super brownline day for me. bus from work to end of brown line, all the way to the loop for knit night, then all the way back to albany park for ch's housewarming party. it's a prequel to mine next week!
21.9.09
16.9.09
41/365
home today- the locksmith came so we could get into our mailbox- horray! sadly, work called and asked where i was. they're getting a sewing machine serviced tomorrow since they thought i wouldn't be there. it was their mistake, but probably also mine for not making them give me a place to write my schedule down. so i have a weekend in the middle of my week. hopefully i'll be able to make it up next week. but if not it will still be ok, with my new landlord lisa! charging me so little in rent. in the meantime, i'll be cleaning and organizing and painting, oh my!
39/365
sometimes, you're inspired. sometimes, you're just lying on the couch at the end of the day and you have to take one.
39/365
i realize you've already seen our vegas gold dining room, but i needed some space to set this up. after wearing it all day i realized i love the skirt on this 50's dress- it's a full circle!- but the bodice just is NOT flattering. there's no reason i have to follow the pattern- i think i'll cut up the stupid gathered pieces and make it a halter. not soon, though. summer is over and i have curtains to sew, first. these days, it's all about home improvement.
25/365
goodbye, lucille. When i first signed my lease on lucille, i said i wanted to sign a 5 year lease. i wanted to buy the place. i wanted to live in it forever. a single independent person, i felt suited to permenent studio life. and i was only a couple of months shy of my 5 years. but something happened i never expected- i met lisa! and she changed my mind about all sorts of things. I never thought i was the moving in type, or even the girlfriend type, but i like lisa! so much i gave up lucille to move in with her. I don't think lisa! really understands- whenever i talk about lucille being the most perfect home, she thinks it sounds like i don't wanna move in with her. but it was the perfect home for that single girl. lisa! has changed me. who i am now, lucille was inconvienient. our new home doesn't have a name (although we can see clarion accross the street) but in all other respects and more it's as good as or better than lucille. I'm just given to a little nostalgia and sentimentality.
14.9.09
12.9.09
37/365
at the dentist. filling and cleaning today. as you can see, i'm already pretty numb. i love my dentist, which is why i travel all the way to hyde park to see her. i actually picked her out of the phone book cause she could help me in an emergency and was 1 1/2 blocks away from my house. sadly, 4 years later, it's 1 & 1/2 hrs instead of blocks. i did bring lisa! and i lunch boxes from rajun cajun though. and that was exciting.
35/365
tomorrow I'll post the even better photos Lisa took. she hooked up the antenna last night and moved enough boxes we can watch tv from our amazing citrus satin couch. the tv phenomenon is new for me since I've been tv-free for over 10 years. but Chicago+antenna=amazing stations, like mhz worldview. we watched a Indian sitcom and two episodes of one from Singapore, and this photo is lit by the russian news.
36/365
I hadn't been to knit night in such a long time, what with moving and all. but i finally unpacked knitting, so i went and had a great time, but I was so so hungry when i got home.
Luckily Lisa! had been to the store and fed me hummous and pita chips immediately, and then made me another grilled sandwich for dinner. and cut it into a heart. i feel so loved.
Luckily Lisa! had been to the store and fed me hummous and pita chips immediately, and then made me another grilled sandwich for dinner. and cut it into a heart. i feel so loved.
10.9.09
34/365
Since i apparently can only take pictures in Our New Home, i think i need to make sure to show you all of our painting. i've already photographed the vegas gold dining room and the volcanic agate living room. here is the falling waters bathroom. there is just the odd medicine cabinet opposite the sink and toilet. nothing above the sink. so once we painted i put up my ikea mirror (oh yes, lynne, everything in my house is either from ikea, crate and barrel outlet, or maybe from the thrift store, esp. if it's lisa's.) but as you can see from the tile, this is the lowest i can hang it. and i can only see myself if i wear shoes. so i tilted it down a little bit, and that helps. but still. how silly.
33/365
what a salesgirl. i feel my smile is ready to go on HSN. lisa and i had a competition to see who remembered to buy cat food on the way home today. and it was a tie. but i bought meow mix which the cats turn their noses up at. and lisa bought a box of something... and this can. yes, under kozy kitten it says "fish dinner". Yes, indeed, the cat is wearing blue pearls. also, as promised, a photo of the new fridge!
32/365
I tried to get a perspective of just how looooong our citrus satin couch is, but I don't think I was very successful. at least you can see the work we did so far: painting done in the living room and dining room, all the books in the library.
31/365
such hard workers! we second-coated 2 rooms and prepped and first coated another! and we unpacked! and we made this beautiful dinner together. lisa made grilled swiss/tomato/basil sandwiches and i made a corn edamame tomato parsley salad. all the veggies are local except for the tomatoes and some of the corn, which my mom "imported" from my grandparents' farm in west PA. but she was coming here anyway, so those carbon miles don't count.
30/365
such a headache Friday night. I wonder if it's just dread for all the work we have to do this holiday weekend? or maybe it's from sleeping in a bedroom full of paint fumes.
4.9.09
29/365
Lisa is much more unpacked than me. she's got her computer set up, and between my iphone and her computer there's not a whole lot of incentive to unpack mine before all this painting is done. there is so much work to do around here, it's so overwhelming. but i do love our new place. i am such a happy homeowner. and the view is great, we can see all the high rises on sheridan, and the moon from the back porch at night.
28/365
This is my greatgrandmother's dresser. My mom drove it all the way to Chicago for me. So i get the dresser and i get my mom! isn't that nice? My mom at first said it was in her grandpa David's room, then remembered it was in Aunt Iris's room. I've never heard of an Aunt Iris before, but i guess that's what she called the spare bedroom- and your greatgrandmother's sister doesn't come up a whole lot. as if the dresser isn't good enough, inside is a journal my mom kept while pregnant with me. i am so excited to read it but might try and wait till my birthday.
2.9.09
27/365
painting the bedroom. that pink better dry brown- it's called French roast. painting till midnight on a weeknight doesn't sound like a good idea, but we have to, the walls have grafitti on them, and we can't really unpack then paint. still, I can't seem to get well again, mostly cause I keep pulling tricks like this.
26/365
mom's here! after being waylaid by granma's heart surgery, she continued on to Chicago. and she cleaned my old place today! and I turned in my keys! and now there's just unpacking! and PAINTING!
24/365
we moved kitchen boxes Friday. so this is at 6 am before we got the uhaul. before I climbed all those stairs. all those times. notice our beautiful new stove in the background. I'll photo the fridge soon too, I
23/365
our first night in our new home. the closing papers signed, the first walls painted, and the the twin aerobed inflated.
