but we often talked long distance and wrote love letters to each other for my entire junior year. for christmas i knit him fair isle gloves in 6 different colors.
28. he dumped me via letter before going off to a christian college, where he would subsequently meet the chick he married last year.
29. but anyway, i “rose out” of school my junior year, had myself declared a homeschooler, and unschooled myself my last 2 years of school. part of my curriculum was teaching myself to draw. another was learning to bake bread.
30. this made my father furious, and he wanted to sue mom, the school district, anybody, but the superintendent and my guidance councellor (who i kept, along with the indoor color guard program, the choir director and the math teacher) convinced him otherwise
31. the summers after my junior and senior years i worked as a craftee at my much beloved church camp. i met a hip and wild xian named beth.
32. before my senior year, i saved up my money and flew to oregon for grace llewellyn’s “not back to school camp.” i met lots of cool unschoolers, but rosie’s the only one who still writes me.
33. i decided i wanted to be a fashion designer, but no programs were calling to me. we visited schools. all ended in tears.
34. a. rented the mission for us to watch one night. it changed my life.
35. after much prayer and contemplation i decided to join the brethren volunteer service (bvs) whose program i’d heard about through the place nbtsc was.
36. october 1999 i went to orientation. my mother sat in the parking lot and cryed, realizing i’d never come home again. i didn’t realize it until that evening. i met ruth from germany, carrie, and bethany, among others. i learned that there are some absolutes in the world. peace. non-violence.
37. i chose my project, su casa catholic worker house in chicago, a faith community providing transitional housing for homeless latino families. it changed my life.
38. ruth also chose su casa. i met other friendly people there, renee, maria capitelli, claudia, matt. all of them said it was a fucked up community. none of them were happy there. renee left before her term of service was up.
39. i discovered emotional and physical safety are very important to me. i learned i was very white and very young. i learned i adore german language and culture, and don’t really like hispanic. i learned i am not a self starter, and i do best with very clear job duties, and i work better having work and life separate. i learned i love cheese. and toilet paper.
40. i read a lot of novels, ate a lot of chocolate, bitched a lot to ruth, wrote a million letters, rode trains everywhere everytime i could afford it, took free violin lessons a million miles away, and tried to get involved in my new church community, the hyde park vineyard. renee gave me house keys and i often escaped to her apartment.
41. ruth helped me start to teach myself german. i planned a european tour after my term of service was up. my dad bought my ticket for my birthday.
42. ruth and i greyhounded it to california to visit bethany, maria capatelli and rosie. then we flew to separate cities in germany.
43. i spent a week with meike in kibo, hosteled around köln, hamburg, lübeck and leipzig, spent a week with Fabian (from su casa) in berlin, spent a week with ruth and her family in neumarkt, spent thanksgiving with carrie on her project, a farm in northern ireland, stayed with my pastor’s friend’s mother’s housegroup leader in london, spent a long weekend in paris with an austrian acquaintance, and went back to ruth’s and meike’s for another week each.
44. i was very depressed over my trip, trying to run away from my experiences at su casa. i was angry at myself for not experiencing europe fully. i was too ashamed of my grammar to ever even try to speak german. i felt very foriegn and alone.
45. I’d had my hair in nappy braids trying to grow dreadlocks, and to say goodbye to ruth our last days together she buzzed them off.
46. i flew back to chicago 22 dec 2000, intent on leaving the next day out of chicago’s other airport to go to pa for xmas. air canada had lost my luggage. i took the wrong el stop and it took me 3 hours to get to su casa. there was 2 feet of snow. both me and my luggage did eventually get to reading before xmas.
47. i returned to chicago 8 jan. renee said i could stay with her rent free until i found a job and a place of my own. she was living on the northside in a 2 ½ bedroom with sandra and her 3 kids. i gave myself a month deadline. in less time than that, my relationships with everyone in the house had deteriorated through miscommunications from all parties.
