depressing vegetables

anyone want a fresh, locally grown, huge cantaloupe? i have a big cucumber i'm giving away, too. more kale. an unexciting onion. a bunch of peppers. a tiny zucchini. really the only thing that makes me excited this week is the 2 ears of sweet corn.

i'm so sad. i wish i would have just waited until next week until trying to set up my deliveries at a time i would actually eat it. i feel like i put in a special, complicated request with the whole "biweekly" thing, though. so i have no right to expect them to notice my requests (no olives, cucumbers, melons or pears, please!)
and to be fair, this is the first time they've disapointed.

in the meantime: liz? d? ch? joe? any chicago reader who wants free produce, stop on by!

signed out

the thought of blogging the rest of my trip is too overwhelming. i'll come back to it. had a good time. home now. so much sewing. feeling really overwhelmed. want to escape again, but need money to do it. need to sew to make money. haven't read my bloglines from when i've been gone yet. haven't called a back. haven't taken a self portrait since returning. it's been pretty ugh.


san francisco saturday

am having just a wonderful time. after last typing, i walked all around anne's neighborhood. i walked buy the market street safeway and took a photo for ch, because it's thursday, who knows what's going on in there. i wandered all around a beautiful hill with stairway streets- actual streets that are too steep to be paved, or for cars, so they just put stairs in, and they're full of pretty flowers, but they're actual public streets with peoples houses with actual street numbers. i assume they pay someone to carry the groceries.

from there i walked down castro and got a lot of my shopping done. there's a hardware store called cliff's variety that has absolutely anything you could imagine. and that's where the gay and lesbian bookstore is, and i bought michelle tea's valencia and a maupin book cause it was half off. i am so happy that i bought valencia in san francisco.

i continued to walk down castro to the noe valley, which i was confused about because i kept climbing up. suddenly 2 blocks away though, there's a "caution sudden grade change" sign, and the street drops straight down. yep, it's a valley. that was my first experience with what looks like an easy straightforward grid suddenly made much more dramatic by the topography! anne was done with work, so she met me and we went for lunch at this AMAZING vegetarian restaurant called greens. i got the sampler plate and had a fancy filo triangle, herbed ricotta on toast, terragon green beans, lemon pilaf with white beans, and red and golden beets with mache. it was fabulous! and the view out the window looked out across the bay and the golden gate bridge. from there we went to the palace of fine arts, and she and i walked around all the out of place neogothic architecture, and then we went home so she could head off on her weekend vacation!

so i went downtown to meet gabrielle, and buy my muni pass. it was soo good to see her again! we took the bus over to richmond, the neighborhod she lives in, chatting all the way. we made dinner, then walked to cvs so i could get money... and to get ice cream! we ended the day watching little miss sunshine.

then yesterday headed back downtown to meet d's best friend connie. she's super sweet. we went to a cute little coffee shop and had chocolate crossonts and chatted. i was telling her about the stairway streets - she lives across the bay and doesn't really know san francisco at all- and so we decided to walk up towards telegraph hill and see some more. she was very impressed, i think. i was very impressed she did all that climbing in her clip-cloppy grown up shoes! she was a trouper. i was glad our meeting went well! we said goodbye and as she was going down the bart steps gabrielle called to say she was done with work- perfect timing! we met at forever 21, and eneded up SHOPPING! i really miss clothing shopping with her so badly. we had a great time. i didn't find a dress for sarah's wedding, but i did find this really hot cheap dress a blakc jersey halter, i couldn't resist.

from there we went to the mission- actualy we stopped back by noe valley and bought yarn at a yarn store so i could make gabrielle a san francisco scarf. then we went to a tacoria for lunch and then headed over to the mission for my guidebook's mural walking tour. it was really amazing. beautiful beautiful murals. very bright and colorful- i loved them all. we wandered for hours through the mission, then went to gabrielle's favourite french crepe place. horray for crepes! we took the bus back to drop off all my purchaces (i have a terrible time with collecting used books) and get dressed up for the night.

