can we say different?

work today, blah blah blah. stayed up too late last night listening to all that linford and so was tired today. i've just been feeling grumpy and blue lately. i need more sleep. circus class was hard today. we were doing handspring sorts of things and i felt like i was training for something i'd never get to finish. up on the trapeeze everything was sharp and cutting, i couldn't get a good grip- it seemed like i was back at square one. totally frustrated. the unicycle was worse. it's always beyond impossible, but i was staying up for like, 1 second and getting a half revolution. but it shot out from under me and i fell hard on my tailbone. i had the wind knocked out of me, and was pretty sore. they gave me an ice pack and it's feeling better. not as bad as years ago when i did the same thing rollerskating.

things with d continue to be complicated, at least in my head. last night she told me a story that totally upset me- she let a cat have 2 litters of kittens, and the second litter she put outside- in chicago- because she didn't want to deal with them. there are just so many things wrong with that story, i was horrified. do i want to be with someone so irresponsible? if that's how she reacts to kittens, what about non-living things? then today she send me the sappiest e-card, and a supersweet email with a terrible, terrible love poem. the email was so awesome, so true and kind and from the heart, and i know that was the intention with the other things too, but goddess are we different. i don't know if i can handle someone who takes sunsets with birds flying across the sky seriously. i couldn't decide between a sappy card or a bust card to send in return. i guess i need to accept the way she expresses her love, and extract the love i can recieve from it, the same way she needs to put up with my gently mocking responses to her earnest caring.

goddess, i can be such a bitch.