27.8.09
22/365
lots of goodbyes. but some hellos, too. i bought this suitcase for $18 with leah on philly's south street. i adored it for so long but the zipper never did work right and i cut it out thinking i could replace it, and well, it's just a dead project. my guitar, well. in highschool i just taped the stickers on cause i knew someday i'd get a better guitar and i'd want to really stick the stickers to that case. but when my guitar finally did die, i gave it away to one of my previous movers and continue to carry the case with me. well no more. i may save a few stickers. the sixpence one. the 7ball one. 5 minute walk records. but it's stupid to carry the broken thing around with me anymore. the clasps are trashed, it doesn't even hold a guitar anymore. anyway, when it fell open inside were MY MISSING FAVORITE SOCKS! when i left germany for the first time ruth gave me xmas gifts to open on the plane, and one of them was my first ever self-striping sock yarn, before it was invented in america. and i cast on these socks on that very plane ride. i missed them very much the past 4 years. i am so happy to have them again and have no idea how they got there!
but blah blah blah about stuff. how bout more substantial travels? my mom's currently driving cross country to bring me some of my greatgrandmother's furnature for our new place. sadly, she's been stopped half way by a hospital visit. not her own, miss "well, i may have terminal cancer, but i bet you feel worse than me today with your flu symptoms" but my grandma- her cardiologist sent her right to the hospital and she is getting a pacemaker tomorrow! eek! poor grandma.
but blah blah blah about stuff. how bout more substantial travels? my mom's currently driving cross country to bring me some of my greatgrandmother's furnature for our new place. sadly, she's been stopped half way by a hospital visit. not her own, miss "well, i may have terminal cancer, but i bet you feel worse than me today with your flu symptoms" but my grandma- her cardiologist sent her right to the hospital and she is getting a pacemaker tomorrow! eek! poor grandma.
26.8.09
21/365
i am totally cool with it raining all day today. and all day tomorrow. it can even rain a little on friday if it wants. but it is totally unacceptable for it to rain on Saturday. GOT THAT UNIVERSE? also unacceptable- the flu-like symptoms i've had all day. chills, skin aches, headache: not cool at all. i've taken a nap and some advil so hopefully that will make it all better by tomorrow.
25.8.09
20/365
ok, now i'm starting a series of comment bribes. this one's for amy. cause since i got my boxes from the health food store they all used to be filled with funny things, and i have a whole bunch of kambucha boxes, which makes me think of amy. i am exhausted and overwhelmed by packing- i have too many boxes, they are all too heavy, and i will never get it all packed. of course, i haven't had dinner yet- lisa's buying tacos- and i just had a cup-0-soup and some goldfish for lunch, so i'm hoping that is coloring my opinion. MUST remember to buy more packing tape!
24.8.09
19/365
i've been being so stressed about the move and so depressed whenever i talk to my mom, and i've been blaming it on not getting enough sleep, which is also true enough. but after riding my bike to work last week i felt so good i realized yoga was probably having a bigger impact than i thought and i should probably get back in the habit. so i've been doing it every morning before work again, and it really does make me happier and less tired. horray. and horray for yogadownload.com where i can have a yoga instructor for free without waking my girlfriend.
18/365
not very hungover, but still sunday was the first day i've forgotten to take a sp. it was just a busy day- trying to get my bags done, trying to get some packing done, etc etc etc. i was already in bed and lisa and i were planning, and i'm like oh fuck i forgot to take a picture. so i went into the bathroom all grumpy and just took one. brrr! cold floor on bare feet.
23.8.09
17/365
luau! chris always has an amazing birthday luau party where the whole gangway between buildings is transformed into a colorful tropical parrothead wonderland. when you see the tiki torches duck under the christmas lights lit firescape and you're there. there was a singer songwriter who played the ukelele and everything. Lisa's best friend matt is in town and i am excited to finally meet him and i had lots of fun at the party with all of lisa's friends. also, this parot is animatrontic and talks and says lewd things.
22.8.09
16/365
I wanted to take today's sp at loopy but was afraid I'd be intimidated by all the cool knitters there. I do get so embarrassed when taking SPs. it wasn't a problem though, cause I stayed later than almost all of the fun people. (don't worry, if you're reading this and were still there, you're prolly why I said almost). I finished my mom's ishbel, and when gazing longingly at yhe sale yarn, was glad to see all the pretty colors of silk garden were gone, making it much easier to resist than previous weeks. but hello, I am moving a week from today(!). no. new. yarn.
20.8.09
15/365
i had that other one as todays photo but it was such an ugly arrangement. (it was from a picture, i don't make up ugly arrangements on my own) but i was worried i wouldn't be able to use this one because i was afraid you could read the delivery ticket and that is not a good idea for the internets.
so after mentioning not touching flowers often on monday, here i am touching flowers. ch got a free ticket to six flags, so i got to run the flowershop for the day. lots of hands on flowers. unfortunately, i didn't get as caught up on the paperwork as i would have liked, because there was home drama. our apprasal came in $7,000 lower than our purchase price, which means they don't wanna give us a morgage now. we're arguing with a variety of different people, but it's not looking good to close before we're kicked out of our current places :(
so after mentioning not touching flowers often on monday, here i am touching flowers. ch got a free ticket to six flags, so i got to run the flowershop for the day. lots of hands on flowers. unfortunately, i didn't get as caught up on the paperwork as i would have liked, because there was home drama. our apprasal came in $7,000 lower than our purchase price, which means they don't wanna give us a morgage now. we're arguing with a variety of different people, but it's not looking good to close before we're kicked out of our current places :(
19.8.09
14/365
so on friday i finally finally got my bike taken care of. i'd lost my keys back in december, and kryptonite didn't have any record of me registering my lock :( so i had to get it cut off. So i walked my bike on its back wheel all the way to the bike store on clark, and bought a new lock, and they were so nice. and then to the locksmilth 2 more blocks away, and they were super nice. collier locks is where it's at for excellent lock service, people. after the harrowing experience (sparks flying, the whole 9 yards) of the cutting, they walked me over to the garage next door where they blew up my tires for me so i could ride home. Yay clark street! i am so excited to be moving onto you!
but that was friday. TODAY was my first day of bike commuting, and i got out my bike map over breakfast to plan my route. and wouldn't you know, there's a path along the north branch of the chicago river. it's all woodsy and out doorsy and car-free. sadly, there were lots of joggers on the way home, but they're easier to swerve around. then it started to rain. but it was still nice to get home 15min earlier.
but that was friday. TODAY was my first day of bike commuting, and i got out my bike map over breakfast to plan my route. and wouldn't you know, there's a path along the north branch of the chicago river. it's all woodsy and out doorsy and car-free. sadly, there were lots of joggers on the way home, but they're easier to swerve around. then it started to rain. but it was still nice to get home 15min earlier.
