as if the mohawk wasn't enough...

hugo and ch and i went to pizza fest to hear over the rhine. i've been to so many otr concerts, it's like they're old friends. i love chicago street festivals. the wind does marvelous things to my new hair.

hugo stylin' my new 'do

hugo stylin' my new 'do
Ursprünglich hochgeladen von unglaubliche caitlin

i know you've heard this before

...but my mother drives me CRAZY.

something i never learned in elementary school

yes, i was in riverside elementary's chorus, and i learned the fifty nifty united states song. but i never learned the state song. if you were wondering:
Written and Composed by
Eddie Khoury and Ronnie Bonner

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania,
Mighty is your name,
Steeped in glory and tradition,
Object of acclaim,
Where brave men fought the foe of freedom,
Tyranny decried,
'Til the bell of independence filled the countryside.

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania,
May your future be filled with honor everlasting as your history.

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania,
Blessed by God's own hand,
Birthplace of a mighty nation,
Keystone of the land.
Where first our country's flag unfolded,
Freedom to proclaim,
May the voices of tomorrow glorify your name.

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania,
May your future be filled with honor everlasting as your history.

oh yeah. it's from here, so you can look up your own home state's song. i was lead there from the always fabulous mimi smartypants, who i think of as a neighbor, even though we've probably never met.

although, it's also very likely we sat next to each other on the train. but i'd never notice. because i never notice anyone. my New Best Friend (™) ryan tapped me on the shoulder today because we were on the same traincar, and we discovered we both work in the sears tower! i don't know about you, but i think this is a Sign.


oh so many. finished 2 laundry bags tonight, have 5 bowling ball bags to do by wednesday at the latest. but my dad comes tuesday night, so really it's gotta be before that. crazy crazy. i just want a weekend. if i get the bags measured tomorrow morning i'm going over to ch's afterwards. he's going to shave my hair into a mohawk for me, and then we're gonna go here over the rhine at pizza fest.

i know you don't want to hear about this, you want dish on the girlfriend situation. but i have no idea what i want or if i'm getting it, and the relationship is very confusing, and i have nothing new to say, so i'm sorry but i can't give you what you want to hear. i hope y'all read anyway.


day 147- in which my garlic scapes and i engage in serious discussion

you should be glad you're reading this....

and not actually talking to me, because that would involve smelling my breath, and whew are these garlic scapes stronger this week than they were to weeks ago. i was going to mix up som dakon, garlic scapes, fresh herbs and goat cheese for dinner, but after trying the burning, burning dakon and the inedible garlic, i sauted them first. still good, still a lot of bite though. are you all interested in what my share contains and what i do with it? or can you read that over at pesky mac more regularly and in more detail? let me know what you like, oh faithful blog readers, and i will be glad to acquiesce. or however it's spelled.

anyway, until i hear otherwise, i have still left to use:
half a dakon
4 garlic scapes
a bag of spinach
a head of green leaf lettuce
2 small heads of broccoli
1/2 pint of cherries

i think i'm going to saute the scapes and broccoli and have them with cashew ginger sauce tomorrow, and chop up the spinach with a tomato and maybe some chickpeas and chana masala spices, or perhaps more goat cheese, tonight. i WISH i could think of something to do with that damn lettuce. i fed last week's to the worms, too. i just am not a big salad person. and it goes limp so very very fast.


reincarnation of pearl

when pearl died, when she showed that ugly face that no ipod owner ever wants to see, i didn't panic right away. i knew my first aid. i restarted. i went online to the site she told me to and did all the other rs. but still, no vital signs. no breathing. no heartbeat. i knew it was the end. i carried her with me all weekend, knowing i would soon get the chance to care for her as she so richly deserved.

