so. d and jr came over to dye easter eggs tonight. they're going to be going to iowa this weekend, and then d and i are going to missouri next weekend, so it was our only chance before easter to do it. after d fell asleep, she dropped a pretty big bombshell. she's been having a hard time with money, and with no support as a single parent, and so she's thinking about moving back to iowa for a year. now this really surprised me, but it makes sense, and i told her that. she won't have to pay rent to her parents, and there will be lots of people to look after jr when she needs a break. but then she said something about not seeing me as much, and i'm like, woah. i can't continue to date someone living in IOWA!

this, as you can imagine, was not the right answer.

the wierdest thing to me, i think, is how i assumed that her moving out of state meant we would break up, and how she assumed that i would say, well, that will be something we will really have to work at. so yeah, i'm kind of a mess, but not as bad of a mess as she is. i think i feel worse for disapointing her than i do about the situation.

she said, "you're putting me in an impossible place here- you don't want to be the only reason i'm in chicago, but if i go some place else, you won't stay with me." and i HAVE said both of these things, and they DO seem mutually exclusive, and i DON'T know what the answer is. i do know this is the sort of situation i've been hoarding my perscription painkillers for.

i guess i would like a comment of assurance that i am not a bad person, and it is not unreasonable to be unwilling to date someone who is living in iowa.


worms and filming

first, worm pics are here:

second, i signed on to do the movie. 5 weeks of my life this summer = gone. poof, just like that. poor ch. i wish i could make a movie and work at the flowershop at the same time. but it can't happen.



don't know why i'm feeling so green lately. on monday ch and i were watching the news cause we've beat all his fun video games, and they were talking about ethanol and it was the most depressing stuff ever. what can one do? we are destroying the planet and all our efforts amount to nothing and corporations are evil and i can't believe i let my girlfriend drive me everywhere. no more, i tell you! then i got a catolog for the green festival chicago and i think i might go. a good way to celebrate earth day, it's cheap, esp. via cta, and looks really interesting. and then, yesterday my vermicomposting bin came!
we shall see how it goes. i had to rip up 5 lbs of newspaper for their bedding. you can't believe how much newspaper 5lbs is. it takes a long time to rip into strips. i'm still a bit short, but i'm sure it's not an exact science. i'm all ready to mix it up now- i have to do it tonight because my worms came today (shipped separately to give you a day or two to set up the box) and i don't want to leave them in their priority mail packaging any longer than necessary!

just so you know....

even though i haven't been blogging, i have a good excuse. i've been organizing instead. see here.

and here

and here

and there are more closets to go, unfortunately.
if you want to see the shelf-by-shelf breakdown, including closeups of my new


baskets, head on over to flickr

stories soon, i promise.


weather warning

anyone who is inside blogging on a weekend when it's 80 degrees out, and bright and sunny, well, there's just something wrong with them.


plans for august

went up to the bank today. opened a new savings account. it's called a goal-saver- it's like a christmas account, but instead of getting your money at christmas, you get it when you reach a goal. so i set my goal at the ticket price for the michigan womyn's music festival. they just posted the scedule, and it makes me really excited for summer.

and because i'm too lazy to email right now- liz: thank you SO MUCH for the comments! someone so kind and caring to me MUST be addressed as a friend, regardless of if we've ever spent any time together outside of party setting. coffee= yes, sewing lessons = yes, and i would even love some ex advice, although i'd be glad to wait a week or two if you want to be fully obnoxious. cause sometimes i really like obnoxious.



feeling emotionally icky. just kind of sludgy. bad auras around, or something. not sure what's up. it's been warm and rainy in chicago, which has been delightful- but also as brought on the springtime insomnia. i keep thinking it's friday, when it's really not. i still like my pink hair, but i'm sort of tired of it as a fashion statement- you know, like wearing the same pair of jeans everyday. my hair's just so bold, i'm used to being able to change more. it doesn't match everything, you know. things are wierd with the gf. i can't even think about anything to do with her right now, though, because she's dealing with her ex, and mention of her ex makes me start screaming and sweating and throwing things. and that woudn't do any good and it would scare the cat.

it does, however, make me apologetic about all the things i've ever said about g's bf. he's got some good qualities- same can't be said for d's ex.

