i have to make my shopping list. i don't even know what i'm making tomorrow. need to look through my cookbooks. i wanted to paint tonight, but i think i'm too tired. i'll just watch a movie. i have all day monday. right? right?
am exhausted from the phone conversation i just had with my mother. i was knitting while talking to her, so that helped a bit, but not enough.
laura says she emails me things that never arrive. this makes me unbearably sad.
did i tell you i talked to justine the other day? i still don't know what to do about this relationship. i missed her, so i decided to start talking to her again, but i continue to be really angry at her, and it comes out as agressive meanness. if she would just do what i want her to i would be so charming... but that sounds like rafael, now, doesn't it? i can't expect people to change for me. i have to accept them as how they are and how they show love. but it's so hard for me to understand. there are some people i'd blow off, sure, but i'd never blow off anyone i care about. if i heard they were upset with me, i'd do practially anything to get back in their good graces. i somehow can't accept that someone who blows me off still cares about me. also, it seems this relationship is very similar to the one i had with jesus (though admittedly i'm better to justine than i was to jesus) so it's the same emotions as in that, too.
well, and justine's friends don't mind me being gay.
i gotta go eat dinner. i love you all. thanks for your comments. continue, if you please. new quotes, booklist and movielist are up tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment