feeling october

got dark on the train home today, and it was dark when i got up this morning. i think cause it's overcast and has been wet the past few days. ch said we had hail yesterday- i thought it was just noisy rain. i just stopped by home to pick up my library book and dry cleaner's recipt, then i walked to (get this) the library and dry cleaners. i really didn't feel like walking along broadway again north, but the next street over is glenwood- really out of the way, but oh well. walking these streets made me think of l, and circling the blocks talking to her when i have visitors in my house. i was listening to justine's mix (you'll get my thoughts and comments, soon, honest!) and it was dark and cold and wet, and neighborhoody. everyone has porches and is decorated for halloween. i passed a house with a sunporchish addition and there were a bunch of 9 or 10 year-olds woring on some sort of project. i had the oddest ache. it's like all the factors are there for me to be feeling lonely and nostalgic and patently unhappy, but i couldn't pull it off if i tried right now, i'm too in the pink room. so instead i think i managed to scrounge up some sort of future nostaglia.. like if i couldn't feel sad in this moment i will take on some of the saddness of the future, like i could sympathize with a future self sending postcards back to me today, remembering" that day, my last year of school, when i realized fall had come, and i was walking through my new neighborhood, and i was newly in love and living in chicago and something magical was happening.." or something like that? i feel like i'm not making any sense. do you get me? do you ever get me? (name that quote, anyone?)