to do list

to do list
Originally uploaded by unglaubliche caitlin
there is still oh so much left to do. i can't beleive we're leaving the day after tomorrow. EARLY the day after tomorrow.


merry solstice!

thanks, dear readers! as a holiday gift to you, here is the winter's ache track list in its entirety. leave a comment if you want a cd of it!

Daysleeper 3:39 R.E.M.
Ta Douleur 3:09 Camille Le Fil
Stolen Car 5:25 Beth Orton
That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart 4:19 Aimee Mann
Cold as It Gets 2:38 Patty Griffin
Weatherman 5:01 Kris Delmhorst
I Write Sins Acoustic 3:08 Panic! At The Disco
Breakable 3:11 Ingrid Michaelson
On Your Wings 3:53 Iron & Wine
Whispering Pines 4:00 Dar Williams
Into the Dark 4:59 Melissa Etheridge
Thank U 4:18 Alanis Morissette
So Good to See You 3:43 Shawn Colvin
Stardust and Snow 3:28 Once Blue
Hot Burrito #1 3:42 Belly
Come in from the Cold 7:31 Joni Mitchell
Life Less Ordinary 3:35 Carbon Leaf
little perennials 2:50 Indigo Girls
2000 Miles 3:37 The Pretenders


weekend roundup

our party- very successful.
tom's party- equally fun.
xmas dance- a good time.

now i'm going to eat dinner, knit and watch a movie. catch up with you soon.


winter's ache, again

have i mentioned i've worked at the flowershop every day this week? it was a CRAZY week, last year, but this year has been terrbly slow in comparison. it's up from other months, but still nothing like last year, sadly. but it's been fun to hang with ch every day, and to not have to worry about getting sewing done. my free time is spent worying about my own stuff- getting my house clean, myself fed regularly, and getting ready for that party tomorrow... not to mention knitting gifts! i'm rather behind- this stocking for my stepniece turned out HUGE, and took much too long. but on to the next project! getting up every morning kills me though. i can't wait for sunday morning when i can just read in my own bed until the dance at 2. how do people do it? 9-5, m-f. but the music's good. ch made a new mix for the party, and it includes CHRISTMAS songs. and there's last year's mix.

ch made a mix last year he called winter's ache. it was a good mix. especially that transition between life less ordinary and little perennials. i loved that one. then a few tragic things happened. the ex-friends who would rather take beer than me to michigan complimented it, so i gave them my copy. then this spring we migrated from musicmatch to itunes, which while wonderful did cause most of our playlists to disappear. BUT! ch had made a copy for johnny b. and he loved it. and keeps it by his desk. and he had time today to sing snippets of each song to ch (because ch rarely makes track listings) and ch figured out which each was and reconstructed winters ache. hurrah!


it's been days

since i've been online. since i've been home, it feels like. i didn't even turn on my computer last night since i had to do my house blessing, and what do you know, luke called to say they were doing my trim today. came home to a house full of paintchips and sawdust. but the windows are finally done! next up- holiday party. it's friday- stay tuned!



haven't even been turning on my computer, let alone checking my email. so you know blogging's not getting much of a chance to happen. it's all been girlfriend time- thursday was over there to do the shoe thing on st nicolaus day with the kid, then she came over friday night and we did serious bag work. saturday was all day bags too, and the window guys came- my landlord took one look at this years heating bill, apparently, and decided to change the windows in all the apartments. so we spent saturday pulling furnature away from the walls and lockign the cat in the bathroom as well as cutting measuring and gluing bags.

then today we dressed up in our holiday garb- me in my red tiered lobster skirt, d in her new green bedazzled tube top- and dropped the bags off at the bag lady's and headed off on our road trip- every christmas i like to see over the rhine, but we missed their concert this year because we were in iowa. so d got us tickets to hear them in goshen, indiana tonight. we drove all the way out there, and there was some stressful moments- we couldn't find EITHER of the restaurants we'd found online to eat at, and we ended up at a bob evans, and then we forgot about the time change, so we were an hour later than we expected we'd be... but it was all better getting in the beautiful goshen theater and enjoying the coziest of christmas concerts. there were lights on the drum set and they played snow angels songs and i bought the new cd and magic was had.

now we're home, and a whole hour earlier than planned, thanks to the time change, so i decided to steal a minute or two to blog, since tomorrow i'll be going back over there to help decorate the tree. party on friday- who's in?


day 242- perfect jeans

ok, lane bryant has done this amazing thing, and made jeans that fit people of different SHAPES instead of just different sizes. the cubes on the display asked questions (does the waistband of your jeans gap in the back?) and all of the blue dot ones applied to d. so we put her in blue dot size 6s and, wow. they were made for her. the best fitting pants she's owned in her entire life! what a concept! pants that fit! she likes them so much she let me post a picture of her butt on the internets so i could rave about them. and i'm not even WEARING them and i'm this excited!

white castle

we had a delivery today of a poinsetta going to a manager at white castle. (i don't know why i always want to spell poinsetta with three ts instead of two. but it makes typing it difficult). i've been a vegetarian as long as i've been in chicago, so i've never been to a white castle and have no desire to ever be. but did i have any opertunities for white castle experiences in my childhood? i don't think pennsylvania has white castles. does anyone know? and it's also odd that my mother, who's lived in pennsylvania her entire life, loves the movie harold and kumar go to white castle.

but i'm not gonna take her to one next time she visits!


and another thing...

there was also an article on raymond carter, and it included this poem:

late fragment

and did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
i did.
and what did you want?
to call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

how do i know this? it is so familiar to me, yet i can't place the quote. i'd say it was on the library walls, but it doesn't have anything to say about books. i'm baffled. what do you think?

extended memory

i read an awesome article about terese agnew in the utne reader, and i want to type about her somewhere so i don't forget.

this is her most famous work. she's an art quilter, with a political bent. yes, that's a quilt. made out of millions of little tags that were sewn in sweatshops. amazing, huh?


having a sad night. i think i need to go to bed- i haven't been getting nearly enough sleep. i'm just feeling a little dark and dismal. ok, i'm actually feeling discontent with my life in general. and listening to inappropriate music that just makes me feel worse.

"and all this time, i felt just fine, i held so many people in my suitcase heart. i had to let the whole thing go i was taken by the wind and snow and i still didn't know that i was waiting..."

i guess i don't even know what my girl on a slow pony home is. but i guess if i did know that i'd know what i was waiting for.

"watcha doing with the suitcase? trying to hit the ground with both feet running. aren't you tripping on your shoelace? stealing away on a sunny day... aren't you ashamed at all?"

at least i have a metaphor i'm enjoying.

"my heart is on the baggage rack, it's heavy as can be. i wish that i could find someone to carry it for me. to pay it some attention and to handle it with care, for it has been dropped and is in need of some repair."

i'll do my best to blog again in the morning, when things look better. the trouble is, when things look better i tend to get stuff done, it's when things don't look good that i wallow.


in the bleak midwinter

oh, this weekend! it's been so lovely. d and i went to christkindlmarkt after work on friday, and ate potato pancakes and drank glüwein, and bought zimtsterne, and were careful not to break any glass ornaments, and had a lovely seasonal time.

saturday we woke up to snow! d had to go to her square dance class, but i watched it fall, and blow, and OH! how cozy it was! in the little window above my sewing machine. i sewed bags and listened to cindi lauper (holiday) station on pandora and then bundled up and tromped around in it to meet d to buy yarn for her xmas gifts. when we came home, she made the perfect supper. i had found mache,my favorite lettuce, at wholefoods, so she made mache beet salad with goat cheese, and a root vegetable soup, with lentils (which i know are a legume, not a root vegetable, but are hearty just the same) and parsnips and celeriac and carrots and shallots. and there was wine and candles, and over the rhine's snow angels album, and i didn't know it could get more cozy, but that there was coziness maxed out. i feel like my winter asignment of being seasonal and celebrating holidays happened.

today was more bags, and i sent out party invitations. come party with us december 14th! leave a comment if you want an ivitation.



this is the best ever. i want to know more. i may send out christmas cards.


it's so past my bedtime. but you all have been so patient, how can i not give you what you want?

ok, so my favorite things about the trip-
- meeting d's next youngest sister, the only one i hadn't met, who is now my favorite
-playing lots of card games
- thanksgiving dinner, which left me completely sated due to the unlikely availabliity of the requisite corn cassarole.
- seeing the sewing factory where d's mom works- such huge production! it was totally cool. i wanted to run away and work at a sewing factory and get health insurance until d told me how much she makes, and it would not sustain my current lifestyle.

i didn't take many photos while i was there, which i sincerely regret, because now i want to just post impressions, which would be so much better as actually photos, rather than trying to come up with a thousand words. i definately had the feeling of being an ethnographer (or anthropologist? not sure what the difference is...)observing this strange, foriegn culture. i dont' think taking hundreds of photos would have helped much.

it's all just very different from the way i grew up. for instance, every salesperson or waitress who helped us was missing at least one tooth. d and i were talking about how iowaians appear to be exclusively white, so the shit jobs i'm used to seeing hispanics or african americans do are done by the next available minority, women. i didn't encounter any rich iowaians, but as a tourist, i don't know how likely i would be to encounter rich chicagoians.

d made me feel very cared for. she took a lot of care to make sure there was pop with sugar for me to drink, food without meat for me to eat, that sort of thing. it's funny, the things she would warn me about. her youngest sister's house- boy, i don't even know how to blog about that experience. her youngest sister lives in the rundown trailer her parents moved out of, so it was the house d grew up in, and we had to move the boxes of christmas stuff out of the basement to the parents' new apartment. d warned me the back yard contained weeds taller than me- but neglected to mention the dead car and washer and dryer parked out there. d told me it was an unfinished basement, which didn't sound like much of a threat until i encountered the ragged sheets of stained insulation hanging from the ceiling and the thick coat of spiderwebs and dirt that covered everything. there was a broom in a corner that had been so wrapped with spiderwebs it was round, and the grey dirt texture made it look like a hornet's nest- i couldn't look at it without imagining nasty things living in it. d's sister had offered us a bed if her parents didn't get their fold out in time, and d told me that i wouldn't like it cause it smelled, but i think she knew how horrifying i would find all of it- the disrepair, the darkness, the piles and piles and PILES of junk everywhere- it was very cinematic to me. it didn't seem to belong in anyone's real life, let alone people i knew.