today after work i made an appointment for her at the ipod section of the genius bar. while waiting for my appointment, i undressed pearl, and when jeff my genius called my name i passed her off to him. as he gently cradled her in his hands, i explained the things i had already done. jeff connected pearl to his laptop, and held her up to his ear. there was none of that clicking pearl the first made to show her discomfort. there was only silence. her heart had stopped. he checked my insurance information, affirmed that she, like me, is uninsured, and we had last been to visit february of 06 (goddess, what a miserable february that was!) i was prepared for him to start administering last rites, talking about organ donation or recycling programs. but instead, he said, let me try one more thing, i'll be right back. and he took her to his operating room in the back, and got out his tiny defibulator, and bam! zapped her heart back into working again. jeff at the genius bar, you have revived my ipod with dignity and humor. you are my hero for today.

so now, i'm going to copy my library list onto my desktop and update it regularly, because i know pearl and i are living on borrowed time. no one knows when cardiac arrest may happen.



my TEMPLES are sunburnt. i put sunblock on my nose and my cheeks, but who ever heard of getting sun on your temples? also, my neck and a sliver of my side between my skirt and shirt. ouch. but i had a good time at pride, and spent more time with my New Best Friends ryan and nick, and will tell you All About Them in an upcoming blog full of gender ambiguous pronouns. also, have i mentioned my dad's coming to visit over the 4th? also, have i mentioned how sweet liz and aharona are? also, um, i had sex with d today. but it's PRIDE. it felt really good.

day 143-dyke march!

day 143-dyke march!
Ursprünglich hochgeladen von unglaubliche caitlin
happy pride, everybody! please ignore my helmet head and just notice how my bandaids match my headband. it was really too cold to go topless, but i had to show off my color coordination.


sad sad sad

i don't even know how to write about it. d asked me over to her house last night to see mitzi (whom she's still cat sitting), have dinner, and talk about things. the first two parts went well, but the last one was long and agonizing, ending with her in tears telling me to get out. i know she's manipulative, and my feelings are very easily manipulated by her, but even knowing this doesn't make me feel any better- she still makes me feel horribly mean and cruel, a heartless person who doesn't love her. and that's not true- this wouldn't be so hard if i didn't love her. i would just not be able to live with myself if i let my love triumph over common sense. she keeps saying "i hope someday you can forgive me" and she doesn't understand that that's exactly what i want, too. but she wants me to forgive her today, and that's just not something i can do.

i'm just so angry it happened now. i was so excited to be holding hands with a girl at dyke march, to not be alone at pride. you know, if you've been reading here for a while, i've had some killer sad prides. some day, some year, i will go to a pride parade in a group that has even numbers. some year, i won't be single, won't feel the odd one out of all of halsted st. but it looks like that's not going to be this year.

she bought me tickets for us to go hear indigo girls at ravinia on monday. i'm pretty confident she doesn't want to go anymore. anyone out there want to go with me, or buy the pair from me? i guess selling them would be the smartest thing to do, but i don't think i have the energy to go about doing that.

continuing to be very sad and lonely. thanks liz, krista, a for your love and support. my gratitude knows no bounds.



pearl gave me the sad ipod face today, and no restarting or charging is fixing it. so lets make a list, i am currently missing:

a girlfriend
any co-workers
an ipod
hours and hours and hours of sleep

it's a lonely life.

breaking up

so about this letter i got last night. it told me that my girlfriend had stolen from me something that i lent her a very small bit of. yes, i knew that the inital lending made the abuse possible, but at the time, i figured, that would be a pretty clear sign we needed to break up. wish i would have taken the premonition seriously enough to not be duped in the first place.



it's so sad. i was so tired, falling asleep on my girlfriend on my way home, ready to crawl sleepily into bed, and then while climbing up to my apartment i open my mail and i've gotten something distressing enough it will keep me up. meh. and i was so looking forward to sleep, too.



the rain was playing games with us in the forest today. first it was raining, then not, we're shooting this scene, no this one, no, not just the big tree scene what NUMBER IS IT ALREADY, etc, etc etc. lots of rushing into costumes then sitting around and waiting forever. for lighting. ugh. BUT, everyone, all our main characters were on set (which NEVER happens, because they tend ot be "schooi" characters or "home" characters or "subplot" characters) because we were filming a dream sequence. and once i got them all into their dreamy white and silver costumes, we started to play charades. it was wonderful, so much fun, really magical and multigenerational. that's what waiting on set should be like.


