from the pa kitchen

merry christmas, all! had a lovely holiday. a is coming! she flew in last night. haven't talked to her yet about plans. i'm not very good at keeping the cell phone attached at the hip with the family all around. all went as planned. we traveled quite quickly across indiana, ohio, pa, and we successfully kept our hands off each other and away from pet names on the farm. we had christmas with dad's family, christmas with mom's family, church at peace, cooked indian food.

off th the grocery store now- more later!


the last pre-christmas entry

d's here and we're all packed up! we're gonna get frisky, go to sleep, and wake up early tomorrow to start driving! happy holidays to all, welcome back sun from the solstice, and keep in contact as i road trip! the cell's always on!


tired but magical

yesterday was oh so very very long. worked all day, went to the spectacle space to get my bags cut and sewn- well, broke FOUR needles on the industrial with that damn fabric. there's no way. i'm never sewing with it again. ever. sorry bag lady. so i didn't get it all done. all cut out, and 2 sewn, but there's still 2 more to do. raced home, and the laundrimat had already called last wash by the time i got there, but i snuck in. d ended up coming to the laundrimat - her ex picked up jr a day early. so i was gonna have her help me glue bags, but i only had 2 done, and i was just too tired. so we just came home and went to bed.

work today, then the messiah. i wasn't as enthusiastic as i am some years- i feel like it slipped over my head without being a major spiritual experience. which is fine, i had fun, i just usually have more passion. it always makes me so very happy i live in chicago.

but now i am home, and i am so so tired. my list for tomorrow is so so long. a isn't comign home for christmas- she's snowed in in colorado. it's so sad. i guess i'll see j late late on sat night- hopefully i'll catch more of her when i'm driving through on the 2nd. kira, i hope you're still on! are you doing anything the 29th? i think that's the day d and i will be spending in philly. perhaps you'd be interested in houseguests the 28th? and d and i want to do toristy things like see the liberty bell and go to the franklin institute. i should probably email you this instead, but i'm too tired to open another window.

it's just silly at this point. off to bed.



goodbye, sideburns. i know you'll grow back eventually. ch's haircut is SHORT! it's nice though. i trimmed up his as well. now i have to go and wash all the little hairs off me before bed, though. d says she'll like it as long as she can still run her fingers through it. it was crazy this afternoon with mom calling, d calling, z calling and g'ma calling. she wanted to finalize plans for this weekend. eep! i can't believe it's here already! yes, j, we're coming through on the 23rd. we'll be at g'mas in time for dinner, and we have to teach d how to play 500 that night. and we're probably leaving before church the next morning- sorry g'ma, we're missing the birthday party for jesus.

can't wait to see you all! though i wish there were more of you i'll be seeing. come to pa, one and all! esp. if you have rocking new years eve plans.

i appologize for using though four times and through twice in those 150 words or whatever. i'll try and use my thesaurus more in the future and lighten up on the ghs.

still busy

was so exhausted after square dancing last night. during, actually. made so many stupid mistakes. then the cat kept waking me up today. but i did get the bags glued in and went to the grocery store. and tidied up the place a bit. and made dinner. ch is coming over soon. he'll give me my pre-pa haircut.

i do occasionally have interesting things to say, but no time to post when they're in my head. i promise to stop giving the daily record of activities. no one cares, no one comments, no one reads. i get it. i know i would have readers if i was funny, suscinct, and or more faithful. but compared to other blogs, i feel like i'm doing an ok job keeping this one just barely breathing on it's life support.


will catch up on the weekend soon

... i promise! but not tonight. had a fun christmas with jr, did more christmasy things and worked on bags sat, then today was the christmas square dance and tom's holiday party. then i spent 2 hrs talking to a on the phone (that happens when you're talking about sex) and then i spent a considerably large portion of time typing text messages into my computer cause i've filled up my phone's memory. so i'm feeling sad and wistful.

meanwhile i should send out my first announcement. leah called me today and said she's working new years and there are four other people staying at their place, including laura. so that's out for deb and i. there have been other offers, none particularly charming. so anyone have good new years plans they wanna invite me to? preferably in philly? we may end up going to my step cousin (would that be who my mom's step-nephew is?)'s penthouse in old town. leah did invite us to philly for a dinner party on the 29th, so i think we're going to that. it's not so much that i want deb and laura to meet as i refuse to avoid laura if it means i don't get to see the phillly dykes.

luckily with all the planning z's been doing, nothing-so far- has been a major conflict. d and i will be just hopping from place to place making sure to get everything in, but we won't have to choose one bit of family over another.


schönes weihnachten!

work was long again today. hotglued 48 snowflakes (covered in grape glitter, btw) to plastic picks, among other things. was so surprised when i remembered the christkindlmarket- when am i going to fit that in this year? and ch said, what are you doing after work today? so i went with ch and hugo after work and it was marvelous. a warm night, and hugo hadn't been there before and found it magical. i kept waxing nostalgic and was a walking dictionary of random german factoids. we drank our glüwein out of our commemorative mugs and ate our potato pancakes and took photos of silly ornaments.

after that we were on another SLOW SLOW train, but i went to women and children's first bookstore to do some serious holiday shopping. did end up buying 2 things for me (hey, i NEED a new planner) but was able to find the gift i need for tomorrow and ordered the other one i want for philadelphia. made a lot of phone calls- the only person i could get through to was my dad. my goodness, where is everyone? then i went to devon market for some stocking stuffers and when i came home... MY BOX FROM HEARTHSONG ARRIVED! jr and d are coming over tomorrow night for christmas. jr still believes in santa, so i'm so glad that there will be gift options and stuff for stockings. i'd have been so sad if it had been late.

so if you'll excuse me, i have some wrapping to do!


bags rings work etc

tuesday i got the bags done and off to the bag lady, thanks to d's help. i called the fashion designer and demanded patternmaking money. we'll see the check she sends me. i will be happy if it's $100 at this point, but i'm sure she won't pay me that much. ugh, whatever. d picked me up after the bag lady came by and we went to jr's christmas program, which was very very lo-fi, and boring, but still cute. it was all hard, doing these public things with d when i'm feeling so hot for her these days. so we went home and made dinner and played with jr. my fave line of the evening was in the kitchen when i made some joke about our plans for the evening, and d weighed her 2 options in her hands. "hmmm- chutes and ladders or my hot girlfriend in my bedroom-chutes and ladders or my hot girlfriend in the bedroom. i'm thinking- this is a tough decision...." and actually she ended up getting both. our three month anniversary is friday, and on the bed she'd left a card for me and the cutest little box ever... and inside was a ring. goddess, i hate that clenched up feeling inside about handling the giver's feelings first and making sure they know i appriciate what they're trying to do and dealing with my own panic later. we talked about it though. i actually said, "this ring signifies no sort of commitment, you just got it for me because i wear rings a lot and you could have gotten me a necklace and it's just a pice of jewelry, you would have gotten me a braclet but i don't wear them, right?" she said she knew i'd freak out and it wasn't like it was a diamond or something. so then we got into the whole no diamonds for me EVER, and she didn't even know about diamond mines or fair trade diamonds... my goddess. but i do like the ring- it's silver with six inset triangle gems the colors of the pride flag. (she said she couldn't decide between that one and one with 2 women's symbols... it was hard for even me to give advice, because politically it's more important for me to be a feminist than queer- but visually, i'll always vote color. as my grandma says, i like rainbows.)

today was another long day at teh flowershop. it's been so crazy there- happy holidays. i have so much daily paperwork to do that just hasn't been getting done because we've been spending so much time doing partys and balloons and pointsettias and stuff. goddess. but mom and z's gifts both arrived via ups yesterday, so i had those to bring home. then i headed to the spectacle space, where christopher and i made curtains and i worked on my my dad's gift. that thick&quick stuff- they're not kidding! it was done in, like, 2 hrs. i still have to do the accessories, but that would give me about an inch and a half of my sock knitting. it's like a completely different craft or something.

d texted me and offered me a ride home, so i saw her today, too. she still hasn't taken her rental car back, and there are other things that are still falling apart in her life that make me worried. i've been trying to live by ch's motto of judging people by their actions not their words, and so far d has said things both about who she is and who she hopes to be or wishes she was.... so it's just going to take patience to see how it all shakes out. and meanwhile, i need to just rest on what a good time we're having.


wonder girlfriend

comment and let me know if you prefer the three shorter posts or one long one. so after d and jr and i saw happy feet and had our photoshoot, we came home and made gypsy soup. i was stressing about all i had to do- the weekend goes so fast, and jr's school christmas program is tuesday, so i won't get as much done then as i want to. and d not only made the soup while i ran errands and took out the trash, she also did the dishes. i knew i was gonna procrastinate the rest of the night, but she told me to put on a movie for jr, and she'd help me with the bags. so that's what we did. i got them all measured and she cut them all out, and three of them are sewed together, and it was just magical. usually the more time i spend with my girlfriend the more stressed i get about my real life, and this was a case in which i was actually LESS stressed after spending the evening with her. we probably could have glued them in too, but i was just too hot for her, and we ended up getting frisky after jr was asleep instead.

after work today, they came by to pick up her pants i'd altered, and brought by another indian thali for me, and some accent flowers dyed red and green, and bagles, and they gave me a ride to square dancing. it was pretty darn sweet. so don't say i only write when i've got a gripe about her, cause i'm currently feeling pretty horny for the girlfriend.