see? i'm doing it again. how'd i get stuck on this topic? anyway, it doesn't matter much because everyone's annoying me these days. ch invited joe out after work today, then when he couldn't come invited me. then he invited jim, who i'm not all that fond of, but when he showed up so drunk he couldn't walk straight, i thought it was my time to go home and cook dinner.

cauliflower paprikash. standard. yummy.

this week's fiddle tune is impossible. there are no breaks or breaths anywhere. i don't think i could have learned it in class, but it seems all the more futile having missed the lesson. all i really want is the sheet music for it. i may just write it out myself in an attempt to get all the notes right. this learning by ear thing, i just can't pull it off.


the day just got infinately better

just knowing that exists.

turning point

so the day was going just fine. not getting as much done as i had hoped, but then that's pretty normal for a tuesday. felt confident enough to make a dinner date with d. after i went to devon market, i dropped off my groceries and headed to dominiks where d would probably end up picking me up. i was on broadway when i realized i didn't have my library books to return! i had STEPPED OVER them in my hurry to get to the grocery store, i guess. so after d picked me up we had a knitting consultation, then i had her stop by the library so i could return my books. while i'm in the library she gets a call- the babysitter never picked jr up from school. so she takes me back home and i defrost something from the freezer to eat really quickly before i have to go to fiddle lessons. (i have no idea what it is- sweet potatoes, parsnips, black eyed peas and asparagus. i kinda remember making it, but i have no idea what cookbook it's from, etc.) s

till, running late. as usual. i do my typical rush to the train, the minute by minute countdown. swearing i'm going to leave on time next week. i get off the red line at belmont, and transfer to the other platform. while i'm on the bridge, i see a purple line below, and a brownline waiting at the next station. good, i won't have to wait long. the second train pulls up, passengers get off, and no one on the crowded platform gets on! what is wrong with these people. i am SURE i hear an announcement, this is belmont. this is a brownline train to kimball. i use my violin to dive through the closing doors. as i sit down, i see the window sign. purple. oh yes. "this is a purple line express. the next stop is howard."

the worst part was how it is parallell to the redline tracks. so i could wave as i passed addison, the stop i would have switched at if i'd gotten on red accidentally. granville, the stop by my home. look, i keep heading farther and farther in the wrong direction, and the train won't ever stop to let me off. finally when we got to evanston, we stopped. i switched platforms, and was planning on just going home, but then the train that pulled up was the last purple line express, so i went back to belmont to try again. i got to my lesson 45 min late... so i guess i only missed half of it. at least we do the recording at the end of the class, so i have my homework and can learn the song on my own by next week.

really wanted a brownie on the train ride home. a corner bakery one, with chocolate chips and powdered sugar on top. so i stopped at cvs and bought a little debbie brownie- with the nuts on top- just like elementary school lunches. and another $24.75 worth of cash therapy. came home, put my little barettes in my hair, and am eating chex mix (the brownie's for desert, doncha know.) i feel better.

movie musings

am going to talk to my friend cory about the movie he's making today. it shoots for 4 weeks in june. should i do it? i am so torn. i wish shooting a movie wasn't such an enormous, enourmous committment. i don't know why i feel so two ways about this. i know it's an amazing opertunity, a project i really believe in, magical collaboration, and good art.


every waking moment

i'm sorry i haven't blogged in ages. i feel like it's not my falt, though. it's not like i've been sitting around surfing the internet. it's just this is the first time (with the exception of a few hours yesterday) that i've had any significant non-d time. not that i'm complaining about any of the time i spend with her! i just need lots of me time too.

so i last blogged wednesday night. (did you get it? my wednesday without d?) then thursday was work all day, and i had to take a stupid delivery afterwards. ( customer calls at 4.30, can you still make a delivery today? i'm like, to a home or buisness? and he says buisness. and i say, no, unfortunately- i would be willing to take it after work, but i won't leave here until after 5. and he says, oh, well she works from 6-9! so then i HAD to take it.) d picked me up and she and i and d went to christopher and david's house for dinner. i love their giant pilsen loft. i'm so jealous of their work space. it doesn't seem fair- christopher's never at home. i'm always sewing in my tiny little closet and he has all that space! it was nice to do a fun adult thing with jr along. i don't seem to get many chances for that. pictures from the night are up on flickr. it was so late, and we were groaning about taking me all the way up north, and i said, i'd come to your place but there are no clothes for me to wear. so david and christopher dug through their closets to find an appropriate costume for a girl working in a flower shop! so it was off to d's for me. after work on friday we had made plans to spend the evening together, so when i came home she had already made minestrone and i whipped up some biscuts. yum! it was really delightful to have her cooking in my house when i got home from work. i promised the bag lady bags, so we got half of those done. when she went home i had a bit of time to finish my book... and blog about it.