we went out to the lexington club, which was small and PACKED. with a collection of HOT women. they were all all such a variety of beautiful. we met joe, her boyfriend, and omar, who i think has become my new boyfriend. and later joe's roommate jon showed up which was exciting, because john has a car. he drove us to the castro and we went dancing at a boy bar. i loved dancing with omar, and i'm trying to convince him to move to chicago. it was very fun, and i felt so hip and cool.

now it's saturday mornign, and i'm being lazy. gabrielle made us fancy eggs and toast for breakfast- i'm eating so many nice vegetables here! but we have plans for today, though, so i'm not going to waste any more time typing behind her computer! more later.


in san francisco!

greetings from laguna street! it was a bit of an arduous journey to get here, or at least stressful decisions that i ended up making in the right choices on, and now i'm sitting by a breezy window in anne's apartment typing to you! i'm going to eat breakfast then take a walk down market to castro. i'm meeting anne for lunch, then moving to gabrielle's tonight! i'm still at the surreal stage of my travels- perhaps i'll really believe i'm here once i leave the house. will try and take lots of pictures for you all, and will of course type when i can. but why would i be sitting indoors typing when i can be out exploring the city?


san franciso, we're going, san francisco!

leaving tomorrow after work! oh yea! leaving behind all the drama of chicago. it's really not bad. my MOTHER is coming with me to michfest- doesn't help the ride situation any, but it does mean camping company! so that's one good thing. d was so pleased to hear i was willing to try again with her, so we've been hanging out a lot. tomorrow is ch's birthday, so we went to the north end for drinks with him after work today- i'm a little tipsy, still.

anyway, will try and keep you updated abotu s. f.but otherwise have lovely weeksa nd weekends, all of you, and i'll see you back here, soon!

about that little fit...

thanks for all the lovin'. the deal is, my ride to michfest stood me up. and i'm all hurt cause the point isn't really the music, the point is the lesbian community. but if no one wants to help me get there and no one wants to camp with me once i'm there, please tell me again what the point is? i just feel abandoned all around. if anyone wants to go, i'm selling my ticket. let me know.


worthless friends

i am so sick of people giving me lip service then not following through. am i a needy person? do i use my friends? am i not caring and faithful?

advice: if you ever say to somebody, "i'm so sorry, let me know if there's anything i can do" and they follow it up with "well, actually..." you better fucking do it! if you offered, follow through.

i'm going back to being an independent hermit who doesn't need help from anybody. fuck this community shit.


i have another blog i haven't even posted. but as you can see, i'm wasting time at the computer, trying to avoid my fate. specifically, i've been listening to people read the same paragraph over and over and over again until 2 in the morning. it's facinating.


my morning

i got a new job. slipcovers for three big cushy chairs. hopefully my measurements are acurate... but the chair is now in my apartment. good so i can try the the slipcovers on multiple times... but hopefully my new employer will get fabric quickly so i can get started on them! after he brought it, i started measuring, so now i would like to transfer those to paper so i have a pattern to work from- a much better idea if i have to make three of them.

anyway, to make room for this new chair, i moved my pillow filled wicker chair into the kitchen. thank goodness the card table is still out there, or there would be no room for it. i curled up in its pillows in my cozy kitchen to finish my book and eat breakfast this morning- quite delightful. hard to feed the worms though, with it blocking their bin.

my book was "a true and faithful narative" and takes plaace in 1687, a bookseller's daughter longs to write books of her own. it reminded me of aftershocks, by william lavender, which is a daughther at the turn of the century who wants to be a doctor like her father, and gets opertunity after the san francisco earthquake- which i suppose is on my mind, since i'll be leaving for sf in four days.

i guess all through my childhood i've read, and been drawn to books like these. certainly children long to read about other children, but specifically i've always read about upity women who disobeyed their parents- the true confessions of charlotte doyle, anything about maid marion, that sort of thing. i makes me wonder what kind of woman i would have been if i had been alive at any point in history. i would like to think so, but i fear i would be much more passive. for starters, i like to sew, and am not against cooking, which it seems all my heroines have problems with. i know now how much i need to read, but would i have worked so hard at learning if it wasn't around?