18.8.09
12/365
i was going to take a pic of me at work again today, behind the sewing machine making those stupid little camera ends, but i kept forgetting to take my phone with me from the break room to the work room. and of course, it seemed kinda pushing it to take pictures at work two days in a row. so instead here's my first of i'm sure many CTA pictures. my coworker lexie is my Bus Buddy, we take the foster street bus together whenever our schedules allow- and gossip about the others at work.
17.8.09
12/365
i hate it when the fleurbot puts me on hold. stupid teleflora. this sorta sums up what my job is at the flowershop these days. not a lot of actual flowers. but that's actually fine, it's still a great job, and i like what i do, who i work with, and the music played there. in the dungeon of the tower.
16.8.09
11/365
i got a package from my dad yesterday. he went to an alpaca farm in albuquerque and loved the personalized tour so much he felt compelled to buy something, so he bought this skein of yarn and sent it to me. (well, it was a skein yesterday. it's a ball today. that's just how 365 works) it's super soft. i can't wait to knit with it. as you can tell by my dimple.
15.8.09
10/365
ch and hugo had johnnyb's car this weekend since they were watching his dog, so they took me on a brown elephant pilgrimage. after we dropped off our clothes books and kitchenware, they drove me to their new place where they'll be moving into-soon! i one-upped them though, because i remembered i have the combo for our new place, so i actually took them up to see my and lisa's new home! i was so sad i forgot to take a picture of us at the brown elephant so when ch spied an art gallery across the street i'm all let's take it there! they had pointing zombies in the window so we tried to point too, but alas, short arms and zoom iphone fail again.
14.8.09
9/365
the wonderful thing about starting 365 is how full of ideas one is. i should make a list so that i can remember about 175 when things are tough. i wanted to take a picture with my bike today since i finally took it to the locksmith to get it sprung, but i'm working hard to have less than 50% of my 365 out of my house. so i'll wait till i ride it somewhere and post this one, which is waiting for the bus by lisa's, and the stop is in front of an italian restaurant which was lame in the winter but now has an awning and these big petunia hanging baskets. i'm really self-concious of taking SPs in public, i'm learning, though. so i was unable to create the shot i was going for (either petunia hair or perspective that looked like my eminent destruction) and finally when the bus came i decided that i liked this one better than the ones with the petunias and the striped awning reflection.
13.8.09
8/365
I stopped at the health food store for boxes after work today. the prospect, for some reason, has been scary, but it was easy and now I have really attractive boxes. to pack all day tomorrow. since I don't have anywhere to work tomorrow. also, I don't know how long this iPhone photo thing will last, as I'm running out of arm length.
12.8.09
7/365
This is in lisa's elevator which i'm only gonna ride in like 20 more times. i think it's very pretty and vintage high risey, and the very first time i ever went over to her house i knew from the elevator that she paid much much much more rent than i do. she, however, hates this elevator cause she thinks it's slow and she always takes the freight elevator up and the stairs down.
11.8.09
6/365
rock & roll heaven made money at lollapalooza so mr. bossman came in at noon to tell me i could leave at 2 and be paid til 5 for my bonus. as you can see by the time on this clock, it took me a long time to get both my blue skirt and my hand in the frame, so i unfortunately couldn't ALSO make the lightmeter be set for me instead of the garden. because i am only smart enough to make my camera do so many things at once.
10.8.09
5/365
i just realized today my hair is long enough to have nap so i sported a fauxhawk to celebrate!
4/365
so so sticky hot here. i've spent the past two nights at lisa's since she has an ac. i've been wearing gauze and skin. also- notice all the shoulder freckles i got at the beach!
3/365
paint chips! so much fun! i can't wait for lisa! and i to get our new house. i hope and pray closing is 5 days earlier than currently set, so we have a chance to paint before moving in and we don't have to live in a storage space for a day.
2/365
cuddly. lisa! might do 365 too once she moves in with me and my fancy camera. not that i can be bothered to plug my fancy camera into the computer. i fear this year will be 365 iphone photos, baby!
1/365
it's gonna be a big year for me, what with my mom and all, and moving into the new place. i've been wanting to restart 365 for awhile, esp. as i'm being such a sucky blogger i thought this might be a better way to get across my daily happenings and hopefully won't miss updating you on big news like, say, buying a HOUSE. i know i have blog readers who aren't flickrites, and it's so easy to blog photos i thought i'd just repost them here so you can COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! but if you're ready to drop me altogether cause you HATE having my stupid face appear on your RSS reader for both my blog and my photostream PLEASE let me know and i will cease and desist. anyway,
my dad sent me a voice memo cause he loves his new iphone i can't take video with mine, so i sent him this pic instead. he wrote back "what is wrong with your eyes?"
my dad sent me a voice memo cause he loves his new iphone i can't take video with mine, so i sent him this pic instead. he wrote back "what is wrong with your eyes?"
4.8.09
so i'm lame
first, the whole never blogging thing is lame, but the worst part is when i do blog i just whine about my mom and don't ever type about what's going on in my life. so the big thing is: you recall lisa! and i planning on moving in together? well, she decided it made more sense to buy than rent, since she has some savings and there's so many forclosures. so we've been house hunting. i can't believe i haven't blogged about it, and all the arduous process it has been. but we've found a place we like, and the price is right, and they accepted our offer, and they signed the contract. so here we are! i've given my 30 days notice to be out by sept 1st which is scary cause we don't know if we'll be able to move our closing date up from sept 2nd. but i am excited about painting, and having a 2 bedroom place, and not having to travel every night to be with lisa. and this place is adorable, hardwood floors, fireplace, minimal right angles (it's on the corner of a diagonal street) and a little back deck we share with the neighbors.
so sorry i missed that key information! i also just got back from the beach and am having a hard time transitioning to real life. i miss my mom (she's driving through BC and cruising to AK) and i am being wistful about the smell of the ocean and suntan lotion.
so sorry i missed that key information! i also just got back from the beach and am having a hard time transitioning to real life. i miss my mom (she's driving through BC and cruising to AK) and i am being wistful about the smell of the ocean and suntan lotion.
11.7.09
home for the weekend.
my god. i was gonna blog about the weekend in MI for the 4th, but now it's 2:30. all weeke i've been letting my house get filthier and filthier and the bags pile up undone. and now, that it's saturday, what do i do? spend 4 hrs. reading my google reader. i feel sick. internet, perhaps you and i need to break up.
