wenesday

stiched and stitched and stitched and stiched and stitched today for spectacle. wednesdays are so long. i'm very tired, and my back hurts from being hunched over athena (our industrial) all day. at least i got to press a little, mark a little, sew a lot. all christopher did, all day, was serge. and he's still not done. who designed these 7 tiered costumes, anyway?

i got a plesant surprise though, when the driver from the flowershop showed up. d had charles make me up a funky vase of my fave flower (aggapanthus) for our half year anniversary tomorrow. it's always awesome to recieve flowers, but i don't get the opertunity much, because i work at a flowershop.

it was a beautiful morning here in chicago, the past few days have been UNSEASONABLY warm. but it started to cool down afternoon. and then drizzle. and then pour freezing rain while i was walking home from the train. in my little leather socks and jean jacket. brrrrrr.

when i got home, the coziness i was hoping for wasn't instantly felt, because i'd left my window open. and then the cat had knocked a plant off. and the pot broke. and dirt is everywhere, and i'm too tired to deal with it tonight, i'll clean it up tomorrow. and my kitchen lightswitch doesn't work, so i moved the lamp into the kitchen. the plug part works, but not the lightswitch.

yesterday when cleaning out the bathroom closet i remembered my tablecloth fetish, and decided i needed to start using them again. so i put my sarong on the kitchen table, and it goes really nicely with the aggapanthus. the warm lighting from the lamp made the kitchen very cozy, and i was starting to get the feeling i was looking for. but d called while i was eating dinner. she was full of pissed off stories of her kid and her ex. so often these are things we talk about in terms of me "handling it." like i'm "handling it" now, but maybe won't be able to in the future. i'm so curious- will i know when i "can't handle it anymore"? what happens if i don't notice it? or is that what makes the point of "can't handle it anymore", the point when i notice it? then what do i do? what does "can't handle it anymore" look like? and what if i pretend to handle what i can't handle anymore, because what i REALLY can't handle is dealing with not being able to handle the things i can't handle anymore? i dont' even know where to put quotes around that one.