resigned

so, i quit my job.

not the flower shop, or the bag lady. the other one, the graduation parade one. christopher was my buffer last year between me and management, and with him run away and joined the circus, i was just at loose ends and didn't know what to do or how to relate to anyone. the manager is a really odd personality, and she gives the shop a vibe that it's hard to work in. and the boss and i have a really hard time communicating. we were fine last year when we had christopher translating each other's messages back and forth, but we can't seem to do it well in real life.

she told me about 2 weeks ago christopher wasn't coming back. it really upset me. so i sent him a text, and it probably wasn't a very nice text, because i've been blaming everything on him, not so much as it's his fault as it's easier to be angry at someone else than at yourself, and he's not around to defend himself. he called me after the text, unwilling to take any shit from me. it's not my problem, he said. i'm with the circus now. i'm not there. deal with your own problems. if it's that bad, quit.

so i did.

i wrote my resignation letter last weekend, and had my mom proofread it, then i sent it yesterday. christopher ended up having december off, so he'll actually be in the shop in december, but i won't. boss said that it's the end of a payroll period so there's no reason for me to come back. i feel like such a looser, even though i quit instead of being fired. like if i was a better or stronger person, i would have been able to keep it. or i'm being cocky- who am i to demand wonderful jobs that i love with fabulous bosses who take me out drinking or invite me to camp on their summer home's lawn?

and i feel a little sucky from her response. it's such a perfect example of how we communicate. i mean, i don't know how my words are recieved. i imagine she thinks i'm prickly, easily offended, and slightly autistic. but i have no idea. as for how i hear her, well it seems like everything she says is so nice, but i hear it all as back handed compliments, or thinly veiled put downs. i mean, i could tell you what she said in her letter, but when i repeat it it sounds snide, and the letter wasn't at all. lets see, like she just said, "I think now would be a good time to end your tenure at the shop, instead of working the rest of the semester- although I thank you for that offer! It is the end of a pay period coming up, so it will be easiest to
transition...So, thank-you, and if you have left any personal belongings at the shop
please pick them up soon so they don't get lost in the vortex of the move..." which sounds to me like being kicked out immediately

eh. this isn't even making sense. i can't even explain what i mean. cause, these all are perfectly reasonable. sure, i imagined finishing out the semester, it's only about three more weeks, i didn't know i wouldn't be back at the shop again... but give me a break, I"M the one who quit! what am i expecting? it's what i wanted. and though i worry about paying for xmas when i've just quit a job, i am also feeling positively GIDDY about having tuesday off. a whole day! in the middle of the week! imagine!

i'm going to use it for all the other sewing i'm behind on. won't have a lot of time to sew over thanksgiving.

oh, and have i mentioned i'm spending thanksgiving in IOWA with d's family? yeah, i know.