48. i join the women’s small group through my church, where janine, mairee, tammy and anne pray for my job and apartment, and listen to my whining.
49. i find a job as a telemarketer the last week of january. unfortunately, they can’t train me till next week. next week. next week. in desperation, i start filling out applications for temp jobs. i apply at a flower shop.
50. The manager charles (ch) trains me to take orders for valentines day. i love it, and everyone there. i try to be the best employee possible. i tell ch i’m working so hard cause i want him to keep me after the holiday. he says, that can be arranged. i call the telemarketers and tell them to suck it.
51. i start apartment hunting. i want to be in hyde park cause i like the southside, and so i’m near my church. i find an awesome studio. i want to see other places. they give it to someone else.
52. i spend weeks trying to find a place, and calling the dream building asking for vacancies. eventually there is one, on the southside of the building, 8th floor, for $50 less a month. i move in april 1st.
53. my maternal grandma comes and visits and decides i need a real bed, not an air mattress. i get a bunch of furniture from ikea with her birthday check.
54. i start to get tired of working 9-5 Monday-Friday. My coworker cory gives me all sorts of advice for getting more sleep. Insomnia persists.
55. i decide i need to go to college. i apply to the art institute of Chicago which rejects me on my portfolio, and Columbia, who will take anyone.
56. On my 21st birthday, meike is visiting Chicago for the first time from germany, and i have my first day of college classes.
57. It’s a long day that ends in tears, but then the women’s group come over and we have a birthday party and all is well.
58. i go to a prayer meeting in the church studio. Gabrielle (g) is there. i take one look at her hair and her rings and decide i want to be friends.
59. ch buys the flowershop in the sears tower. he and i bond even more.
60. i finally manage to have g over for dinner in the spring. it is a disaster, but she is gracious.
61. i go to my first gay bar, the gentry on state, where cory’s friends are doing drag cabaret. i don’t know what to order, but cory helps me and i have fun.
62. For g’s birthday, i take her to see amelie at doc films, and we go to the florian for desert afterwards. i tell her about ruth’s banana phosphate. it’s no longer on the menu, and i don’t think she believes me.
63. a. comes to visit the last day of g’s term. The three of us eat popcorn, drink tea, and watch ghostworld on my little computer. We walk g home and i say goodbye, wondering if it’s forever.
64. That night after the lights are out, i say to a, “i think I'm falling in love with that girl.”
65. August 2002 i travel to germany again. i hang out with meike and ruth, and travel around to castle rheinstein, würtzburg, Rothenberg, and legoland. Also explore the cities they’re going to school in: mainz and nürnberg.
66. i’m so very happy deep in my soul. i spent 2 months before studying pimsleur tapes. i speak to everyone’s parents in German. i have a wonderful marvelous time. Christie and jon from church do a lovely job housesitting and welcoming me back.
67. Janine leaves Chicago to be a missionary. The women’s group disbands officially, although the members who are left still party together occasionally.
68. i change my major from fashion design to costume design. i am much happier as a theater student than an art & design student.
69. g does in fact return to Chicago and we remain friends. i deal with my lust, refusing to admit it to myself. I go to her house weekly to sketch.
70. my dad flys me to philly to see cirque du soleil for my birthday. i am unexcited and ultimately unimpressed, but am so glad to see my paternal grandma before her sudden death before Christmas.
71. i go back to pa but return to Chicago before the funeral. z. gets super mad at me. i deserve it.
72. Meike’s friend michi comes to visit me. i am nervous having a boy i don’t know stay with me. but he’s awesome, and we have a great time. he comes out to me. i tell him about g.
73. I have a small dinner party to introduce g, ch, christie and mairee to each other. It is successful.
74. cory and his partner tom make a short film called fairies. They ask me to help with costumes. i'm the costumer on set every day of filming, and end up sharing the costume design credit with the designer. i have an awesome time and decide i want to get paid for this in the future. at the party i get really drunk for the first time in my life.