so anyway, about these christmas boxes we were moving-
d's mom is the queen of tchotchkies, she collects carosel horses. has three pieces of furnature for the express and sole purpose of displaying said figurines. but after we moved the christmas stuff, it was all slowly replaced by new christmas figurines. the snowman who's foot you press and it plays jingle bells and another snowman pops out of his hat. suddenly, there's a snowflake girl in our room, sitting there next to the tv, and she ice skates when you push her button. but the one of my most intense fascination was the table by the front door, which was completely cleared of horses to make way for the choir of angels (4 white, 1 black) with FIBER OPTIC WINGS. oh yes. you plug them in, they glow, the lights move, they change color. i am Always won over by fiber optics! even though for my own house i try to stick to the rule of not owning anything i don't know to be useful and believe to be beautiful, i could watch them slowly go from red..... to blue...... to green...... all day. that's about how much stimulation i can handle.

this stimulation situation, as you may imagine, was troublesome for me. nothing is ever what you think it's going to be. i was expecting small town iowa, lack of public transit, or dealing with the family to be the hardest part of my trip. but it was television. every moment we were home, d's dad was in front of the tv in the living room, and whenever i had exhausted my entertainment ideas for jr (which, i admit, were slim), he turned on the other one. i'm sure i'd be able to tune it out if i was always exposed to it, but i wasn't there long enough to get to that point. i came home and sat in silence for 2 days. i haven't even listened to podcasts on the train.

now how to end this rambly post? i shouldn't have wasted all of my favourite parts at the begining, because now i'm left with a negative story. so instead i'll say i'm really glad i went, i feel like i know so much more about d now. meeting her family was one thing, but seeing how she grew up, how they all interact, makes so many things clearer to me. they really do all rely on her to run the family, and make everything happen, even from chicago. her house has always stressed me out, but now i know what a long way she's come. i'm always so wary about trying to change someone, but i feel like it's not so much trying to change her as give her valuble life skills, tools that people in the know use, like how to make a budget or "a place for everything and everything in it's place." still, i can't stop singing "sweet lorraine."

i'm being totally condecending, classist and elitist, aren't i? i've been worrying about how to describe things without it seeming that way. but i AM these things, so it's going to be impossible for me to write about them from another point of view. all i can work with are my observations, my feelings, my experiences.

enough. i'm going to bed.

oh, the only other thing i didnt' mention is how i'm totally 6-year-old-ed out. i have a peak capacity for 6-year-old, and it was unfortunately passed before our return to chicago.


no stories yet

...but i'm uploading lots and lots of pictures to flickr. hopefully that will sate you. i whish i could pull out a mini blog entry. i had a great one, a fleeting thought at work today, but i have no idea what it is. i just did the crosswords and ate dinner when i got home tonight, so now i have supermundo bag work to do. the sewing of 4 of them, to be exact. d's coming over tomorrow to help me glue them in.


i'm home!

so glad to be returned from iowa and back to chicago! iowa was just fine, i'll blog all about it soon, i promise!


oh i have never had a way with women...

we leave tomorrow for iowa! i have a half day at work, and d will pick me up at the train station. i will try and blog from there- i have the hightest hopes of having a vacation, and with all that wild free time i will read and knit and play scrabble to my heart's content. i do have to remember that i am going to meet her family, and they may want to at least talk to me occasionally. i also don't know if i'll have any internet access there. but i'm trying to blog regularly again, so hopefully this won't ruin my streak!

was going to upload my pictures on flickr from the last, oh, 3 weeks before i left, but my camera's already at d's. i packed up my stuff earlier. i had a whole suitcase full, but now i'm playing that game- shouldn't i take my spinning? and what about the sweater i knit? if it's cold, i'll probably want more layers... on and on it goes. i may end up packing an extra little bag for all of that sort of stuff. then i'll be draging on the train, hating myself and my last minute oopsies. i should know how to be a light packer by now. i thought this was a skill i'd acomplished in europe, but i guess not. the problem is mostly knowing the weather is going to be cold but not knowing how much time we're going to spend outside, or how cold the inside spaces are going to be. luckly i have a girlfriend who is large and warm i can cuddle with if trapped in a snowstorm. or mostly any other time.

i know it's past my bedtime, but since d and i stayed home and did bags lastnight instead of going contra dancing, i felt like i really needed an extracurricular activity and went to play euchre. and they were even NICER people there tonight! i continue to play terribly poorly, though. i will be happy if i start winning three games a night.

but i have a big day tomorrow, so it's off to bed with me. if i don't blog again till then, may all my readers (this means you) have a marvelous, delicious, thankful thanksgiving!


in which yet another episode of "this american life" makes this blogger weepy

at the laundrymat today (which i'm sorry, it IS spelled that way, it doesn't make sense to spell it any other) was knitting and listening to podcasts. specifically this american life #84, harold. which is all about harold washington, the first black mayor of chicago, in between the daleys. i thought he was awesome before, i mean, hello, look at the LIBRARY named after him, but now i like him even more. and they interviewed people on the street on the southwest and northwest sides, who said of course they didn't vote for harold then, but times have changed, and they'd vote for a black man now- maybe even obama. although, obama sounds like a politician, and harold washington sounded like a real person. which i always like in a politician. i am glad the illinois primary is after the canidate is mostly decided, because i'm still not sure if i should vote obama or clinton. and i don't know if you know or care about all the hooplah going on down in springfield, but the last time i was feeling wishy-washy i made the wrong choice. i voted for the democrat over the woman, and boy to i wish i had made the other decision. they've been MONTHS trying to balance the budget, and it costs them $40,000 a day that they stall- it's nicknamed the "teacher-a-day" plan- and they won't do anything about giving funding to public transportation. they keep giving the cta cash advances on next year's budget, and don't understand why no one's happy with that. there has been doomsday after doomsday, and everything's in permanent flux, and now there's gonna be a strike if SOMETHING doesn't happen by the first of the year.

fun times, here in chicago. i think i'll just ride my bike to the library.



so, i quit my job.

not the flower shop, or the bag lady. the other one, the graduation parade one. christopher was my buffer last year between me and management, and with him run away and joined the circus, i was just at loose ends and didn't know what to do or how to relate to anyone. the manager is a really odd personality, and she gives the shop a vibe that it's hard to work in. and the boss and i have a really hard time communicating. we were fine last year when we had christopher translating each other's messages back and forth, but we can't seem to do it well in real life.

she told me about 2 weeks ago christopher wasn't coming back. it really upset me. so i sent him a text, and it probably wasn't a very nice text, because i've been blaming everything on him, not so much as it's his fault as it's easier to be angry at someone else than at yourself, and he's not around to defend himself. he called me after the text, unwilling to take any shit from me. it's not my problem, he said. i'm with the circus now. i'm not there. deal with your own problems. if it's that bad, quit.

so i did.

i wrote my resignation letter last weekend, and had my mom proofread it, then i sent it yesterday. christopher ended up having december off, so he'll actually be in the shop in december, but i won't. boss said that it's the end of a payroll period so there's no reason for me to come back. i feel like such a looser, even though i quit instead of being fired. like if i was a better or stronger person, i would have been able to keep it. or i'm being cocky- who am i to demand wonderful jobs that i love with fabulous bosses who take me out drinking or invite me to camp on their summer home's lawn?

and i feel a little sucky from her response. it's such a perfect example of how we communicate. i mean, i don't know how my words are recieved. i imagine she thinks i'm prickly, easily offended, and slightly autistic. but i have no idea. as for how i hear her, well it seems like everything she says is so nice, but i hear it all as back handed compliments, or thinly veiled put downs. i mean, i could tell you what she said in her letter, but when i repeat it it sounds snide, and the letter wasn't at all. lets see, like she just said, "I think now would be a good time to end your tenure at the shop, instead of working the rest of the semester- although I thank you for that offer! It is the end of a pay period coming up, so it will be easiest to
transition...So, thank-you, and if you have left any personal belongings at the shop
please pick them up soon so they don't get lost in the vortex of the move..." which sounds to me like being kicked out immediately

eh. this isn't even making sense. i can't even explain what i mean. cause, these all are perfectly reasonable. sure, i imagined finishing out the semester, it's only about three more weeks, i didn't know i wouldn't be back at the shop again... but give me a break, I"M the one who quit! what am i expecting? it's what i wanted. and though i worry about paying for xmas when i've just quit a job, i am also feeling positively GIDDY about having tuesday off. a whole day! in the middle of the week! imagine!

i'm going to use it for all the other sewing i'm behind on. won't have a lot of time to sew over thanksgiving.

oh, and have i mentioned i'm spending thanksgiving in IOWA with d's family? yeah, i know.


cleaning up

i was going to say it's been nice to be home this week and get my cleaning done on schedule, but then i realized, i HAVEN'T been home. after work monday i went contra dancing, after work tuesday i played euchre... but i guess i've been sticking to the flylady outside of that, so i came home and did my cleaning after dancing, and i did all my paperwork last night. tonight i tried to delete some old emails... pretty unsuccessfully, the ones at the beginning i mostly want to keep, you know. but i did delete all sorts of emails from about a year ago when i still had nasty blogger comments, but they were emailed to me. and i had so many of them! it makes me sad. not that i don't get very many comments, anymore, because i still think i get an equal number of comments per post, but that i don't blog anymore. and when i do blog, it's not about very interesting things. but have interesting blogs i MEAN to write. if only i could remember them when i sit down... and the stupid home page making me sign in. it was so nice when i made the blog entry page my homepage. but now, it asks me for my password and shit, and i just can't be bothered so i just read my emails and other peoples blogs. i don't write anything much anymore. isn't that sad?