saturday morning she and jr picked me up and i ran my errands- we went to recycle, and my violin needed a repair. we took jr to icosium kafe and tried the sweet crepes this time- still oh so good. jr's was strawberries and kiwis with nutella, debs was pinaple and walnuts with honey, and mine was raspberries and belgian chocolate. oh yeah. d dropped me off and home and jr at the babysitter before going to her square dancing class. while she was there i finished the bags, practiced my fiddle, and balanced my checkbook/ paid my bills. i felt very productive. we went to jen's birthday party after that. we all met at pete's pizza, which was yummy. then everyone was going bowling across the street. i was having so much fun with d i said she should go pick up jr, and instead of going home, bring him with to bowl! so she called the babysitter, and he said, jr was asleep, why doesn't he just spend the night? so d was free to bowl, and then come over to my place.

this morning she made me breakfast in bed. a spinach zuchinni scallion garlic omlet, and left-over biscuts with little dollops of orange marmelade and nutella. it was super charming. after that we re-dyed my hair a deeper hue, and then i did some cleaning while we waited for the baby sitter to call and say everyone was up. d dropped me off at the laundrymat when she went, and then i brought my laundry home, and hung it up. and now i'm writing to you! need to fiddle again, and some more cleaning, but it will all get done, 15 min. at a time, just like the fly lady says. are you at all interested in before and after pictures of my shelves?


things that annoy me

reading an excellent, excellent engaging book on the train home. and having less than 5 pages left when it's your stop. it's SO anticlimactic. but i can never convince myself to ride to howard to finish it.



stiched and stitched and stitched and stiched and stitched today for spectacle. wednesdays are so long. i'm very tired, and my back hurts from being hunched over athena (our industrial) all day. at least i got to press a little, mark a little, sew a lot. all christopher did, all day, was serge. and he's still not done. who designed these 7 tiered costumes, anyway?

i got a plesant surprise though, when the driver from the flowershop showed up. d had charles make me up a funky vase of my fave flower (aggapanthus) for our half year anniversary tomorrow. it's always awesome to recieve flowers, but i don't get the opertunity much, because i work at a flowershop.

it was a beautiful morning here in chicago, the past few days have been UNSEASONABLY warm. but it started to cool down afternoon. and then drizzle. and then pour freezing rain while i was walking home from the train. in my little leather socks and jean jacket. brrrrrr.

when i got home, the coziness i was hoping for wasn't instantly felt, because i'd left my window open. and then the cat had knocked a plant off. and the pot broke. and dirt is everywhere, and i'm too tired to deal with it tonight, i'll clean it up tomorrow. and my kitchen lightswitch doesn't work, so i moved the lamp into the kitchen. the plug part works, but not the lightswitch.

yesterday when cleaning out the bathroom closet i remembered my tablecloth fetish, and decided i needed to start using them again. so i put my sarong on the kitchen table, and it goes really nicely with the aggapanthus. the warm lighting from the lamp made the kitchen very cozy, and i was starting to get the feeling i was looking for. but d called while i was eating dinner. she was full of pissed off stories of her kid and her ex. so often these are things we talk about in terms of me "handling it." like i'm "handling it" now, but maybe won't be able to in the future. i'm so curious- will i know when i "can't handle it anymore"? what happens if i don't notice it? or is that what makes the point of "can't handle it anymore", the point when i notice it? then what do i do? what does "can't handle it anymore" look like? and what if i pretend to handle what i can't handle anymore, because what i REALLY can't handle is dealing with not being able to handle the things i can't handle anymore? i dont' even know where to put quotes around that one.


moonday morning dance

exhausted after square dancing. only 3 more plus level calls left. came home and did my house blessing. i don' think my house can get DIRTIER after cleaning it weekly, so it must just be that i'm seeing more, or cleaning deeper. but i have a few serious filth issues.

which are much eaiser to tackle than the clutter issues, of course.

will blog more tomorrow (today?) i have 13 items on my list, i'm sure i'll need to procrastinate between them.


