knitty

So, most of you know- my newest project is a bikini. to wear to the beach! next week! i'm so excited! first, it's the beach! who doesn't love the beach! plus, i'll see krista and sarah (though not at the beach, but in the city!) and amy and z and the party in a box, plus the usual fun of my parents and my pop-pop. only better, because there will be OCEAN involved.

and a knew knitted kbikini. oh yeah.

but i realized last night, if i finish my bikini on the way too the beach and am wearing it on the beach, what will i KNIT on the beach? sweater of doom? rife with problems. another grocery bag? boring and too quickly completed. one of my two pairs of unfinished socks? too big. I want something i can wear myself.

i had more requests. i want a new project. something small like socks. only fun, like lace or faire isle. ooh, i haven't done two color knitting in a while. but it has to use up some of that yarn i got for xmas. maybe something with noro stripes like the scarf joe made? and then look what i found:
the ziggy socks.

Perfect. absolutely perfect. so excited about this i actually put my name in for a ravely invite. because i know all of you don't really care, but i want to be excited with someone who does. and save you from the agony of any other knitting posts.

things that make me go whee!

a good piping foot.


A.MAZ.ING.
i've got to take a picture of my lime velvet cushions at curtains r us when i'm done with them.

again, obsessed

i'm reminded again why i'm an obsessive about sleep. i really DO need my 9 hrs to function. it sucks, but i'm such a miserable person without enough sleep. and 8 hrs is not enough. i've been pushing the envelope on my before bed routine as of late, and ending up skipping yoga- and still being in bed way after i should. which makes me tired all day. which makes me lazy when i get home. which makes me procrastinate my tasks. till suddenly it's after 9 and i haven't started my routine yet. for insatance: tonight while i was waiting for my computer to fire up, i thought i'd try on my outfit for tomorrow- curtains r us is having an art exhibit in it's showroom tomorrow. as their sticher i really need to wear somoething homemade, but it's hard to find something in my closet that's not either frumpy or skanky. i finally decided on the (frumpy midlength) skirt i cut up into a corset and and micromini skirt. which is really just to small to do ANYTHING in, so i added a ruffle to the bottom, and now it's like, three inches longer. but i was going to stop sewing when my alarm went off at nine... which it didn't cause my phone's still on silent. see, this is the sort of thing that happens. and i turned on my computer in the FIRST Place, because i needed to blog, because it's been ages. but then i got distracted, and then it was past my bedtime, and well, here we are.

more to come. really. i do want to spend some time comparing and contrasting my two jobs and give you the dramatis personae of the new place.

multiblog

see, the problem is big things happen really fast, then i feel like i can't blog until i've caught up and i just get farther and farther behind. i had a job interview on saturday which i didn't really blog about because i go to lots of job interviews and only some of them pan out into jobs and many of those jobs aren't interesting enough or come and go fast enough to blog about. but this job was for a more permanent perpetual position at a coture drapery house- and they were really behind and wanted me to work that afternoon. so i put in my first day the same day i had my interview. whew! i worked there again today and i spent the day thinking about what pet name i should give it, since pesky mac always thinks up clever names for her coworkers and employers and i sorta like curtains-r-us, cause it sounds so cheap and chinzy and gramatically incorrect, and these are fancy drapes with handsewn weights in the ends and all. i mean, they can afford to hire me, they must charge a pretty penny.

the second entry was going to be about weather. cause i'm sick of winter in chicago. and you know, i LOVE winter. i live here cause it snows. cause it gives me a chance to wear sweaters. extremes are exciting. but it's been cold for a while now. i'm ready for a change. i like newness. and 50 degree weather was predicted for this week, but boy did it take a long time coming. and the weather on our POS system at the flowershop is wrong and has predicted 20s and freezing rain and stuff all week. but today it finally happened! ch wanted to go for a drink after work and so i said i'd meet him, and i walked the mile or so to meet him and i passed a thermometer clock which said 60!!!! i walked under the train tracks while a train rushed overhead and it was sunny and pearl was playing amy correia's life is beautiful and my soul was filled with joy. and then i went and bought shoes.

it was pretty nostalgic actually, cause when i first started working for ch, the first concert he took me to was kristin hersh at schubas, and when i got to belmont early to meet them i went to something old something new to kill time and i ended up buying doc marten fisherman sandals supercheap. i don't think i've been in since then, but they still have their killer designer shoe specials.