don't walk

in our lives full of warnings, some seem so reasonable, believable, followable. in a fire, i would never take the elevator instead of the stairs. i wouldn't cross when the light tells me not to. and i won't cross the tracks outside of the approved walkways.

tben of course, there are the warnings i disregard. i eat and drink on cta vehicles. i stand above that step. i use that product while charging. i leave that product plugged in when not in use.

but there are some..

let's just say that everyone has a secret rebel streak in them somewhere. i'm sure some people would commit theft or arson or something if they "turned bad." and others can't resist the pull of the dark side and actually do those things. me, my crimes would be much more minor. but still, though minor, every time i see these warnings, i have to make a concious choice to obey.

i want to pull in case of fire. i want to eat silica gel. i want to write below that line.


crochet urchins and star fish

if you live in chicago, you need to see this:
the reef

if you don't live in chicago, well, maybe you should come visit. my mom said it was worth it.

the promise is still broken

listen, kiddos. it's been a long weekend full of bags. i DID upload a shitload of pics to flickr. y'all will have to be satisfied with that for a bit. sorry. on the other hand, am really glad i'm not doing nanowrimo, cause i'd be a huge dissapointment.



i have every intention of writing a real blog someday. it's just... my girlfriend is over and we watched a movie and i cooked up all my vegetables and there's still all those bags...

i PROMISE to write a long entry tomorrow. and upload flickr pictures. PROMISE.


mom's gone

but i'm still overwhelmed by sewing. ufta! i don't know how it got so piled up. well, i do- i didn't do a single bag when mom was here. then i only did three of the five i had, then brigid brought 9 more over and so now i have 11 bags to do. and charles's pants. and aharona's jacket. and deb's vest. and the cherry print sundress i've been coveting.

somehow i think that one's going to be pushed back till a more appropriate time to wear it.

in other interesting news, i got this from sarah and look at how well i scored:

cash advance

Cash Advance Loans

which reminds me of my new vocabulary obsession which is using legion as (i think) an adjectives.

i.e. brigid has brought over more bags, and they are legion. i will not be going out this weekend.


mom's here...

and all is good. thanks for the love, y'all. i appreciate it!


mom comes tomorrow. the house is ready, but i feel emotionaly unprepared. today was just an emotionally fragile day. i fought with christopher. i think i'm quitting my spectacle job. i feel like i just sorta need some time to take care of myself.


the list

ok. here's the list that there apparently wasn't a link to- sorry y'all.
it's from helen boyd's blog, (en)gender
Being LGBT Globally
Posted in LGBTQ on October 28th, 2007

This list was compiled by Chuck Laird from information he found at Wiki.

Algeria – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Angola – Labor Camps
Antigua and Barbuda – 15 Years in Prison
Bahrain – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Bangladesh – 10 Years to Life in Prison
Barbados – Life in Prison
Belize – 10 Years in Prison
Benin – 3 Years in Prison
Bhutan – 1 Month to 1 Year in Prison
Botswana – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Brunei – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Cameroon – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Cook Islands – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Djibouti – 10 to 12 Years in Prison
Dominica – 10 Years in Prison
Egypt – 5 Years in Prison
Eritrea – 3 to 10 Years in Prison
Ethiopia – 10 Days to 3 Years in Prison
Gambia – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Ghana – Not Known
Grenada – 10 Years in Prison
Guinea – 6 Months to 3 Years in Prison
Guinea Bissau – Labor Camps
India – A Fine to Life in Prison
Iran – Death
Jamaica – 10 Years Hard Labor
Kenya – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Kiribati – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Kuwait – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Lebanon – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison
Lesotho – Not Known
Liberia – A Fine
Libya – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Malawi – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Malaysia – A Fine to 20 Years in Prison
Mauritania – Death
Mauritius – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Morocco – 6 Months to 3 Years in Prison
Mozambique – Labor Camps
Myanmar/Burma – 10 Years to Life in Prison
Namibia – Not Known
Nauru – 14 Years Hard Labor
Nepal – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison
Nicaragua – 1 to 3 Years in Prison
Nigeria – 5 Years in Prison to Death
Niue – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Oman – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Pakistan – 2 Years to Life in Prison
Palau – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Palestine – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Papua New Guinea – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Qatar – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Saint Kitts and Nevis – 10 Years in Prison
Saint Lucia – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Saint Vincent and Grenadines – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Samoa – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Sao Tome and Principe – Labor Camps
Saudi Arabia – Death
Senegal – 1 Month to 5 Years in Prison
Seychelles – A Fine to 2 Years in Prison
Sierra Leone – Life in Prison
Singapore – 2 Years in Prison
Solomon Islands – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Somalia – 3 Months in Prison to Death
Sri Lanka – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Sudan – 5 Years in Prison to Death
Swaziland – A Fine
Syria – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Tanzania – A Fine to 25 Years in Prison
Togo – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Tokelau – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Trinidad and Tobago – 25 Years in Prison
Tunisia – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Turkmenistan – A Fine to 2 Years in Prison
Tuvalu – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Uganda – A Fine to Life in Prison
United Arab Emirates – Death
Uzbekistan – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Yemen – Flogging to Death
Zambia – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Zimbabwe – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison


i will write an entry that is about something other than how i don't blog. i know it's repetitive, and lonely, and i'm sorry. but my machines have been in the shop all week, and they were supposed to be done saturday, and they weren't, and d finally went by at 5 to pick them up for me. so then i had to get cranking on the bags for tomorrow. but they're done. all five. sure it's 1.30 am. they're done. so i'm blogging to celebrate.

more later, i promise. a- the entry was a compiled list for the punishments of being queer in various countries. miss you- will talk soon.


the scariest thing i've seen all weekend

i went to the halloween square dance thursday, a party of hugo's friends last night and have tom and bob's party tonight. plus, d and i watched aimee und jaguar last night. but this is the winner for scaryness.

a list



now, you know i've occasionally blogged about politics, but i'm not the sort of news-watch blogger so many of my companions are. (who are my companions? stay tuned, in an upcoming post i will reveal all!) sure, i get the newspaper. but i read the comics and the "lifestyle" section, and do the crossword. MAYBE the local news. but i don't have a tv, and don't read internet news. i guess the sorts of things i find interesting are just a "huh," sort of thing. but here is a news article i can relate to:

an hydrangea problem

if you don't feel like clicking on the link, here are key quotes from the new york times:
"The bride, Elana Glatt, says her florist committed a series of faux pas at her wedding on Aug. 11. In the most “egregious,” Ms. Glatt says in a lawsuit alleging breach of contract, the florist substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green hydrangeas she had specified for 22 centerpieces."

"He said that he and his wife, Paula, had done their best to match the color of the hydrangeas with a picture Ms. Glatt had given them, but explained to her that because of the vagaries of nature and the lighting at the reception, the colors might not look exactly the same."

"“The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for,” Ms. Glatt, a lawyer who practices under the name Elana Elbogen, said in the lawsuit, which she filed on behalf of herself, her husband and her mother-in-law, Tobi Glatt, who paid for the flowers."


now, obviously, i have some pretty strong opinions on this, since it's something that comes up in my day-to day life. it's so wierd to me to have things i deal with at work written up in a newspaper- i guess cops and politicians and lawers and such are used to having the details of their careers written in newspapers. but it's not often you can say, "goddess, why do brides always want hydrangeas? and what florist would promise to find two tone ones?" the color problem is something i often deal with in corsages- she has a pink dress, can i have a pink rose corsage? well, yes, but you can't dye the flowers to match your shoes. (i said that to a bride once, and she was really offended. i felt bad) i think the most important thing is coming to an understanding with your client- know what it is that they like about a certain arrangement= is it the two toneness, the burgandy, the hydrangea, what? that way you can substitute, say, green and burgandy callas and spider mums if the hydrangeas are all pink. did they get samples in for her, i wonder? we try to show our clients how they will be disapointed before the big day comes.

we actually did a wedding recently with big color variations. the bride wanted all orange and white flowers. and ch had, without thinking, sold her all hard-to-get or delicate flowers, like dahlias and ranunculus. i think the bridesmades and the wedding decorations had orange alstro, daisy mums, and ranunculus in them. and they were ALL dramatically different shades of orange. the alstro was basically yellow, the mums were a rusty brown, the ranunculus was ORANGE ORANGE. i was really worried about them all not matching at all, until the orange dahlias came, and they were a bittersweet, really red orange, and that made it a full spectrum of orange, and like we meant it, and it was very pretty and fall, esp. ch said when held in front of the bridesmaid's pale-coral-y dresses.

we also, it must be admitted, only take on brides that we like. friends, neighbors, customers we have experience with. rosexpressions, catering to the budget bride and the lowfrills committment ceremonies. it just fits with our shop. we're not cheap or cheap looking. but we're not snobby, we work with you, and we understand small. the shop, it's rather small itself.


hey don't bitch at me for not blogging

i didn't do my killer yoga podcast, either. but my little sister has been threatening me to sign up for facebook for awhile, and when she tells you to do something, well, you do it.


talking about haunting

which is my verb of choice today, no offence ch, it's just fall-o-ween.

my season has been changed forever! it's that turning point of the year, that first slip into sweaters and glitter and bare trees, that sign that 2007 is entering into the season of gratitute and nurturing....

the grocery store, it has the cinnamon scented pinecones out.

i don't know what it is about the cinnamon scented pinecones. but it is. it is something. i FEEL them. they make me emote. ach. cinnamon scented pinecones. i cannot even describe the effect you have on my life.


