well, here they are, by popular demand. i adore swmnbm's three halloween at a gay bar truths, but i seem to have bucked the trend for number three (thanks boys!):

"l, stop being an asshole, come over here and make out with me." demands the texting angel.

our glamorous makeup

the bloody, happy couple

me and christopher!

the spider in all her glory

or caped and dangerous

the three haloweeners- me, christopher and david

drunk and costumed

the timer pic i took at home for fear i'd never get photos from christopher

and finally, check out the bust on that spider!

366 dots

someone in detroit sent me 366 dots worth of love.
that's all i have time to write about for now.

up and down photos

ok, here are the missing ones...

my new pink toilet seat, which matches my bathtub:

the poster i stole from a bulletin board at school (I may skip fiction writing this week to go):

and and orange still life i discovered... 1/2 the objects had collected by themselves, btw:

ok, now comment, people! as soon as i get some comments, you'll get haloween pics!



ok, i'm still downloading christopher's photos from last night, but in the meantime, i just got a roll of film developed! it's taken me 6 weeks to use it, and so some of these are pretty old. i couldn't wait for the stupid mail, so i took them to walgreens one hour. i can't believe how much time i've wasted today!
anyway, from l's trip here:

l at crown fountain

supercait on the bp bridge

the hair dyeing adventure (or, dreadlocks at the prom)

mom on broadway

all the work i should be doing, i have it labled "artist dregs"

more tomorrow: there are a few fun ones i can't roatate cause york's having a system error. and of course, HALLOWEEN PICTURES!

too many gimlets

cannot begin to discribe our costumes last night. i ended up leaving all my cowgirl clothes at david's, and went out as this amazing spider.

why didn't somebody stop me? why wasn't i told, "you freak! don't know know how much work you have to do? you are NOT allowed out tonight?"

we'll see if it all gets done today... somehow, i doubt it. but i do have that extra hour. poor laura- she had to work through it!



well, woke up and started reading about the damn sambia as usual for gender and culture. then ch called and wanted help with the arrangements for the wedding today. he'd borrowed johnny b's car, so he came and picked me up. we went back to the flowershop, made the arrangements, then took them to the reception restarurant. he drove me home on lincoln, it took so long. we decided to do indian for dinner, so we went to the udopi palace. haven't had south indian since z and samir were here this summer. yum! while i was there, christopher called again. (he and ch and l all called last night during my marathon chat with g. ch dropped me off at home and i've decided to meet christopher's love david and the three of us will hit boystown in costume. i have on my purple wig and pink cowgirl hat, but the rest of my costume is yet to be determined.
i think i better go determine now, atually.
when exactly is all this homework going to get done? i have no f-ing clue.


same old life

i dream of a day when i am not tired. no energy to blog... that's pretty bad.



should post, but i think i'm too tired. fiction writing got out early today, as it's creative nonfiction week, so we heard a writer speak (adrian nicole leblanc? three names, the last french. can't remember...) she was great, but remember, i won't be reading her book anytime soon, cause i'm still in classes, and i don't read nonfiction until i'm recovered from classes.

hey, could the reason i'm tired be because of the walking i did today? it's pretty incredible. remember, 8 blocks to a mile:

-got off the train at federal plaza to mail a package to l (natürlich) and walked to the 14th st building.
-in lighting class, walked to the computer lab on 11th st.
-after class, walked to 14th to work in the costume shop.
-upon arriving at 14th street, realizing portfolio was missing, returned to 11th st to look for it.
-found portfolio, returned to 14th st to work.
-after work walked to patternmaking on harrison
-missed the end of patternmaking to have the postmordem for my show, back in the 11th st. building
-from the postmordem walked to fiction writing class, back at harrison
-and then, learned that we were going to this reading which was on- guess where!- 11th st, in the building across from the theater buidling.

but, the good part about spending so much time in the theater building: turned in my recipts to mary badger, and she had enough petty cash to cash them out for me! so i don't need to wait for a check!! so horray!! 48 more bucks that's in my wallet!! played a similar game ordering office supplies for work, so i have all the cash from that, too. will be sad when the charge card bill comes. and i bought the wrong fucking ink. why can i NEVER remember what kind of printer i have? my god!as if i don't have enough things to fix!!

OH!!! and one of my times climbing into the theater office, i had to climb over brian shaw. and he said to me, "hey poster girl!" i'm like what? he says, haven't you seen the catolog cd? and he takes me to his office and gives me a copy of the cd. and i open up the case, and there i am, leaning against some scafolding in front of the paint frame in the scene shop.

and really, let's face it, i'm pretty funky looking. dreadlocks, square glasses. obviously the kind of cool chick who brings in those art students from high schools in nebraska.

christopher stole my copy, but i'll get new ones soon, to mail to my grandparents and to scan and post here. even if it's illegal. don't you wanna know?


update (from the pink room)

so of course, talked to l, feel better. she's so good to me, it's really amazing. the sharp contrast between the way she deals with my whining and my mother- it's just incredible. i feel guilty just speaking my whine, and she is never "suck it up" or "things aren't that bad" or "don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" (i hate that one the most!). she gives me "oh honey, why didn't you tell me"s and "i haven't done anything to make you sad?"s and "what can i do to cheer you up?"s. and i tried, i really did, to think about it, but i couldn't, because just talking on the phone with her makes me so happy i can't remember how sad i was feeling in the first place.

but she's at work now, sending me text messages i can't reply to. i should just keep track, set aside dimes to give to my mother. 400 tms? that's only $40 a month. this is at least that much fun. i was just telling l the other night how i hate people who aren't poor who say they are. i don't think i'm poor. i've got too much credit. and they keep giving me more, the more debt i rack up!

so both l's blog, and swmnbn's are all socially concious and shit. i should be opinionated and not so whiny and self centered on mine. i am a bad person. i should read non-fiction for fun. but really, i'm still too tired and behind. but to show you i do care, i'll add a link to the fabulous, fabulous river's blog... i don't think she archives her entries individually, but it's october 3rd which i really love.

it's 10 to 10. my paper for tomorow night is 127 words, so far. this is a major problem. no more blogging, and no more reading blogs.

nothing to see here, move on

a bit of a wreck: not nearly enough sleep. if it isn't l keeping me up with those, um, knitting text messages it's insomnia. i have so much to get done now that the stupid show's over.. but how can i ever get the energy to do it?

it's made me bitchy all day. honest, i don't think l will call me back. i wouldn't. i'd let me sleep it off and we can talk tomorrow. don't you hate it when you hear yourself saying these things that you don't really mean, or when you try to be sarcastic and funny and it ends up just being cruel? the phone just isn't my medium anyway.

a called, on her way to the iron and wine concert, and i couldn't even make her excited about it. she got her 2 for 1 beer special, and probably was glad to be alone. i've never been to a bar by myself- what kind of independent person do i think i am?

so enough vitriol and self hatred for today. i'm off to write this fucking folktale for fiction writing.


z's itunes hates her

narknon: OMG
narknon: so itunes hates me!
Rainheads: yes?
narknon (6:35:27 PM): but I did your thingy
narknon (6:35:32 PM): and it was bad
Rainheads (6:35:45 PM): oh dear! i would love to see the results!
narknon (6:35:59 PM): it wants me to get back with samir
Rainheads (6:36:04 PM): WHAT!
Rainheads (6:36:06 PM): that's so funny!
narknon (6:36:24 PM): I will just give you the songs and you can help me anaylise
Rainheads (6:36:32 PM): ok
narknon (6:36:34 PM): see it started out good.. I thought itunes liked me
narknon (6:36:48 PM): 1. "made for each other" jack's manniquin
narknon (6:37:03 PM): 2. message from kathlene alkaline trio
narknon (6:39:02 PM): i know i will always stop and see you and we'll run into each other's fucked up lives. yeah, i guess. although it tears me up inside. everytime it burns my eyes with tears. but your waking up is the start of my lost cause. and then you decide to leave me alone and crying. but you know i'm still here, the faithful one. waiting for a message from kathlene then i'll come
narknon (6:39:15 PM): so i am going to take that as no.. I will not have a happy life
Rainheads (6:39:48 PM): ummm. perhaps it's about patience and faithfulness?
narknon (6:40:22 PM): what do my friends think of me
narknon (6:40:36 PM): this is jsut the title "you heart is an empty room" death cab
Rainheads (6:40:44 PM): oh dear oh dear
Rainheads (6:41:04 PM): ummm an empty room just waitng to be filled up with love?
narknon (6:41:16 PM): hahaha
narknon (6:40:55 PM): do people secretly lust after me
narknon (6:41:48 PM): is carnival town- nora jones.. whish doesn't really say antything
Rainheads (6:42:12 PM): nora jones= lust. that's a good one
narknon (6:42:45 PM): okay
narknon (6:42:50 PM): how can I make my self happy?
narknon (6:43:08 PM): new slang the shins "Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set."
narknon (6:43:35 PM): what shoudl i do with my life
narknon (6:45:05 PM): better together- jack johnson
narknon (6:45:21 PM): why must life be soo full of pain- center of attention- guster
Rainheads (6:45:25 PM): uh oh
narknon (6:45:35 PM): will i have children- REUNION stars
narknon (6:46:11 PM): will i die happy- songs for sharon-joni mitchell
narknon (6:46:27 PM): can you give me some advice SCHOOL NIGHT.. of all fucking songs school night!
narknon (6:46:43 PM): what do you think happiness is- grand canyon by ani
Rainheads (6:47:19 PM): can i post this in my blog?
Rainheads (6:47:26 PM): i think it's hilarious
Rainheads (6:47:35 PM): i'm sorry it turned out so badly for you!
Rainheads (6:47:40 PM): itunes loves me compared to you!
narknon (6:50:34 PM): i would like to post it and you may
narknon (6:51:02 PM):I just wish all the songs weren't like you are going to be miserably and lonely and miss your ex for the rest of your life
Rainheads (6:51:43 PM): well, maybe that says more about your itunes than your future!
narknon (6:52:00 PM): it misses samir?
Rainheads (6:52:24 PM): exactly!
narknon (6:52:22 PM): you know what
narknon (6:52:36 PM): I am going to put ashely simpson on repeat just to piss it off
Rainheads (6:52:43 PM): you go! hahhaha
narknon (6:53:17 PM): hahhaa... the song is I didn't steal your boyfriend.. itunes.. you can have him!


magic 8 ball itunes

a amazing meme from justine. i totally love it! leave your comments on mine, then do it on your own blog!! How to play: set your iTunes to shuffle. First song played goes in #1, and so on. Enjoy.

1. What do you think of me, iTunes?: raging child, mary fahl
oh, itunes, how could you! do you like boy bands, is that it? (or perhaps it's not insulting.. i can't understand a word mary fahl sings)

2. Will I have a happy life?: testimony, frente
"beautiful beautiful, dangerous dangerous- think i'm gonna die of lust! oh i will! when everything's gone i will be your champion, ruthless"

3. What do my friends really think of me?: wouldn't it be good, nic kershaw
"wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes, even if it was for just one day, wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away. wouldn't it be good to be on your side grass is always greener over there. wouldn't it be good to live without a care?"
so all of my friends are jelous of me. who knew? but hey, i guess my life looks pretty good from the outside

4. Do people secretly lust after me?: tangerine, prince
"somedays i make a lot of noise and give it all away to take my mind off the tangerine color of your negligee. but beggars can't be choosers if they don't know who to serve, you've got a different phone number and alot of nerve."
i guess they do, but they're mad at me for not noticing. sorry, lusters!

5. How can I make myself happy?: hometown boy, otr
"what do you say, we get out of here today...me and my hometown boy.. neighborhood's gone to hell..."
well, running away from the hometown was a good idea. i did it alone, though... perhaps linford detweiler or a similar substitute will come with me next time.

6. What should I do with my life?: josophine baker, al stewart
"...long gone figures come back to life in a documetary. though i saw them dance with joy i was sad i missed that show. if i had a time machine, i'd know just where i'd go. i was born too late to see josephine baker dancing in a paris, cabaret...you can put on all that gloss and still not have the feel what's inside will come across and only real is real"
well, i guess the itunes oracle thinks costume design is the right way to go!

7. Why must life be so full of pain?: the blacksmith, distant oaks
"...what did you promise me when you lay beside me? you said you'd marry me and you'd not deny me? if i said i'd marry you it was only for to try you, so bring your witness, love, and i'll not deny you... oh witness have i none, save god almighty. and may he reward you well for the slighting of me. her lips grew pale and wan, it made her poor heart tremble, to think she loved a one, and he proved decietful.."
i think we can safely say the pain of the world is caused by decietful men.

8. Will I ever have children?: " 32 flavors, ani d
"i'm not between you and your ambition, i'm a poster girl with no poster...some day you're going to get hungry and eat most of the words that you say."?? i don't know.
it's hazy...come back later.