you can try and find something more refreshing than kohlrabi and strawberry salad, but i doubt you'll find it.



it clicked today. kinda sad, cause it's my last full day- though i still have 4 halves, and i may pick up another along the way at the end. i don't think it was so much that it was the end of my stint or the end of the week, as it was what we were filiming- the dream sequences. the dodgeball daydream was this morning, and that was fun. then this afternoon was the were the world mind daydream- the same song as the short. it was actually kind of odd, because so far i haven't known any of the music, but suddenly we're filming a song i know all the words to. "i know not by what power i am made bold, but still you flout my insufficientcy, the more my prayer the lesser is my grace." the stage is magical. the stage itself is beautiful, with a cherub at the top of the procenium. and they've hung a blue green curtain, and "fairy lights" (which is one of my favourite britishisms) and a big tree, and a little "cliff" platform, and a curtain of cherry blossoms. watching timothy sing and the fairy boys dance, i remembered the feeling of amazement during the short, this is ME doing this, i will never be this happy working again. the aching longing of it. i would make movies, i would work with these people regularly, i would be confident in who i am and what i do and be paid well for it, were the world mine.


day 136- jolly regina

day 136- jolly regina
Ursprünglich hochgeladen von unglaubliche caitlin
or should it be a jolly rodgette? was one of elizabeth's fave shirts, but she took it in for the Star Name in the movie. the Star Name didn't like it- she thought it looked like something a little kid would wear. hello? little kids like elizabeth and me? but now it's too small for elizabeth, so she gave it to me. SCORE!

still not enough sleep

but feeling better. got a package from germany today, and it made me all excited. another new t-shirt- this one from ruth. it makes me just pine for germany. and the stint the costume designer did at an opera there. and how i think she'll bring me work in the future. and how i handed out a business card today. my life continues to be full of exciting possibilites.


just as tired

i'm so over this whole movie thing. i mean, it's fun and all, but i have no patience for waking up so early. it's that pushing your body to the limit thing- will it ever end? how long can i go? what happens when i can't go anymore? i don't know if i'll know what to do when i get my life back. the funny thing is- i have it so easy. i'm only working half of what everyone else is. today was the second time elizabeth's let me out a few hours early- i stopped at the library, picked up a few books. and i'm not working the overnights- if i can convince d to pick me up, i'll finish at 11 every night. i'm so sick of safari freezing- there was more that was typed, but it wasn't resaved so you can't read it. sorry.



just tired. this movie thing's getting to me. the 2nd AD hurt my feelings (and she's a bitch) so i've been ignoring her, which makes things really difficult cause the 2nd AD is the go to person for most things. but really- in an ideal world, i'd be able to ask someone to get a call sheet from her before i leave set every day. in this world, i have to stay up checking my email waiting for her to email it to me so i know what time i have to wake up tomorrow.



i was getting bummed tonight- i went to check my mail, and i realized that the rest of the world had today off, it's sunday. there is so much of my week yet to go. and i have to wake up early tomorrow. i was stressed about all the things i have to do, the things that didn't get done over the weekend. but when i opened my door, the fairies had come! my bed was made, my house was tidied, the REFRIGERATOR was cleaned out, all the nasty food thrown away, and there were itsy-bitsy packages of haribo gummibärchen with notes taped to them that say things like "i love your garden!" and "i love your little feet!" and "i love that you do what you love!" hidden in appropriate places. just while waiting for my pictures to load, i've eaten "i love the sacrifices that you make for me!" from on my planner. do i ever feel loved and understood in this movie madness.