i am america and so can you

heard stephen colbert interviewed on fresh air the other day, and the bookstore has a whole row of this book, one has to walk by on the way to the bathroom. his eyes follow you. z loves colbert, and i can see the draw. i can see how the title is so perfect for his character, the best title possible. still the grammar DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY.

ch can't stop haunting me with it. he'll call me on the way to the bathroom.

in more pleasant things one can do to one's brain, check this out.i couldn't see anything but clockwise, but then with enough staring it switched. i couldn't get it to switch back, but if i stop her i can switch back and forth at will. i guess this comes from beign right handed and left eye dominant?


the price must be paid

and this time, the cost is $25 and a day of feeling unreliable, stupid, and like i was letting everyone down.

didn't set my alarm last night. woke up when the cat climbed on me, 7 minutes after i was supposed to be at work. on boss's day.


but the day went fine, and once i got home i:
-talked to z
-made collard risotto
-did the patternless crossword
-met with slipcover guy re: my new project, due thursday
-threw away the science projects in my fridge
-organized my tupperware
-cleaned out my 2 food shelves, including reorgaizing, throwing away everything older than mitzi, wiping them out and changing the shelf paper.
-checked and cared for my email
-entered in the coke caps on my desk (everyone, feel free to share your mycokerewards with me!)

of course, i wanted to start on the sewing, too, but you can;t have it all.


this post brought to you by the letter "S"

i must sew sew sew this week... but not right now, first there are flowers to do! tomorrow is boss's day! yes, that's three "s"s is right in a row! and there's two more! wow! teleflora is going with the plural, but we like the posessive better, and it's what's on the balloons.

premakes all day today, but the big rush is tomorrow- boss's day is not a(n) holiday you preorder for. blah. d drove me to vogue to pick up foam for the cushion, only to find they have to special order 5". so we'll have to go back on thursday. wah-wah.

feeling good about the week. lots of work, but it will keep me out of trouble. and i'll get paid. if i come right home from work, and spend an hour cooking and eating, and an hour managing my house, and an hour sewing, why, that still gives me over an hour to waste online. doesn't that sound like a nice plan?

so, to recap today's fun with english:
-boss's day has three "s"s right in a row.
-a holiday or an holiday? i think with the h, it's "you decide"
-d and i also did the crossword together after after vogue and she discovered another one of those triple-double-letter combos i like so much: sweettooth. however, it, like balloonnut, is actually two words, whereas bookkeeping is the real thing. what about a bookkeepperson? that's a quadruple double! wow!



the curtains are finished!!!!!!

unfortunately i still don't have time to blog. while working on curtains FOUR other jobs called me- slipcover guy, bowling ball bag lady, cushion lady and laundry bag guy.

it's gonna be a busy week.

and it's i pity, cause i wanted to talk about celebrating october holidays, like banned books week (i checked out vonegut's slapstick, and jr and i read and tango makes three) and coming out day. (i read stories from chicago's SAGE elders and made plans to play euchere with them if my life ever calms down)

let me know what you all are up to, as i'm chained to the sewing machine!


thanks, y'all

it's so very encouraging. a- i think this is a time in your life where you don't have to apologize for that sort of thing. and thanks for the shirt! it's awesome. liz- i feel a little better. but i'm sure you get lots of practice saying this, just not so much in english. d- thanks as always. i know you're going to be a big help keeping me fed.

still no fabric. hopefully it will be here tomorrow! i want to stop worrying and start working. i've been better. imagining it in yards nstead of feet. three yards by seven and a half, that's not so bad. thinking of the worst case senario- i can't do it, or i can't do it all on time, they get furious at me, throw things, and don't pay me, and make sure i never work in chicago theaters again.
tbat's not so bad. i don't know if iever want to work with a theater company again.

nice slipcover man called today. has a little work for me over the weekend. had to tell him no. sucks. much rather be doin that. sometimes poor's the better choice.


curtain nightmare

oh goddess i fucked up big time. i need to get more sleep cause i make stupid decisions when i don't sleep- and oh, have i fucked up. i got a perfectly reasonable job offer for running a show last week. why, oh why, did i not take THAT job? steady income. hours that work with my schedule. i said i'd make curtains for this theater company. i've made curtains for shows before. it takes a week or two before we actually talk about it. she asks first if i can sew through this fabric i've never heard of, and i say probably. it sounds heavy, but i do the bags, right? and then she says there's a few more curtains, and they have $400 for me. THIS should have been my sign. i can't possibly do any job that's worth that much. but i was being greedy, and said, sure, i'm sure that will be enough. she says the fabric will be in on tuesday, i'll have two weeks to do them, they'll need them by the 16th at the latest, and she'll email me specifications.

the main curtains are nine feet long by 22 feet wide.

there are 6 of them.

they need box pleats at the top.

the curtains aren't for some dinky set. they're for the fuckign THEATER.

PLUS, from tuesday to the 16th is ONE week, not two. and friday there's an event at the flowershop, and tuesday is bosses day- i'm gonna need to work monday and tuesday. what the hell am i supposed to do now?


basically personal correspondence between liz and i

i never got a chance to thank you for that fabulous comment, but yes indeedy, i remember that girlyman concert. so much happens in a year. it's so funny to me how long it took for us to meet in real life- you are like so many of my imaginary online friends- with the benefit of actually living in the city! well, until OK. but you're comming back. i know you are.

24-hr salad is a family delicacy that i doubt is widely known outside of western pennsylvania. the origns are the name are unknown, as it takes at most 18hrs to make. a cooked dressing (basically a syrup with pineapple juice) is poured over pineapple chunks, halved grapes, walnuts and marshmallows. these are allowed to marinate overnight, and then before going to the potluck you whip up some cream and fold it in. this is obviously a HUGE nutritional step above jello salads.

i was gonna say something about ann coulter and i both being cute with bad hair, but then i saw the newt gingrich ads. so no, i have no idea why my comments are advertizing ann and newt. i feel like i know ann better than she knows me, but she's voiced her hatred of me before, so i feel fine about hating her.

i personally am a comment addict, so i am pleased to comment on others blogs. that, i feel, is good internet karma! i bank on people feeling the same way i do.


rote tasks

one of the most calming soothing things to me is to do the same repititous work over and over and over again. this brings me peace, it helps me meditate. things that go into this catagory are things like coalating. preparing bulk mailings- address address address address stamp stamp stamp. and knitting and spinning, of course.

the best ones are also things that remind me of my childhood. with this weeks apples (oh, i MUST remember to tell you all about my share) i made a waldorf salad. i AGONIZED over the grapes. they had ugly green ones for 1.29 and boring red ones for 1.49. they had the most beautiful dark purple ones for 2.99, and the hugest most perfect globes for 1.49. i really wanted to buy the dark ones, but i couldn't justify it. so i bought the huge red globes, knowing full well i'd be cursing myself when it came time to actually make the salad.

but you know what? i was still glad i did it. seeding grapes i think falls into that mesmerizing task catagory. i remember my grandmother seeding masses of grapes to make 24hr salad for thanksgiving. my mother always rolled her eyes and said that it was a stupid reason to buy the grapes with seeds, just cause they were cheaper. but now i know, it wasn't cause they were cheap, it was because they were huge and sweet and beautiful. it was because seeding them drove her crazy that she thought seedless grapes are the only way to go. my grandmother and i, we don't mind it so much.

i know i don't deserve a blog.

i know. i keep thinking these stories, but i don't get a chance to write them down. ever. like the worlds most PAINFUL customer. who wanted to know about our cards. so i showed him our enclosure cards (which are free) and our greeting cards (prices as marked). and then he said he actually just needed an envelope to put a picture in, and i said yeah i can do that. and then he was SUPER painful about picking out flowers. he had strong opinons, but he wouldn't VOICE those opinions, he just wanted me to keep pulling together things, with no imput from him, until i magically i came up with the right one. so he finally decides. and i wrap it up. and he thinks he might want to add something else. and i unwrap it. and he decides it's fine how it is. and i rewrap it. and he asks for the envelope. so i give him one of our stationary envelopes. your basic #10 with our return address on it. he doesn't like this envelope. he wants a greeting card envelope. and i say that's fine, but he has to pay for one of those, because they come with greeting cards. and i'm not going to short someone else an envelope because a painful customer wants one. a friendly kind frequent cheerful customer, maybe. but certainly not him. he is very unhappy about this. his energy is poluting the wellness benefits the flowers are giving off. ch steps in. it gets worse. ch says, what do you want? a refund? a credit? and he says yes! he feels like he was misled, when i told him i would give him an envlope my gaze must have darted to the greeting card envelopes or something. ch is like, sure, you don't have to buy the flowers, but i'm not giving you money back just because you want a service we don't offer. ugh. it was awful. when he finally left, we were like, what a way to end the day. and i was discribing how it started out so badly, and ch cut me off- dude came BACK to get an enclosure card. LAME.

and THEN, i started having flashbacks yesterday morning, cause d is trying to sell off excersize equipment of her ex's. and new dude calls, and he wants to come by just to see it. to see how to take it apart to put it in his trunk. and d says come on by, but you need special wrenches or whatever. he comes. he hems. he haws. he thinks by talking more, it will shrink, his trunk will grow, or d will magically produce tools to take it apart. d says you can drive with it hanging out the back of your trunk. i provide measuring tape in hopes something concrete will convince everyone no magic will be happening here. it does not. he finally says d should sell it if she can and he'll try and find a friend with a pick up truck, and i say, d, it fits in your trunk, right, can we just take it to his house? so that's what we did. the fabric store that was supposed to take up all of our morning was closed anyway, so i didnt' even feel bad that the eliptical fiasco took its place. because now it's out of d's house and we don't EVER NEED TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN.