9. Will I die happy?: he lied about death, stars
i'm not making this up. really, it was the next one to come up.

10. Can you give me some advice?: you couldn't have come at a better time- luka bloom
" what is this place we've come to? i don't know what say. we long to see each other, but are frightened of that day. you met me in a barren place, you walked me to the hill. we were so good for each other then, i know we could be still. you couldn't have come at a better time, not if you tried."
well, guess itunes aproves of my love affair

11. What do you think happiness is?: two star, everything but the girl
"I watch Saturday kids' TV with the sound turned down. I leave food on the eiderdown. All my thoughts pushed underground. Maybe you're happy - everyone says you are. You drive around on two star, you leave your life ajar, and God knows you desserve it. Bad luck follows everyone. So go on, and stop listening to me. And don't ask me how I feel. because I change my mind from day to day, and when I look at you I only see bits of myself anyway. And don't ask me what to say, or to judge a life this way when my own's in disarray. "
so there it is. the answer to happiness- don't judge each other.good job, itunes.

link me to yours, everyone!

feeling october

got dark on the train home today, and it was dark when i got up this morning. i think cause it's overcast and has been wet the past few days. ch said we had hail yesterday- i thought it was just noisy rain. i just stopped by home to pick up my library book and dry cleaner's recipt, then i walked to (get this) the library and dry cleaners. i really didn't feel like walking along broadway again north, but the next street over is glenwood- really out of the way, but oh well. walking these streets made me think of l, and circling the blocks talking to her when i have visitors in my house. i was listening to justine's mix (you'll get my thoughts and comments, soon, honest!) and it was dark and cold and wet, and neighborhoody. everyone has porches and is decorated for halloween. i passed a house with a sunporchish addition and there were a bunch of 9 or 10 year-olds woring on some sort of project. i had the oddest ache. it's like all the factors are there for me to be feeling lonely and nostalgic and patently unhappy, but i couldn't pull it off if i tried right now, i'm too in the pink room. so instead i think i managed to scrounge up some sort of future nostaglia.. like if i couldn't feel sad in this moment i will take on some of the saddness of the future, like i could sympathize with a future self sending postcards back to me today, remembering" that day, my last year of school, when i realized fall had come, and i was walking through my new neighborhood, and i was newly in love and living in chicago and something magical was happening.." or something like that? i feel like i'm not making any sense. do you get me? do you ever get me? (name that quote, anyone?)


12 more days

but hey, who's counting? watched a cute gayboy flick last night, latter days. don't even feel guilty about it. hey, my show's done. strike was today. glad i don't have to be there. the power of a costume designer- it's just incredible. called ruth again this morning, and she was home, but on her way to work. it was so nice to be able to imagine her at her desk in her bedroom, packing her bag to go to the jazz club. (yes, she's a bouncer at a jazz club. it cracks me up: she's all of 50kg. and the idea of nürnberg's jazz scene is funny- though apparently it's larger than you would think.) so i had abut 15 mintues to tell her about the past 3 months of my life. and they've been an adventurous 3 months. we had a terrible connection, she could hear me but she sounded underwater, all digitalized. i should have just sent an email. went to evanston today to swatch for patternmaking. ch called on my way there to chat. he laughed at me and said someday i'll take a biology class or something and won't have to go to vogue. but at columbia, who knows? i think i had to go to vogue for the chemestry of textiles and dyes. from there the grocery store, tried to go to the library, but the branch is closed on sunday, blah blah blah. came home and made a quiche from the spinach my mother left here. really, that's it. i've been so lazy. i've had such a list of things to accomplish this weekend, and nothing has gotten done. ok, some things have gotten done, but not nearly enough.

but have i told you my radiators are turned on? really, life doesn't get much better than that.

thinking about yesterday's post, and other secrets i've had to keep recently, and after what jamie said, it got me thinking about the purpose of my blog. it's really changed alot in the past 1.5 years i've been keeping it. back then, it was this secret life i needed to have an outlet for or else explode. i was trapped in this interior world of loneliness, longing, and self-hatred that needed an outlet. and the blog was a perfect place to do that. (it was called crawling out back then, btw, which i still think is a fabulous name, but no longer very appropriate.) and slowly you all have become readers, and my world has expanded, and there are way more people who know about my public forum than those who don't. heck, even g reads sometimes. if you told me that would EVER be happening 1.5 years ago, i would have shut down my blog in terror. i could never have imagined it would have turned out this nicely. i think the problem is i have a real life now. none of it takes place in chicago, but a real outside world nonetheless. it's not just crushing on an honest to goodness lesbian, it's alot of things. i don't know if i'd think i'm happier and healthier right now if i wasn't in the pink room, but...

fuck that. i am so much happier and healthier now. have you READ those old posts? [insert plug for bach's flower remidies here.] and no, l, i did have a hot water bottle back then, which just goes to show even 1.5 years ago i was SO much happier and healthier than 3.5 years before that. really, for all my bitching, it does seem to be a slow, upward climb. the question is, though, how in the world did i make it out of high school, out of pennsylvania, alive?

anyway, i finally, finally talked to l, too, just a few minutes ago. can't remember the last time i've gone so long without hearing her voice- it must have been august or so. and no, voicemail doesn't count. (and yes, i will call her voicemail just to hear her sexkitten voice on her outgoing message. but have you heard this message? really, anyone would.) however, she made up for it with fabulous news. she talked to rachael and they were talking about me! now, unlike swmnbm, i LOVE people talking about me behind my back. it makes me feel like i exist. especially if they're saying good things. and i love for the good things to get back to me! and this was certainly the case. she would normally not encourage a relationship such as the one l and i are fostering, but since it's me, she says it's a good thing. horray for aproval. i'm so into it.



sigh. i just don't know what to do. l thinks i'm much like satan. she who must not be mentioned unfriended l after reading my entry last night. here i hoped i was being all mysterious by leaving the sappy parts out. guess not. and with l in the u.p., i have nothing to do but sit around and worry (homework? swatching? what's that? it's the weekend, baby!). worried over im, of course since i'm online. and with my cutting and pasting habit, here is the advice i got:

JamieAnne80 (3:06:16 PM): I can't really tell. It depends on the person, but I can't see anything bad in it. It's more the question how much you want to share and how much you think Laura would want you to share.
JamieAnne80 (3:08:56 PM): It's a pretty personal thing and I suppose that most bloggers struggle with the question how much they want to reveal. There's a fine line somewhere for everyone. I just saw that one of the blogs on my blogroll was closed because she found out that other people she knew knew about her blog and she wanted her blog to be a place where she could write about anything she wanted and felt that she couldn't anymore. So she quit. Kind of sad and also the reason why I both not tell people I know and still keep certain things out of my blog in case someone found it.

