hole in my pocket

ok, so. after being so down in PA, i made an appointment to try out howard brown's mental health services once i returned to chicago. sliding scale, why not, right? the appointment was today, and yesterday i realized- wait- i'm going to have to PAY for this. most likely in cash. and i have a dollar. i don't have any money in my checking i can afford to withdraw if i'm going to make rent. but i do have that little jar of change i've been saving! i imagine paying my doctor in nickles. so i had to go to the bank first.

i was telling this to ch, and he said i needed to get to the computer and write my memoirs because when they make the movie of my life, this is going to be the opening scene. i haul my change jar down the street. i sit on the bus with it on my lap. i fold the crisp dollar bills into my wallet at the bank. i remove them at the doctors to pay for therapy. back home sewing in my closet, the credits start to roll.

but in real life, this was just the intake visit. no charge today. and guess how much change was in my jar- remember, no quarters, just pennies, nickles and dimes. $21.28! i was shocked. i was hoping it'd be over $5. now i have $22 burning a hole in my wallet- plus a handful of canadian coins the machine wouldn't accept. mad money!

but i'm going to save it just in case i need some retail therapy. how it works is this- i had my intake apointment today, then tomorrow they all sit around and talk about me and decide if anyone can be bothered to deal with my measly little problems. then they call me up by the end of the week and tell me if my schedule fits anyones or if they're going to outsource my problems, or if i've got a great life and i should stop begging for their expensive support, they all think i sound boring and should jsut listen to myself talk. so my current worry is being rejected by the board of THERAPISTS- i mean, i think there can't be a greater blow to one's self esteem. here's hoping they'll pick me!