i never learned to read in the sense i learned phonics and sounding out words. perhaps i should ask my parents, and they would remember differently, but i think it was just one day the print i was surrounded with was uncodeable to me, and the next day it wasn't. i don't remember very much from my childhood, or have any really early memories like some people do, but i do remember where i was when i first read, and the book and my excited parents.

anyway, if i could learn to read the same way even without being surrounded with print, i'm sure i would have enough gumption to persue prohibited words. and i certainly would work hard against my father marrying me off to anyone, ever. so maybe i would be able to be all strong and brave like my novels' heroines. but i have a feeling hindsight is 20/20, and it's easy to put today's morals on the past. though fiction is full of such empowered women, history isn't quite. i have a feeling my life would have been pretty content with status quo. but it depends alot on the cercumstances, of course. things like if we had a spinning wheel or if we had a lot of silver to polish or if the family business had to do with chamber pots or what.

i also sort of like the element of surprise. like, women's lib has made equality of the sexes expected. it's much more impressive if a girl knows how to read latin or handle a sword if such a thing is prohibited. i guess i was raised to believe girls can do anything that boys can do, but no one believes it. so us girls, we can be impressive. watch out.


still a mess

last night i was typing about the whole thing to j, and i was pretty sure i was going to commit to the relationship. then tonight i went to hear nervous but excited and their music made me feel so sad and wistful it was not just like breaking up was the only choice, but like i'd already done it. plus, i'm feeling fridaynightish. so who knows which way i'll swing tomorrow. i made my pro/con lists for both options- all four have 5 items. i closed my eyes and imagined myself in both circumstances and they were both equally believeable, and felt equally right and awful, in opposite ways. at this point i'm definately feeling like my agony's my heaviest load.


gosh, it's been so long...

i don't even know where to start. dad's come and gone- that whole thing's still surreal to me. yesterday: d drove me to the dentist at the crack of dawn to get my cavity filled, then we did the nostalgia tour of hyde park. we went to christie's, and she met d, and i met her kids, which makes me sad i live so far away, and am around so infrequently. i don't know why i always put off calling her when i'm in hyde park. someone remind me of this in november, the next time i'll be down there.

she also drove me back, we took a nap, she drove me to target so i could buy my tent (and scrabble!) and made dinner while i sewed. she also brought up the possiblity of only canceling her participation in the michfest part ouf our vacation plans- she would still be willing to pick me up in michigan and drive me to my cousin's wedding in my hometown.

i just don't know what to do about this. this situation in particular, and the whole relationship in general. i continue to be somewhere between unimpressed and disgusted with myself. if i was someone else giving me advice, i'd be saying, "what are you DOING there? get away already! you wimp! what's WRONG with you?"

and i really have no defense. i say to that voice, oh yes, of course you're right. and i continue to hang out with and sleep with and be otherwise in a relationship with d. and i don't know why. is it because i'm to afraid to be single? because i'm using her for what she gives me? because i love her so much our love can overcome her gross lapse in judgement? how do i learn this? it all goes back to handling. and i guess my answer to that question is no. i don't know what i will do when it becomes too much for me to handle.

so do you all have any advice on:

1. how and if i can separate the roadtrip question from the relationship question
2. what i should do about either one
3. how i can do about doing what i should do without more self-attack.

thanks, y'all. am hoping you'll comment just from the sheer joy of seeing me post again.


lettuce roll, rolled

lettuce roll, rolled
Ursprünglich hochgeladen von unglaubliche caitlin
thanks, liz! they worked quite well. only half a head left- and it has orange, fennel, jicama salad written all over it.


welcome back, justine!

and to all the other travelers. i unfortunately, am STILL not blogging, as i stayed up all night last night reading "life as we knew it" by susan pfeffer and therefore am exhausted. and my dentist appt is for 9am tomorrow... in hyde park! so lots of love, and i promise to blog again soon. if it makes you feel any better, i'm not updatign flickr either.


one day left...

with the dad. i'll be back to blogging soon.


dad arrives tomorrow night!

must go to bed! so late! bags not done! argh!