and z:
narknon (3:04:55 PM): caitlin you realize this is ridiculous right?
narknon (3:07:32 PM): i think that you need to have a life outside your blog
Rainheads (3:08:25 PM): you just only hear about it because i italk to you while writing posts. i actually do go to classes and work and talk on the phone constantly.
narknon (3:08:35 PM): yeah I know
narknon (3:08:44 PM): but you put stuff in your blog
narknon (3:08:51 PM): and then piss all sorts of people off
Rainheads (3:10:40 PM): no, actually, it's usally the same people i keep pissing off.
narknon (3:11:12 PM): okay

so i don't know. they're both right. and i do need to be carefuller. am enjoying swmnbn's blog, and so think it's a pity we can't be friends. i can't believe how much time and energy i have wasted on this. i need to shower. badly. i wash my hair today for the frist time since it was waxed- horray! hopefully i can stop sleeping in a scarf now. the little elastics have made it itch horribly, and itchy dreadlocks makes a person feel very unkept. and they are too disgusting to touch- slimy greasy. but they really look fabulous, all restrained and neatly trimmed. like anne lamott's topiary quote. do i have that up right now?

tea and guests

work today was bad. l called me in tears with family drama, than rafael called ch. made a emotional mess of him, too. god, i'm getting it from all sides. ch and i FINALLY finished up the work we had and he could go home. thank goddess i have no such emotional problems myself.

then i remembered- mairee's coming tonight. i have to clean my house. i have to come out to her tonight.

i was pretty panicked about it. l's in the u.p. a's on daytime mins, and is at work by now, too, i think. so i call g. and she, as always is fabulous. she has me tell her what i'm going to say, and he helps me decide how it sounds. and her opinion matters cause she's been on the reciving end of this very conversation! she calms me down, i tm l, she's totally sweet.

mairee and i can't make my play work, so she doesn't get to see my costumes. which i'm sure is better, cause it means we just have tea in my quickly cleaned apartment. mairee adores my apartment. it's pretty fabulous when it's dressed up for tea. i love xmas lights.

things went really well with mairee. i never ask people things like, "so, what do you think about this?" or, "how do you feel about homosexuality?" i just lay it out there, this is who i am, how it is. but she wasn't shocked or disgusted or hurt or offended or worried. she was just her usual encouraging self. then, "so," she says, "are you seeing anyone?"

so i spent the rest of the evening talking about l. mairee's so specific. she doesn't say, "tell me about her." she says, "tell me who she is." i find this to be a much different question, and it has me doing more than rattling off her list of adjectives.

ah. i need to go to bed. i ended up iming l much to late, per usual:

StarGyrrrl (12:50:13 AM): conversations like this make me glad for the written word...because goddess knows I WOULD NEVER SAY SHIT LIKE THIS IF SOMEONE COULD HEAR ME
StarGyrrrl (12:50:19 AM): oh...i'm done being sappy now, can you tell?
Rainheads (12:50:54 AM): oh, but when they're typed, i can cut and paste and put them wherever. that's much worse than being overheard.
Rainheads (12:51:14 AM): you can't fool me. i've heard you say shit like that out loud
StarGyrrrl (12:52:12 AM): never tell. i've got a rep to protect, ms. k

was that mean? i think it's funny, but how the fuck would i know? i'm no judge of such things anymore. i am so delighted daily by her, and i want to tell the world. but love letters aren't meant to be shared with the world, and really, the world wouldn't really care that much anyway, except for the voyeurs, and that's just creepy.

so lets just say, i am being loved, much more than i deserve, much more than i thought possible, especially from a girl who claims to have no heart.

(i really think it's been mailed back to her without her noticing.)


procrastinating, as per usual

why, oh why did i let mom distract me from homework all weekend? sunday we went to the new yarn shop on printer's row, loopy yarns. she bought a hat book and bought us each yarn to make a hat out of it. hers is an indigo chenille chapeau, mine is a "sweater for the head" with little arms you can tie up or leave floppy. the yarn is a soft worsted wool, and it's lacey's laces, chicago dyers. i know i've heard someone from there speak in a class. can't remember which one though- either chemistry of textiles and dyes or fundamentals of textile design, probably. it's a color called watercolor and is a varigated earth tone rainbow- bright magenta, camel, mustard, mint, soldier blue, plum, and back again. i feel pretty passionately about it. i'm a little worried about the size- i'm making an extra large to fit over my dreads, but the 128 sts around just seems likes so very many. i hope it fits me well with all my hair this winter, and i can add elastic in the ribbing and make it mushroomy to fit my small head next winter when my hair is gone. it's going much slower on the #4s than that sweater which i'm just racing along with. have done the armhole shaping on the back. it will be stalled for a while, as it's too big to carry on the train again. i'll eventually watch some of these movies and finish it off, then i'll be able to do the sleeves.

then last night, on the way to the dentist, i decided to see the purifoys while in hyde park. it's so funny- i come in, take off my shoes, and walk out to the kitchen, waving to jon as i walk by. christie and i just sit at her kitchen table, drink tea and talk. sometimes lily's in bed, sometimes napping, sometimes racing around with her toys. i'm constantly amazed by how much i love being friends with christie. i mean, she's always been married and been from texas, but since we've met she's bought a condo and had a baby, and i've stopped being straight, stopped being a christian, and moved to the north side. what could we possibly have in common anymore? well, enough stuff that i don't think we'd EVER run out of chit-chat. i've said it before, if i had a baby, i'd probably raise it very similarly to the purifoys. and let's face it, i still read children's books, still get toy catalogs, am told i should design for children's theater. you'd think i'd actually like children. since the last time we talked, christie had read phillip pullman's his dark materials on my... recomendation is perhaps too strong a word. but she felt the same way i did about them. the magical world, the stunted ending. we talked about writing, me in fiction writing and her on her disseratation. she got a research grant and so she and jon are going to london for a week. art, family.. i told her about l, as i am wont to do. she asked about l's job, and i told her, and made the joke about how l hates the environment and i hate poor people. and christie said, "well put the two of you together and you'd get a republican!"

i laughed very hard. when thinking about mixing l and me, i have to say, a republican is not what one would imagine one could get. but i guess it's possible! earlier, christie had been talking about trying to decide whether to put lilly ahead, since her birthday is also in september. i told her my parents had held me back because i might want to be on a sports team and it would be better to be the oldest, rather than the youngest. she laughed very hard at that, and said in all the thinking she's done, and all the factors she's considered, that's one that has never struck her!