happy feet

we also went to see happy feet, which, shut up, i really enjoyed. i totally related to what i found as a gay parallel- while not as overt as say, xmen 2, was definately there. mumble is shunned by penguin society because of his differentness- his disinterest and untalent in the essential love act in the emperor penguin world. while his peers are by turns baffled, mocking, and accepting, the elders of the community think that different is bad and he needs to be exiled. that it is this sin that is bringing the hard times to the land. hello, fred phelps? i guess the underdog and the different one can always be seen through rainbow-colored lenses, but i thought the whole religious aspect (plus of course his differentness tied to a mating ritual) was what made it more so than your average tale of a kid who doesn't belong. or i could just be reading into it.

the other thing i really enjoyed was introduction of live action people at the end, though reviewers hated it. i thought it totally made sense logically, and i thought the forshaddowing lead us right there. it showed that these are real creatures and had a good environmental message- cause it's so easy to imagine antartica and cutsie penguins as characters soley in a cgi world, not realizing that it's a real live place here in our very world. i llked the shift, so there.

there were some things i hated, of course. your basic cartoon standbys: mysogyny and the hegemony of american (AND HUMAN!) beauty standards. why do the women characters only sing and go fishing? why are there no women on the adventure? this does not reflect penguin culture- women go off to get fish while the men sit on the eggs, for goddesssake! there were 2 main women characters and about 10 main male characters. was it necessary for all those roles to be played by men? i don't think so. and i was FURIOUS about something ch first pointed out in the ad- the women penguin's yellow coloring is a triangle lower than the coloring on the male's necks- and the animators used it to emphasize the appearance of breasts. there were all these curvy women penguins! it was pretty disgusting- why can't even PENGUINS be short and squat? that's REALLY how the goddess created them. there wasn't anything else physically antromorphised. it was really bad- even d mentioned it afterwards.

and my final question- why didn't this movie come out in time for me to write a paper on it in culture, race and media class? cause i think i've said more in this blog entry than everything i could dredge up about a bug's life, which was the cartoon i actually wrote the paper on.

pictures and picture talk

so let's see. we ended up getting to the party later than imagined because when i opened my stockings 2 long ribbons fell out- they didn't come pre-laced! so i had to lace them all up before i could go out. it was very-time consuming. it was fine- we didn't really mingle much, there were hairless muscular tattooed strippers wandering around, the catered munchies were good, there was porn on the coffee table, etc. here are my new shoes:
someday i'll have a better picture. talking about new shoes, i inspired a. here are her new shoes:

anyway, i just realized i never posted the photos of d, jr and i in front of the decorated christmas tree. so here they are:

there are other pictures from my last roll, the snow in the garden, jr and the kitty, and closeups of bits of d, mostly. if you really wanna see them, they're on the flickr page. we took a whole roll at the playground yesterday, but they turned out quite disapointing. i bought film with an 800 asa in hopes that i could take more inside photos, but then i took it to the park in the sunlight with reflective snow, and the colors totally suck- it's all greyed out. i just don't go through enough film to use a whole roll one place though- i wish i could change film speeds each picture. i guess in the winter i should keep 800 in the camera, but have a roll of 400 or 200 around for those snowfilled sunny photoshoots. i did get some cute ones, though, so i'll have to scan them in. soon, i swear.


2 thalis, 3 meals

so when i was at work on THURSDAY, d called and asked me if she could take me out to dinner? what girl says no? esp when i decided i'd rather hang with her then than on friday. SO, she picked me up after work, and then we got take out from my fave indian vegetarian fast food place. we brought it back to my place to eat, pet the cat, and i packed up a bag to take it to her place. i took a book to read to jr, and cards to play, thinking i'd just enertain him while d took the babysitter home. well, when we got there, jr was asleep, the tv was blasting, the babysitter was talking on her cell phone, and the place was just torn apart. i guess jr's hamster esacaped and they were looking for it. it was so overwhelming. i thought they would never be ready to go. but finally d turned off that fucking tv and they left. i plugged in my ipod, put on the cleaning mix, and started picking up. i was getting frustrated, cause i can understand that d's ex left the place a mess and she hasn't had the gumption to clean it,but i'm afraid of the lack of maintainence- piles of jr's schoolpapers everywhere, new trash not being thrown away, all the clothes i folded 2 weeks ago still sitting on piles in the middle of the loveseat. so i was out to prove it doesn't take that much energy to go to bed in a clean house, and d was all embarrassed when she came back, so it was kind of a bad situation. but we talked about it, so we'll see what happens.

work at the spectacle space was fun the next day- industrial machine, wOOt! the meeting went well, i got along better with the boss, so that's good. and i got to leave early since i got in so early. and it was a good thing i did, because as soon as i got home, the doorbell rang- UPS! with three boxes! i was a litle upset they didn't reroute the one like they were supposed to, but i was really just glad to have it. and i think that's it for things coming to my house ups. everything else is going to the flowershop where someone can sign for it. hor-ray for online shopping. i'm such a fan. then i proceeded to waste the rest of the evening. it's just too cold in my house to do much of anything. burrr. i wanted to get the bags cut out, but instead i just talked on the phone with d for 2 hrs.

today i got right up so i could go to the one of a kind show with ch at the merchandice mart. it's HUGE! and we wandered and wandered for HOURS and wouldn't you know, the bag lady was the LAST vendor we saw. her bags look totally nice all displayed on the velvet. i hope she makes some money, cause i do like working for her, and they are so fun. after that we went to tj maxx to find some vases to arrange in for our party tonight. then we went to payless and bought shoes. mine are totally sexy to go with my new tights, can't find their picture on the website though. and you know, buy one get the second half off... so then we went to the flowershop, arranged in the vases, and took the TRAIN FROM HELL to try and get home. now, an hour and a half later i am finally typing on the computer, but i just want to curl up in my cold little bed, not get dressed up all slinky to go to this party. thank goddess i have a warm cat.


christmas and knitting, horrah!

all i did today was workworkwork. but we did get a new industrial at the spectacle space! it was so exciting! it sews so fast and strong and ah, i'm just in love, in love! i've been knitting jr a pair of mittens on the train today, thick and quick yarn (please don't look down on me for knitting with lion brands. they're the nicest cheap yarn there is, and i can't afford to buy good yarn for even myself) so i completed the first mitten in like, 2 hrs. i was working on the thumb by the time i came home. however, it's all kinds of annoying because the hand is 16 sts around, the thumb 6. as if that isn't annoying enough, i was too impatient to go to loopy to buy more size 13 dpns, so i'm knitting them on 2 dpns and a circular needle. it's crazyness, but it gets the job done.

and it's SO nice to blog about a project that i'm working on! it's so hard, to be so excited about all these crafts and not being able to tell anyone about them. for once i'm GLAD jr can't read.


crafty beaver

it was such a nice day today. i had such a good time crafting and basking in the glow of the christmas tree. the only thing that makes me sad is that too many of you read my blog to have me say what i'm making! jr and deb came over this evening, after dark. it's a good thing, too, because i discovered that i had no film in my camera! all those beautiful ice pictures! all the first snowfall pictures! all of those lovely depth-of-field photos of my exhorbanantly blooming christmas cactus! gone! they never existed in the first place! it makes me rather sad.

but still, we had a fun time threading popcorn and cranberries, watching muppets christmas carol, decorating the tree, making dinner, playing crazy eights. took a few cell phone photos, but there's a communications error so i can't send them to flicr. will post as soon as they're up though. but i'm off to go to bed. or knit more gauge swatches. i can't help it- i'm addicted.


yesterday was kind of hellish at the flowershop. crazyiness. nasty customers. ones that took alot of hand-holding. i ended up leaving the flowershop a MESS for ch today. but things kept happening. i did sell a lot of flowers though. so that's good. and i closed a little early to get most of the packages in the mail. still missing ruth jamie kira and j. sorry guys. it's just that you need extra gifts or it's gonna be hard to scrounge up your address or i have to write clever notes, too. but before xmas, i promise. after work the bag lady came to collect- so i have her beefy check to cash now. but she had problems with one- and i have three more to do... so the end will never come, it seems. she'll be much more human after her show this weekend, though. i know.

so i was late to square dancing, which was fun as usual. it was fun to have hugo and stacy there to watch us. i miss stacy already. i wish she didn't live so far away. but i chat on the phone with her all the time. came home, surfed the internet, and glued that last bag for the bag lady. the overstocks.com guy said they were out of brown boots and he'd give me a refund. fuck that i need boots. so i'm keeping the black ones. wah-wah.

now, my house is cold, but my life is perfect. i'm internet shopping for xmas gifts, the tree is lit, the sun is shining, my girlfriend and her son are coming over soon for christmas delights, there's a cat asleep on the quilt, and i'm weaving xmas gifts for ch and jamie. but i think i'm done with my online shopping, so i'm gonna pop in a movie now, while i craft, knitting and weaving. i've spent so much money which makes me nervous it only being the 5th, but i have so much of my shopping done already- there are very few things i have left to buy. and i am SO GLAD i know a child this year! i have always loved shopping from chinaberry and hearthsong. when i was a child, the gifts that came from there were always my fave, and i've felt silly as a grown up doing so much shopping there. but now i have an actual, real, live KID to buy for! it's hard to rein me in.


christmas time!

ok, so i have a couple of pictures to catch up with:
first, i know a said i couldnt' talk anymore about my fabulous thanksgiving, but i wanted to include this one because it includes wine:

and i also never posted d's new sexy haircut:

next, i want to show you how BEAUTIFUL the flower shop looked on thursday with all the pointsettias in it:

and then i have pictures from the spectacle space on friday- both christopher and i in the fat suit he was making. you can tell when the sun went down...

ok, so that catches us up to yesterday afternoon. it was so beautiful when i went to take out the trash i went back in the house to take my camera with me while i went to the store. i took all sorts of melting dripping freezing pictures- hopefully some of them will turn out. yes, i know i need to still scan in my last roll. i will do it SOON, i promise.