i got steve maddens sorta like this, only without the strap:
"img src="http://www.6pm.com/images/727/7276496/4974-325460-d.jpg">
and i got doc martens, too:

no, i did not need two pairs of shoes. but the kids shoes there are DIRT cheap. $10.88 for both pairs! that's like, $2.50 per shoe!

so those are the 4 blog entries you get before the one i want to post, which is telling you how after a few drinks ch really hurt my feelings. i was talking about how exciting my new job is, cause i love meeting new people since everyone in chicago keeps moving away. and he said that it was sorta my choice, and i said, like i should make friends with less transient people?, and he said no, like people leaving me is just this PERCEPTION of myself i have, and i think the idea of being left is this romantic notion.

it was really a shock, like a punch to the stomach, and i didn't know what to do. i trust him and his opinions, and no one can make a valid self-assesment, only those on the outside can see one's life as it truely is. but i hate to think i'm that sort of person, wailing away on the moors of chicago about how lonely i am because all my friends keep leaving me. i like to think i state it more as facts: i have transient friends, it's good to have friends all over the world, but i need to not hole up and feel sorry for myself but keep making new friends so i know people who live in the same city as me. but maybe that's just a bronte novel with a nancy-katzen-raised cloyingly optimistic spin on it. and it's all just self-fullfilling. people don't want to be friends with whiny people who just feel sorry for themselves. so if i am that person, i'm not going to make friends, and if i am that person and don't think i am, i'm not going to be able to figure out why.

at the time, i just stammered well, i guess its just perception, and ate my food and sat in silence until he brought up a new topic. why did i make that choice? i guess it was the surprise, surprise that he could say something that would hurt so badly. now i have such 'esprit de l'escalier i have to blog about it, which only makes it worse. why couldn't i have argued with him then, described my hurt, made him explain his perspective until if i didn't agree with it i understood it? instead i just retreated and avoided, and now i'm lashing out by blogging about it. and then he'll read it, because he only reads my blog when i write about him, and then it will be the whole issue of me writing mean things about my friends on the internet again, because this is a CONSTANT problem with me, it seems, and hmmm, perhaps this is a cause of the whole friend problem to begin with??!?!

it's that instant fight-or-flight reaction. i remember in the moment when he was talking about it, i wanted to protect myself, i wanted it to be over. anything i said wasn't with the intention of understanding him or reasoning, it was trying to make it be over as soon as possible. yet it lingers, which is why i feel compelled to blog about it, knowing it isn't the right thing to do- because i can't get it off my mind or cheer myself up again.

ok, i'm exaggerating. i feel a lot more cheered writing about it. i feel even more cheered after linking the wikipedia entry for l'esprit de l'escalier -which i googled because blogger doesn't spell check on macs, because i never know how to spell things in french- and i found out it's a german expression too! Treppenwitz! isn't that so much better? and easier to spell! sadly, what i felt wasn't even treppenwitz. you need some "Witz" for it to count. i feel more like i want another try in general, rather than i have something clever to say now.

in another life...

so since the bags have temporarily dried up, i am temporarily on the job search again. it's tough since it's just before valentine's day- any traditional job that i get i probably won't even start for at least a week or two, and by then we're well into february. however, i need some cold hard cash to pay the charge card bills from xmas. there was one i am SO excited about, which i should be careful of because i NEVER get the ones i'm SO excited about (or they turn out to be nightmares- or the so-so ones turn out being perfect and delightful. you just can't tell). it's to be a sewing teacher in a bustling DIY shop. doesn't that sound perfect? especially when you know how i've always wanted to teach knitting classes?

but anyway, that's not what i meant to be blogging about. that's just the introduction to explain how whenever i'm on craigslist i hit up the philly section just for kicks, and here's what i would be doing now if i lived there:

Full time designer for flower shop /Full time manager
Excellent position for floral designer in busy CC flower shop with great potential for growth. Must be fully experienced in all aspects of floral design. Full time and part time.
* Location: Center city/Phila., Pa
* Compensation: To be determined

Sewing help needed occasionally
I'm a senior citizen that would like to get back to sewing again on my portable pfaff. If you enjoy sewing and are familiar with pfaff I would love for you to show me again as I would like to make some neat simple stuff for myself with the best fabric. I could give you a minimum of 3 hours at a time as often as you would like, if you live nearby. I am not far from Villanova College, but closer to gladwyne and over the bridge from from Conshohocken. You can make stuff tooif you want. e-mail me about your background then call me on my cell. Thank you.