30.6.09
bald and folky
i'm back from old songs, it is true. i did have a good time with my mom, only slightly tarnished by marty showing up on saturday and offering to take me to the airport sunday. but he stayed in a hotel (he doesn't camp) and i wasn't required to take his offer, so all ended well on that front.
my fiddle stood the trip just fine and i learned things in each of my 3 fiddle workshops. i'm all inspired now and want to persue more fiddling. fiddling in chicago can happen, and i think it's something i should commit some of my savings towards. the tin whistle workshop made me feel better, too. it's much easier to learn!!
the music was constant and good as always and expected. i'm not the buy the cd and listen to the fiddler all day long, but i really like live roots music. it's just not as pungent when dried.
dancing was fun, too. contra is so strenuous compared to square dancing. also it's so late- the evening concert lasts till midnight and the contra is for 2 hrs after that. so bedtime at 2AM and waking up for sacred harp sing at 9 (and hot tent syndrome making time for yoga and breakfast before that) makes for a tired grumpy caitlin. i'm still not recovered.
mom's camping pals are fun. the last time i was there i felt like a kid and a hanger on, so it was fun to be a grown up and be able to make conversation and chill and be responsible and stuff. her buddy bob and his friend phil are such interesting people and committed campers, so they gave us a pretty gourmet (and dry in the face of thunderstorms) experience.
so. about mom. a couple of weeks ago she decided to do the radiation because of the chemo not crossing the blood brain barrier, and when she got her baseline scan it showed there were already tumors in her brain. she's all chipper- they're not very big tumors, radiation is so much easier and more friendly than chemo, she feels better, etc- but for me it was the tipping point of facing reality. if she was gonna beat the odds, or have the miracle grandma's praying for, or live so much longer, or have a different, curable type of cancer, she would have started showing signs of such. instead the news keeps getting worse and worse. after all the misery of chemo she has tumors in her BRAIN. it's really really sad for me, i think the brain tumors are the point where i can't be in denial any longer. her good mood changed a bit at the festival, too, when her hair started falling out again, her radiation burns itched, and she was sick one morning. i said i'd shave my head in sympathy, and she said i shouldn't, it's no biggy, but then she was pretty upset when it started falling out again. i was glad i had shaved my head. it's cool and wigs are fun. i bought a blue one and a pink one to send to my sister. they are really good at keeping the head warm on those cool summer nights.
my fiddle stood the trip just fine and i learned things in each of my 3 fiddle workshops. i'm all inspired now and want to persue more fiddling. fiddling in chicago can happen, and i think it's something i should commit some of my savings towards. the tin whistle workshop made me feel better, too. it's much easier to learn!!
the music was constant and good as always and expected. i'm not the buy the cd and listen to the fiddler all day long, but i really like live roots music. it's just not as pungent when dried.
dancing was fun, too. contra is so strenuous compared to square dancing. also it's so late- the evening concert lasts till midnight and the contra is for 2 hrs after that. so bedtime at 2AM and waking up for sacred harp sing at 9 (and hot tent syndrome making time for yoga and breakfast before that) makes for a tired grumpy caitlin. i'm still not recovered.
mom's camping pals are fun. the last time i was there i felt like a kid and a hanger on, so it was fun to be a grown up and be able to make conversation and chill and be responsible and stuff. her buddy bob and his friend phil are such interesting people and committed campers, so they gave us a pretty gourmet (and dry in the face of thunderstorms) experience.
so. about mom. a couple of weeks ago she decided to do the radiation because of the chemo not crossing the blood brain barrier, and when she got her baseline scan it showed there were already tumors in her brain. she's all chipper- they're not very big tumors, radiation is so much easier and more friendly than chemo, she feels better, etc- but for me it was the tipping point of facing reality. if she was gonna beat the odds, or have the miracle grandma's praying for, or live so much longer, or have a different, curable type of cancer, she would have started showing signs of such. instead the news keeps getting worse and worse. after all the misery of chemo she has tumors in her BRAIN. it's really really sad for me, i think the brain tumors are the point where i can't be in denial any longer. her good mood changed a bit at the festival, too, when her hair started falling out again, her radiation burns itched, and she was sick one morning. i said i'd shave my head in sympathy, and she said i shouldn't, it's no biggy, but then she was pretty upset when it started falling out again. i was glad i had shaved my head. it's cool and wigs are fun. i bought a blue one and a pink one to send to my sister. they are really good at keeping the head warm on those cool summer nights.
25.6.09
22.6.09
feed me
Lisa!'s out smoking, which of course breaks my heart every time it happens, but it's a familiar breaking. i'm so happy to have her home. i didn't realize when i was having fun being single and productive this weekend how much i missed her. yesterday night we just cuddled and watched tv and today when she came over she:
1.Brought my huge duffle suitcase with her, and anyone who carries other peoples large shit on the bus gets points
2. she brought a bottle of wine with her
3. she took the random ingredients in my refrigerator and created a white chocolate-nectarine curry and a delicious salad, too. yum!
thanks hot girlfriend!
1.Brought my huge duffle suitcase with her, and anyone who carries other peoples large shit on the bus gets points
2. she brought a bottle of wine with her
3. she took the random ingredients in my refrigerator and created a white chocolate-nectarine curry and a delicious salad, too. yum!
thanks hot girlfriend!
21.6.09
readers readers everywhere
first i just have to mention that i've blogged more today than i have so far this year, i think. second, i was talking to mom about old songs next week, and she said her camping buddy bob called cause he hadn't heard from her if she was still going, and it wasn't on her blog, so he came to MY BLOG to see that i've mentioned fiddling. and of course, my first thought was horray new readers! and my second thought was- wait- my past 3 posts have been about my boobs. oh well. i am excited to camp with my mom. i am afraid to fiddle in public. i am so excited about taking my souldier straps on vacation though! photo to follow. also: photo of naked cat. i think i have one that combines them all. never did find camera cord. maybe at lisa!'s from when she took camera to europe? anyway, i've just re-taken pictures with iphone, so that's what i'm uploading.
20.6.09
final tally
i should be heading over to hugos- we decided to do video games and dinner instead of paying for the movie- but i wanted to let you know i sorted the worms and pitted the cherries. so all i have to do is clean the bin, clean the house, do laundry and bake the clafoutis tomorrow. before lisa! comes back at five. i think that should be do-able before 5. since after 5 i will be otherwise occupied.
these are the people in my neighborhood
status report:
it's 1:30 now. i have:
-cast on and knit the first 6 rows of my ishbel shawl
-coated one of my knitting needles with clear nail polish hoping to fix the kitty teeth marks that are snagging my yarn
-showered, breakfasted
-made plans with ch for the 7:10 showing of away we go
-leashed my cat and took her outside
-brought her back indoors for transportation plan #2
-got mitzi in the cat carrier, the cat carrier on the granny cart, the whole assemblage downstairs, and pushed to the pet place.