i came home and finished up sewing the bags, and d came over with guacamole. she helped me glue them in- DAMN, it's easier with an extra set of hands! we got them done in record time.. athough stil a little late to the party at joe's house. when we got there most everyone was pretty drunk already, but there was good food and wine enough for us to catch up. ch had made lentil soup and joe and stacy went to the middle eastern restaurant and got all kinds of yummy looking pies and hoummous and felafel and stuff. oh, it was good! and joe was SUCH a good host. i guess cause he and danny don't entertain much, he pays attention to his skills. plus, it's always fun to hang out in an artist's house. good wall treatments and the like. and in the living room, i asked joe, is that your or danny's book, and he's like, um, they're all my books. yeah. working at borders will do that to you. i love people who love books. it's like when you know a painting from a class or postcard, and then you see it for real in a strange museum, and it's like, i know you! an old friend, a little bit of home. books always make me feel comfortable. at least, comfortable books do. i imagine, like, The Study with the leatherbound gold gilded volumes all the same size. that's not so comfortable. anyway.

we ate, played apples to apples, had a great time. stacy and d and i all cuddled together, the conversation was risque, lewd and offensive. i was so glad d played along instead of being disgusted or hurt.
here's joe and his cute cute dog:

and here's me, d and stacy:

so then TODAY, d had said she'd wanted to go to church, and i was like, good for you, and she said she likes to go for advent, and i'm like, oh. maybe i'll come too. we woke up early enough, so we both went. i was really really impressed when we were leaving, shaking the pastor's hand, he didn't say like, "glad you could join us." he said, "hey caitlin, nice to see you, i love your stockings!" i was totally bowled over by him remembering my name. d was like, well, i did talk about you alot when we met for coffee... but still. i think that's pretty impressive, seeing as how i'd only been there once before.

and oh, what a bad choice the strumpfhosen were! so cute, but it kept getting colder today! right now it's 14F, which is -10C. high of 20F. nasty. but after church we were on a tree hunt! d knew a couple of places on north, but there was a lot right by the church, so we went there. sure it was expensive- even more expensive than my last tree three years ago... but it is a beautiful specimien. the guy showed us the frasier firs first, and i'm like, something a little cheaper, a little dumpier, something that will loose all it's needles right away, but smells good. and he's like, i have the tree for you. it's a blue spruce, about 5 feet to the tippy-top, but about 4 feet wide. it is the roly-polyist tree you ever did see. we stuffed it in d's trunk and drug it up my icy front walk and steep steps and put on the tinsel and the lights and now it just looks beautiful:

she's bringing jr over on tuesday to put on the ornaments, we'll pop popcorn and string it with cranberries while watching the muppet christmas carol (as per family tradition). i hope there will still be snow- and daylight!- so i can take some christmas card photos of them playing out front. then i can make hot chocolate and read picture books. ah. it's a lovely little vision. i had the fabulous 70's star, beads and lights from my previous tree, but i felt it needed more, so d and i bought more lights (the big bulbs), some larger ornaments, and the tinsel. i always want to buy EVERYTHING for chirstmas and have to rein myself in to the simplest option- one book, one decoration, one cd. but the more christmases i spent, it piles up in that box on top of my closet. SO, now i can buy the frillier options, to add to my collection!

but right now, it's cold in my cozy little apartment. i'm gonna go make some soup.



started working on the bags last night- finally getting some sewing done, went to bed by 2 with three linings left to sew together. not bad, huh?

but wait- it gets better! i woke up WAY too early this morning not able to fall back asleep. so, it's noon and i've already done the following:

-read half of i was a non-blonde cheerleader
-knit swatches and figured out what knitting needles i need to buy to complete my holiday projects ( i have TWO size 13 dpns. i don't know if it was a set of 4 or 5 to begin with, but all i know is they have mysteriously disapeared. how? why?)
-made a hancock fabrics list
-planned a menu
-made a grocery list
-eaten breakfast
-threw away the thanksgiving leftovers
-gotten my library books in order
-cleaned the cat box.

NOW, i'm about to go to the library, hancock, and the grocery store, AND take out the trash on my way there! i just turned on the computer to upload today's dose of npr. i feel alive, awake and enthusiastic, physically and more importantly emotionally. there is no stopping me today, baby! i have to remember when i get all depressed that there are these wonderful manic days that balance it out.


stress, drama, sewing, etc

i think you all should take your whining and STUFF IT!

because it's snowing here in chicago, and it's BEAUTIFUL! it is cold and crisp and the light is bright and diffused. i got out the christmas music today, and my fur hat, and my advent calander. and i am surrounded by depressed, paniced, or grouchy people. i wish i wasn't so empathetic, because i've been having a WONDERFUL day, and it's been taking everything i have not to let them all ruin it.

welcome to december, everyone. i'm gonna go sew some bags now.


not sewing, no time.

worked 12 hrs yesterday- from flowershop to spectacle space. christopher was doing a puppet installation and needed to take his sewing machine. so i couldnt' work on bags. d picked me up and gave me a ride home... then proceeded to spend the night. so if any of you are looking for those cds or packages i promised, it isn't happening.




lets see- did i post sunday? i got chores done sunday, a few moments of blissful feeling caught up before more bags desended. i got the cds burned and sleeved- all i have to do is package them up and mail them and you will finally, finally have them! but i also cleaned the house, watered the plants- you should SEE my christmas cactus! i need to take photos. it is blooming and beautiful. i also cleaned up my garden. brought in and re-potted the mint and chamomile, cleaned up and brought in the geranium, threw away everything else except for a creeping vine that is still hardy. i left one box of dirt and planted my lupine seeds- we'll see if they bloom come spring. i still have half a box left i'd love to get bulbs for- but i fear it may be too late.

in the evening, the bag lady came over in a rush, picking up the 4 i had and giving me NINE more! she's in the one of a kind show at the merchandice mart- BIG DEAL. so she wants these ones done in a week. i need to start working on them NOW!

but i'll catch up you blog readers first. d picked me up after the bag lady came and went, and she is looking SEXY! she got a new hair cut in iowa and it's lovely. not that i've taken pictures. will do my best to get some to you! we went to her place where i met her sister, who's in town for the week, and we all made little pizzas for dinner.

then today it was back to the normal grind- work, square dancing. we had a guest from portland, which makes me interested in dancing with the independance squares of philly some day. anyway. off to bag a-measuring.


needles and boots

just spent the last hour and a half shopping for boots online. sigh. mom gave me money for a new pair of docs since my last pair have cracked holes. i wanted these:
in cherry, but they don't seem to be available in the us, and i couldn't justify paying 31 pounds shipping. so mom and i both were searching, and we finally decided on these from overstocks dot com:
in bark. because they were so cheap, i also got a pair of rouge mary jane oxfords.

WOW! and as i was just steallng the pic from amazon to post here, i saw amazon's charging $106 for them! i got a steal!

anyway, my reasons for not posting yesterday: i was planning on sewing all day, and maybe getting to go to michelle's party if i finished on time. but then ch called me and said, "let's go see volver this afternoon!" and how was i going to say no to that? it was totally worth it. although not the best almodovar i've ever seen, still totally fun and enjoyable. and they all talk about how big penelope cruz's boobs are- what's not to like? so i came home and started furiously sewing, discovering that there was no way i was going to get done at a reasonable hour to go to the party. then, sewing through 4 layers of the world's thickest upholstery fabric, my needle snapped. and i'm out. and handcock's closed. so i got all dressed up and went over to michelle's to borrow sewing machine needles! i called the bag lady and let her know they wouldn't be done on time, then had a good time.

today i took them to the spectacle space to work on them there. i only have one more to sew together, then glue them all in, and i'm done with this batch. don't know why they were so arduous this time. it's usually not this bad. but i'm totally stressed out about them- my throat's all closed up, like when i'm working on a show. i don't know what i'm so stressed out about! and of course, am i doing anything useful with my time? no, i'm buying shoes online.



clockwise from upper left:
stuffed squash, homemade rolls, gravy, turkey, root vegetable cobbler, homemade cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, canned cranberry sauce, 24hr salad, stuffing. not picured- wine and pumpkin-apple butter pie.

yum. all the hits of my childhood, with the exception of aunt deann's cheesy corn cassarole, plus wine and good music. after the feast we played whoonü and apples to apples, and then who knew again. and of course we ate in between each. it was very much being like family, other than the lack of generations. ah, what odd relatives i have here in chicago. thanksgiving for me is so much about flavors for me- blending the sweet and savory, cranberry, butter, sage, marshmallow, pumpkin. (oddly enough, christmas is more about smell- pine, cloves, cinnamon, candle wax, peppermint, oranges, snow- odd since smell isn't usually that important to me.) joe demanded we stay pretty traditional, which i was glad of. it was perfect. this was the 3rd thanksgiving i'd ever spent away from family. when i first went to su casa i was there for thanksgiving, and then the next year i was in northern ireland. i was pretty lonely for both of those, so i wasn't sure how i was gonna feel this year, but i was very loved. got texts from the fochts, z, leah, michelle, deb. and a called. and my mom.

and i got that comment from j, which i am also feeling quite contemplative of. first, j's little sister hates cards even more than she does. and marty won't ever play. now, i am a big gamer. i love playing games and find it an integral way of interacting with my relatives. my friends, we tend to sit around and listen to music and drink and chat. but without the other things to bond over, it's hard to just chat, and i think games are a way to actively be present with others, and have fun, without the pressure of necessarily peforming or working at conversation. i was always taught that it's important to spend time with my family, and i don't get much of it, so i should make it count. i am totally cool with non-players sitting at the table with us and trying to learn the rules- or even just drinking coffee and making snarky comments. or if one group wants to play games and another wants to watch football, that's cool too. but i guess i'm like grandma (shocking! i can't believe i ever wrote that about anything!) in that i get really upset when people choose to participate in individual activies (reading books, watching tv, surfing the internet) instead of participating in community. of course, doing the dishes is always a get out of jail free card.