doesn't she sound just adorable?

extended memory

i read an awesome article about terese agnew in the utne reader, and i want to type about her somewhere so i don't forget.


this is her most famous work. she's an art quilter, with a political bent. yes, that's a quilt. made out of millions of little tags that were sewn in sweatshops. amazing, huh?

resigned

so, i quit my job.

not the flower shop, or the bag lady. the other one, the graduation parade one. christopher was my buffer last year between me and management, and with him run away and joined the circus, i was just at loose ends and didn't know what to do or how to relate to anyone. the manager is a really odd personality, and she gives the shop a vibe that it's hard to work in. and the boss and i have a really hard time communicating. we were fine last year when we had christopher translating each other's messages back and forth, but we can't seem to do it well in real life.

she told me about 2 weeks ago christopher wasn't coming back. it really upset me. so i sent him a text, and it probably wasn't a very nice text, because i've been blaming everything on him, not so much as it's his fault as it's easier to be angry at someone else than at yourself, and he's not around to defend himself. he called me after the text, unwilling to take any shit from me. it's not my problem, he said. i'm with the circus now. i'm not there. deal with your own problems. if it's that bad, quit.

so i did.

i wrote my resignation letter last weekend, and had my mom proofread it, then i sent it yesterday. christopher ended up having december off, so he'll actually be in the shop in december, but i won't. boss said that it's the end of a payroll period so there's no reason for me to come back. i feel like such a looser, even though i quit instead of being fired. like if i was a better or stronger person, i would have been able to keep it. or i'm being cocky- who am i to demand wonderful jobs that i love with fabulous bosses who take me out drinking or invite me to camp on their summer home's lawn?

and i feel a little sucky from her response. it's such a perfect example of how we communicate. i mean, i don't know how my words are recieved. i imagine she thinks i'm prickly, easily offended, and slightly autistic. but i have no idea. as for how i hear her, well it seems like everything she says is so nice, but i hear it all as back handed compliments, or thinly veiled put downs. i mean, i could tell you what she said in her letter, but when i repeat it it sounds snide, and the letter wasn't at all. lets see, like she just said, "I think now would be a good time to end your tenure at the shop, instead of working the rest of the semester- although I thank you for that offer! It is the end of a pay period coming up, so it will be easiest to
transition...So, thank-you, and if you have left any personal belongings at the shop
please pick them up soon so they don't get lost in the vortex of the move..." which sounds to me like being kicked out immediately

eh. this isn't even making sense. i can't even explain what i mean. cause, these all are perfectly reasonable. sure, i imagined finishing out the semester, it's only about three more weeks, i didn't know i wouldn't be back at the shop again... but give me a break, I"M the one who quit! what am i expecting? it's what i wanted. and though i worry about paying for xmas when i've just quit a job, i am also feeling positively GIDDY about having tuesday off. a whole day! in the middle of the week! imagine!

i'm going to use it for all the other sewing i'm behind on. won't have a lot of time to sew over thanksgiving.

oh, and have i mentioned i'm spending thanksgiving in IOWA with d's family? yeah, i know.

mom's gone

but i'm still overwhelmed by sewing. ufta! i don't know how it got so piled up. well, i do- i didn't do a single bag when mom was here. then i only did three of the five i had, then brigid brought 9 more over and so now i have 11 bags to do. and charles's pants. and aharona's jacket. and deb's vest. and the cherry print sundress i've been coveting.

somehow i think that one's going to be pushed back till a more appropriate time to wear it.

in other interesting news, i got this from sarah and look at how well i scored:

Cash Advance Loans

which reminds me of my new vocabulary obsession which is using legion as (i think) an adjectives.

i.e. brigid has brought over more bags, and they are legion. i will not be going out this weekend.

this post brought to you by the letter "S"

i must sew sew sew this week... but not right now, first there are flowers to do! tomorrow is boss's day! yes, that's three "s"s is right in a row! and there's two more! wow! teleflora is going with the plural, but we like the posessive better, and it's what's on the balloons.

premakes all day today, but the big rush is tomorrow- boss's day is not a(n) holiday you preorder for. blah. d drove me to vogue to pick up foam for the cushion, only to find they have to special order 5". so we'll have to go back on thursday. wah-wah.