so can i just say it was an enriching, mind expanding, eye opening, soul satisfying, book list lengthening experience for both of us.

but then, then i had to come all the way home, go to bed, wake up early, work alone all day. and now i have 6 pages to write for good ol fiction writing. grrr.

but first, i have to buy something. see, there's this train ticket to detroit that i promised....


comment replies

god, you all deserve them. i'm sorry i don't have time. it's just too late, z's sad and iming me her boy troubles.
but thank you, radio listeners. jt, a, kira, jamie, thanks for your votes, one and all. it's all the beetles, and that's disapointing. but i'll still turn it on, when i'm listening online. when it's not sleepy echoes.

which i should be listening to now.

l: i judge you all the time. the jury's returned, they have their verdict: you are fabulous.

quick links

l's calling soon, so i gotta get offline and my teeth brushed. but i want you to know:
1. classes went fine today
2. went to rajun cajun for dinner- isn't that sick for a chick who lives off devon?
3. no cavities at dentist, but i do need to have my wisdom teeth extracted.
4. christie answered the phone when i called, so i went there after the dentist.
5. we talked life, books, art, tea. it was lovely.
6. as usual.
7. made up for it being creepy being back in hyde park.
8. where was gabrielle?
9. i can't get used to her and i not living there anymore.
10. came home, checked my email, got these two links:



both, you can be sure, will be checked often.


clean floors

mom's been working hard. all i did yesterday was all those stupid readings for my classes, while she cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes and washed my kitchen floor. and took out the trash. go mom! we went to the fruit and vegetable market, and she was appropriately impressed. it's cute and cheap- what more could you ask for? (near by, i know, but 2 out of 3 isn't bad)

opening went fine. i'm really over it. we were running late, so mom and i ended up just grabbing burritios at the tacoria to eat on the train. i had no idea what to wear, just kept waffleing back and forth between a juvinile outfit based on my new striped tights, and what i finally ended up wearing, black velvet suit jacket, sexy black tank top, chinese print skirt, red sparkly fishnets, and high boots. but i was still competing with mom, in her flowy black pillazo pants and green lace shirt, and green and black carpet jacket. she looked more like a genie.

i always hate it after opening, i never know who to talk to, i'm always so tired and can't relate. and everyone's so excited and i'm so over it. but we stayed what i think was an appropriate amount of time. jen came with us for opening- i'm glad she got to see my play, and she bought me a gift- a big bottle of godiva cappuchino liquor. so when mom and i got home i got out handmade mugs and my vanilla sugar and abuelita tablets and whipped up some of my winter coctails. only mom got the new liqour, though. me, even with all that alchohol don't want caffene b efore i go to bed!

today we're off to loopy yarns, then we're going to come home and cook. yum!!

also, mom's obessed with wxpn counting down the 885 top albums of all time. luckily they stream low speed, so she can listen here now. miles davis was #14 and joni's blue is #13. i was hoping for top ten, but hey. i voted, dad voted, but mom and z didn't. and they would have both voted for blue too.

am a little humored that the 4 of us all live different places, in 3 different states, but we all listen to the same radio station. i wonder if a does out in boulder?


finally, finally

weekend. i'm going to get one. i can't wait. my alarm went off this morning, and the first thing i thought was, oh joy. i don't have to do this tomorrow. oh, i'm so glad. oh, tomorrow i don't have to wake up. this is the last time i have to wake up this week.

mom's here. she brought wilbur buds. ch and i took her to boni vino.

wild fun day at work today. i couldn't stop dancing. we played the best music, i just sang and bounced all day. bosses day and sweetest day, as well as our big event made it a super busy day, roses everywhere. but it's fun to dance with ch at a holiday, you know. and i don't have to work this weekend, so whoot. time to play with mom.

i should probably do that now. she's laying on my bed, reading o magazine quotes to me. i don't feel guiltly though, cause she was online for an hour herself, first.

between l working her double shifts and mom being here, we may never talk again. this makes me sad. however, did get a fabulous note from her so encouraging about my play, and it made me feel so loved and like someone doesn't wanna just cheer me up in general, but is interested in what's actually going on in my life, and is living with me through this, and it's just lovely.

distracted. sorry. will continue to type. as always. in short bursts.



my mother comes tomorrow.
are you ready for this?
i know i'm not.

l's job is awful. they tell her she's doing a shitty job, but that's ok, cause it's because she's a womyn. then they have her working doubles all week. no wonder she'd rather eat glass. so you now need to send her your whilte light thoughts as well. do you have your prayer list updated?



i'm watching a movie then going to bed. i don't care that i have class all day tomorrow then mom comes friday. my house is just going to be a mess. someday i'll post german pictures. someday, someday, i will have my life back.

at work, ch laughed at how i only play slow, quiet, peplum for the ear (is that like cream of wheat? i forget exactly what he called it) sort of music these days. what does that consist of? st. ettiene, pamela means, patty griffin, kim ritchey, everthing but the girl. natalie merchant's ophelia. lots and lots of over the rhine. i think i'm going through my drunkard's prayer time of my life. i knew, when i got drunkard's prayer, that it was pretty and simple and quiet and someday i would obsess, but it wasn't hitting me then. i have a feeling that years and years from now, whenever i hear drunkard's prayer, it will remind me of right now, the same way good dog bad dog reminds me of high school and crusing with chelly.

did i tell you cory's little sis is getting married? and he's ordering the flowers through us. ch left me a fabulous note today:
your guru called today, this morning actually, from his car, in the middle of the pouring rain, in the middle of PA, to ask if you would add one large (green) cymbidium spray to his feastival order for pickup around 4 pm tomorrow, he would be eternally greatful, and can i leave early today?
ps ask me re:morcheeba

he cracked me up. stacy called today after he'd left early and we cackled together at ch's expense. she asked about a, and i told her about the horrid roomate situation, and she said, "you tell her, if she needs cheering up, i'll take her back to casa bonita!" and with ch writing feastival earlier today, it all made me laugh.

after work took my mary janes to sears to return them. they don't carry them, so i'll have to re-order the right size online. sigh. then went to whole foods cause i'm out of almost everything natural and my local health food store doesn't carry my products, and i have SUCH brand loyalty. so i bought my beloved ecos laundry soap, jason tea tree deoderant, tom's of maine cinnamint anti-cavity toothpaste, ecover dishwashing liquid, and i stocked up on cup-o-soups, soymilk, and tofu (silken extra firm was on sale! whoot!) came to $70! eep! i hate that 'bout whole foods. but it sure felt like my money's worth on the way home. 4 bags- so heavy.