i KNOW i haven't updated

...but i guess it's because i keep hoping someone will have something- anything- to say about my book and/or movie list. also, not much happening here, but the world continuing to turn. i sew bags. pay bills. clean the house. go to work. the last three weekends i've spent with d, and while that's wonderful, i love spending time with the girlfriend, especially to celebrate things like birthdays or anniversaries, it does make me feel like i'm a little short on balance in my life.

but really it's bags. i am, as you may have surmised, feeling REALLY poor recently, so i've been sewing bags as fast as brigid can throw them at me. i've been averaging about 6 a week. at 2-3 hrs per bag, it adds up fast.

i've been following the flylady's basic weekly plan for about 3 weeks now and it's worked pretty well for the most part. well, it's worked well for getting me on a scedule for cleaning and shoping and running errands and stuff. unfortunately, it makes me feel like i can't leave the house midweek. but, on the other hand, i do have my weekends completely free from worry about when i'm going to go to the library or pay rent or clean the catbox. this weekend d and i did bags, played risk, did yoga, cooked mushroom sqash soup (and a bunch of beans to freeze), went to d's square dance class, sorted my closet (removing a bag of stuff to give away, putting away the sundresses and getting out the sweaters and velvet), and read novels in bed. we also went to the hardware store and i bought curtain rods for my kitchen. the lights in the back gangway used to be mostion sensor, but now they're on all the time and it makes my house qute bright all night long. and i am a in-the-dark sleeper. so now i need to buy curtain fabric too. because, you know, since i'm so poor and all i can't stop shopping.

so we'll see how this week goes with midweek activities thrown into the flylady mix. after square dancing on saturday it made me wanna contra, so d and i decided to go out and DO IT tomorrow night. houseblessing night. then d is going to iowa next weekend, so i'll be going to her place wednesday night. anti-procrastination night. i think i can make it all happen.

in fact, i'm going to crawl back into my closet NOW, so i can finish sewing these bags tonight, i can glue them after dancing tomorrow, and then i can do my houseblessing tonight and i don't have to worry about it tomorrow.

see? i am a girl with a PLAN!



the booklist and movielist are updated again. it was a lot of typing since april. please check em out and leave a comment or two.

resolution recap

wanted to do one for summer, too, but never got around to it. so now here's my fall acomplishments:

1. spend less than 1 hr online daily. it continues to take up my life.
2. watch 4 movies a month. i continue to average about 2.
3. go to figure drawing once a month. still have never been.
7. do a sketch every day. yeah right.
11. paint more. could i possibly paint less?
15. write more. not at all. but i'm PLANNING on doing nanowrimo. i'm gonna write a novel in november. so if i manage any of that, well. first, i probably won't blog AT ALL. but this one will certainly move to the other column.
16. go to bed on time, get enough sleep. i've been doing ok at the latter, but i suck at the former. thank goddess i don't work 9-5m-f.
18. floss. eh, maybe every other month. and the week before the dentist.
19. make my arms strong. i did this for a while. but i got out of the habit. how to get back in?

4. do a patternless crossword every week. maybe not EVERY week, but with frightening regularitly.
5. write a letter every week. i tend to binge, still. but i usually pull off an average of a letter every other week.
6. take a photo every day. barely a success. but i'm still tumbling the 365day track in fits and starts.
8. drink the flylady kool-aid (eg shine my sink everyday). while i'm not a dedicated sink shiner, i do have a weekely houseblessing, morning and evening routines, and am just starting excitedly on her basic weekly plan.
9. complete plus level square dance class. done and done. wish there were advanced options. want to change this to contra.
10. take violin lessons. acomplished... now i need to practice the darn thing. so it should really be in the falure catagory.
12. read more. put this one on mostly so there'd be a plus.
13. knit more. with all this sock yarn? oh yeah. i knit a sweater this year.
14. travel more- st. louis, san francisco, michigan, pa, day trip to baltimore. i think that counts.
17. celebrate seasonally (eg. ice skating in the winter, sending out valentines, decorating easter eggs, etc)i think i need to define this more. i was better in the spring. but i did travel a lot during the summer and wear lots of sundresses and now i'm making applesauce and mushroom squash soup. and i bought mums for my planters. so so i think, while not extraordinary, i'm certainly celebrating seasonally more than i'm, say, sketching.

so i'm half way there. my spring recap had 5 falures, but 6 in a "hopeful" catagory. so i definately feel there is self-improvement happening. watch me become a better person daily!

birthday musings

you can catch all my stories over on flickr, i feel like. i've just been wasting so much time online... or, i am distracted by real life people and don't get a chance to sign on. there are other things i want to do, too though. contra on mondays. draw on wednesdays. find out my options for the center on halsed activities. chicago is a big place- i need to apply myself more. i had a wonderful time with ch and hugo and d this weekend... yet i feel like i need more local friends. d and i talked about having a fall dinner party, and i don't know who i'd invite except for them.

don't get me wrong- my birthday was a weekend long celebration, with yarn and music and sex and crafts. i had a good time. but i long to see what's in store for the next year. in fact, let me go find my resolutions. it's time for a resolution recap.


day 207- birthday cake

johnny b and charles baked it for me! i've never had a cake with my name on it before. what a special surprise!

day 205- don't ask don't tell

i was so sad when this yarn that sarah dyed was bought, not by me.
but it was bought by my girlfriend! and she gave it to me for my birthday! horray!

204- new earing!!

204- new earing!!
Originally uploaded by unglaubliche caitlin
i've been waiting and waiting and waiting to put in this jewelry, and enough healing has occured i could finally do it! so now, i just need to take a picture that's in focus....

bountiful birthday box!

thanks so much monochromatic girl and misanthropic sarah! what a delightful, delightful birthday box! you put all other gift givers to shame!

not really a blog...

it's past my bed time, and i have bags to finish. so for the highlights of my weekend, head on over to flickr. thanks!



the last item of my houseblessing is taking the trash out to the dumpster. it's beautiful in chicago tonight, so i decided to do it in my bare feet and savor my last outside shoeless experience of the season. i've done it a couple of times (taken the trash out in bare feet) and i always am fine with it until after i've dropped my bags in and i turn around to walk back to my gate and see the asphalt sparkling in the streetlights. even though y'all know my favorite color is glitter, then i always think, "eh, THAT was a silly thing to do." though i never cut my feet. so far, knock on wood. the only glass splinters i've ever gotten have been in my own house, from things dropped on the marble floor. those sorts of things make me contemplative, though. what is the lifespan of this glass? where was it before it was here? what was it before it was broken? one of the sparkly things in the light i noticed was a safety pin, head bent, most likely fallen out of one of my trashbags. that's one story i know a good chunk of. will anyone else imagine my life when they see the safety pin in the alley?

hapy anniversary

d and i celebrated code 3 at the flowershop this weekend, abrieviated ha. we met a year ago saturday. to celebrate, we spent the whole weekend together. d picked me up at the flowershop on friday after work, because we had a dying tree i wanted. so i have a cute new tree in my apartment, and i think it is going to be so much happier here in my sunny home than any stuffy office building! then i paid my bills while she cooked dinner for me- she made these AMAZING zuchinni pancakes we put cranberry chutney on, and stuffed eggplant and apple nectarine crisp. we had the zuchinni pancakes for breakfast the next morning- it was SO nice, saturday morning sunlight (the kind that pours in like butterscotch and sticks to all your sences) and library books to read and a girlfriend to cuddle with and fancy herbal teas and fancy pancakes and fruit... it was supercozy.

but we pried ourselves up from that to go to the renegade craft fair. i was looking for something specific, and found it, so horray! necessary shopping taken care of. we stopped by d's house to check her mail and get some food she had to eat up, and then we came back to my house to eat dinner and change for concert #1. we took the train to hear nervous but excited at schubas! they were very good, they have some wonderful new songs. they opened for natalia zuckerman, who was also quite excellent- we stayed to hear much more of her than we thought we were going to! then we went to mi tierra to have margaritas with ch, then BACK to schubas for concert #2, ingrid michaelson. she was enjoyable too, though the night was getting late. she has a quirky personality, but her precise singing style and clever songwriting make it fun to listen to songs of hers you don't know.

sunday d woke up first and went to devon market, then made me chocolate crepes with nutella, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, blueberries, kiwis and grapes! oh so yummy! and her crepe making technique keeps improving- they were really paper thin! i really wanted to be lazy, but there were bags to do. once done with breakfast, we listened to npr and i sewed. i broke my last stupid needle, and had to take a trip to joann's. but i got all but one of the bags done before we had to go out for dinner!

d had never been to a restaurant where you have to make reservations before, so my anniversary gift was to take her to the green zebra. it was really successful. as always, an amazing dining experience full of taste sensations. i had:
-Roasted Baby Beets, watercress, horseradish panna cotta
-Sweet Pea Raviolis, baby carrots,goat cheese, pinenut sauce
-Zuchini cake, brussels sprouts, almonds, squashblossom
-Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream Cake, coconut foam, dark chocolate sorbet, passion fruit

d had:
-Corn Soup, cornbread crouton, black pepper sweet cream
-Chickpea Pancake, fried chickpeas, basil, piperade
-Roasted Halibut, baby fennel, romanesco broccoli, new potatoes
-Toasted Corn Cakes, plum compote, sweet corn ice cream

i really loved the bitter brusselsprouts on the sweet zuchini cake, but my favourite of all may have been d's corn soup. we didn't know what piperade was, and so d was quite disturbed to find it's a pepper relish, so that wasn't her favourite course. i was getting full and couldn't decide if we should get two deserts or one, but i'm really glad we got both, because mine was lovely and amazing, and the corn ice cream i LOVED, so much better than the discription. yum!

after that, we headed back to schuba's for concert #3, girlyman! they were excellent as always, despite playing so many songs we don't know yet from their new album. they played lots of old favorites, too though. and i certainly love girlyman when i don't know any of their songs, so it was as always delightful.