feeling good about the week. lots of work, but it will keep me out of trouble. and i'll get paid. if i come right home from work, and spend an hour cooking and eating, and an hour managing my house, and an hour sewing, why, that still gives me over an hour to waste online. doesn't that sound like a nice plan?

so, to recap today's fun with english:
-boss's day has three "s"s right in a row.
-a holiday or an holiday? i think with the h, it's "you decide"
-d and i also did the crossword together after after vogue and she discovered another one of those triple-double-letter combos i like so much: sweettooth. however, it, like balloonnut, is actually two words, whereas bookkeeping is the real thing. what about a bookkeepperson? that's a quadruple double! wow!

DONE!

the curtains are finished!!!!!!

unfortunately i still don't have time to blog. while working on curtains FOUR other jobs called me- slipcover guy, bowling ball bag lady, cushion lady and laundry bag guy.

it's gonna be a busy week.

and it's i pity, cause i wanted to talk about celebrating october holidays, like banned books week (i checked out vonegut's slapstick, and jr and i read and tango makes three) and coming out day. (i read stories from chicago's SAGE elders and made plans to play euchere with them if my life ever calms down)

let me know what you all are up to, as i'm chained to the sewing machine!

thanks, y'all

it's so very encouraging. a- i think this is a time in your life where you don't have to apologize for that sort of thing. and thanks for the shirt! it's awesome. liz- i feel a little better. but i'm sure you get lots of practice saying this, just not so much in english. d- thanks as always. i know you're going to be a big help keeping me fed.

still no fabric. hopefully it will be here tomorrow! i want to stop worrying and start working. i've been better. imagining it in yards nstead of feet. three yards by seven and a half, that's not so bad. thinking of the worst case senario- i can't do it, or i can't do it all on time, they get furious at me, throw things, and don't pay me, and make sure i never work in chicago theaters again.
tbat's not so bad. i don't know if iever want to work with a theater company again.

nice slipcover man called today. has a little work for me over the weekend. had to tell him no. sucks. much rather be doin that. sometimes poor's the better choice.

curtain nightmare

oh goddess i fucked up big time. i need to get more sleep cause i make stupid decisions when i don't sleep- and oh, have i fucked up. i got a perfectly reasonable job offer for running a show last week. why, oh why, did i not take THAT job? steady income. hours that work with my schedule. i said i'd make curtains for this theater company. i've made curtains for shows before. it takes a week or two before we actually talk about it. she asks first if i can sew through this fabric i've never heard of, and i say probably. it sounds heavy, but i do the bags, right? and then she says there's a few more curtains, and they have $400 for me. THIS should have been my sign. i can't possibly do any job that's worth that much. but i was being greedy, and said, sure, i'm sure that will be enough. she says the fabric will be in on tuesday, i'll have two weeks to do them, they'll need them by the 16th at the latest, and she'll email me specifications.

the main curtains are nine feet long by 22 feet wide.

there are 6 of them.

they need box pleats at the top.

the curtains aren't for some dinky set. they're for the fuckign THEATER.

PLUS, from tuesday to the 16th is ONE week, not two. and friday there's an event at the flowershop, and tuesday is bosses day- i'm gonna need to work monday and tuesday. what the hell am i supposed to do now?

fiber

well, it all started with finishing my sweater. pictures to follow, really. and i finished gabrielle's scarf, too. so now all i have unfinished are random socks- the socks of doom, the current socks i hate, and various baby booties i didn't QUITE have enough yarn for. so i need another project i love. and i have new yarn from krista and sarah's destashing:photo

so i need a pattern! i went to loopy yarn's birthday celebration to find something... but was so overwhelmed by the prices and the colors and the HORDES of wet knitters trying to take off their shirts for franklin that i didn't know what to buy. i almost bought the cat toy kit, but they are felted and felting and me do not mix in general, and esp. not when one must go to the laundrymat. so i bought... roving. lovely blue and green handpainted roving, and i got out my spindle and spun for the first time since moving to chicago. it is soothing but takes ALOT of concentration! and it's a joy to spin, i'm shocked how rarely my thread breaks and the spindle clatters to the ground and rolls under the bed for the cat to chase. i'm also putting more twist in it than... a chitown squares member dancing girl. that helps. so now i have a REALLY LONG TIME to decide what i will knit out of it. cause i only have 50g. which got me thinking and i dug in the back of my stash and found the gorgeous denim mohair my mom bought for me christmas of, oh, 1998. i spun it into a thickish oneply and planned on knitting it into a tam which is so 1987. so now i have more yarn i desperately want to knit but only have 50g of. i think i need to knit a swatch to just know what it will look like.
but i'm still obsessed with the pink stuff. cause when i see cotton, i think string bag, but this is much too soft for that. or socks, but it's too thick. or cute sweater, but there's not enough. or washcloths, but it's way too nice. so i searched by gauge instead of catagory and found this:

which is PERFECT. if only i had two more balls. i could stripe it with the green leftover from my hoodie, but it's too zany a combo. i'm going to see if i can find something more subtle, and do every other row or some such nonsense.

what do y'all think? i think i'll just spin for a bit.

bags

oh so many. finished 2 laundry bags tonight, have 5 bowling ball bags to do by wednesday at the latest. but my dad comes tuesday night, so really it's gotta be before that. crazy crazy. i just want a weekend. if i get the bags measured tomorrow morning i'm going over to ch's afterwards. he's going to shave my hair into a mohawk for me, and then we're gonna go here over the rhine at pizza fest.

i know you don't want to hear about this, you want dish on the girlfriend situation. but i have no idea what i want or if i'm getting it, and the relationship is very confusing, and i have nothing new to say, so i'm sorry but i can't give you what you want to hear. i hope y'all read anyway.

inspiration

so was going to waste more time on the internet, but read an article about khipu in my wired magazine (facinating, just facinating) and now i'm going to macrame a little cage for my pothos to hang in my bathtub, instead.

it's happening

have you seen the manifest pictures? they're wonderful. i was so pleased to be up on stilts, and while there was still some bad moments of balance, in general it was a delightful experience. hugo and ch and d were all there, looking up at me with their cameras, and i felt so surounded by the love of my peoples. even christopher had to look up to me. it reminded me so much of the parade at the michigan womyn's music festival, when i was on stilts and my friends could be picked out of the crowds with their cameras pointed up at me.

saturday was work at the flowershop, 200 single red roses to wrap up, while ch had 40 centerpieces to make. happy mother's day. it was going really slowly, but then d showed up and she really turned ch and i into a factory and we made great progress until she had to go to her square dance class. while i worked on bags (i have NINE right now! so overwhelming!) she made dinner- i had my arugula to use. and i am not a big fan of arugula. what to do with it? ch suggested pizza, and that's what d made. it was so delicious! i may need to go eat leftovers right now, from thinking about it. i should finish this entry first.
after dinner d and i couldn't focus on bags, so we watched an movie. i made lots of progress on sunday. sunday morning d and i went to the chicago diner for mother's day brunch. even if her son was with his dad, i thought someone should take her for mother's day brunch. so we filled up on vegan delights, then she had to pick up jr and i started working on bags.

we entertained jr with alf dvds- it was pretty funny. was greatful to my dad for burning them for me. d made meatless loaf and sunchokes, and defrosted corn from the farm. she used morningstar farm crumbles, and it was excellent meatless loaf- all the good things of the real stuff and none of the bad things. i was very greatful. i called the costume designer for the movie, and she came over at 2 today. so i had the morning to sleep in. YEAH! it's been awhile, it feels like. she brought barrels and bags of wing fabric, so i have lots of wings to create in the next day or two. i should get my podcasts caught up on, listening to npr and handsewing sequins on to wings. i also need to make a supply list and re-read the script. i better get busy!

tired but magical

yesterday was oh so very very long. worked all day, went to the spectacle space to get my bags cut and sewn- well, broke FOUR needles on the industrial with that damn fabric. there's no way. i'm never sewing with it again. ever. sorry bag lady. so i didn't get it all done. all cut out, and 2 sewn, but there's still 2 more to do. raced home, and the laundrimat had already called last wash by the time i got there, but i snuck in. d ended up coming to the laundrimat - her ex picked up jr a day early. so i was gonna have her help me glue bags, but i only had 2 done, and i was just too tired. so we just came home and went to bed.

work today, then the messiah. i wasn't as enthusiastic as i am some years- i feel like it slipped over my head without being a major spiritual experience. which is fine, i had fun, i just usually have more passion. it always makes me so very happy i live in chicago.