-bought amaretto
-chatted with a neighbor
doing pretty good, right? the bug problem is the real project for today, however. but i have lots of time and lots of podcasts.
anyway, nothing makes people look at you like pushing a yowling cat down the street does. and everyone's out today because it's hot hot hot and there's a big sidewalk sale (that i pushed my cat around) a fellow square dancer was cutting the storm damaged branches off his trees as i was walking by, and we chatted and it was so nice. and then of course there's everyone i want to be friends with friending me on ravelry. i also ran into an old aquaintence on the bus, a friend of a friend, when going to lexie's party last weekend. i hate talking to strangers on the bus, but it's always so nice when i run into people i know out and about. it makes me feel like i'm part of a community. and that i have friends. these are important things to me.
it's 1:30 now. i have:
-cast on and knit the first 6 rows of my ishbel shawl
-coated one of my knitting needles with clear nail polish hoping to fix the kitty teeth marks that are snagging my yarn
-showered, breakfasted
-made plans with ch for the 7:10 showing of away we go
-leashed my cat and took her outside
-brought her back indoors for transportation plan #2
-got mitzi in the cat carrier, the cat carrier on the granny cart, the whole assemblage downstairs, and pushed to the pet place.
-bought amaretto
-chatted with a neighbor
doing pretty good, right? the bug problem is the real project for today, however. but i have lots of time and lots of podcasts.
anyway, nothing makes people look at you like pushing a yowling cat down the street does. and everyone's out today because it's hot hot hot and there's a big sidewalk sale (that i pushed my cat around) a fellow square dancer was cutting the storm damaged branches off his trees as i was walking by, and we chatted and it was so nice. and then of course there's everyone i want to be friends with friending me on ravelry. i also ran into an old aquaintence on the bus, a friend of a friend, when going to lexie's party last weekend. i hate talking to strangers on the bus, but it's always so nice when i run into people i know out and about. it makes me feel like i'm part of a community. and that i have friends. these are important things to me.
more boobs
so after i read lynne's comment at lunch yesterday i had to measure mine, too, to see if it was all in my and lisa's head. but i wasn't going to just pull out my measuring tape there in the break room! after work it was a gazillion degrees (and i was pressing fucking pockets at work, so that sucked something terrible) and i couldn't wear socks a minute longer so i bought sandals (ok, strappy heels) at payless. then i bought pizza and booze for knit nights UFO party where if lynne would have been there i would have TOTALLY measured my boobs, or even if i was knitting a sweater, but since i was knitting socks it didn't really make any sense, so i had to wait until i was home, which wasn't until 12:30 to pull out the tape and discover... i have WHOLE INCH too! and when you're talking about such small numbers, that means they're like, 3% bigger.
but i shouldn't type anymore because it's saturday, and my list, it is long. shave the cat, move the worms, destroy the bugs that have taken over the apartment, find the camera's uploading cord (WHERE could it be?!?!) and bake a cherry clafouti (after i buy amaretto). think i can get it all done AND see a movie with ch? we will see!
but i shouldn't type anymore because it's saturday, and my list, it is long. shave the cat, move the worms, destroy the bugs that have taken over the apartment, find the camera's uploading cord (WHERE could it be?!?!) and bake a cherry clafouti (after i buy amaretto). think i can get it all done AND see a movie with ch? we will see!
19.6.09
me again!
see this is why I blog! this is why I could never stop, even though I keep trying. I tweet something, and it's there and gone, and whatever. but I'd forgotten the joy of getting an email from haloscan saying I have a new comment. ah the joy! so I blogged for amy, and now not only did I get a comment from the hot lynn, the comment is about her hot boobs! oh yeah! I mean, everyone else feel free to comment about your hot boobs, that's just great, but i'm on the train right now and I'll get to see Lynn & her (clothed) boobs in meatspace! which is the best I can do, really, with lisa! still in NYC.
18.6.09
just for amy
knowing she checks here just about every day makes me feel like such a bad blogger. and really, i have no excuse. lisa!'s in new york for the week, and i can't seem to get anything done but dinner. i'm frantically trying to learn to play my fiddle before old songs next weekend. and my boobs are growing. i know. no idea what's up, but i've prbably gone up half a cup size. i'm a FULL A now. i doubt anyone would notice besides me and my girlfriend... but who else needs to? i'm happy with that!
2.6.09
mobile again
I'm so happy to have a new phone. although I think this is the first time I've blogged in the go. it's pretty exciting. but I did want to say as soon as possible thank you for such kind comments. also to clarify that everyone here has been nothing but supportive, I don't want any reader to think they are the one I was talking about. I do know that when I read such things on others blogs, I often don't know the right thing to say. if you feel that way, I can assure you, you said the right thing, cause really there only is one thing to say: geez, that sucks. or something along those lines!
31.5.09
late night cancer
lisa's in bed but i can't sleep. i don't know what got me started. maybe it was watching Jihad for love, a documentary about gay muslims. sure life is tough for them, but there were lots of scenes of kissing mom if she's there and talking to her on the phone if she's not. or maybe it's that question lisa asked earlier today that i couldn't answer. what WAS going to be my name if i was a boy? i don't know. i can ask my mom now. but how many other questions will i not think of until it's too late?
it's probably from reading her blog (kicking the cancer gator) that got me all emotional tonight. she got her scans back, and whatever, the biggest problem is all these numbers for me. it makes it hard to live in denial. plus they're lower numbers than what z originally told me, i guess i haven't been keeping up in all the changes in diagnosis. but z is. she understands. i have so much anger towards such a silly variety of people. people who say they understand. no they fucking don't. sorry dad, i know you're mom's gone, but you had her for like 50 years. i'll be lucky to have mine 30. people who live longer than my mom. really, aren't my grandparents fulfilled? don't you think they just, chronologically, make more sense to go first? people who have treatable cancer. it doesn't seem fair that lung cancer gets lumped together (ouch, accidental pun) with things that have a 90% chance of being cured. i suppose i should count myself lucky to get this fixed amount of time instead of just the "she didn't look both ways, the bus came out of NOWHERE" phone call. but goddess, the pressure. i have plans to see mom the end of june, july, and august. but what do i want to do with my mom in the summer? i need to decide fast, cause this is probably my last chance. i don't know how many more times she'll come to chicago. it's the pressure that makes me panic. i'm sure once it's too late i'll be full of, "if only i had a chance to do THIS with mom" but right now i feel pretty complete- or my denial is still convinced we have all the time in the world.
it's probably from reading her blog (kicking the cancer gator) that got me all emotional tonight. she got her scans back, and whatever, the biggest problem is all these numbers for me. it makes it hard to live in denial. plus they're lower numbers than what z originally told me, i guess i haven't been keeping up in all the changes in diagnosis. but z is. she understands. i have so much anger towards such a silly variety of people. people who say they understand. no they fucking don't. sorry dad, i know you're mom's gone, but you had her for like 50 years. i'll be lucky to have mine 30. people who live longer than my mom. really, aren't my grandparents fulfilled? don't you think they just, chronologically, make more sense to go first? people who have treatable cancer. it doesn't seem fair that lung cancer gets lumped together (ouch, accidental pun) with things that have a 90% chance of being cured. i suppose i should count myself lucky to get this fixed amount of time instead of just the "she didn't look both ways, the bus came out of NOWHERE" phone call. but goddess, the pressure. i have plans to see mom the end of june, july, and august. but what do i want to do with my mom in the summer? i need to decide fast, cause this is probably my last chance. i don't know how many more times she'll come to chicago. it's the pressure that makes me panic. i'm sure once it's too late i'll be full of, "if only i had a chance to do THIS with mom" but right now i feel pretty complete- or my denial is still convinced we have all the time in the world.