you know, i've been thinking alot about the things i miss about l, things especially that i don't have in d. but i should look at it both ways- i was always sad that l hated cards, and i'm really excited about playing 500 with the family when d comes home with me for christmas.


thanksgiving mix

When Fall Comes To New England Cheryl Wheeler
Close Of Autumn Caedmon's Call
harvest moon Neil Young
Autumngirlsoup Kirsty MacColl
Hey Kind Friend Indigo Girls
You To Thank Ben Folds
gratitude Ani DiFranco
thank you dido
autumn shelter velour100
I Write Sins Not Tragedies Panic! At The Disco
November Juli
Kind & Generous Natalie Merchant
i thank you for bringing me here luka bloom
I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up For Christmas Aimee Mann
Thank You Jen Porter
Thanksgiving George Winston

happy thanksgiving

grocery shopping yesterday was a very holiday feeling. i didnt' have much produce on my list, and i did need bagles, so i just went to domincks, and there was a million people and christmas music playing, and all these old white haired ladies with their fall sweaters and handwritten lists. college students with their buddies yelling down the aisles, "derek, do you have flour?" there were free samples all over the place, and everything was cleaned up all shiny from the construction. i had the hardest time finding stuff, cause things people only use once a year like frenchfried onion rings (which i did NOT buy) and and cranberry sauce (which i did) were all on the endcaps of the aisles.

i called my grandma from the grocery store to make sure i had the right cranberry sauce recipie. i loaded up my basket with cans of stuff, i bought pumpkin, cause ch was so pouty about making pumpkin pie i thought i'd make one with my amaretto-graham crumb crust. but then there was Panic! at the disco when i approached the dairy case to get the whipping cream for the 24hr salad. the entire top two rows of shelving were EMPTY. no whipping cream, no whipped cream, no dairy-free whipped topping. nothing. so i carried the rest of my groceries home, calling ch to tell him if he hasn't been to the store to NOT buy a pie and to pick up whipping cream if he could. but i got his voice mail, so i went to the devon market after all.

such a different vibe there! nothing out of the ordinary, just your usual busy after work crowd. and they had whipping cream!! horray! and i bought more bread crumbs, which i couldn't find at dominics, and there were good homemade ones from a chicago bakery. i tried ch again to tell him i'd gotten the whipping cream. he said the grocery store was out of pies, and pie crusts, so he bought pumpkin and apple butter, and joe was bringing the pie shell. guess people shop early for their t-day needs!

talking about panic at the disco, i can't get the acoustic version of i write sins not tragedies out of my head. like, for THREE DAYS. it's terrible. i just put the radio-hit version on the thanksgiving mix i'm preparing to take to ch's house this afternoon. wondering what's on it? just ask, i'll let you know.

had a nice time cooking last night. called both g-ma and mom while i was slicing grapes for the 24hr salad, and they too were draining their pineapple. it gave me a bonded feeling, three generations making the same desert salad halfway across the country. when i was done talking to them i put on my thanksgiving record- arlo guthrie's alice's restaurant, of course! i love listening to the thanksgiving day massacre every year. i totally overcooked the cranberries- they have a slight carmelized flavor, and they're as thick as the stuff in the can. but i think it's ok. and now i need to go bake the squash again. and then i'll head over to ch's to have a "thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat"! and no one will be taking any 8x10 full color glossy photographs with a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was....

still not sure how i'm going to carry all the food, plus games, to the train...



spent hours trying to get the old comments back monday night. didn' t work. so sorry chicas. i can turn off the word verification or have them open in the same window if you like. but i can't make haloscan work right with blogger beta. wah-wah.

j, thanks for singing even if it's not ani!

so tuesday on my way to work i realized i'd left my cell at home. this was a problem, cause the plan was to call d when i got to n and clyborn and she and jr would pick me up, we'd make dinner, and then go see happy feet. unfortunately, i don't have her number written down. anywhere. i had really no way of getting a hold of her. that afternoon i sent her flowers that said to call me at the flowershop, and i'd just take the bus to her place. unfortunately, she'd been coming in and out of the back and didn't get them on the front stoop. so she put up some rice at dinner time when she hadn't heard from me, and went to the train station to wait. she must have missed me as i darted across the street to the bus. when i got to her place i could see lights on and hear music playing, plus she'd left the back gate open, so i sat down to wait, knowing she'd be home soon.

meanwhile, she was panicking, since i hadn't called her all day. she went to my house, found my phone, and called charles from it. he told her i was going to her place, and so she called my neighbors who told her i'd just left. when the bus finally got back to the train station, she was standing right by the doors for me! finally! so we missed the movie, but we did make a phenominal stir-fry. i have no patience for the kid watching cartoons while we're in teh kitchen, so i sat him down to peel carrots and then to dry the dishes i washed, and he had a good time participating. the stir fry ended up being so good. and i was SO SO hungry by this point. after cleaning up jr wanted to play a game, so we played a condensed version of life. deb and i both put a second pink peg in our cars when we got married, a lá cristina salat's living in secret.

i got home so early this morning, so i went back to bed for a few hours. now i need to get to work- my list has gotten so long! i need to get to the grocery store, and then start cooking for thanksgiving! not to mention clean up after the cat's mess after i was gone last night. little fucker broke another hand made bowl.
and of course, burning cds for all of you!


dancing continued

off to square dancing again. monday night class, doncha know. but thank you all for your comments! i am TRYING to fix the commenting. i appriciate you taking the time to comment in such an awful forum, though! much love and cds to you!


dance, dance

hopefully everyone can sing that with a swedish accent and sound just like hello saferide.

it's been a whorlwind of a weekend. friday night d and i went to the chix mix party again. we had fun, lots of friends there- her crazy friend barb and an ex of hers, jenny. and my friends carrie and ashley. i was so tired, i felt like i was dancing from the waist down and sleeping from the waist up. friday nights are hard, dude.

then saturday i went to work at the spectacle space. after which d had said she'd give me time to get my stuff done while she cleaned her house. but she was depressed, so i went over there to help her clean. we made SERIOUS work on her room, i caught a glimmer of how the place looked before she moved in, so that was super nice, gave me hope, and hopefully her too, and the hope will motivate her to finish. then we were back at north and sheffield, where the beautiful and suburban people go to party, for an 80's dance party. i was dubious about it, but her teacher friends are totally cool- i'd like to meet them in a setting more condusive to conversation than a noisy bar. and the music was better than i expected. they played one verse of eurhythmics sweet dreams, 99 red balloons in english, don't you want me baby? (but just the mysoginstic verse, not the empowered woman verse) a new kids on the block song, ice ice baby, etc. so that was new for me, recognizing songs, i mean. the cover was huge, but the wine coolers were cheap- so 80s.

but i woke up late at d's today totally stressed out. where has my weekend gone? how have i not been home for over 24 hrs again? how many hours have i been apart from d since the weekend started? (answer:about 5, at work and traveling) it got worse when i realized i missed ruth's birthday 3 days ago. it got even worse when i realized there was a squared ance today. i told ch i'd go so i did, but it wasn't that much fun. i really disliked the caller- it was more of a game than a dance to him, and he kept making up stupid calls. and since it was all the way through a level, i only could dance about 1/3 of the tips. and i was underdressed for doing that little dancing, in my 1830's t-shirt (the rachel) from the new book z sent me for my birthday.

but then i came home, finally, and sat down and typed so many emails that have been piling up. and talked to a and z on the phone to boot. so i'm feeling much more ready to face the oncoming week. plus it's such a short week, i just work monday wednesday saturday. so i will get those cds out to all who asked and more. j and kira, thanks so much for commentting, i will be so happy to send ones to you, as well. jamie, you're already on my list!

but no burning has happened yet (playlist is 21 seconds over) so the polls are not yet closed. comment if you still want one!



so yesterday after work i was going to go to ch's to FINALLY watch the much hyped "scenes from the class struggle in beverly hills". but then ch had a horrible cold, and he went home sick. what was a girl to do but run the flowershop by herself?

d had forgotten the ice cream she brought over on tues, and jr was pretty upset. so she said she was gonna come over after work to pick it up. but really she wanted to take me out to dinner for our two month anniversary. we had indian- can you believe she's never had indian? how has she known me for 2 months and not yet experienced devon? i feel like i've been remiss in my duties. so by the time she gets here, we go out, we come home, fool around, she goes home, and suddenly it's past my bedtime. AND since ch is sick, i think it's only nice to offer to open for him today.

so i'm feeling overwhelmed. have i bitched about my loans here? they're coming due. SOON. like, the 28th. they just moved it up a month earlier. i don't know why or how, all i know is they want $280 out of me. i called them up and begged them to switch my plan, which they did, but it won't be activated till next month. can we say BROKE? had to call my mom up in tears and beg for rent money. goddess, i hate doing that. so anyway, i need to work on bags and other things that pay. a woman at square dancing offered to give me work last tuesday and i TURNED IT DOWN! can you believe? sure i got some letters written. but how important is that, really, in the long run?

don't have them mailed yet- so many need cds. i just threw together a mix of my new music 2006. want a copy? drop me a line or post a comment.

pics coming soon. really. i promise.


