parents

so our Star Name is actually a child of a Super Famous Person. some one was saying how every actor takes their cues from what they want themselves, or the director, or what each designer wants. and something we've noticed about Star Name is she takes her cues from the director, and it's the same thing Super Famous Person does. i guess Super Famous Person is a real director's actor, and he's taught his daugher the same thing. so whenever there's a question with wardrobe, do you want to wear the bronze boots or the silver ones, she always says "let's ask tom." i really respect her for that, i feel like it shows she knows who's important and isn't trying to be diva-y. just like everyone else, we're all working together to make this big piece of art. i have this warm fuzzy fantasy too, of him sitting down with her before she flies out to chicago, and telling her to respect the director, and telling how it's helped him to make really wonderful movies- the sort of talk my dad would have with me. it made me wonder what sort of advice my parents would give me if i was following in their footsteps carreer wise. or i guess conversely, what advise they would give me if they had my profession.

post square dancing

so as usual, posting after square dancing. however, a short post. because i should be in bed NOW. because i have to WORK tomorrow. what a surprise. my body's not used to it. first, however, i'm going to take a hot bath. it's very very cold in chicago. i was waiting on the train platform in my warmest-es last night on my way to d's, and i realized how unvegan i am from head to toe- vintage fur hat, wool scarf, wool felt coat, sheepskin mittens, silk long johns, wool socks, leather shoes. whatever, i love animal fibers. eating vegan= makes sense. dressing veagan doesn't seem in line with trying to live closer to the earth for me. after all, what are sheep FOR?

but it was only 0F last night. and it should be 20F by thursday. and NEXT friday we'll get above freezing, 34F. so see, the cold spell isn't so bad.

typisch chicago

it's so cold here today. i'm currently wearing:

handknit socks
silk long underwear
thermal long underwear
bluejeans
undershirt
long sleeved t shirt
sweatshirt
bulky aran wool sweater

and i'm still cold. maybe it's cause i HAVEN"T MOVED today. stayed in bed finishing my book, then signed online, and didn't really move. started collaging some valentines. want one? you have to leave a comment....

uploaded pictures and wasted lots of time on flickr. will post them here soon. first i need to feel like i've acomplished something today....

feels like home

this morning i did my usual lay in bed, eat candy, read an entire novel bit. it felt fabulous. i mean, i was wracked with guilt, but i still coudn't make myself do anything else. the bag lady canceled AGAIN, i don't know if i'll EVER get more bags to do. i'm sorry i rushed on them. sigh. it's a bit tiresome. anyway, took my laundry, and the laundry d left here to the laundrymat and did it. started writing letters- i am so so so behind on my correspondence, i feel terrible about it. i started a letter to mairee, and got sorta stuck in memories, trying to describe my summer. i got quite an ache for l. i've been missing her a lot recently. i wish having a real live girlfriend could make up for the absence of her in my life, but somehow it doesn't- they're on different planes, my sadness and the pink room. and i really wasn't feeling very pink room. d continues to be sick, and i'm finding it hard to deal with, the endless whining and ill health. i mean, i know she's more tired of it than i am, but i feel worn down by the misery that is her life right now- her cold, her ex, her son, her car, insurance, the police, on and on and on it seems to go. there seems to be the devil on one shoulder saying "what the fuck are you doing here? get out as fast as you can!" and an angel on the other saying, "what the dickens is wrong with you, you cold hearted callous bitch? have some compassion and patience!" and i'm right in between, always wrong, never loving the right way, never satisfied.

i was gonna go over to d's tonight and carve pumpkins and take jr trick-or-treating. but d's so sick and it's so far away and i'm feeling self-hating because i got nothing done today and don't feel like traveling in my costume and her ex took the pmpkin carving kit and it was just all a mess. so instead jr went trick or treating with aaron the upstairs neighbor kid, and then they drove up to my place, and jr and i showed each other our costumes, and he showed me his booty, and we played games, and got dinner from blue elephant. i taught him to play crazy eights. when they first came in, d said to jr, "did you see caitlin's bookcases? look at how many books she has! see, she doesn't need a tv, she has so many books!" he's like, "wow. do you have a hundred books?" and i say, more like 300. he starts to count, but gets quickly distracted. anyway, some magic did occur at the end of the night, with jr picking out which book he wanted me to read. he picked bartholemew and the oobleck by dr. seuss, and so the three of us cuddled on the couch and ate halloween candy and d and i drank tea and i read and linford detwiler played the piano in the backround.