19.5.09
yet another forum...
just not public. i feel like i've been typing extensively all about my days and my feelings, and that's because i have. just not here. With lisa! in europe, i've been writing her lengthy emails every day, and that sates any blogging desire i might have. if y'all are really interested i can cut and paste. but it's mostly just how much i miss her and what i've done today.
10.5.09
how are you offended?
So i'm this big NPR fan currently, right? lisa! and i are always talking about Talk of the Nation and Fresh Air. and i'm a google reader addict, and one of the blogs i adore is feministing, so here for your listening pleasure are some links.
here is TOTN's op- ed about gays in the military:
Op-Ed: Gays And The Military A Bad Fit
here is The Purity Myth's author on conservative radio:
Jessica on the Laura Ingraham Show
so the first one is a conservative guest on a liberal call in show with a liberal host and all liberal callers. the second is a liberal guest on a conservative show with a conservative host and callers. now, not to wax political here, but we all know that i'm crazy liberal. and i tend to find political argument pretty uncomfortable. i don't like it when people fight on the radio. i expected, i guess, to prefer the first to the second, because there were more people on my side. but actually, the first made me feel all creepy and uncomfortable, and the second made me cheer "go jessica" a little.
I'm not sure excactly why this is. i think it might be because i'm not comparing apples to apples. First, neal always gets all fired up about the gays, and i'm glad he's on my side, but it doesn't make for a very fair and balanced host. plus his guest was so stupid- his points were just next to impossible to understand. I guess i felt jessica was really well prepared, and every time they tried to make her say she was pro-promiscuity she countered with "girls are more than just sexuality." I guess it just seems like if everyone could just throw away their reactionary language there would be a lot more to agree on.
i know they're both long bits, but i would love if someone else has listened to one- or both- to hear their comments. I don't care much how you feel about the issues themselves, but how these conversations make You feel, and what you think are the differences between these two pieces, and why you think i reacted differently to each. if you don't mind. if you still check back here every once in a while.
here is TOTN's op- ed about gays in the military:
Op-Ed: Gays And The Military A Bad Fit
here is The Purity Myth's author on conservative radio:
Jessica on the Laura Ingraham Show
so the first one is a conservative guest on a liberal call in show with a liberal host and all liberal callers. the second is a liberal guest on a conservative show with a conservative host and callers. now, not to wax political here, but we all know that i'm crazy liberal. and i tend to find political argument pretty uncomfortable. i don't like it when people fight on the radio. i expected, i guess, to prefer the first to the second, because there were more people on my side. but actually, the first made me feel all creepy and uncomfortable, and the second made me cheer "go jessica" a little.
I'm not sure excactly why this is. i think it might be because i'm not comparing apples to apples. First, neal always gets all fired up about the gays, and i'm glad he's on my side, but it doesn't make for a very fair and balanced host. plus his guest was so stupid- his points were just next to impossible to understand. I guess i felt jessica was really well prepared, and every time they tried to make her say she was pro-promiscuity she countered with "girls are more than just sexuality." I guess it just seems like if everyone could just throw away their reactionary language there would be a lot more to agree on.
i know they're both long bits, but i would love if someone else has listened to one- or both- to hear their comments. I don't care much how you feel about the issues themselves, but how these conversations make You feel, and what you think are the differences between these two pieces, and why you think i reacted differently to each. if you don't mind. if you still check back here every once in a while.
5.5.09
party planning!
Lisa's birthday is tomorrow. i hope its perfect. but it's gonna be hard, after this weekend. we were gonna take the water taxi to chinatown for lunch and to buy her a chinese silk robe, but alas the boat doesn't start until memorial day. so instead we bought tacos and took a bus to north ave beach and ate on a pier. then we went to the zoo. it was super charming and a lovely day.
22.4.09
guess what?
people are still buying their administrative assistants flowers. we were so surprised. pleasantly surprised, but exhausted now. our april to date is 10% higher than last year! my credit cards are all paid off minius $100 or so of revolving debt! sure i haven't paid my student loans for march or april, but i think i can splurge and buy lisa! and i thai food tonight! my feet hurt. we deserve it.
7.4.09
but there's more
i miss you all too much! the tweet is fun, but so short. i just can't type fast enough on the iphone. don't get me wrong- it's amazing i love it, i don't even mind being bought off. but there are just some things it doesn't do as well as a keyboard does. now of course that i've started i can't really remember what it was i wanted to type about so badly today. that, alas, is the problem with blogging. i compose these amazing posts in my head and by the time i get home from work they're gone. but you should all know, i'm ok.
-was in PA for my grandma's 80th birthday along with all the family, including meike.
-while there ordered iphone which is mom's bribe to make me love her again (worked!)
-quit all after-school activities since then (too busy playing with my iphone to square dance, scheduling problems with knitting), including forgetting to go to therapy
-Paid my taxes (0nly $162 federal! horray for so few 1099-MISC this year!)
-got the flu
-worked considerably on constructing the most amazing garden possible in 9" of balcony space
-made plans to go with lisa to grand rapids for easter.
that's been my two weeks. having fun, but miss you all.
-was in PA for my grandma's 80th birthday along with all the family, including meike.
-while there ordered iphone which is mom's bribe to make me love her again (worked!)
-quit all after-school activities since then (too busy playing with my iphone to square dance, scheduling problems with knitting), including forgetting to go to therapy
-Paid my taxes (0nly $162 federal! horray for so few 1099-MISC this year!)
-got the flu
-worked considerably on constructing the most amazing garden possible in 9" of balcony space
-made plans to go with lisa to grand rapids for easter.
that's been my two weeks. having fun, but miss you all.
30.3.09
shorter. sweeter.
so i haven't updated. all month. i think it's a sign. i couldn't bear to shut down the blog, i WANT to be a blogger, i just don't write anymore. so i'm going to TRY the tweeting thing. if you're on twitter i'm going to be @caitlinleah. so maybe you can follow me that way. maybe i can figure out how to put the RSS up here. maybe i'll be so inspired i'll start posting real blogs again. time can only tell.