so now i've told you of my day. i can watch my movie with a good concience.



tom is amazing. he solved all my problems. he his my hero. all hail costume shop king!

still. i woke up at 7 this morning to go to work. from there to the costume shop, discovered his amazing powers, bought distressing supplies, then went to dress rehersal. got out at 10.30. home at 11.30. sorry. this time, when i say no time to blog, it's not exageration or procrastination.

just, thank you all for your good thoughts. i'll just stay the problems were in makeup today, rather than for me. i still have notes, but i feel it will all be ok.

but if you have good thoughts left over, you can send them in for leah's romantic weekend or a's roommates, or lack thereof. that l. she doesn't need your prayers or white light or intentions to the universe either. she's so much better off in detroit than in ca. her life is practially perfect.


costume parade, with a bit of gender thrown in

sigh. the awful part is over. i've been told everything i've done wrong, now i just have to fix it all. damn wigs. damn, damn wigs. will be taking off time work again tomorrow, trying to fix shit. and all day tuesday. but i guess it will happen. it just puts me in such a bad place mentally, emotinally. i need to go take some bachs. really, it went quite well. there aren't that many notes. and it's all little stuff. well, except for the wigs. and frances stood up for a sweater i liked, to the director!! imagine!! she likes something he doesn't! i guess it goes to show she doesn't hate me specifically, she just hates most of the things i design, and if i design something decent, she'll back me up.

now i'm home. met ch to commute home with, and didn't get a chance to talk to l. where is she? i miss her.

i'm emotionally exhausted. i have extra time, but i can't be useful. i think i'll watch a movie. go to bed early. but i have to make my list first, of what i'll be doing tomorrow, the next day. and there are papers to be written, papers to be edited. mom did edit my g and c one. we ended up having a nice im talk, though she communicates so poorly through that medium, i'm rarely sure exactly what she means. her most interesting comments:

FunkySheep: Did you see the front of the TIme mag with the article about gay teens?
FunkySheep: The kid on the cover is from MIfflin [my high school]
Rainheads: NO!!!
Rainheads: REALLY???
Rainheads: YOU"RE KIDDING!!
FunkySheep: I think high school is a little young to lock yourself in. I think everyone is more bi-sexual then they want to admit. I think its a contiumum
Rainheads: if there's anything more socially unacceptable than being gay, it's being bisexual.
FunkySheep: really? is bisexuality promiscuous?
Rainheads: you don't think that's what american culture thinks bisexuality is?
FunkySheep: American Sexual Culture is only women in skimpy clothes selling something
Rainheads: UGH, tell me about it. walking by the wall of magazines on the way to the post office makes me SICK.
FunkySheep: Heterosexulity isn't about sex it's about gender roles.
Rainheads: what, llike butch and femme? everything's about gender roles.
FunkySheep: oh I guess I'm clueless about gay gender roles. Well I'm going to go mix it up and put an apron over my PANTS. so there.


first notes

got an email from the assistant director. babbybobby's sweater needs to be toned down, he needs a patch on his pants, the doctor needs a pocketwatch, etc etc etc. sigh. i haven't even been to tech yet and i'm already overwhelmed by notes. so much reading to do today i didn't leave bed until 2. and still didn't get done. i read the first 20 pages of gender and culture before i realized i was reading the wrong book. however, i did write my gender and culture paper, and stitch my muslin for patternmaking. all i need to do now is pay the bills and write for fiction writing, and finish the chapter about the sambia, and i'll be all ready to start worrying about my show. must buy hairspray and laundry soap before i head down tomorrow!!!
is anyone else ready for me to get back to my real life?


load out!!

did i tell you about last week's fiction writing assignment? it was supposed to be a story letter. i had no characters in mind, so i started with sorta real people, slightly twisted, and had them write letters to each other. anyway, ended up making it a letter from she who must not be mentioned to me about l. it ended up being really exaggerated, making her really mean and vicious, and displaying all of the things i'm self-concious or nervous about, all the things i wonder if perhaps i should be self-concious about, and all the things i'm not self concious about at all, but i suppose i could be under different circumstances...i won't let l read it yet because of this. it is fiction, after all, but it feels a bit like someting that could be true. but anyway, it's week 5, and time to have the work we've been turning in read to the class. the professor picks the strongest work from each of us over the past 5 weeks. he starts to read one, passes it off to someone, then another classmate. everyone reads a bit of their work and hears it read by someone else= then we have to guess who wrote it- are we starting to hear our classmates voices? i'm waiting and waiting for mine. it doesn't come up before break, and we're handed back last week's work. i look for the comments- when i see he starts with "kick-ass voice" i know that this is the piece he's gonna read of mine. eep! maybe my class just assumed every word came straight from my imagination, but still... i think i've come out to my entire fiction writing class. and read them every hang up about sex i could think of. sheesh.

stayed up till midnight last night with the germans. it's not fair, how busy i am and can't spend any more time with them. ch had recomended rock records to them, and they'd bought 4 new cds- pi got 2 jazz ones and anne the new dar williams and erin mckeown's grand!! isn't that just grand!! i loaded them onto both of our ipods!! horray. also- my box from lands end came. with my g'mas gift cert (from last christmas!) i got 3 pairs of tights, racing red mary janes, and a green cardigan. still not sure how i feel about the cardigan- it seems, oh, a little schoolmarmy for me. anne said perhaps i could decorate it. so perhaps i'll stop by handcock and pick up some sequins. you know, in my spare time....

worked at the flowershop today. it was a nasty day, cold and windy and rainy... blech. i was wearing my new orange ribbed tights wth my lime minidress, my german boots (lime with purple and pink) and my purple velvet suitjacket. oh, and my purple velvet stretch beret. def. should have been wearing a petticoat. brrr. had my hoodie at work, and that helped.

load out was today!! early afternoon i left the flowershop and went to the costume shop. everything was almost done. just elyz finishing up a dress, and some wigs to throw in. they already had everything all in a cart, bagged in plastic, ready to go. christopher and eliz helped me drag it the 4 blocks to the theater. and now it's all in its cubbies. waiting for dress on saturday. whoot. thank god it will all be over soon. this was the easy part on wild honey, but the super stressful part on sweet water taste. so i don't know what that bodes for the cripple of innishmaan. i think my throat is getting tighter. i can still swallow, but everything is hurting- i hope the stress ends before i have to stop eating.

