ring out

did anyone miss me? why am i so compelled to post daily? so friday- work, tired, no food, blah blah blah. very very busy at the flowershop- i still didn't get all the xmas cards addressed and sent out. we have 60 to send this year- i think that sounds like good buisness! ch brought in joe to help with the 250 balloon order, still it was crazy. there's just not enough space. i ended up never getting a chance to go buy lunch- luckily i had a few tablespoons of stirfried rice in the fridge.
so grant, who i painted sets for, has another real live show going up at a studio theater in the atheneum. and thurs and fri were previews. free theater friday night- i can't turn that down. problem was, doing all this xmas card writing and balloon blowing uping, i was wearing g's sexy bell bottom jeans. i'm still not used to wearing pants, especially pants that tight. i couldn't sit at a show that long. i would have had just enough time to go home, change and get back to the theater- but ch invited me out for margaritas. and whatever- i needed to eat. so a quesidilla and 2 margaritas later, i walked over to state street, cruised h&m, found 6 things i loved, tried them on, decided the grey velour stretch yoga pants were the cheapest most comfortable option for sitting in a theater, bought them, changed into them, hopped on the train and made it to the atheneum by 8. what can i say? i'm a rock star.

so i didn't have high hopes for the play, but it was FABULOUS. if you ever get the chance to see crumble: lay me down justin timberlake, go. i wish i could have taken ch- it was his fave type of dark, dark, snarky humor. and a hopeful ending- you know how i require those. i was feeling WIRED, i had no problems sitting still, but felt i could do anything. i picked up a reader on my way home to see what was playing at village north. when i got home i put on my xmas music for the first time- it was snowing and i felt like it was time to get into the holiday season. i spent an hour cleaning my house, then i walked to village north for the midnight showing of rent. i really enjoyed it- what can i say- you know i 'm a sucker for the rock opera. i hate listening to musicals at work, so i always forget how, as a genre, i usally enjoy them, especially on film. is this embarrassing? plus, in one of the brief phone calls i had with l (serious- we haven't talked for more than 5 minutes since wednesday, i think) she said i was her hero for going to a midnight showing of a movie by myself, so that made me feel all urban and cool. and the snow- always the past few days, the snow. i love it so much, feel quite passionate about it. it's so beautiful, so wintery, so holidaylicious. it makes me feel happy and alive.

i woke up late, bought my ticket for xmas, called the appropriate people and let them know my dates, showered and ate. then i went to vogue to buy the fabric for my patternmaking final. i'm standing at howard in my black coat, peering down track 3 waiting for the purple line. i'm listening to jethro tull's ring out on pearl, and the snowflakes are a lovely white contrast on my coat. it's really beautiful, and i'm feeling full, just emotional- feeling like christmas and beauty and nostalgia for last year this time when i was packing my suitcases for germany. main street in evanston is so quaint, after i was done at vogue i walked through the snow to the other side of the street and did xmas shopping at ten thousand villages and toys et cetera. i guess the snow bums people out, people with cars, sidewalks, but it makes me feel alive, joyful and urban, content with the choices i've made, beautiful.

came home, made something to eat, decided i didn't have enough time to do laundry or go grocery shopping before ch's party. so i went online shopping instead- i'm working well through my list- unfortunately don't have any of my schoolwork done. got a letter from anne in sf- the last letter i sent to her i came out to her, so i was really interested in this one. it made me cry- but i was feeling emotional anyway. it was both harsh and kind, basically saying i'd rather have you be a christian lesbian than a straigh athiest. funny- i just realized it's a little like g, when i tried to get her drunk to come out to her, and she said she was cool, no big surprise, i should have gotten her drunk to tell her i wasn't an xian anymore.

so stopped by osco to pick up some smirnoffs (fuck you, ANGEL) and doritos for ch's party, and headed over to his house- bad train karma, was almost 30 min. late. it was fabulous- we ate chili, drank vodka cranberry things, watched john water's pecker. afterwards, johhny b's like- i have this song i have to hear, so he puts it on. then ch goes, that reminds me of this one, and we play these dance songs one after another. and i'm siding around the wood floors in my handknit knee socks, and ch is pulling out all of his pointed toe moves, and we're having a fabulous time, rocking out. carlos eventually has to go, so we stop dancing and start switching off slower songs. ch takes the cat's chair while johnny b and his boy canoodle on the coutch. i lurk on the windowsill- their apartment is radiator heat wtih no thermostat, and it's an oven, especially while dancing, and i'm down to my velour pants and z's indian print tank top. i'm feeling all sexy looking perched in the bay window with the scented candles, drinking and munching, watching the snow fall on the cemetary- it was very chicago to me, i felt hip and urban and in community.

but i do have to get schoolwork sometime, so i left at 1. night went downhill from there. stopped snowing, though it's still piled up on the sidewalks. called l and left a message and she called back from the car with swmnbm and heather- they were drunk and having a fabulous time- i was so happy with my time, but theres sounded so much better, all of a sudden, i was just a small girl all alone in the winter late at night in the dirty city very by myself. i called a, and she was totally consoling, not even letting me say it, saying i can't compare, that good times all look different and they can't be better than one another, and it was the same argument i give for crafting, and since i believe that, i had to be consoled.

but i guess i'm still feeling like i need conection, cause it's 2:30 in the morning and instead of sleeping i'm blogging. jamie just signed online- scary to think that it's tomorrow already for her.

but i feel like i'm done now. i'll go to bed, and perhaps get a chance to talk to l tomorrow. goodbye, and goodnight.