2.3.09
a small fraction of the dishes
dinner party, thanksgivning, christmas knitting- all kinds of pictures are up at flickr. check em out!
25.2.09
kick er while she's down
sorry i haven't been blogging, but i've been feeling really kicked lately. i was supposed to go to Boston to see my mom for z's birthday this weekend. But mom called last week and said marty was taking her to costa rica for the week instead. So i'm all hurt and angry about that. and guilty, of course, because how awful is it that i'm angry at someone with cancer.
then yesterday, i had a bad day at rock and roll heaven. the boss is never kind about mistakes, and so i was still feeling picked on from when i first came in, and then i was trying to clean the machine and broke the bobbin case. and he of course flipped out and said he might have to send me home, and so i just left. it felt so good to storm out of there, and my escape vehicle, the foster street bus, was right there, so i had a great getaway.
of course, he called my cell when i was on the bus and said, "i said MIGHT"... as my therapist said, i can't even do that right. but he sorta apologized, in his emo straight boy privileged way, and told me i could make up the hours. so sadly i didn't burn that bridge, but that's not really something you can do in this sort of economy. i did go home and finish enough bags for brigid that she will pay me more than a whole day at souldier. and i set up an etsy shop (caitlinleah, doncha know). i have 1 measly item and no personality, but the idea of alchemy facinates me, and it would be a dream to have that be an income source.
then yesterday, i had a bad day at rock and roll heaven. the boss is never kind about mistakes, and so i was still feeling picked on from when i first came in, and then i was trying to clean the machine and broke the bobbin case. and he of course flipped out and said he might have to send me home, and so i just left. it felt so good to storm out of there, and my escape vehicle, the foster street bus, was right there, so i had a great getaway.
of course, he called my cell when i was on the bus and said, "i said MIGHT"... as my therapist said, i can't even do that right. but he sorta apologized, in his emo straight boy privileged way, and told me i could make up the hours. so sadly i didn't burn that bridge, but that's not really something you can do in this sort of economy. i did go home and finish enough bags for brigid that she will pay me more than a whole day at souldier. and i set up an etsy shop (caitlinleah, doncha know). i have 1 measly item and no personality, but the idea of alchemy facinates me, and it would be a dream to have that be an income source.
17.2.09
post holiday
survived. my dad sent me a check with a "v-day note" i need to call him and thank him. Ch and I kept hoping we would be surprised and have to order more flowers, but we never did. so even though we're happy about our conservative buying, it's still sorta depressing. we did use all the roses we had, but we didn't have that many. On v-day, we were only open till 4- the loop's just a ghost town on the weekends. then i went to the library, and i didn't get there in time to get a new card, but they would let me pick up my holds with my new ID.
Then i came over to lisa!'s, i had made her a valentine (the squirrel heart krista shared on reader, i can't remember where it's from) and of course brought her two dozen roses. She had been working too, and so grabbed me a box of very fancy champagne truffles on the way home, then we went out for dinner. It was so low key and so low pressure, it's only looking back that i see how incredibly traditional we were- all bases covered!
On Sunday she got up early and futzed around while i rolled over and went back to sleep. when i finally woke up we went to breakfast at the holiday club and then to the asian grocery store. when i got home i was so tired i went right to bed without putting my groceries away. when i woke up from my nap i was still so tired i couldn't do bags or make dinner. the effort was just too much. Lisa finally came over and made dinner for me and it was amazing.
i was sorta out of it for work yesterday, which was fine cause ch was exhausted too. but i'm worried about today- i have to go work for cookie and all i want is a day off. in fact, right now i'm blogging in pjs instead of doing yoga or eating breakfast or washing or getting dressed... and i have 20 min before i have to leave. sigh. zzzzzzz.
Then i came over to lisa!'s, i had made her a valentine (the squirrel heart krista shared on reader, i can't remember where it's from) and of course brought her two dozen roses. She had been working too, and so grabbed me a box of very fancy champagne truffles on the way home, then we went out for dinner. It was so low key and so low pressure, it's only looking back that i see how incredibly traditional we were- all bases covered!
On Sunday she got up early and futzed around while i rolled over and went back to sleep. when i finally woke up we went to breakfast at the holiday club and then to the asian grocery store. when i got home i was so tired i went right to bed without putting my groceries away. when i woke up from my nap i was still so tired i couldn't do bags or make dinner. the effort was just too much. Lisa finally came over and made dinner for me and it was amazing.
i was sorta out of it for work yesterday, which was fine cause ch was exhausted too. but i'm worried about today- i have to go work for cookie and all i want is a day off. in fact, right now i'm blogging in pjs instead of doing yoga or eating breakfast or washing or getting dressed... and i have 20 min before i have to leave. sigh. zzzzzzz.
11.2.09
wallet and other misery
i filed my police report, i'm getting the charges on my cards reversed. dude cashed both my paychecks i was gonna cash on monday. that's a lot of money. i have all these dirty dishes in my sink and my life makes me want to cry. i just knocked over not one but two dishes, a big mixing bowl and a plate, and shattered them all over the marble floor.
hey, two less to wash.
but lisa's here now, and she's sweeping them up for me, and sticking large bills in my wallet and pockets. it's nice to be loved.
hey, two less to wash.
but lisa's here now, and she's sweeping them up for me, and sticking large bills in my wallet and pockets. it's nice to be loved.
10.2.09
karma
so my wallet was stolen yesterday on the train. i was pickpocketed i think, he started making charges about an hour after i got to work. what a huge hassle. as if vday isn't enough. so you can understand if i'm not blogging as much as you would like.
9.2.09
V minus 6
it's the v-day week countdown! get your orders in now! temp positions are no longer available, but let me know if you want to be on a list to be backup if a larger influx of orders than predicted overwhelms our little flowershop!
7.2.09
yes we can.
i don't know how to make it unsideways, but here's me dancing in my most recent project for cookie. the stripes are removable!
5.2.09
lax again
sorry. but it's been busy. i love having all these outside activities, but it's stressful so close to v-day. this past weekend lisa! and i threw an amazing dinner party- 6 courses, 9 guests- which i have some photos from and will post eventually. monday was houseblessing and tuesday was anti-procrastination, and then yesterday was WBEZ's audible feast, with scott simon, peter sagal, and ira glass. lisa! got a cell phone photo of us with ira glass- i'll try and post that too. it was fun, but way too late for a weeknight. and with square dancing tonight, knit night tomorrow, and lisa!'s family coming into town saturday, i'm not really preparing for v-day very well.