another postless sunday

sorry. i'm trying to be better. on saturday after work with christopher i raced home to finish the bags before meeting with brigid. when i got home, d had made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and taken out the trash. *fluttering hearts* housework is truely the way to win me over. she'd also stopped at early to bed and bought a new toy for me. after brigid dropped off the new set of bags, we ate dinner then went to the late show of shortbus. it was really amazing. i didn't think i'd like it, then i read reviews and thought i might, but seeing it i loved it. d liked it too. such charming characters, and a truely stupendous model.

we we lazy sunday morning, then i went to sacred harp sing. after that i took my film to walgreens, and cut apart a tshirt in a new style from z's book. it's pretty cute- my old philly folk fest shirt now has puffed sleeves and a low ruffled neckline. but i think i might tone the sleeves down a bit so it's not so linebacker-esqe. the pictures turned out well- will scan them in soon. what do youall think of me posting bodypainting pics? please comment on if you want to see them or if you think i should leave htem off. will def. post pictures of jr with mitzi and his halloween candy. i talked to z for a while last night, and she said, "is jr supercute beacause his mom's white and his dad's black?" and i had to say it was true. and then she REALLY made me laugh telling me about dating samir, and the first time dad saw a picture of him, he said, where's HE from, and z replied, "long island." that z. she never has esprit de escalier. she always has the snappy comeback just at the right time.

nothing too exciting at work today. on my way to gay squaredancing now. will post more later.



finally, i'm getting these up. i didn't realize how long it takes me to scan in pictures. these are just the highlights, a bunch more sewing ones can be found on flickr. enjoy, and comment!

most are sewing photots:

there's this one from the garden;

the cat making trouble with the bowling ball bags; but then also being cute,

the halloween square dance! it's josiah, philana, me and marshall:

and here are marshal and i actuall dancing!

and i hope you've scrolled down this far, because a wanted to see more pics of d and i, so this one's for her.
here we are with the apple pie we made for ch and hugo:

but the winner of it all is this scan! i am so happy that i have a scanner now, just so i can show you the picture jr drew for me.

it just doesn't get much better than that.

same old same old

lets see. first, someone who didn't sign asked what TOC was, and it's time out chicago magazine. check it out- pretty cool.

next, yesterday. worked downtown all day with christopher. actually, we didnt' work much, cause we were both mad at the boss, so we sat around and chatted. i love chatting wtih christopher. we can talk sex, politics, money- all the things you should stay away from. it's perfect.

it was pouring down rain, and i wanted to go to the library, but i didn't make it on time. WHY does it have to close at 5 fri, sat sun? it really cramps my style. after work, we went to see the gymnast at reeling, the gay and lesbian film festival here in chicago. it's in it's 25 year, and it was showing at a columbia building, so i said why not. PLUS, it was a lesbian flick about aerial artists on SILKS! what more could a girl ask for in a movie, i ask you? it was quite good.

walking there was kind of scary, though. it was POURING down rain and windy. christopher and i were sharing a large umbrella, and he had it held out in front of us like ashield, so we couldn't see where we were going. and we hear a CRASH like breaking glass, and i'm like, my goddess that was a car accident. and he's like, where? and i look around and suddenly i hear crunching under my shoes. i look up and the big plate glass window of the building had broken from the wind. we were 10 steps away from it breaking on us. scary.

but after the movie d picked us up and took christopher home- sweet! we drove to the mag mile to hear jen porter, but we were a half hour early, and couldn't find parking, so we ended up just going home. jp plays all the time, and we were, as christopher said, feeling frisky.

when i got home, a fabulous surprise awaited me! a box from z! she'd finally sent me a birthday gift, and what i gift it was!!! a super cute t shirt- a super soft onefishtwofishredfishbluefish shirt. and a another cut-apart-tshirt-fashion book (99 new designs! rock on!) and my fave digestive biscuts. AND pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. AND mint chocolate chip cookies. AND, if that's not enough, the bushies! so now george and laura smile down above my desk.

"to mr irwin mcc----, thank you for your generous suport of the republican national committee. working together, we will build a better brighter tomorrow for every american. warmest regards, (signed) george bush."

goddess, it's so fabulous and republican. ah, the farm.

OH! and other breaking farm news! today d said she doesn;t think our trip to ca is gonna happen- money is just too tight. so i said she should come to pa.. and she's thinking seriously about that!! can you believe it!! have you ever heard of anything so exciting? so yeah, there's scary stuff about like, being on the farm together and meeting the fam and such.. but there's really wonderful stuff too. so i need to check with the important people, of course, but i have so much enthusiasm how could it not happen?


cut and paste

so mom sends me an email saying, "did you look at the cat loafs?" with an attached picture.

i reply with, "are those your cat loafs? what a pretty quilt!"

and so what are the sponsored links?

Wall Mount Quilt Holders
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Butterfly Quilts
Let Mother Nature bring fluttering friends into your bedroom.

Turkey Meat Loaf
$250 Turkey day grocery giveaway. Turkey day rewards are limited.

Used bakery machines
used 2nd hand bakery machines more than 600 machines in stock

am i the only person who finds these just hilarious? i know people hate gmail ads reading your email, but i love it. certainly better than the flashing myspace crap.

last circus class

it was so sad! i need to scrounge up enough money to do it again sometime. since it was the last class of the semester, we each chose our fave apperatus to do a routine on. i was the only person who chose silks rather than something simpler, like silk knot or something. so i got quite the work out! i was so scared i wouldn't be able to perform my 5 or so poses because my arms were turning to jelly. it looks so easy, but i would slide down just panting out of breath. but i climbed up them a good 3 or 4 feet, did a figure 8 wrap, leaned forward opening up the silks, sat down inside the silk in a coccoon, then unrapped my wrap (so i was hanging on by just my hands) and kicked up into an upsidedown leg wrap, wrapped the silks around my waist and let go, then flipped right side up and opened up the silks into a butterfly. ta da! then flipped back upside down to get out of it without breaking my rib cage. and didn't crash somehow trying to extricate myself. i was so proud! i may take the all-aerial class if i do it again. i hope so.

oh, and i forgot to tell you! the highlight of my monday- when i went to mackelly's to buy my lunch the guy behind the counter called me sir! he quickly apologized, but you know how i love being read wrong, and it happens so rarely.

so once i got home, i had to start working on bags because the bag lady was coming right after work today. it took me till almost midnight, but i completed the 6 she needed for this weekend. so that's nice- good money. the fashion designer came into christopher's fabric shop today. it brought her back into my mind. she never paid me for those patterns. what a bitch. need to see if i can get any more money out of her. anyway, i fired her and kept the bag lady. had awful commuting luck today- the bag lady actualy picked me up at howard after i got on the express. and i got to ride around in her cute little bug! sexy. she keeps glitter paper flowers in her bud vase. and i gave her a table full of bags and she gave me a big fat check. nice!

now i need to get this cat off my lap and make some dinner. but she's so warm!


so sorry

what the hell have i been doing that's more important than blogging? no wonder no one reads here anymore, i never post.

things have just been busy, what with the new bags and all. but i hate to not have a new post up on monday for when everyone gets back to work and turns on their computers. and i have to keep posting these marathon posts to make up for it. ok, so sunday. slept in and got to work on the bags. the grace kelly dress couple came by for the fitting. SO nice. she's just as sweet as he is, and the dress fit pretty well, and they said no rush on the alterations. so it's lovely. i have time to get the bags done first, and i just have to call him and he'll come by and pick it up.

d called halfway through my day asking my plans for the night- more bags, grocery shopping, etc. she really wanted to see me, so she and jr took me grocery shopping and we made dinner. i was panicking over a meal, because i don't eat meat and jr doesn't eat much besides meat and d doesn't eat cheese which seems to form this major block in my brain and stops me from thinking of all the delicious vegan food i love to eat. we made pasta and frozen vegetables. it was very low key. jr gave me a bag full of gifts he'd collected for me. some of his halloween candy. a baby picture of him. 10 plastic cups. a capri sun. 36cents. a stuffed animal that looks like a fast food prize. and my favourite by far, a picture he drew of me and deb and him, all neatly labeled, with only one letter going the wrong way. i love it passionately. jr is facinated by my transformer sort of apartment. he is always trying to figure out how the chair turns into a bed. so i finally pulled it out to show him, and when d and i were cleaning up the kitchen he fell asleep on it. so we took that as a chance to neck. but we were both pretty hot, and when she wanted to go farther i'm like, no way do i feel comfortable with your son sleeping 4 feet away. my bathroom door is the only one with a lock, so we went in there to take a shower together. and we had some other fun before that, awkward as my tiny bathroom can be. lets just say that before we got in the shower she had one cold buttcheek from the marble floor and one warm one from the radiator!

so, needless to say, i didn't get the last bag cut out that night. yesterday was work and square dancing, so no more bagwork then, either. started to fight with my little sister about christmas. i guess the beginning of november isn't to early for that. but geez. every year, i can't seem to figure out how everyone could be happy.

so today i tryed to get right to work, but ended up doing my usual weekend morning thing, bed, book, bon-bons. also had to go out and vote. it feels like old news now. i wish two weeks ago i'd had the chance to voice my thoughts on the governors race. i was at a loss as to who to vote for- the democrat whose politics i believed in, but who's a creepy guy who's gotten nothing done in the past however long he's been governor... or the snarky, uppity republican woman who we've sent flowers to before, who has this great personality but has republican beliefs. i just didn't know what to do. i mean, i have no problem voting for our democratic atourney general lisa madigan because she is just adorable and gets shit done. but governor, i had no idea. and i guess i wasn't alone, because the tribune article actually talked about how unhappy voters are with their choices. THEN there was an article in the reader about a green canidate, and how a vote green is not throwing your vote away!! horray! so i was glad to have a canidate that i believed in that i could vote for and feel like i'm acompishing something- i don't expect him to win, but i really want greens to get their 5% in illinois, so that they can be valid in the future. because we need more choices. while arguing about voting with d last night, i realized that what makes me angry about politics in america today is the same argument i've used for other things here- i want more than two choices. why are we so obsessed with binary coding? why does everything have to be democrat or republican, female or male, gay or straight? it's why i prefer the enniagram (sp) to meyers-briggs personality tests. people say there's 16 choices, but really it's just 4 different binary options. i think there's more to people than that. the world is too complicated a place to be so easily broken down.