but now it's monday. and i have to clean my house. cause that's what i do on monday. sigh.



so ch went to see this israeli movie called bubble which he says is super good. so now he wants to buy the sound track, but it's hard to do, find the website that will take american dollars for some indie israeli film. and he finally found one, and he was buying cds and talking on the phone to stacy (a hot mamma) and saying that having an package from israel shipped to thte sears tower was probably going to get him into trouble, next thing he knows he's going to be taken to guantanimo bay. now stacy and i both have comebacks to this, and he's just laughing, but then he has to repeat them both, so we can hear what the other says. i said, if i were you, i'd shave your goatee. she said, i'd come and rescue you- i'd get fuckin michael moore and we'd come save your ass!



well, it all started with finishing my sweater. pictures to follow, really. and i finished gabrielle's scarf, too. so now all i have unfinished are random socks- the socks of doom, the current socks i hate, and various baby booties i didn't QUITE have enough yarn for. so i need another project i love. and i have new yarn from krista and sarah's destashing:photo

so i need a pattern! i went to loopy yarn's birthday celebration to find something... but was so overwhelmed by the prices and the colors and the HORDES of wet knitters trying to take off their shirts for franklin that i didn't know what to buy. i almost bought the cat toy kit, but they are felted and felting and me do not mix in general, and esp. not when one must go to the laundrymat. so i bought... roving. lovely blue and green handpainted roving, and i got out my spindle and spun for the first time since moving to chicago. it is soothing but takes ALOT of concentration! and it's a joy to spin, i'm shocked how rarely my thread breaks and the spindle clatters to the ground and rolls under the bed for the cat to chase. i'm also putting more twist in it than... a chitown squares member dancing girl. that helps. so now i have a REALLY LONG TIME to decide what i will knit out of it. cause i only have 50g. which got me thinking and i dug in the back of my stash and found the gorgeous denim mohair my mom bought for me christmas of, oh, 1998. i spun it into a thickish oneply and planned on knitting it into a tam which is so 1987. so now i have more yarn i desperately want to knit but only have 50g of. i think i need to knit a swatch to just know what it will look like.
but i'm still obsessed with the pink stuff. cause when i see cotton, i think string bag, but this is much too soft for that. or socks, but it's too thick. or cute sweater, but there's not enough. or washcloths, but it's way too nice. so i searched by gauge instead of catagory and found this:

which is PERFECT. if only i had two more balls. i could stripe it with the green leftover from my hoodie, but it's too zany a combo. i'm going to see if i can find something more subtle, and do every other row or some such nonsense.

what do y'all think? i think i'll just spin for a bit.


on sexyness

ever since i came back from philly i've been wanting to write this little blurb of a blog - thinking about it after something i said to sarah. so z doesn't think d's cute, but i totally do. and hotness is important to me- my friend tammy, upon enterign a party, works her way around to speak to everyone. i beeline towards the people who look like they would be interesting. if you're ugly at a party, i won't chat at you. but it's my own standard of hot vs. not... and that's not the opposite of what culture says is hot. there's some differences, some similarities. i think since we're told skinny is good but anorexic is better, and since i don't believe that, it's automatically assumed that i am on the hunt for fat girls and i find them all sexy. and it's just not true. i just don't automatically exclude fat girls from my hotness scale- my scale is full of girls of all different shapes and sizes. certainly skinny ones too. maybe the fat girls i think are the sexiest because i tend to be in the minority. but it doesn't neccesarily make it a given. i have an online admirer who i don't really have any interest in being friends with. usually i try hard to return comments on flickr read the blogs of the people who read mine, and send care packages to anyone who leaves a comment. but i just can't be inspired to do so with her, cause, well, she's just not hot. does that make me a bad person?

a little addendum to this post that came up a little later this week, is this phenomenon i can think of in at least three couples i know- there's half of the couple, and they are usually the one i'm better friends with, and they and i really click. they're smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever in ways i can totally identify with and hang out with. and then they're dating these really hot people. but i know the hot people (because i'm friends with their partners) and i'm not jelous of their partners, because each hot one has a personality quirk or two that while charming (or annoying) in a friend is not anything i could handle as well as the partner they've got does. and while i love the smart or funny or clever or hippie or whatever one, i'm usually not attracted to them- beyond the mere friend stage, obviously, because i only make friends with people who are good looking. sorry. so, if you're reading this and you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner whom i know, you can play the "which one am i?" game. and if this insults or offends you, well, know that i love all of these friends, and it's just an odd frequent phenomenon but doesn't translate to all of the couples i know everyhere, so you're probably not who i'm thinking of when i wrote it, in fact, you're probably someone who i've secretly lusted over for years and will never get the guts up to do anything about, because you're just beyond what i could ever attain.

slips o paper part two

i know y'all would head over to found if you really wanted these, yet i am so facinated by the notes i find when cleaning my desk.

-sewing rebelion sun 1-5. 6932 n glenwood
-lego store northbrook
- www.artofplaychicago.com

-dandruff shampoo
-fair trade chocolate

google maps 233 e wacker

nearly new bike shop
3826 n broadway 113.525.0692

i think just from cleaning my desk i sound like a really interesting person


penna recap

i'm back- did i mention that? it's been a busy week. the wedding was lovely, mom and i went to the maiden creek sacred harp sing and the elverson contra dance, so i ended up havinga a folk filled weekend. dad dropped me off at the septa station, and my world became full of joy. no more worrying about making plans with z or being the right place at the right time looking the right way. i was free and independent! i had a lovely, glorious time with krista and sarah. we knit. we played games. we went to the art museum, a diner in south philly, and jfk plaza with the love statue. we played simpsons uno, sorry, and clue. krista made oregano cheddar scones and lentil soup for dinner. i had amazing gelato. we talked. we talked about the american medical system, warping boards, and the problem with harnesses. sarah, over the course of the weekend, used the words web 2.0, ennui, and heteronormative. i kept laughing, saying, "no, no, it's just that it's so nice to be with someone who understands..." with the ... being urban life or gauge or gender or radiators or public transportation or whatever. they heaped gifts upon me- purple cotton, self-patterning sock yarn, the
erotica book
sarah's story's in, a free ride to the trainstation, lots of photo opertunities. i was sad to come back to chicago, actually, i'd had such a lovely time when i was expecting, at least some turmoil. thanks, you guys! photos on flickr, as per usual.


pa update

no mini golf, but the rehersal dinner went fine. my legs safely hidden under the table. which was too bad, really, cause mom had her pedicure today, and took me. so i have very fancy pink toenails now. wow! playing lots of boggle- can't get enough of it. played a little piano too, but not very much, because i have to go to bed, since mom and i are going sacred harp singing tomorrow morning before the wedding. no plans yet for sunday. i wonder if the museum is open. j, i always seem to be in philly on mondays, when it's closed. someday, i'll make it there, because of course i want to go!

pa post

made it safely to pennsylvania. didn't get home til 2.30, but slept in, so it ended up ok. wedding activities today and tomorrow, but sunday i'll be heading to philly. so far i have no real plans- i have to decide if i feel like being a tourist, or a lazybum, or what. do you have suggestions on what i should do there? let me know!



thanksy'all for your lovely comments.
liz- see, i like the m&ms better. the vicodin are all the same color. very bland. you should see what my grandma serves for breakfast!

rachel- i really appreciate your comment. it's true the festival is a big place with so much happening all at once. i'm glad you offered your intentions.

deb- thanks as always baby. i love your complements!

sarah- exactly. i don't care as long as the bride doesn't. and i'm sure who you show your tattoos to depends a lot who it is. i just keep going to these exclusively berks county weddings. i mean, my mom's wedding had all her crazy conservative rural family, her husband's crazy stereotypical jewish family, all their mutual folky singing and dancing friends, and my mom's liberal, tye-dyed folk festival camping friends. it's not that i ever expect to blend in, but i only really stick out when everyone else looks the same.

also thanks to a and krista who gave me love in other sources than the comments. and liz too, who offered me cake.

and the real reason for this post, is a delightful little afterward which is a quote from over the rhine's newsletter:

"We were talking a lot about Home the last few weeks. Karin and I have chosen a life where pretty much every day we get to spend at home is a prize, a rare gift, something we worked for, an event drenched in gratitude. And yet, maybe home is not really about geography or air quality, or moonlight, or being in the city or out of the city, or in a red state or blue state, or in a music town or a working class town. Maybe home has more to do with the work we've all done as individuals to increasingly become people we can live with. Maybe home is the desire to live soulfully, the tiny ongoing decisions we make that allow the soul room to breathe.