came back to the flowershop to finish off the day. walked anne and peter to the blue line and said goodbye. they weren't here nearly long enough. and i was so very distracted. i feel bad about my tour guide duities. but i think they had a good time. as always, pictures soon. i promise. but i tech this weekend- the excuse for everything. and did i mention homework and a gender and culture paper? sigh. it's friday night. i can't even think about it.


stupid process

i've had an exhausting day, again. i hate how much of my brainpower this stupid show takes up. i wish i could be as confident as laura, who is sure that i will do fabulous. there's such a long journey from here to the end though. there's so very many steps to fabulous. and i take it all so fucking personally.

i asked laura out last night. i know it's silly that it's taken this long, as z, ch, g and a didn't have to wait nearly as long, but now it's official. laura shall be l, from here on out. you know i am always i, and so i and l will not be confused, regardless of this font's lack of serifs. and now the germans are back, with fabulous pictures from their journey, which i will post tomorrow. or the next day. or after tech. i WILL live that long. there is so much fun stuff to do when it ends!

anyway, about my fucking process. ( i hate these assignments) i sit down and i type. that's about it. no, i brood for a long time first. and ficition seems to be different than papers. i don't have much fiction experience. for non fic, i think. then i do my research. then i think, much longer. i think about the subject, how it goes together, how i will organize it. then i start at the beigining and write to the end. occasionally things need to be moved around. when i'm done writing, i stop, and walk away. hopefully overnight, but if don't have that much time, at least a few hours. then i spell check it, edit it, and read it through. then i mail it to my mother, who catches all the mistakes i missed, and the sentences that go on much too long. fiction i think usally deserves more rewriting, but i so rarely have time. but if i do enough thinking first, i find the writing easy for the most part. the important thing is to keep going, i know, but i don't usally find it hard to get back in the rhythm if i get out, so occasionally i will get hung up getting just the right word. (i know what it is, it sounds like elaborate, but it means something biggger....or whatever) but i don't do that every word, and if i start to get bogged down, i'll just put what i want it to be in parenthesis and move on to what i can write, then come back.

i'll drink tea when i'm writing, sometimes, but usally i just try and push through. i don't think about being hungry, it's not like drawing or painting, where i have to have my cookies or crackers and tea. although, i love having munchies. i would love to eat chexmix or pretzels and drink coke the whole time i'm writing. but i won't be drinking coke at night you know, and i never have munchies around- unless i'm planning on writing a term paper!! so it's not like sewing where i forget to eat, and i don't notice how hungry i am cause i'm in the zone. it's more lilke reading, where i go to the kitchen still reading, not noticing that i'm eating. or i feel hungry, but food will be my reward when i hit page 7 or something.

oh, and music. i don't type well to silence, but i also can't type well to anything with words. i start singing along, it's bad. i have new cds now that i can type to- the marty shaughnessy one, and pamela means are what i've most recently been writing to. and there's all those irish fiddles. those are good paper writing music. german stuff- not 2 raummwohnung, i know too many of the words. but, like, meike's old ararat. and of course cold calculating mathmatical classical. the well tempered clavichord- i have this huge box of records-every keyboard piece bach ever wrote performed on harspichord. not really that much fun- i'm a big fan of dynamics- but it's great mechanical music for writing papers to. esp. with my old record player- i could just stack them up and let them roll!

ugh. is that enough? i gotta go to bed. listen, that l, she keeps me up too late at night.


too hard

god, i'm exhausted. another day without lunch. i had about 10 min to eat 1/2 my chili, but really, it wasn't enough. lighting is hell. gender and culture merely sucks. i think the test went well, but it was all written, so i have no idea how tough of a grader she is. i feel like i've done a work, but i could see her grading me down to a c for not having the specific info she's looking for. whatever. fittings went ok, there was a dress that i pulled that didn't fit, but tom went to the back with me and helped me find two more. and the one we made, and there's extra fabric, so he's gonna make me a belt. isn't that sweet.

sigh. i can't finish. that's enough for the day. the germans will be returning soon. i have to clean my house.


i can't remember

ch and i came up with a great band name today, and i said i'd title todays entry that, but i don't know what it was. which is fine, cause i'm not going to write an entry today, cause i just spent hours on fiction writing homework, and i'm tired of typing. in fact, tired in general. perhaps tomorrow i'll post pics of ruth in mongolia.



i've gotten very little done today, all weekend actually. i need a vacation, and we're only in week 5. sigh. i miss laura. she needs to loose her guests and entertainment and just sit around her house and play with her cats and mope and call ME.

finished up fic writing reading. went to the library. i love the library. i was reading an article on the decline of libraries in the utne reader, and it made me nervous. they're getting all technelogical, and throwing away books. branches are closing, and big cities are building fancy architectured structures that impress critics, not booklovers. i'm so glad i live in chicago. am currently reading through sara ryan's booklists- she's got a yagblt list, and the list her book was banned on. i love reading ya banned books. and edgewater has a nice branch, too. reminds me of branches in my childhood. my library card is my most precious possession. i mean, it's free, so it's not like loosing it would make me sad, i could just get another one. but to live somewhere without a library? to be prohibited from going, from checking out? no thanks. i'd go without bread, without wheat, without carbs, before i'd go without books. chocolate...ah... if i had to choose never to go to a library or never eat chocolate again, i'd probably turn in my card for the hershey's. but i'd spend alot of time in barbara's bestsellers. books or chocolate is no question- books win every time. they're so much better than tv. first, have i mentioned they're free? and they're portable. and they can be private, you can read on the train without bugging others... but you can read out loud to a group or a lover and it's much more personal and engaging than, say, watching a movie together. and they're unexhaustable. there are more written every day, and the library is always buying more, and even if you don't count all the millions i'm not interested in, there are still more than i'll ever be able to read. and they're all so different. i sometimes imagine the stories actually unfolding in the physical space of each and every book. you open them up, and there are all the characters living their stories, like polly pocket. and it's like the city. each of these very different stories, lined up next to each other on the shelves, stacked up in aisles, each unaware of the one happening next to it. like people in apartment complexes. i think of both the city and the 7th floor (literature and foreign launguage) like that- this complete story that can always be telescoped out to see this enormous context, a sort of collective unconscious of humanity... or literature, as the case may be.