130- hot set

130- hot set
Originally uploaded by unglaubliche caitlin
that's how they mark doors you're not supposed to open while filming. after we were done filming in the room, somebody ripped off the label and stuck it on my back. i forgot all about it until the next morning when i was trying to brush my hair and there was something disasterous happening in the back. i snapped a picture behind my head to see what it was. and my picture labeled me as "hot"


every job's got one

yesterday was not a good day. everyone got a little testy. the costume designer's computer crashed. i discovered a major continuity mistake. there were a zillion shirts to press. the generator broke down again. we sat around the fire station for hours, couldn't get the lights to work, didn't have enough time for any more shots at the house. it was definately a day that FELT like it started at 9.30 and i wasn't alowed to leave until midnight. but today was better.


lights! camera! action!

elizabeth asked today what "hot points" are, and it made me think about all the movie vocabulary i've aquired. i learned a lot making the short, and so much of it was just picking up old words or phrases or job discriptions. the aformentioned hot points means large pieces of equipment coming through, get out of the way! crafty is the food and snacks outside of meals. your call time is the time you're supposed to come in, your call sheet is the paper that gives you that info, along with all sorts of other useful information, like what scenes we're shooting and what actors are in them and where to park and what the weather's like and where the nearest hospital is. when you get on set every day, you get sides, which is a little booklet with a call sheet on the front, and the script for the scenes we're shooting that day in order on them. the DP is the director of photography, who sits behind the camera. they tell the gaffer how to light it. the electrics figure out how to get the electric to the lights. the grips grip things- lights or shades or difusion or reflection panels, or sometimes things like dollies. the best boy of each of these is the head one. anyway, once all that is taken care of, the 1st AD makes every one pay attenion with "picture is up!" then everyone stops all work and is very quiet. then he says "roll sound!" and the sound people reply "sound speed" then he says "roll camera!" and the AC (assistant to camera?) holds up the slate. they turn on the camera, the slate guy calls out "scene 47, take 2" or whatever, the dp says "speed" and the director calls "action!"

stay tuned for next time, when i discribe what the script supervisor does and why i want her job so much.



so our Star Name is actually a child of a Super Famous Person. some one was saying how every actor takes their cues from what they want themselves, or the director, or what each designer wants. and something we've noticed about Star Name is she takes her cues from the director, and it's the same thing Super Famous Person does. i guess Super Famous Person is a real director's actor, and he's taught his daugher the same thing. so whenever there's a question with wardrobe, do you want to wear the bronze boots or the silver ones, she always says "let's ask tom." i really respect her for that, i feel like it shows she knows who's important and isn't trying to be diva-y. just like everyone else, we're all working together to make this big piece of art. i have this warm fuzzy fantasy too, of him sitting down with her before she flies out to chicago, and telling her to respect the director, and telling how it's helped him to make really wonderful movies- the sort of talk my dad would have with me. it made me wonder what sort of advice my parents would give me if i was following in their footsteps carreer wise. or i guess conversely, what advise they would give me if they had my profession.



yesterday, at the end of a day, we were shooting a daydream, and we had lots of hot lights and a hazer, and the fire alarms went off. yeah, that was fun. i'll try and tell another story tomorrow. maybe i'll be better at it. for now, goodnight.


first day of shooting done

i can't tell any stories. they're either secret till the movie comes out, or boring, or i'm JUST TOO TIRED.it's exhausting making a movie. maybe more later.


kick off party

fittings all day today. hot. sweaty. stinky. came home, made a big salad and a light stirfry, put my party dress on and went out in the pouring rain. really, thunderstorm. but it ended up being ok. (the kick off party for the movie, i mean.) found people i knew to start with, and met others. the world's hottest cinemetographer remembered who i was. she beat our Star Name in pool. when i saw the Star Name as i was leaving, i was wondering if she would be sighted in a gossip column. how cool would that be? but i don't think our Star Name's name is quite big enough for that. maybe. anyway. the addison bus stops running at ten (TEN! i KNOW! and the addison brown line station is closed!) so i got a ride to the redline with tom's mom. and what does she drive? a mini cooper. convertable. she put the top down. i could see stars and drunk girls falling off their shoes after the cubs game. it was pretty sweet. this may be the last time you hear from me in a while. tomorrow is busy getting my life in order before we start shooting. i'm packing up mitzi and taking her to d's house for the shoot. she needs to be played with more than i can. i gotta be in berwyn at 7am on sunday. as timon said so ominously, It Starts.


bernadette's here. i'm so tired. it's so hot. i am so sad i have to get up early to work tomorrow. there's pictures on flickr. no update here though, sorry.