split personalities

so, my adventures today = pretty unsuccessful. didn't leave the house until 4, got directionally disoriented around the courthouse and walked the whole way around it, adding blocks and blocks to the already long walk. ended up at the visitors center as it was closing at 5. oh well. i did take the trolley and bought fireshooters for the stove (since i can't light lighters and the matches scare me)so i guess it wasn't a total wash. now i'm back at home, making dinner and getting cozy.

i feel a little odd. when i get depressed i want out of my life, to be someone else. and i feel like that's happening here- what i wish for, comming true. perhaps i should feel like an ursuper, abusing someone elses things, but i don't...i guess it's because it all fits so well. it's more like a picture of someone else i could be, if i'd made different choices in my life. i could be some hot chick in jeans and a blue and white striped oxford unlocking the door to a 2nd floor walkup in west philly. the girl who lives with people who keep these things in the refrigerator, who creates in this space. i feel very partisan, not the longing of it, but the actuality of it being achieved. i know it's just a temporary aquisition of personality, but it still feels complete, and lots of fun. if i could add footnotes i would credit that indigo girls song, but i don't, so i won't. no one recognizes it anyway.

leah has her date tonight and rachel is working, i think- i'm not sure when she's coming back. so now that i'm fed, i'll need to decide what i want to do with my quiet evening. should i read some of their facinating books? ( really should take this laptop over to the hallway to give you some titles, it's a fabulous collection.) i think i won't, cause 1. it will be too quiet without music on and too distracting with, 2. i'll never be able to choose and will end up curled in the hallway starting the beginings of 7 or 8 different ones. so i could put on some of their cds and knit, but i think i'm going to watch their movies instead. piled under 15 or 20 blankets. don't you wish you were here? i'll sit on your feet and keep them warm. but we can't talk, or our books, movies, and knitting will never get finished.