i was going to give this rant after reading the utne article, then i read one about turning route 66 into a bike path. it's going so slowly, cause of funding. what the #@$%? i can't think of anything more important. sheesh. i hate to think how many billions of dollars we're spending on this fucking war, all the money going through giant corporations, oprah giving everyone cars. i get so frustrated by the stupid things getting too much money and the important things not getting any. children. the homeless. the uninsured. the mentally ill. the cyclists. my god. that's perhaps why i love libraries so much. they are perhaps the only federally funded thing that's still managing to do it right. not that's it's perfect, esp. not equally across the country, but really- there's nothing better than a library. information is power.

and my FAVOURITE quote is in the popular library, on the wall above circulation. it's by groucho marx:

"outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."


more fabulous text messages

Gibbabe9: Ummm, pants rock
Gibbabe9: Pants are the reason I get up every morning
Gibbabe9: Well, that's a lie. But still, they are critical
Rainheads: pants are some of the most uncomfortable sort of clothing, after, say, corsets and heels. in my opinion.
Gibbabe9: So if I wore a corset, pants and heels, that would be bad, eh?
Rainheads: no, it would be totally hot... but you would be crying you'd be so uncomfortable. well, perhaps you wouldn't, because pants are why you get up in the morning.
Gibbabe9: I am not sure if hot is the right word to describe that
Rainheads: depends on which corset you wear.
Gibbabe9: Well, I have so many to choose from, it's incredible
Gibbabe9: Drawers stuffed full
Gibbabe9: FULL I tell you
Rainheads: heels, too, i'm sure. the combinations are endless
Gibbabe9: Yes, I just have a plethora of heels
Gibbabe9: Priya is cashed out on the couch. I think I might not be going to the bar tonight
Rainheads: just wait until i come to detroit. i will wear all of your costumes out to the bar.
Gibbabe9: Hmmm, I might want to take a trip to salvation army so as not to disappoint you
Rainheads: lots o corsets there, too
Gibbabe9: I could stock up
Gibbabe9: Never know when you might need a corset
Rainheads: they're excellent for your posture.
Gibbabe9: It would help my back
Rainheads: and girls would swoon over your figure
Gibbabe9: Yet, I feel like I should attempt a little foot binding if I am going to wear a corset
Rainheads: no, it's too late. you gotta start that much earlier.
Gibbabe9: Hmmm, I guess I'll take the wraps off then
Rainheads: corsets are for everyone- goths, fetishists, revolutionary war reinactors, rennesance faire lovers- everyone!
Gibbabe9: bulldykes....truck drivers....elementary school teachers...

i love my neighborhood

do you ever think, "ugh, i have to find my keys, haul open the garage door, get all my junk in the car, and i hate pulling out on broadway, then i have to find a parking spot... i think i'll just walk!"? cause that's how i feel about my bicycle. it's just so effing heavy. i ended up walking to the hardware store- found good rope for belts for my fishermen. also- a pink toilet seat!! i hate my squishy cracked one- i can't imagine what's living inside it. so i'll have to change that now that i've drug it home. i wrapped up a package for laura, then rode my bike to the post office.

laura says the germans were laughing at how i can't drive. but traffic's so bad on a bike- i can't imagine driving a car. laura was joking about "letting" me drive hers- i do hope it was just a joke, and she won't make me. anyway, after the post office i'm riding south on ashland. the street's wide open, and i really feel like i should cut over while i have the chance, because i can never remember where clark breaks off. butt i don't, i wait 2 more lights, then when i can see the trees of gesthseme ahead, i make my break and head over to the left lane. well, i'm about 2 blocks early. shit. then there's this big suv behind me honking like crazy. what the hell am i supposed to do now?? sure, i fucked up, but i'm pedaling as hard as i can to get out of it as fast as possible. i'm certainly not going to merge right 3 lanes just to merge right again a block later. the suv finally passes me, screaming out the window, "you're gonna get a ticket!!" ugh. FINALLY clark comes and i can move right again.

i go past the dance store 3 times before i find it. they have to order my pampoosies. damn. i hope they get here on time. walk to edgewater produce- god, i love it so much. i ride home on glenwood again. such charming people out on bikes, kids running around, sidewalk sales...and there i am, in my vintage halter dress, on my bicycle, going around the roundabout with my dreadlocks sticking out from under my helmet and my panier with its fresh vegetables sticking out from the top of it... it was a good feeling of belonging, i don't think i've felt it yet in my new neighborhood. i mean, it's not hyde park, but i could be content here for a long time.

art, too.

and i forgot to post them, but here are my vegetable pastels:
radishes for laura:

and a red pepper for meike:


i'm sorry i didn't post last night (when i had all sorts of time) blogger was down for maintenence. sigh. I always feel bad not posting thursday nights, but i just can't. i'm too tired. classes start at 9.30 thursday, and they don't end till 10. i don't get home till 11- and i have to leave the house for work friday morning at 8. there's just no time to blog. i wanted to though. esp. about the card i recieved from laura, a thank you card from the weekend she was here- it has chopsticks and 3 smiling sushi on the front, and it says, "you maki me happy!" she said, "isn't this perfect?" and i concured.

anyway, a delightful surprise was waiting by my mailbox again last night. york didn't loose my film, they just took 3 fucking weeks to mail it to me, and they did NOT post my pics online. so i went back out to walgreens and scaned them in. it's now 1.99 for the cd AND .39c per picture scanned. i say this sucks so badly. $6! for what should have happend a week ago for .99c!! grrrrr. so i spent all last night uploading the pics to york. but i couldn't post them cause blogger was down.

leave a comment, let me know if 16 more pics mean that this window takes too long to load. i can embed the pics in the appropriate entries, but that just takes so long. i dont have time now- my show loads out a week from yesterday- first dress is a week from tomorrow.

anyway, without further ado, my last roll of film:

the half finished knitting projects: (i'm on the toe of the sock now, and i've started the back of the sweater.. more pics when they're done.)

My fabulous new apartment.
here is me thinking hard, painting my renderings:

here is my selfportrait showing how much worse my new mirrored doors are than krab was in the old place:

and here is granville on a rainy night. it reminds me of a gangsta movie, but it's my home and i love it:

gabrielle and i on our last shopping trip on belmont (i'm wearing the self-concious outfit as you may remember):

and now for the gallery of laura.
"you maki me happy!"

laura and me and carrie, all post-makeover

hot chick on the train platform

poorly lit hug

my FAVORITE self portrait of us, on belmont. i love how you can see our reflection in the mirrors and the reflection of the stuff across the street in the window.

in the drag queen store, laura displays her long- haired look

leaving chicago can suck it (nice new hat, though!)

"hey mom, it's laura. i just wanted you to know, i made a DECISION, i DECIDED to stay in chicago and spend a few more hours with caitlin..."