That's our prayer for our extended musical family: that we would all find lives that allow the soul to thrive."

and i'm passing it on to you.


the jucy bits, or in need of a little scrabble.

so i have this blogging rule. i try to follow it, because when i don't, it gets me in trouble. and here i am about to break it. it's the don't say anything that's not absolutely praiseworthy about any of your readers rule, not to ever say anything that would make them think for the merest second that i don't absolutely love and adore them with my whole heart. when i break this rule i am usually sorry, end up apologizing profusely and removing the post. so why am i going into this post knowingly breaking the rule? i guess cause i'm feeling friday nightish. and i'm still, well, haunted by the experience. and i don't think... well, you'll see.

the scrabble line is in reference to liz (hi liz!) and all of her struggles this summer, and how she wants to drink and play games with her friends at the bar because beating them in scrabble is the sort of self esteem boost she needs. and i guess i need a similar boost, and i'm hoping that sharing my stories will incline people, not so much to feel sorry for me, but to say, hey cait, that sucks, you know i'm there for you no matter what, right? the difference here of course is liz actually CAN beat people at scrabble, and i choose the more impressive word, or the word i like better, over the word with more points. deb and i are pretty evenly matched in scrabble, because though i have the better vocabulary, she plays for the points. mom and i did get out the boggle though, and it was AWESOME fun, and i'm so much better than i was the last time i played against her, oh, 15 years ago and vowed never to do it again. but i guess i should begin at the begining, before i started having such fun with my mother.

ok, so most of michigan for me happened in my head. it was all about my relationships with people. so going into it, if you remember, d by the very nature of her fuckup couldn't come with me, leah left me a message saying people she was camping with didn't want to camp with me, and ashley sent me an email saying they'd rather take more beer than me. but then my mom said she'd come for the weekend and drive me back to pennsylvania, and that made me feel überloved. even if it was just by my mom. and that was how the week continued to go. i'd feel lonely to the point of invisibility, and then someone would reach out with human contact, and i would just explode with greatfulness and love.

like when i was feeling sorry for myself setting up my tent and jen introduces herself and says she's also camping alone and i can set up my tent as close as i want to hers. she introduces me to the group up the hill, and when i feel excluded from my friends, they invite me to play euchere. i don't know what was up with l. she was going through lots of personal trauma, and that consumed so much of her that she couldn't stand being near anyone who wasn't involved. she had been so friendly to me on the phone recently, but then at the festival she was so uncomfortable around me, like she didn't know why i was there and she wished i would leave so she could get back to her friends. at first, we made awkward conversation, where i felt like she wished i really wouldn't embarrass myself by talking, but she was kind enough to answer me politely. so i took her hint, and by the end of the week, not only was she not talking to me, she wouldn't even make eye contact with me.

for instance: in line behind her to lay out our tarps, and she won't notice me. her friend elaine recognizes me when i lay my little tablecloth next to their big group tarp and we chat, and l still won't look at me. hours later when we come back for the concert, i am mysteriously a few blankets away. and this is why it gets to me. cause i spend all this useless energy worrying: did l move my blanket farther away? is she really ignoring me, or am i just not being forward? did i say something to make her mad at me? is it something i did, or just who i am? it's perfectly reasonable for people to try and squeeze their blankets between ours. why do you think everyone's out to get you, caitlin? what is wrong with you that you made up this whole conspiracy theory?

i only have one example that's concrete, i feel. everything else is probably in my head. wednesday night i was excited to hear laura love, and had felt welcomed on their tarp by leah, so thought that would continue to be the rest of the week. but there was no sign of anyone i knew. finally i spied the third laura, and she told me rachel and leah had gone to camp trans for the night and she showed me where the smaller tarp was. she was soon overwhelmed by smoke, though, and left until erase errata. kasidy was on her way to bed for her early morning shift and she stopped by and kept me company for a while, which was super sweet. then she left and i was enjoying the begining of laura love alone (the 4th laura? there are so many of them) when l and the second laura came up, and looked at me like i was smoking in their car, and said, "oh. caitlin. hi. we're gonna go see our friends." and left. they came back later and sat down, and the second laura said to me, very sweetly and compassionately, "since we knew everyone wasn't going to be here tonight we just put down the small tarp. we invited our friends over, and there are like 10 of them, so you understand there won't be room for you here." ok, i said. so i pulled out my pink poncho and spread it right next to their tarp and sat on that. i left as soon as laura love was done.

but for every story i have of feeling invisible, exiled, or ignored, i have another one of the new friends i made, of people who are kind to me. the third laura, rachel's friend, who was sweet and would talk to me. or jenna, who would share her indian food and frozen rice treats with me, and talk about vegetables. my camping neighbors. the motor city pussys, whose hangout i passed everytime i took the woods path, and who always smiled and waved at me.

i stopped by the philly dykes campsite one morning, and was glared at or ignored until i could find a way to leave. rachel said she was going to crafts, so i went with her, and we had a lovely heart to heart. leah told me a few times she wanted to have a Deep and Meaningful conversation with me, but she never made it happen. leah was the only person who said hi and i'm glad you're here to my mom- no one else really gave me the oppertunity to be introduced. mom reintroduced herself to rachel... and of course, all my new friends all up and down the hill were excited, i'd talked up my mom all week. i was so glad to see her! my new friends were friendly, but one's mother HAS to love one.

but i learned that everyone's festival experience is different, and i should learn to have my own, instead of feeling sorry for myself that i'm not having the experience my friends enjoy. they like to stay up late and go party after the evening concert. i like to go to bed right after, so i can wake up in time for yoga, and breakfast, in the morning. i discovered the quilt, made with squares michfest women send in in the spring, then anyone who wants can quilt on it throughout the week and it's raffled off the last night. in the morning when i needed centering i went to yoga and in the evening when i needed centering i'd go to the over 40's tent, where i could quilt till my arms got sore.

i know leah and rachel read here, and i don't want my accout to villify them- their role at festival is certainly not to make sure i feel loved and welcomed all the time. i know what my friends go up against each other i always choose sides, so i know how it happens. and they certainly gave me indications that they like me and don't mind me hanging around as an aquaintance. while it's true, i do want everyone to like me, i don't expect, or even need to be everyone's best friend. and if anyone ever has to make a choice, i can be counted on to be independent, i mean fuck, that's always what turned up the top on my spiritual gifts tests.

so i guess another reason why i feel like it's ok to break my blogging rule is because i can't belive they care enough to get angry or hurt or notice me. is that petty? i just wonder how much of it is me and how much of it is them. i'd think it was all me, but then other people seemed willing to be my friend. (but maybe it's just that theory that i'm novel- cool to know at first, but i get old quickly and am somewhere between dull and outright cruel after that.) i was so lucky, cause if i would have been there all by myself, i would have been convinced myself that they are all pefectly normal, i'm making this all up. but when my mother came, i could say, "it's not just me, right? we passed them on the path and i waved and they avoided even making eye contact, right?"

i don't want it to come off like a poutfest. "my friends don't like me, they hurt my feelings, they should be nicer, wah!" or whatever. knowing that it was probably going to make even more trouble, that i was going to regret blogging about it, i decided i wouldn't- besides, my friends don't care about my boring life anyway. but then my friends, they did care. they even MISSED me. they even did things about it so i would get to hang with them soon. (thanks liz! thanks krista!) so if the masses ask for the jucy bits, how can i not oblige? also, i don't know how to move beyond it. they keep turning up in my dreams, these characters. ignoring me or dishearted to see me, and i have all this inner turmoil about what to do, how i should act, how i should treat them. it's obviously still not taken care of in my subconscious. so i'm writing to try and get my dreams back.

i'm not writing to try and control others actions, or say they should have done this or done that, or even to surmise what they felt. i can't speak to any of their experiences, all i'm trying to do is first, describe what happened, knowing full well it's highly colored by my perspective and probably quite biased. but my feelings are just that, mine. for me to write about in my blog when they are powerful. when at the very begining of it all i told ashley i was hurt by their choice to renege on their ride offer, she said, "i hope you understand, we didn't mean to hurt you, usw, usw, etc." yes, i can see their point of view, no i don't think they are in the least bit mean, just selfish. regardless of their intentions, i was hurt. whether it's "right" or "wrong" to feel that way, whether i'm letting myself be used or playing a victim, this was still how i felt, i had emotions and i am naming them: hurt.

ugh. that doesn't even cover pennsylvania. basically, i went to my cousin's wedding looking like this:
you can see how happy my dad and stepmother are about it in the background. my little sister, who always has good hair, says people thought i was just trying to get attention and take it away from the bride. which i dont' understand at all. who could compete with this?

but as for my stepbrother's wedding next weekend, my dad emailed me this:
"Caitlin I also have a favor to ask in that you tone down your appearance for the up coming wedding and rehersal dinner. I left you be "Caitlin" for Sarah & Jesse because they would have wanted it that way, but I'd feel better myself if you tone it down this time. It won't be my relatives, but 1/2 people who don't know me and others who would rather shoot me than say hello."

which i understand, i really do, the part that upsets me is 1.that my dad "left" me be dressed like that, insead of, i don't know, ripping off my eyelashes and sticking my head in in a sink. or sending me to my room until i changed. and 2. that no one thinks i know how to be a responsible person. i can't be trusted to dress appropriately. which perhaps i can't.
i had a conversation about it with my mom which made me feel better, and one with my little sister which made me feel worse, and she had some classic lines like:
Rainheads (12:45:04 AM): i talked with mom about it. she thinks my hair will be fine as long as i leave it down and parted.
narknon (12:45:19 AM): yeah I think so too
narknon (12:45:25 AM): maybe a longer dress too
Rainheads (12:45:46 AM): yeah, i have a black halter i'll wear to the wedding
narknon (12:46:39 AM): how long is it?

narknon (12:50:45 AM): I invited my friend nate to be my date to the wedding
narknon (12:50:52 AM): so I need to find out what is going on with that

narknon (1:10:12 AM): I think it is totally approbriate to express yourself
narknon (1:10:48 AM): however... everyone that i talked to at the wedding.. felt rather then expressing yourself you came off as trying to draw attention to yourself and therefore take attention away from teh bride
narknon (1:10:57 AM): which I know wasn't your attenion
Rainheads (1:13:32 AM): i see their side. i see how people who don't know me or don't know sarah and jesse could find my mohawk offensive.
narknon (1:14:01 AM): at a wedding ther ea re lots of people that don't know everyone

i feel like i should give out rewards for anyone who's read all of my whiney blathering this far. this has really been the blog to end all blogs. do you want dirt? i have some really high quality vermicompost d and i sorted from my bin last night. if you're looking for some high quality nutrient rich dirt, i can hook you up. my grandma also made me special k bars. i might share those, too.


home again

back to the grind, with a little more loneliness and a little more family. a little less paycheck and a few more bottles in my refrigerator. the thought of blogging about my vacation overwhelms me. as it was happening i was imagining blogging about it and i had no idea what i'd say. and i still don't. so i'll just start now. (if you want to know more, by all means ask me.)