but now i am home, and i am so so tired. my list for tomorrow is so so long. a isn't comign home for christmas- she's snowed in in colorado. it's so sad. i guess i'll see j late late on sat night- hopefully i'll catch more of her when i'm driving through on the 2nd. kira, i hope you're still on! are you doing anything the 29th? i think that's the day d and i will be spending in philly. perhaps you'd be interested in houseguests the 28th? and d and i want to do toristy things like see the liberty bell and go to the franklin institute. i should probably email you this instead, but i'm too tired to open another window.

it's just silly at this point. off to bed.

christmas and knitting, horrah!

all i did today was workworkwork. but we did get a new industrial at the spectacle space! it was so exciting! it sews so fast and strong and ah, i'm just in love, in love! i've been knitting jr a pair of mittens on the train today, thick and quick yarn (please don't look down on me for knitting with lion brands. they're the nicest cheap yarn there is, and i can't afford to buy good yarn for even myself) so i completed the first mitten in like, 2 hrs. i was working on the thumb by the time i came home. however, it's all kinds of annoying because the hand is 16 sts around, the thumb 6. as if that isn't annoying enough, i was too impatient to go to loopy to buy more size 13 dpns, so i'm knitting them on 2 dpns and a circular needle. it's crazyness, but it gets the job done.

and it's SO nice to blog about a project that i'm working on! it's so hard, to be so excited about all these crafts and not being able to tell anyone about them. for once i'm GLAD jr can't read.

chores

lets see- did i post sunday? i got chores done sunday, a few moments of blissful feeling caught up before more bags desended. i got the cds burned and sleeved- all i have to do is package them up and mail them and you will finally, finally have them! but i also cleaned the house, watered the plants- you should SEE my christmas cactus! i need to take photos. it is blooming and beautiful. i also cleaned up my garden. brought in and re-potted the mint and chamomile, cleaned up and brought in the geranium, threw away everything else except for a creeping vine that is still hardy. i left one box of dirt and planted my lupine seeds- we'll see if they bloom come spring. i still have half a box left i'd love to get bulbs for- but i fear it may be too late.

in the evening, the bag lady came over in a rush, picking up the 4 i had and giving me NINE more! she's in the one of a kind show at the merchandice mart- BIG DEAL. so she wants these ones done in a week. i need to start working on them NOW!

but i'll catch up you blog readers first. d picked me up after the bag lady came and went, and she is looking SEXY! she got a new hair cut in iowa and it's lovely. not that i've taken pictures. will do my best to get some to you! we went to her place where i met her sister, who's in town for the week, and we all made little pizzas for dinner.

then today it was back to the normal grind- work, square dancing. we had a guest from portland, which makes me interested in dancing with the independance squares of philly some day. anyway. off to bag a-measuring.

needles and boots

just spent the last hour and a half shopping for boots online. sigh. mom gave me money for a new pair of docs since my last pair have cracked holes. i wanted these:
in cherry, but they don't seem to be available in the us, and i couldn't justify paying 31 pounds shipping. so mom and i both were searching, and we finally decided on these from overstocks dot com:
in bark. because they were so cheap, i also got a pair of rouge mary jane oxfords.


WOW! and as i was just steallng the pic from amazon to post here, i saw amazon's charging $106 for them! i got a steal!

anyway, my reasons for not posting yesterday: i was planning on sewing all day, and maybe getting to go to michelle's party if i finished on time. but then ch called me and said, "let's go see volver this afternoon!" and how was i going to say no to that? it was totally worth it. although not the best almodovar i've ever seen, still totally fun and enjoyable. and they all talk about how big penelope cruz's boobs are- what's not to like? so i came home and started furiously sewing, discovering that there was no way i was going to get done at a reasonable hour to go to the party. then, sewing through 4 layers of the world's thickest upholstery fabric, my needle snapped. and i'm out. and handcock's closed. so i got all dressed up and went over to michelle's to borrow sewing machine needles! i called the bag lady and let her know they wouldn't be done on time, then had a good time.

today i took them to the spectacle space to work on them there. i only have one more to sew together, then glue them all in, and i'm done with this batch. don't know why they were so arduous this time. it's usually not this bad. but i'm totally stressed out about them- my throat's all closed up, like when i'm working on a show. i don't know what i'm so stressed out about! and of course, am i doing anything useful with my time? no, i'm buying shoes online.