so anyway, after voting i worked seriously on the bags. at one point my doorbell rung- the ups guy was delivering my business cards! they're lovely, that's exciting. then later in the day there was a knock on my door- d! she had an hour free and missed me. i unfortunately had to keep working, but she was content to just be over here, even if i was making bags.

i had to hurry and get them all done because i had a concert tonight! i was so excited to hear brandi carlile, and ch said, wait, she must be opening for shawn colvin. and that bummed me out, cause i knew that would bump the ticket price high. it was $30, which was more than i wanted to pay, but ch said, think of it as $15 for shawn and $15 for brandi and that was TOTALLY reasonable i thought. and then at the last minute i was able to convince him to go, too. horray! and it was amazing. brandi moaned in her beautiful way that hurt just to listen to, and shawn... ah, shawn. she gave the concert that i know better than to hope for. i thought i missed my chance to see her like this. buddy miller was her guitarist, and he was awesome. and she had a girl drummer with big 80s hair named deb. and she told funny stories and was so companionable, and i do love her new album... but she did so many lovely old gems! ricochet in time, polaroids, tennessee, and round of blues! i joked to ch, "oh no! she doesn't have a bass player!" and he said, i think buddy miller will take care of it. cause, the joke is a misconstrued lyric. the chorus is "so whereever you go, you better take care of me" and we think it sounds like, "so wherever you go, you better take sara lee" which when i first heard the album in 6th grade we thought was a funny snack cake pun, but makes even MORE sence if you think of the bass player. like, as long has you have sara lee or julie wolf, you're good to go. anyway, three of my fave songs from fat city, the first shawn album i'd ever heard, which mom bought right before the divorce, when i was still going to middle school in reading. and that summer after the divorce, she heard her down on penn's landing in philly, and i was SOOO jelous, because she took some dumb man cause it was dad's weekend. mom had heard her twice more, but i never had. and i was sure that i'd missed my chance to love her- i never really liked a few small repairs, and fat city was such a peak for me- it's like how i don't really wanna hear ani now, beacause i haven't liked a single song she's recorded this century. (ok, maybe ONE.) but shawn's new album is awsome, in the song summer dress she rhymes "boys on bikes" with "baby dykes" and she played not one, not two, but THREE songs from fat city, and one from her first album, and whatever, i am in love.

and it is way past my bedtime! i promise to be better about updating in the future!!


the rest of the story

sorry so much life keeps happening between posts. so all depressed thursday, and i get a "we need to talk" text from d. worried about it all day, and of course that night was one of the classic scedule three things at once screw ups. i know i'm not getting enough sleep when:
1. i can't keep my planner or my life straight and schedule multiple things at once.
2. i get depressed, lonely, sorry for myself, overwhelmed
3. i say inappropriate things to or about my friends to make them unhappy with me.

so anyway, thursday night ch was supposed to come over for dinner and some mending. and d got a babysitter so we could go see shortbus. and the bag lady was finally supposed to swap bags with me. so d came over to wait for the bag lady with me, then we went to our "place" in my neighborhood for sushi and serious discussion. basically, she'd read the blog from wednesday night and was feeling, probably rightfully, hurt. it was all ok, i apologized, but i still ended up feeling like shit. not that she made me feel this way- she was beyond kind to me- it was definately self hating going on.

but then yesterday i worked in the spectacle space with christopher, and he helped me work out of it. i guess talking it through to a place of peace is something he has to do alot with his boyfriend, so he's got practice. d texted me that morning saying i should take my stuff with me to go right there after work, which was sort of overwhelming- that feeling of when am i going to see my cat again? but jr wanted me to go with to see flushed away, and d had a meeting on the southside this morning, so she could drop me off in hyde park for the hyde park anniversary shape note sing.

but after a day with christopher, i was feeling, good, an ok, i can do this, and not only CAN i, i WANT to, sort of feeling. christopher finally gave me the thank you gift he's been saving. a tassle. the worlds largest tassle. a tassle so large it has tassles. picture forthcomming. and he told me i didn't have to come in on saturday, so i could sing all day. so i headed off cheerfully to d's house, where my cheerfulness slowly dispersed, along with my body heat, over the 35 min. i waited for the bus. i was 2 minutes short of just going back down into the subway to get the train home when the bus called. i met d and jr at our "place" in her neighborhood for tacos. d had to stop at the bank before the movie, and while she was in there jr promply fell asleep. i really didn't want to see the movie, so i persuaded d just to take us back home. horray! into bed early.

which was a great plan except for the part where if jr goes to bed at 7:45, it means he'll wake up at 5:45....

but d didn't have her meeting, so we could spend our post-waking-up hours leasurely. she drove me to hyde park not too late for the singing, and it was lots and lots of fun. my new friends from the northside and familiar faces from the south side were all there. we sang alot out of the missouri harmony, which i found not so much fun, but we sang fun old ones, too. the bass who lead the memorial lesson mentioned vi stark, and i cried. i miss her a lot in the treble section. and i miss the opertunities i never had to get to know her, i'm so sorry i never sent a card or sang in her hospital room, or came to a sing in the year when she was on the memorial list, or knew anything about her besides her favorite tunes until i read her obituary. she was just so quiet and kind, and now she's not here anymore, and i'm not sure what kind of soul connection i feel i had with her that now i miss her so much.

took the cta home of course, and got here quite fast- a little over an hour. mom called, and i chatted with her for a while before heading off to square dancing. i didn't have time or inclination to change into a twirly skirt, so this was my first time dancing in jeans. everyone saw my butch look. when i got there, i was the only person at class level, and there was just one square. it was me and my gay partner, another couple from our club, an african american couple, him with his cowboy boots and her with her great big twirly skirt, and an ancient little old man, and his grey haired wife with a heather grey sweater with white cats on it.

i was very dubious, but it turned out quite nicely- everyone was friendly and kind, and about the same skill level. they were all very nice to marshall and i, who ended up being the two class level dancers there. the caller had a vest, a belt buckle the size of a plate, and crocodile boots. for singing calls he had a record player he played 45s on. halfway through the first tip, he stopped us on the grand square, and said, "on the southside, THIS is how we do it." so we did the southside claps. i made some assumptions about the couples from downstate clubs, with their western wear and flag-shaped name badges- namely about their politics, but i guess they knew that chi-town squares is a gay square dance club, and they were all very nice. and besides there's more of us than there are of them. though a few times the caller did have to say, "men, raise your hands" wich i assume doesn't happen at the sorts of square dances where all the girls are women and wear twirly skirts.

anyway, that's been my weekend so far. i'm feeling much better, and i gotta say it's thanks for all your kind comments. j, thanks for always being there. krista, a cockroach friend is the best kind there is. thank you. liz, i fully accept your hug, i hug lots of strangers at square dancing, and i've spent more time with you than, say, krista, and we live in the same city, so no awkwardness necessary. such a delightful surprise to see you still hanging round here. thanks.

and thanks to all you other lurkers. if i knew who you were, i would thank you too. but i just have some vague inklings, nothing solid, so you don't get the joy of personal thanks.


try again tomorrow

too depressed to blog.

also, am doing that thing where i alienate all my friends again. need to stop this. bad idea, caitlin.

ugh. hate myself.


can we say different?

work today, blah blah blah. stayed up too late last night listening to all that linford and so was tired today. i've just been feeling grumpy and blue lately. i need more sleep. circus class was hard today. we were doing handspring sorts of things and i felt like i was training for something i'd never get to finish. up on the trapeeze everything was sharp and cutting, i couldn't get a good grip- it seemed like i was back at square one. totally frustrated. the unicycle was worse. it's always beyond impossible, but i was staying up for like, 1 second and getting a half revolution. but it shot out from under me and i fell hard on my tailbone. i had the wind knocked out of me, and was pretty sore. they gave me an ice pack and it's feeling better. not as bad as years ago when i did the same thing rollerskating.

things with d continue to be complicated, at least in my head. last night she told me a story that totally upset me- she let a cat have 2 litters of kittens, and the second litter she put outside- in chicago- because she didn't want to deal with them. there are just so many things wrong with that story, i was horrified. do i want to be with someone so irresponsible? if that's how she reacts to kittens, what about non-living things? then today she send me the sappiest e-card, and a supersweet email with a terrible, terrible love poem. the email was so awesome, so true and kind and from the heart, and i know that was the intention with the other things too, but goddess are we different. i don't know if i can handle someone who takes sunsets with birds flying across the sky seriously. i couldn't decide between a sappy card or a bust card to send in return. i guess i need to accept the way she expresses her love, and extract the love i can recieve from it, the same way she needs to put up with my gently mocking responses to her earnest caring.

goddess, i can be such a bitch.