i went to work today. got my schedule worked out so i can go to my stepbrother's wedding. so i'll be back in pa for labor day weekend but will miss chicago square dance fly in. my cat misses me. i'll go pet her. she likes that.



it's been too hot to have the computer on, so i've been listening to old records- joni, carole king. and currently my bathroom book is (still) sapho was a right on woman and i just started reading the 1973 edition of our bodies, ourselves, which is awesome and fabulous. it makes me proud of how far women have come, but makes me wish i had a movement i could join up with, conciousness raising groups i could go to. it's nice to know things didn't go all down hill after the 1960s. it was diferent kinds of change and excitement, but still, bandwagons i'm ready to hop on.

i feel like it's good preparation for the woods of michigan. feeling powerful, old fashioned, feministy. was worried a little about my mom being around the weekend, but after i saw this picture on her photostream, i don't think i have anything to worry about:

go amazons!

so this will be my last post for awhile. hopefully i've said SOMETHING interesting enough in the past 2 days that someone will comment on one or two of them and make me feel loved when i return to society and civilizatiton.

she's so blue...

dear germans,
what do you want from america? i want german tampons. i want, to be precice, o.b.leichte tage comfort tampons. the blue ones. they're perfect. i mix an match a box of american pink ones and a box of german blue ones and i'm good to go. except- 2.5 years after my last german stockkpiling i'm running low. and i've been trolling the internet trying to find an acceptable u.s. substitute. and, well, there's good news and bad news.

the bad news is there is nothing that looks similar and easily accessable.

the good news is, it looks like they've discontinued the stupid nasty silk ease in favor of something pro-comfort. i am FACINATED by what this says about the influence of america. once you bring the product here, just comfort isn't good enough. it has to be PRO. and then there's the size comparison. america's all clinical about it, giving absorbency in grams. in german, they just have little raindrops. but the names! the smallest ones in both contries are pink. but in germany they're called minis, and in america, they're regular. the next size up in germany are the ones i like, the light days. in america the next ones are super. no way do i need SUPER. or maybe that's the german influence, because the next two sizes in germany are normal and super, then there's also a super plus. you may wonder what america has after it's super. it goes super plus and then ultra. only in america do we have the ultratampon!

so what do you think? do germans bleed more than americans, that their light days are our super days? or do you think we have taken super sizing to such an exreme that we can't even talk about TAMPONS in rational terms?

if i was mimi smartypants, i would sign off here in a clever way referencing the vanity sizing of everything an american woman wears.


if i was the sort of person who put up away mesages with the clever things people had imed me, this would totally be today's.

ccbanana KaFoomp (7:31:57 PM): I'm sorry that bloglines is such a cocktease.

the rest of san francisco

so i never told you how after my last san fran post, g and i went to haight ashbury, and saw the homeless junkies and bought cds and amoeba records, and stood in line athe the ben and jerry's at that famous intersection. but we really needed real food, so we went to herbavore, a lovely little vegan place in her old neighborhood. we went to a vintage kitchenware store, which was amazing, and we went to see the painted ladies, the houses from full house. then we went to her fave bar/ art gallery, where they infuse there own vodka. rock on! we were gonna listen to sex with emily when we got home, and our new cds, but we ended up showing each other our fave music videos on youtube and i made a necklace for d. sunday was my last day, and we walked through chinatown. i decided i needed a new suitcase to drag home all my books i bought! we went to telegraph hill and hiked up to the coer tower. we saw alcatraz! on the way back down, we took the trolley and went back to chinatown to grab my new suitcase. on the way we stopped by h&m and bought me a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding. loaded with all of these things, we returned to her apartment to repack and say goodbye. then i took bart to the airport, and had an uneventful flight home!

just so you know...

y'all aren't the only people i've been shafting. i wrote ruth an email when i was all sad and broken up with d, and she sent me this fabulous response:

"i don´t have to tell you how great and interesting and smart and clever and funny and talented and beautiful and weetzie-like and pretty and pink-purplish and tiny-little-toes and gado-gado and rhetorically talented and creative and skilled and crafty and cool and incredible and unglaublich and suprising and mystic and mysterious and sexy and witty and outstanding and special and spectaculour and sweet and cute and adorable you are.

because you ARE great and interesting and smart and clever and funny and talented and beautiful and weetzie-like and pretty and pink-purplish and tiny-little-toes and gado-gado and rhetorically talented and creative and skilled and crafty and cool and incredible and unglaublich and suprising and mystic and mysterious and sexy and witty and outstanding and special and spectaculour and sweet and cute and adorable."

and that kind of love's so big it needs to be shared. so here it is, blog. be impressed. wish you had friends like that.



i know i've been gone a long time. it's been busy, the gf's been over. blah blah blah. and it's too hot to have the computer on. i've been sewing sewing sewing- have to get eveything done before the weekend. so they can pay me for it all. sigh. i have my camping list all ready for the festival- packing is on my list for today. actually, today i have to:

- glue bowling bags
- clean house
- make slip cover cusion
- write emails
- pack for fest

also, random things like pay rent, go to the library, and try to find shoes to wear to my cousin's wedding.

will TRY and be more faithful the next few days. while i'm still near a computer. did i tell you all i have a new ride? i'm very excited about ti.


depressing vegetables

anyone want a fresh, locally grown, huge cantaloupe? i have a big cucumber i'm giving away, too. more kale. an unexciting onion. a bunch of peppers. a tiny zucchini. really the only thing that makes me excited this week is the 2 ears of sweet corn.

i'm so sad. i wish i would have just waited until next week until trying to set up my deliveries at a time i would actually eat it. i feel like i put in a special, complicated request with the whole "biweekly" thing, though. so i have no right to expect them to notice my requests (no olives, cucumbers, melons or pears, please!)
and to be fair, this is the first time they've disapointed.

in the meantime: liz? d? ch? joe? any chicago reader who wants free produce, stop on by!

signed out

the thought of blogging the rest of my trip is too overwhelming. i'll come back to it. had a good time. home now. so much sewing. feeling really overwhelmed. want to escape again, but need money to do it. need to sew to make money. haven't read my bloglines from when i've been gone yet. haven't called a back. haven't taken a self portrait since returning. it's been pretty ugh.


san francisco saturday

am having just a wonderful time. after last typing, i walked all around anne's neighborhood. i walked buy the market street safeway and took a photo for ch, because it's thursday, who knows what's going on in there. i wandered all around a beautiful hill with stairway streets- actual streets that are too steep to be paved, or for cars, so they just put stairs in, and they're full of pretty flowers, but they're actual public streets with peoples houses with actual street numbers. i assume they pay someone to carry the groceries.

from there i walked down castro and got a lot of my shopping done. there's a hardware store called cliff's variety that has absolutely anything you could imagine. and that's where the gay and lesbian bookstore is, and i bought michelle tea's valencia and a maupin book cause it was half off. i am so happy that i bought valencia in san francisco.

i continued to walk down castro to the noe valley, which i was confused about because i kept climbing up. suddenly 2 blocks away though, there's a "caution sudden grade change" sign, and the street drops straight down. yep, it's a valley. that was my first experience with what looks like an easy straightforward grid suddenly made much more dramatic by the topography! anne was done with work, so she met me and we went for lunch at this AMAZING vegetarian restaurant called greens. i got the sampler plate and had a fancy filo triangle, herbed ricotta on toast, terragon green beans, lemon pilaf with white beans, and red and golden beets with mache. it was fabulous! and the view out the window looked out across the bay and the golden gate bridge. from there we went to the palace of fine arts, and she and i walked around all the out of place neogothic architecture, and then we went home so she could head off on her weekend vacation!

so i went downtown to meet gabrielle, and buy my muni pass. it was soo good to see her again! we took the bus over to richmond, the neighborhod she lives in, chatting all the way. we made dinner, then walked to cvs so i could get money... and to get ice cream! we ended the day watching little miss sunshine.

then yesterday headed back downtown to meet d's best friend connie. she's super sweet. we went to a cute little coffee shop and had chocolate crossonts and chatted. i was telling her about the stairway streets - she lives across the bay and doesn't really know san francisco at all- and so we decided to walk up towards telegraph hill and see some more. she was very impressed, i think. i was very impressed she did all that climbing in her clip-cloppy grown up shoes! she was a trouper. i was glad our meeting went well! we said goodbye and as she was going down the bart steps gabrielle called to say she was done with work- perfect timing! we met at forever 21, and eneded up SHOPPING! i really miss clothing shopping with her so badly. we had a great time. i didn't find a dress for sarah's wedding, but i did find this really hot cheap dress a blakc jersey halter, i couldn't resist.

from there we went to the mission- actualy we stopped back by noe valley and bought yarn at a yarn store so i could make gabrielle a san francisco scarf. then we went to a tacoria for lunch and then headed over to the mission for my guidebook's mural walking tour. it was really amazing. beautiful beautiful murals. very bright and colorful- i loved them all. we wandered for hours through the mission, then went to gabrielle's favourite french crepe place. horray for crepes! we took the bus back to drop off all my purchaces (i have a terrible time with collecting used books) and get dressed up for the night.

we went out to the lexington club, which was small and PACKED. with a collection of HOT women. they were all all such a variety of beautiful. we met joe, her boyfriend, and omar, who i think has become my new boyfriend. and later joe's roommate jon showed up which was exciting, because john has a car. he drove us to the castro and we went dancing at a boy bar. i loved dancing with omar, and i'm trying to convince him to move to chicago. it was very fun, and i felt so hip and cool.

now it's saturday mornign, and i'm being lazy. gabrielle made us fancy eggs and toast for breakfast- i'm eating so many nice vegetables here! but we have plans for today, though, so i'm not going to waste any more time typing behind her computer! more later.