lovely weekend

i FINALLY, FINALLY made my borscht this weekend. it was magically delicious, i was so surprised. and the same color as my hair. after dropping off jr, d came over, and we went to cuneen's pub around the corner and sat in the windows and played cribbage and drank. it was totally charming- like a bar in a movie. a place that deserves it's "old style" sign.

sat morning we lay in bed and read our books- as y'all know, my favorite activity. d made us fancy omlettes for breakfast, and i got some sewing done. we went to her square dance class on saturday, and then to dinner at the new icosium kafe on the corner. it was stupendously delicious! it's an algerian creperie, and i had the crepe marrakech- toasted almonds, golden raisins, baby spinach, carmelized onions, fresh mint, cream cheese, and sun dried tomatoes tapanade. oh yeah. i should have taken a picture of it when it arrived, as beautiful as it was delicious. d really enjoyed hers, too. after that we went to dyke delicious at chicago filmmakers... and were appalled to find out that it was their first non-lesbian film! they were showing it should happen to you, with judy holiday. it was a fun little fifties movie, d doesn't like black and white movies so i was glad she enjoyed it, and it did have that great snappy diologue i love som much in old movies. still, we couldn't help but be dissapointed.

from there, we rushed to devon market to buy cactus juice before it closed, then we parked d's car and took the train to ch's, where ch, hugo d and i proceeded to get quite drunk and play a LOT of video games. the most fun i've had in awhile, and certainly the latest i've stayed out in a LONG time. even if you don't count the time change, we didn't get in until 4.30. so we REALLY slept in this morning. and more books in bed. so cozy. definately my favorite!

but, as always, more sewing to do! there are 50 pictures on my camera from last night, as soon as i prune them down i will post them!


best. salad. ever.

i bribed myself to go grocery shopping by letting me buy whatever i want for dinner. i bought a box of organic alfredo mac and cheeze. and this produce:

including snap peas, radishes, sprouts, raspberries and parmesan. bizzare, maybe. but also fantastic!


day 34- hairstyles of the damned

a preview, for hugo- brighter, closer up coming soon!

what i do with my day off

i could kill myself. why do i get sucked into these?

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more religious than atheist, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), intellectual (80%), adventurous (80%), artistic (76%).

Young Professional82%
Emo Kid78%
Life Experience

Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 100% of the time.
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 70% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 85% of other test takers.

brought to you by thatsurveysite

i don't even know why i post it. a good quarter i don't even agree with.

and just for jamie

i love the book of the week club. my list of young adult books to read grows by leaps and bounds. they don't have really fun catagories (like, i want to read a book on GENDER or FEMINISM every week) but YA keeps me pretty darn happy. i think all readers should check em out and sign up.

house blessing

laundry bags yesterday. ate dinner. talked to g. d picked me up. went to her place to watch l word. cried.

went to work this morning. went to ch's after work. we made breakfast for dinner and played video games. went to square dancing. wished we'd just kept playing video games. came home. talked to d. did houseblessing.

am so glad to have the day off tomorrow. am even gladder that my house is clean and my sewing is done!



ok, i've spent hours updating the last year or so of my booklist and movielist

it's been a lot of typing, so i would be quite cheered if y'all left comments.

saturday errands

yesterday d picked me up early and we:

-dropped my recycling off at the new drop off bin
-took my serger in and ordered new new needles for it
-rented my violin
-ate lunch at su van's
-bought pysanky supplies in ukranian village
-went to square dancing lessons
-dyed my hair hot pink

is it any wonder there was no time to blog?


lots of walking

typed up todays entry. was adding tags when the rainbow started spinning. safari not responding.

not that my stories were any more clever the first time.

my alarm clock tends not to snooze occassionally, so i overslept. walked the whole way to the the train station before i realized my wallet was at home. walked back home. got the wallet. walked back to the train station.

bag lady called. i promised her bags by saturday. have no gumption. hope i can make myself finish them. ch and i were both snippy. he left early. i gave my cta card to our delivery person. he gave it back and i didn't put it back in my wallet, much to my dismay after walking all the way to the red line.

walked back to the sears tower. got my card. took the bus.

still have that rotting cabbage and beets to make that fucking borsht. i should just throw it all away and start again. there were enough tupperwares in my fridge i just at out of those for dinner tonight. but now i better work on bags.

fuck it all. i'm going to bed.