75. my mom’s parents have their 50th wedding anniversary and i am required to go. It’s awful and painful.
76. i meet mom’s new boyfriend marty and am not really impressed, but he takes us for a day trip to new york city. it’s my first visit.
77. The girl i slept with (tgisw) comes to visit me. we fool around. it’s weird and wrong. i get really depressed and it persists throughout the summer.
78. g stays with me for about a week until the dorms open, and housesits for me while i’m traveling (see #81). there are wonderful moments when we’re creating together, but also awful times.
79. g and joe start dating. mom finally becomes aware of my depression and sends me through various hoops which involve horrible reations to antidepressants, panic attacks, severe insomnia, and lots of waiting, doctors and tears. i finally refuse to play anymore and have my trip to nyc ruined.
80. On the worst day, g can’t reach me. she and i walk to the lake and she finally gets a reaction from me. we plan an awesome day the next day. we go all the way north to andy’s fruit ranch, make cactus juice cocktails and cauliflower cheese pie for dinner, ch comes over and the three of us go to hear over the rhine at schubas.
81. i return east in September 2003 to visit cory and tom who have moved to nyc and a. in Philadelphia. i also go to my stepsister’s wedding. z. thinks I'm using dad, don’t care at all about vicky’s wedding. we fight and stop speaking.
82. i have a gourmet dinner party for anne’s birthday. it was a success. Women’s group is amazed by my cooking skills.
83. Mairee starts dating dave. i miss her as a single friend and have another bout of depression. i shave my legs.
84. At christmas I'm depressed again, i buy my first christmas tree and g and i decorate it. I feel better. new years, g twists my hair into dreadlock-seeds. i give up on jesus helping me out emotionally, and decide I'm not a beliver anymore.
85. I have a big Indian dinner party so my friends can meet each other’s boyfriends. It is successful.
86. At 3am Feb. 1, 2004, i awake to the smell of smoke. There is a fire in the apartment next to mine. i escape and wait in the lobby with the rest of the 8th floor. i am cold, wet, tired and terrified.
87. after i see the firefighters come, i go to g’s dorm and wake her up. i end living on her floor the rest of the week.
88. i don’t have insurance. my mother comes, i invite everyone i know to come clean. I move all my stuff to a temporary place down one floor until they replace the windows and carpet in my place. It takes them until april.
89. i am appaled to learn i have PTSD from the fire. i smell smoke and panic all the time. i start going to the therapist at Columbia. I find talking to her to be no help, but she does recommend herbal remedies that help me: melatonin for my insomnia, which is amazing, and bach’s flower essences for the mental things, which also seem successful.
90. i do my 4th valentine’s day and costume my first directing project from the 7th floor. i take photo and darkroom, and marty gives me his camera to use.
91. i repaint my mouldings fun colors, move my stuff back in, and throw a housecooling party that only 3 guests come to.
92. Marty takes my mother to Europe. They get engaged. She asks me to design her wedding dress.
93. I start my first blog. It’s called crawling out and it’s all about g. i am terrified someone i know will find it.
94. Tammy and anne graduate and leave for internships in st. louis and san Francisco respectively.
95. I visit beth (remember her? From christan camp?) in st. paul. We have a good time, and i learn she has live journal, too.
96. i vist pa as my mother is moving in with marty. I discover i am much fonder of her house than i had previously supposed.
97. Marty manages to insult me, amy, and ch in less than 24 hours. Many tears are shed and many drops of remedies are taken.
98. I go to the beach with my dad’s side of the family and discover i like them much more than i had previously supposed. a, my vegan anarchist second cousin once removed (kristy) and i get pretty smashed at a leather bar on rehoboth ave.
99. z. and i meet again and are very sisterly. we give each other a second chance and become rather close.
100. I decide that i can’t keep up crawling out anymore and delete it. I start a new blog that is about me rather than g. my goal of keeping it g free fails. Anything else you can read in my archives!