weekend recap

to my dear faithful readers-
so sorry the week with d has made me such an infrequent blogger. it's not because i don't love you. it's because i don't know how to manage my time when my girlfriend's living with me. so friday. went to work with christopher. i was a little freaked out, cause after tuesday's fire the harrison stop smelled like smoke. and the spectacle windows face right out onto the still smouldering building. i was having some major issues with it, but i got to work and distracted myself and was able to calm down. still scary though. i guess i was always afraid of fires, it's just so much worse now. so anyway. then came home to get ready for pam's halloween party. d decided to be a vampire, and so it took us a long time to get ready, with me doing her makeup and trying to find parts to our costumes. but we headed out, feeling conspicuous on public transportation. we got there quite quickly. mike was dressed as the crocodile hunter- he had this amazing wig that made him look JUST like him, it was quite creepy. pam was v from v for vendetta. i'd forgotten about that movie and how much i loved it. horray for bald natalie portman! horray for questionable terrorists! we hadn't had time to eat, so i pretty much parked in front of the munchies. i'd gotten a bad cold- awful sore throat on thursday, and friday my nose was running like a faucet. so i was sniffly and soaking through hankerchiefs at a breakneck speed. so i was tired and drippy, but still had fun. jen was there, so i caught up with her too. and she gave us a ride home!! horray!!

saturday i sadly had to go work at the spectacle space. wah-wah.



luckily, my co-workers were also late and hung over with traces (or full) makeup still visible on their faces. we are just the type that goes all out for halloween, i guess. after work, i came home and deb made dinner. ah, so lovely. and she brings the dishes fairy back- you know there is no greater love in my mind than having the dishes magically appear clean while i'm at work. we ended up fooling around after dinner, as we are wont to do, and so we had to get ready really fast for carrie's birthday halloween surprise party! i was so worried we would get there the same time as ashley and carrie and ruin the surprise, but no worries. the host tina was someone fun from dyke march, so it was a good start, and the evening was actually full of interesting characters. and i wasn't the only one in costume. when ashely and carrie came, ashley was in a bright orange prison jumpsuit, and carrie was her scantily clad corrections officer. it was pretty hot. we stayed late, till everyone was ready to go to stargaze and dance. d was yawning, so i took our leave, saying there was a vampire who was itching to bite my neck, and ashley was like, so? i've got handcuffs!

it was so nice to be able to sleep in on sunday! i did some beautiful body painting on d, but of course won't post pictures without her permission. not even sure what the rules are about such things on blogger. anyway, boobies to come- someone let brando know. i returned some phone calls, (the fun, as always, of chatting with grandma) and we started a big pot of bean soup. i left d to chop veggies while i went to hear marjane satrapi speak at women and children first. i was o-so-late (fucking clark street bus on sunday!) and didn't know the address of the museum and was ready to bail, but i didn't. and i was really glad, cause she was fabulous. so funny and personal and political and made me wanna buy even MORE copies of persepolis and give them to all my friends. d and i wanted to go out with christopher and david, but we ended up too tired after dinner. plus, d's still been feeling pretty bad. headaches she thinks are from the accident, and then she got a worse version of my cold.

alarm went off way too early this morning, typical monday at the flower shop, blah blah blah. came home and got all dolled up in my halloween costume- again, for event #3, the halloween square dance. d came by in her rental car (!) to pick up her stuff, and she dropped me off at the dance. her son came back to chicago tonight, and so she's heading back to her own home. so hopefully i'll have more time to blog now! i was telling ch today how through all of this drama, it's important for me to remember my place. i of course care for d and i am going to walk with her as she journeys through all of this shit in her life, but i need to step back and remember it's not my problem, it's not my ulser, and she can stress about it on her own. it's a narrow line, and one that i tend to fall heavily on the empathetic side of, so i've been proud of myself in the way i've been walking it.

i had a good time at my first "real" square dance, after all our lessons. costumes, of course, are always fun, although my hoop skirt was rather frustrating because i couldn't grab my skirt fabric and swish it the way i usually do- and i kept bumping people. and my corset was feeling really constricting. but i had fun, and the last tip ch helped me take my dress off and i danced it in my victorian underwear- bum pad, hoop skirt and corset. it was a bit risque i guess, but they seemed to enjoy it. someone take a picture for the web site- that will draw in the young women, they said!

so now i'm off to bed. i need to catch up on sleep, seriously behind. but i guess that's the price you pay for sleeping with your girlfriend. i have paid it willingly, but i still need to function in the rest of my life!