iowa

so. d and jr came over to dye easter eggs tonight. they're going to be going to iowa this weekend, and then d and i are going to missouri next weekend, so it was our only chance before easter to do it. after d fell asleep, she dropped a pretty big bombshell. she's been having a hard time with money, and with no support as a single parent, and so she's thinking about moving back to iowa for a year. now this really surprised me, but it makes sense, and i told her that. she won't have to pay rent to her parents, and there will be lots of people to look after jr when she needs a break. but then she said something about not seeing me as much, and i'm like, woah. i can't continue to date someone living in IOWA!

this, as you can imagine, was not the right answer.

the wierdest thing to me, i think, is how i assumed that her moving out of state meant we would break up, and how she assumed that i would say, well, that will be something we will really have to work at. so yeah, i'm kind of a mess, but not as bad of a mess as she is. i think i feel worse for disapointing her than i do about the situation.

she said, "you're putting me in an impossible place here- you don't want to be the only reason i'm in chicago, but if i go some place else, you won't stay with me." and i HAVE said both of these things, and they DO seem mutually exclusive, and i DON'T know what the answer is. i do know this is the sort of situation i've been hoarding my perscription painkillers for.

i guess i would like a comment of assurance that i am not a bad person, and it is not unreasonable to be unwilling to date someone who is living in iowa.