we've both been in pissy moods today. inventory, etc. i couldn't sleep at all last night, worrying about l. i think the entire floor got mopped today- first ch knocked over a bucket of leatherleaf, then i knocked over a vase of baby's breath, then ch knocked over the purple snapdragons. ugh. but we put in prom, and that really rocked out the end of the day. i feel so passionately about prom. it was definately one of the best albums of the year. did it even rate xpn's top 50? i don't remember. but it's a scandal if it didn't. ch and i did a bit of analysis on it too, i sang along and he read me lyrics. usally i'm all about put it out for good changing my h.s. experience, but today i talked about sober girl and seneca hills bible camp and conference. ch doesn't think i would have gotten it if it was put out in 1995 instead of 2005, but i don't know. leah knew i was a baby dyke then. but ch is probably right- i wouldn't have gotten it, understood it, felt unity with it when i was 15.
so i didn't get laid over xmas break, but ch sure did. we won't go into the friend who's been waiting for such a long time, because the 2 other stories i think are better- one funny and one i can riff on. the important info for this story is that ch's email addess is something like fluffyandch@server.com. so ch met this guy on craigslist and he's YOUNG- 21 i think. they'd chatted before, but the guy was very polite. over christmas, their talking again, and the guy finally says, "so, do you and your partner ever fool around with another person?" and ch is like What? i'm single? and the guy goes, wait- who's fluffy? and ch is like, MY CAT! now ch's cat does have an odd name, but still... i think it's a hillarious story.
the other guy is the argintinian hairdresser, whose pheremones have attracted ch forever, but really- he means trouble. (our delivery driver caught them kissing in the back of the shop this week- oops!) so the argintinian hairdresser is getting straight married next weekend. ch is invited to the party , but only if he brings me as his date, cause he's worried about it looking too gay. i laughed and said i'd wear my new suit and tie. ch is like, you wouldn't dare!
but i don't think it would matter if i did- i'm still very girly, regardless of how i dress up. i did even more thinking about what is gender in my cute little schoolboy outfit. cause i felt really awkward- it seemed like everything about me, the way i moved and my mannerisms, they just were so feminine, they didn't match- but it was more a general feeling of ill ease, not specific traits i noticed. i don't know if it would be more observable in someone else, i just couldn't be specific in my own body, or what. or if i was just feeling self concious and thought there should be more that makes someone masculine than a tie. l was talking about talking about gender the other night, which i love, because she loves to talk about gender so much, and she was whining about the butch and femme stereotype that some of the people she knows still hold up as laws. it makes me upset, cause i think that if you're totally clueless or don't know the difference between sex and gender or whatever like z is, dicotomous catagories is understandable thought. but you would think someone like dykes who she knows, who had strong opinions about gender roles in the lesbian community had thought about it a little bit more before stuffing people into boxes. but then, i really don't know, either. one of the questions on my gender and culture final was if you think gender is two mutually exclusive catagories or a continuum. and i answered that i think traits can be either masculine or feminine, but the combination of those traits is different for each person which places them somewhere on the continuum- no one has absolutely completely feminine or masculine traits.
so those are my thoughts from behind the tie. now i'm going over to ch's, where my friday night loneliess will yet again be staved off by movie (jesus of montreal) chocolate (ruth's liebkuchen) and booze (wine).
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