but hey, who's counting? watched a cute gayboy flick last night, latter days. don't even feel guilty about it. hey, my show's done. strike was today. glad i don't have to be there. the power of a costume designer- it's just incredible. called ruth again this morning, and she was home, but on her way to work. it was so nice to be able to imagine her at her desk in her bedroom, packing her bag to go to the jazz club. (yes, she's a bouncer at a jazz club. it cracks me up: she's all of 50kg. and the idea of nürnberg's jazz scene is funny- though apparently it's larger than you would think.) so i had abut 15 mintues to tell her about the past 3 months of my life. and they've been an adventurous 3 months. we had a terrible connection, she could hear me but she sounded underwater, all digitalized. i should have just sent an email. went to evanston today to swatch for patternmaking. ch called on my way there to chat. he laughed at me and said someday i'll take a biology class or something and won't have to go to vogue. but at columbia, who knows? i think i had to go to vogue for the chemestry of textiles and dyes. from there the grocery store, tried to go to the library, but the branch is closed on sunday, blah blah blah. came home and made a quiche from the spinach my mother left here. really, that's it. i've been so lazy. i've had such a list of things to accomplish this weekend, and nothing has gotten done. ok, some things have gotten done, but not nearly enough.
but have i told you my radiators are turned on? really, life doesn't get much better than that.
thinking about yesterday's post, and other secrets i've had to keep recently, and after what jamie said, it got me thinking about the purpose of my blog. it's really changed alot in the past 1.5 years i've been keeping it. back then, it was this secret life i needed to have an outlet for or else explode. i was trapped in this interior world of loneliness, longing, and self-hatred that needed an outlet. and the blog was a perfect place to do that. (it was called crawling out back then, btw, which i still think is a fabulous name, but no longer very appropriate.) and slowly you all have become readers, and my world has expanded, and there are way more people who know about my public forum than those who don't. heck, even g reads sometimes. if you told me that would EVER be happening 1.5 years ago, i would have shut down my blog in terror. i could never have imagined it would have turned out this nicely. i think the problem is i have a real life now. none of it takes place in chicago, but a real outside world nonetheless. it's not just crushing on an honest to goodness lesbian, it's alot of things. i don't know if i'd think i'm happier and healthier right now if i wasn't in the pink room, but...
fuck that. i am so much happier and healthier now. have you READ those old posts? [insert plug for bach's flower remidies here.] and no, l, i did have a hot water bottle back then, which just goes to show even 1.5 years ago i was SO much happier and healthier than 3.5 years before that. really, for all my bitching, it does seem to be a slow, upward climb. the question is, though, how in the world did i make it out of high school, out of pennsylvania, alive?
anyway, i finally, finally talked to l, too, just a few minutes ago. can't remember the last time i've gone so long without hearing her voice- it must have been august or so. and no, voicemail doesn't count. (and yes, i will call her voicemail just to hear her sexkitten voice on her outgoing message. but have you heard this message? really, anyone would.) however, she made up for it with fabulous news. she talked to rachael and they were talking about me! now, unlike swmnbm, i LOVE people talking about me behind my back. it makes me feel like i exist. especially if they're saying good things. and i love for the good things to get back to me! and this was certainly the case. she would normally not encourage a relationship such as the one l and i are fostering, but since it's me, she says it's a good thing. horray for aproval. i'm so into it.
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