feels like home

this morning i did my usual lay in bed, eat candy, read an entire novel bit. it felt fabulous. i mean, i was wracked with guilt, but i still coudn't make myself do anything else. the bag lady canceled AGAIN, i don't know if i'll EVER get more bags to do. i'm sorry i rushed on them. sigh. it's a bit tiresome. anyway, took my laundry, and the laundry d left here to the laundrymat and did it. started writing letters- i am so so so behind on my correspondence, i feel terrible about it. i started a letter to mairee, and got sorta stuck in memories, trying to describe my summer. i got quite an ache for l. i've been missing her a lot recently. i wish having a real live girlfriend could make up for the absence of her in my life, but somehow it doesn't- they're on different planes, my sadness and the pink room. and i really wasn't feeling very pink room. d continues to be sick, and i'm finding it hard to deal with, the endless whining and ill health. i mean, i know she's more tired of it than i am, but i feel worn down by the misery that is her life right now- her cold, her ex, her son, her car, insurance, the police, on and on and on it seems to go. there seems to be the devil on one shoulder saying "what the fuck are you doing here? get out as fast as you can!" and an angel on the other saying, "what the dickens is wrong with you, you cold hearted callous bitch? have some compassion and patience!" and i'm right in between, always wrong, never loving the right way, never satisfied.

i was gonna go over to d's tonight and carve pumpkins and take jr trick-or-treating. but d's so sick and it's so far away and i'm feeling self-hating because i got nothing done today and don't feel like traveling in my costume and her ex took the pmpkin carving kit and it was just all a mess. so instead jr went trick or treating with aaron the upstairs neighbor kid, and then they drove up to my place, and jr and i showed each other our costumes, and he showed me his booty, and we played games, and got dinner from blue elephant. i taught him to play crazy eights. when they first came in, d said to jr, "did you see caitlin's bookcases? look at how many books she has! see, she doesn't need a tv, she has so many books!" he's like, "wow. do you have a hundred books?" and i say, more like 300. he starts to count, but gets quickly distracted. anyway, some magic did occur at the end of the night, with jr picking out which book he wanted me to read. he picked bartholemew and the oobleck by dr. seuss, and so the three of us cuddled on the couch and ate halloween candy and d and i drank tea and i read and linford detwiler played the piano in the backround.


weekend recap

to my dear faithful readers-
so sorry the week with d has made me such an infrequent blogger. it's not because i don't love you. it's because i don't know how to manage my time when my girlfriend's living with me. so friday. went to work with christopher. i was a little freaked out, cause after tuesday's fire the harrison stop smelled like smoke. and the spectacle windows face right out onto the still smouldering building. i was having some major issues with it, but i got to work and distracted myself and was able to calm down. still scary though. i guess i was always afraid of fires, it's just so much worse now. so anyway. then came home to get ready for pam's halloween party. d decided to be a vampire, and so it took us a long time to get ready, with me doing her makeup and trying to find parts to our costumes. but we headed out, feeling conspicuous on public transportation. we got there quite quickly. mike was dressed as the crocodile hunter- he had this amazing wig that made him look JUST like him, it was quite creepy. pam was v from v for vendetta. i'd forgotten about that movie and how much i loved it. horray for bald natalie portman! horray for questionable terrorists! we hadn't had time to eat, so i pretty much parked in front of the munchies. i'd gotten a bad cold- awful sore throat on thursday, and friday my nose was running like a faucet. so i was sniffly and soaking through hankerchiefs at a breakneck speed. so i was tired and drippy, but still had fun. jen was there, so i caught up with her too. and she gave us a ride home!! horray!!

saturday i sadly had to go work at the spectacle space. wah-wah.

luckily, my co-workers were also late and hung over with traces (or full) makeup still visible on their faces. we are just the type that goes all out for halloween, i guess. after work, i came home and deb made dinner. ah, so lovely. and she brings the dishes fairy back- you know there is no greater love in my mind than having the dishes magically appear clean while i'm at work. we ended up fooling around after dinner, as we are wont to do, and so we had to get ready really fast for carrie's birthday halloween surprise party! i was so worried we would get there the same time as ashley and carrie and ruin the surprise, but no worries. the host tina was someone fun from dyke march, so it was a good start, and the evening was actually full of interesting characters. and i wasn't the only one in costume. when ashely and carrie came, ashley was in a bright orange prison jumpsuit, and carrie was her scantily clad corrections officer. it was pretty hot. we stayed late, till everyone was ready to go to stargaze and dance. d was yawning, so i took our leave, saying there was a vampire who was itching to bite my neck, and ashley was like, so? i've got handcuffs!

it was so nice to be able to sleep in on sunday! i did some beautiful body painting on d, but of course won't post pictures without her permission. not even sure what the rules are about such things on blogger. anyway, boobies to come- someone let brando know. i returned some phone calls, (the fun, as always, of chatting with grandma) and we started a big pot of bean soup. i left d to chop veggies while i went to hear marjane satrapi speak at women and children first. i was o-so-late (fucking clark street bus on sunday!) and didn't know the address of the museum and was ready to bail, but i didn't. and i was really glad, cause she was fabulous. so funny and personal and political and made me wanna buy even MORE copies of persepolis and give them to all my friends. d and i wanted to go out with christopher and david, but we ended up too tired after dinner. plus, d's still been feeling pretty bad. headaches she thinks are from the accident, and then she got a worse version of my cold.

alarm went off way too early this morning, typical monday at the flower shop, blah blah blah. came home and got all dolled up in my halloween costume- again, for event #3, the halloween square dance. d came by in her rental car (!) to pick up her stuff, and she dropped me off at the dance. her son came back to chicago tonight, and so she's heading back to her own home. so hopefully i'll have more time to blog now! i was telling ch today how through all of this drama, it's important for me to remember my place. i of course care for d and i am going to walk with her as she journeys through all of this shit in her life, but i need to step back and remember it's not my problem, it's not my ulser, and she can stress about it on her own. it's a narrow line, and one that i tend to fall heavily on the empathetic side of, so i've been proud of myself in the way i've been walking it.

i had a good time at my first "real" square dance, after all our lessons. costumes, of course, are always fun, although my hoop skirt was rather frustrating because i couldn't grab my skirt fabric and swish it the way i usually do- and i kept bumping people. and my corset was feeling really constricting. but i had fun, and the last tip ch helped me take my dress off and i danced it in my victorian underwear- bum pad, hoop skirt and corset. it was a bit risque i guess, but they seemed to enjoy it. someone take a picture for the web site- that will draw in the young women, they said!

so now i'm off to bed. i need to catch up on sleep, seriously behind. but i guess that's the price you pay for sleeping with your girlfriend. i have paid it willingly, but i still need to function in the rest of my life!


snip snip

after work went to ch's again to day for a haircut. now i look like this:

oh, wait. that's from the spectacle space on saturday. hair pictures will have to wait. the girlfriend's falling asleep in my bed, and i think i want to join her.


hyde parkian

i just don't have as much time to blog anymore, being attached and all. but then, there's little incentive to blog, it's easy to forget about, when i get so few comments these days. anyway. enough bitterness. tuesday i had my dentist appt. d was still not feeling well enough to go back to school, so she came with me for my mini tour of hyde park. no surprises- my flossing is attrotious, but no cavities. i know i need to quit pushing my luck on that one.

d and i walked down good old 53rd st. we stopped in hyde park records, and i bought a new eurhythmics album, and they might be giant's flood. some old memories, there. we went to the produce store and loaded up. then we went to noodles etc for their delightful pad thai. love the purple cabbage. then off to the co-op where i bought 6 boxes of my fave instant indian meals, and baked tofu, and anything else that i thought i can't find on the north side. i know i can get more fresh indian food for the same price right down the street- but sometimes taking the bus is just too much.

we worked hard after coming home- cleaning the house, d did her lesson plans, then while i paid my bills she made dinner- carmelized brusselssprouts and chestnuts with whole wheat egg noodles, one of my absolutely fave fall meals! horray! we ate it while watching her fave lesbian flick, imagine you and me, about a lesbian florist who falls in love with a married woman- sound familiar?

today was much less exciting. yesterday's sore throat turned into a full blown cold. i was miserable for most of the day, but still wanted to go to circus class. i only have 2 left, now. i wanted the third to last to really count. it was a good review of skills- we did more balancing on the ball, more juggling, and work on the swag, which is a silk loop - sort of halfway between a silk and a trapeze. i feel like i'm finally getting the arial stuff- that i'm conquering my fear and being more comfortable off the ground, and getting at least a LITTLE bit stronger.

came home and d was at the laundrimat. so nice to come home to clean laundry, a tidy house, and washed dishes! i know she misses her son this week, but i'm glad she is staying with me while she's alone. it's very nice. would be nicer if we didn't both feel so badly, though.


longest weekend ever

ARGH!!! so much has happened, and i was almost done blogging about it all, and then the plug fell out of the wall, and i lost it all. argh! so many deep thoughts that will never be recovered! i will try again.

so friday night, i was wearing light pink because the chix mix party theme was breast cancer awareness. i was feeling so unsexy because of it, and not prepared to go to north and clyborn, which was filled with pretty people. i felt very awkward, but the 21year old's friends were fun, and d and i spent a nice hour drinking drinks more expensive than most of the MEALS i eat. then we went to our first anniversary chixmix party, and we danced on the dance floor and reminiced about meeting a month ago, and sat in our dark corner and commented on how much lighter it was this month, and laughed at how we couldn't believe it was really US that did that last month. but we didn't stay late, cause who can spend all night dancing with a girl, when you know you're going to take her to bed when you get home?

saturday mornign i had to work for christopher, which always starts too early, but is always a lovely experience. after that i went to ch's for a party with his niece and her baby, and joe and danny and hugo were there too. ch made some lovely delicious pizza, and we all played apples to apples, and it was a hit. ch and i talked to day about how nice it was to do something with the baby there that wasn't all about the baby. they don't always need to be the center of attention.. but you also don't have to ban them from any adult activity.

sunday d and jr and i went to church. d had said she wanted to go, and it was really important for me that she find a new church, to the point i'd help her look. i don't have a faith journey anymore, but i can appriciate how important hers is to her, but i can't be with a woman who believes that our relationship is evil, sinful, or condemning. so i wanted her to find a welcoming church. she grew up methodist, so that's where we went. i enjoyed it... back when i first lost my faith, it was so hard for me to go to church- i felt so empty surrounded by people who were getting something, or convincing themsevlves they were getting something, that i was unable to tap into. but now i can apriciate it as nostalgia, a pleasant tradition that won't hurt me any to sing along with. and they looked at deb and i, obviously a couple, (i wore my suit and tie) and they smiled their christian smiles at us, and it was all very nice.

i had more poetic waxings on religion, but i really need to get to the meat of my sunday. i'd just changed into my jeans to sacred harp sing after d dropped me off at home when she called- she'd gotten into a car accident. jr was ok, but she'd hit her head pretty hard. it wasn't far, i walked over there and arrived as she and jr were getting into the amulance. i rode along with, to hold d's stuff, and take care of jr and be the sensible one. d called her friend sue to come- sue had told her earlier this week that she was going to hell for dating women, but she's the only person d could think of with a car. when sue showed up at the hospital, she called jr's dad, who started on the long journey from champaign to pick him up.

i had hoped when sue arrived she'd be able to take over entertaining jr, her being more accustomed to kids and all, but apparently she doesn't be lieve in entertaining. so it was left to me. what was i gonna do, sit there with my ipod on, and yell at him when he rutched? so we looked through magazines. we told each other stories. he's a good story teller, and not a half bad listener. we played i spy. we played rock paper scissors. we made friends with another boy in the waiting room. we took a break and went outside to race and run and yell. we took lots of trips to the bathroom and drinks of water. eventually when d was seen, sue and i took turns going back to see her. she'd been x rayed and cat scanned and monitored. she had contusions (my new favourite word) and a mild concussion, but was ok. except for sore muscles and the worlds worst headache. so i asked triage for a sheet of paper and a pencil. jr and i played dots. we played tic tac toe. we drank hawiian punch and ate pringles from the vending machine. when i was in with d, sue convinced him to try and watch some of the world series. finally about 9pm his dad got there. so then it was mostly organizing and stuff. so i've met d's ex-husband now. and he's met me.

d says that when he went back to her, he's like, who's caitlin? she's a friend, none of your buisness was d's response.
"does she live "that lifestyle""
"what lifestyle are you talking about?"
"you know what i'm talking about?"
"do you mean is she gay? "
"yeah, that's the lifestyle i'm talking about!"
"yes she is gay. why does that matter?"

so i've been outed to d's exhusband!! i was asking for it though, with my parted hair and my boy jeans. the kid we made friends with in the er asked me if i was a boy or a girl. i was so excited. it was my first gender inquiry! i've always wanted to be mistaken for a boy! anyway, d's ex was still nothing but nice to me, even after that. i can tell, he's a charmer. the ones that i never quite trust, the slimy ones. as ani says, when they smile, watch the eyes. i wish he was nicer to d. but jr was so happy to see him, and he did take him off my hands. and sue drove them home, and then it was just me and d. i petted her and cried a bit, and then the nurse came with her discharge papers. i called a cab and took us to my place.

where i proceeded to coddle her in the most hippie ways possible! i'm glad she felt loved and not freaked out when i made her bagels and annie's organic no chicken noodle soup. when i put tea tree oil gel on her contusion. when i dripped rescue remedy under her tounge and gave her melatonin to sleep. and rubbed aromoatherapy balm into her temples. pretty silly. i did walk to walgreens to fill her perscription, too, though!!!

so that's the big news. work today, square dancing, poor d's still here, unable to find a way to sleep comfortably. there's still drama with her car. we'll get her healed up first then worry about it. so if the blogs are sparce, well, you understand i have an excuse.


oh so tired

happy sweetest day, everyone. my feet hurt. i didn't sell very many flowers today, which was a bummer, but i sure did make a lot of deliveries. we have about 7 red roses left. it was a frustrating day, one of those everything happens at once, then nothing for 3 hours sort of days.

but i had a delightful surprise in the afternoon- d came by! she had a workshop at a nearby school, so she stopped in to see the flower shop and me and give me chocolate. it was so charming. i had always hoped someday it would be me kissing behind the green curtain. she even went with as i did all my friday waiting in lines- at the bank, the copy shop, the post office. even though i'm way too tired to make conversation. it's terrible. i MUST take a nap before i go out tonight. i can't believe i have to work in the costume shop tomorrow morning. it's really cramping my friday night style, let me tell you!


since then

so much of life catching up to do! i wanna talk politics, nature, but there is so much basic storytelling, first....

ok, so my new skin came for my ipod on monday! it was a CRAZY day, bosses day and us totally unprepared, so i just threw the package in the back and kept working. when i went to leave at the end of the day, lo and behold, the back was clean- our driver had taken out all the cardboard for recycling, emptied the trash, and my unmarked envelope with the new skin was nowhere to be found. so i headed out to the dock. luckily our trash was right on top. i flipped through the cardboard- no sign of it. i waded through the floral garbage, climbing through the dumpster. nope. nowhere. desparate- it HAS to be here! - i searched through the boxes again, and it was folded up at the bottom of the last one!! horray! so now pearl is a diva. ch doesn't like it, he says it looks like a creme saver. i agree, i just don't think that's a bad thing. i do wonder if i should have gotten blue instead of pink though. oh well. breast cancer awareness and all that i guess.

i did post on tuesday, i think- i got the bags done, though i d showed up whil i was still gluing the last one. so we didn't have much time to chill before it was time to pick up jr. we went to see open season, and deb and i cuddled under my coat- it was very sexy. i wonder, though, how much does a five year old catch on to? it's always such a delicate balance, this thin line we walk. jr had gotten his alphabet flash cards at school that day, so i kept quizzing him in the car. he knows all his letters and all the sounds, but he doesn't have great success at putting them together, yet. you know the way to my heart is learning to read- there is nothing more amazing and wonderful to me than literacy, and i imagine being a first grade teacher somewhat on par with being a labor and delivery nurse- ie, not a job i could ever handle, but that amazing feeling of being around while something is being BORN. perhaps i'll put film director in that catagory, too. we went for dinner at our fave mexican place- i love it because their vegetarian options are not just meat-free, but they have VEGETABLES in them. horray for replacing the carne with zucchini, broccoli, carrots, corn, etc!

so then the hotel cafe tour. d dropped me off at park west about 30 min. after the concert started. i asked when i bought my ticket, how it worked, and she said they were all mixing it up. NO!! they were all taking turns!! and i learned, after i bought my ticket and went in, that the weepies were first!! i MISSED THEM!!! i was so so sad. to spend so much money on a ticket for a show i didn't wanna see. i just went home. it was a school night, after all.

so i worked yesterday, pretty unexciting, although we are getting a stack of sweetest day orders. made me worried about working alone thursday and friday. ch is off- his niece jasmine, and her baby are in town visiting. i told him i planned on going to d's after circus class last night, and he's like, "girl!" and i said if i can pull off a wild life, i might as well live one. we can sleep when we're dead and all that. and he's says, "oh, sure, i don't care. i just like it cause she gets you to work on time."

circus class was the tightrope and real silks. the silks are so much fun- if i ever pay off my charge card bill, i'd like to take another introductory aerial arts class, cause that seems to be my fave part. my arms are reasonably strong, and my body is so small it's not much weight to hold, so i can do a lot of the pulling and hanging sorts of things. i think getting over your fear of being off the ground is what's most significant. also, doing things like the basic figure eight hold on the spanish web was very helpful with the silks- and they are much more comfortable on your feet! and, you know, if i'm ever, say, in a cartoon and am hanging by a rope off the edge of the cliff, i know a few tricks to be able to stand there until help comes, or climb back up to the top. the wire was much harder for me- i use my hips so much for balance, it was hard to get the feel of waving my arms for balance= it looks so ungainly. but i did end up getting it, kind of, though i never did have much success.

i was really rethinking my decision to go to d's afterwards. it was raining and i was tired- i should be at home in my cozy house getting stuff done, not riding a train to go hamster shopping with a 5 year old. but d picked me up at the trainstation (ah, a girlfriend with a car!) and the 5year old was asleep in the back- hamsters will have to wait till tomorrow. on my seat in the car was a card addressed to "my sweetheart" (side note- the phenomenon of greeting cards. its so strange to me to get contemporary greeting cards- like, not ones from your grandma. my friends are either not the senimental type, or are all lterary and write sprawling letters on notebook paper, or are all artsy and craft someting with dried flowers or stickers. so this is ne!w!) d and i had had a conversation the day before that i still haven't decided how i feel about. she'd asked for my blog address, and she asked me about the "major reservations" i'd talked about in a previous post. and i went for it, and said, your house stresses me out. she was cool, and didn't make me feel like i had a stick up my butt. SO ANYWAY, she'd stayed home from school sick, and instead of going back to bed and nursing her headache like i told her to, she had cleaned the living room. and the kitchen. and the bathroom. and baked my favourite kind of cookies (the peanut butter ones with the kisses in the middle). AND downloaded a variety of ani, melissa etheridge, cardigans and weepies songs. the amount of work was just mindblowing. instead of singing slow pony home i've been singing somebody loved these days.

Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved

when i expressed my admiration, she just said, ah, something else i can check off the list. and she was serious. she downloaded my list of 50 ways to love me. she's working her way through, checking them off. seriously.