28.1.09
join my club. drink my kool-aid.
sarah, krista, liz (welcome home, liz!), this message is not for you. everyone else, here's a link to google reader for beginners. cause i want to read what you share, and to share with you.
24.1.09
Day 312 Smile like you mean it
crazy day. I'm feeling so emotional. Lisa was looking for a book to read this morning and i lent her the time traveler's wife then promply spent the next, oh, 10 hrs or so reading it. she's out to dinner with friends and i just finished it and am a weepy mess. it's such strong emotions, the joy of love, the sadness of death, and other partings. also finished hard laughter. i was so relieved by the happy ending the first time i read it, but it's sad cause i know it's ficition and i've read anne lamott's memoirs and i know it doesn't end that way in real life. and also angry, because why the fuck do i need to know what "palative" means. ch has a friend of a friend who has an awesome gift for me, putting aretha franklin's hat on on other people, and since my mom loved it so much i want to see her in it, but this means combing through my mom's flickr. which makes me deeply, deeply sad.
16.1.09
1 studio, 3 cats
it's the weekend! Lisa! is out picking up thai food for dinner. i'm at her apartment... with mitzi! we thought it was high time our cats met, so this weekend mitzi and i are camping out in uptown. ellie is withholding judgement, but lisa jr is in full hissing form. as for mitzi, she's so happy not to be traveling anymore, i think she'd like wherever she was. i'll let you know how it goes!
14.1.09
just so i can blog about the weather
so here's my excuse for this hiatus- i wanted to blog after therapy last week, but then i had some qualms, and then i didn't think i could blog again until i blogged that story. but now, i want to blog about the weather, so i want to get that out of the way.
so here's the thing, the bit i'm scared to throw out there for the whole internet to chew on... Lisa! and i are talking about moving in together in september when her lease is up. september's a long way away, so much can happen in 9 months... but still, big deal for me, right? especially when i spent so much time talking to my therapist about how i could never move in with anyone... and so i'm telling her this, and stressing out about not knowing if my mom will be driving the uhaul this time around, if she'll be like a sultan directing the movers with her turban on her chaise lounge... and my therapist is all, we know you deal with stress by planning. but you can't plan this. you don't know how your mom is going to be in 9 months. but you do know, right now, that she knows how happy you are. and that's what really broke me down. cause it's true. life with lisa! really does make me so happy.
what doesn't make me happy is this perpetual cold. high today? 13 degrees. high tomorrow? 0. and that's the high. it'll be -5 for morning rush hour and won't hit 0 until 3 pm. brrr. i need to finish my new scarf so it can keep my face warm!
so here's the thing, the bit i'm scared to throw out there for the whole internet to chew on... Lisa! and i are talking about moving in together in september when her lease is up. september's a long way away, so much can happen in 9 months... but still, big deal for me, right? especially when i spent so much time talking to my therapist about how i could never move in with anyone... and so i'm telling her this, and stressing out about not knowing if my mom will be driving the uhaul this time around, if she'll be like a sultan directing the movers with her turban on her chaise lounge... and my therapist is all, we know you deal with stress by planning. but you can't plan this. you don't know how your mom is going to be in 9 months. but you do know, right now, that she knows how happy you are. and that's what really broke me down. cause it's true. life with lisa! really does make me so happy.
what doesn't make me happy is this perpetual cold. high today? 13 degrees. high tomorrow? 0. and that's the high. it'll be -5 for morning rush hour and won't hit 0 until 3 pm. brrr. i need to finish my new scarf so it can keep my face warm!
5.1.09
in other news...
i need to be prepared to be practially unemployed 6 weeks from now! i'm so sad crunch time for costumes are the same time as valentine's day. i need to get that resume spruced up. rock and roll heaven asked if i'd be available more, but i'm not sure i want to work there full time. we will just have to see what else is out there.
3.1.09
mood swings
last night i felt so good- a million miles away from Family Cancer (which y'all can keep up with on kicking the cancer gator) with it being the weekend, the new year, and i was listening music i moved with my new flash drive, cooking shepherds pie in my cute little single serving pyrex dishes lisa! gave me for xmas, and she came over and kissed me on the back of my neck, and life was perfect.
then she fell asleep during the movie and i couldn't wake her up, so i went to bed on the fold out. then i went to the dentist and learned i need scaling, which will cost me $620. which shows how i've blown 2 of last year's resolutions, geting out of debt and flossing. i'm also lame at keeping in touch with people. i've gone two pa visits without seeing krista and sarah, and i didn't call christie to set up our post-dental hyde park visit, and when i called she wasn't home. and i haven't talked to a since christmas. and there are still people like anne and ruth and gabrielle, who i haven't even told about mom yet. and i haven't mailed a single xmas gift. in summary, i suck. and have bad teeth.
then she fell asleep during the movie and i couldn't wake her up, so i went to bed on the fold out. then i went to the dentist and learned i need scaling, which will cost me $620. which shows how i've blown 2 of last year's resolutions, geting out of debt and flossing. i'm also lame at keeping in touch with people. i've gone two pa visits without seeing krista and sarah, and i didn't call christie to set up our post-dental hyde park visit, and when i called she wasn't home. and i haven't talked to a since christmas. and there are still people like anne and ruth and gabrielle, who i haven't even told about mom yet. and i haven't mailed a single xmas gift. in summary, i suck. and have bad teeth.
29.12.08
back in chicago
need to decompress, but no time for it now- i need to buy two gifts and finish making two more for lisa!- some how i don't think that's gonna happen, seeing as we're exchanging gifts when she gets home tomorrow. i don't even really mind the giftlessness, because i am SO EXCITED to see her! i've missed her while dealing with the Cancer Christmas. more on that later.
25.12.08
merry christmas!
I made it! My flight was sceduled to leave an hour earlier, but it was delayed a bunch of times, but then we had a tailwind, so we were gonna catch up, but then we had to circle Philly cause the pilot said there were traffic problems with some raindeer or something. We had just enough time to change into our fancy dresses before midnight christmas eve service.
So Merry Christmas, everyone! mine got a lot less merry now that the smell of bacon is filtering through the door, but i'm past complaining.
So Merry Christmas, everyone! mine got a lot less merry now that the smell of bacon is filtering through the door, but i'm past complaining.
23.12.08
but wait! it gets worse!
guess who's still in chicago? guess who's 6:45 flight tonight has been canceled, and who isn't rescheduled until 4:30 tomorrow? guess who's missing the muppets christmas carol at mom's tonight and christmas at dad's tomorrow?
guess who's trying to make the best of it by finishing her xmas gifts tonight so hopefully she won't have to try and smuggle a seam ripper on the plane tomorrow night?
guess who's trying to make the best of it by finishing her xmas gifts tonight so hopefully she won't have to try and smuggle a seam ripper on the plane tomorrow night?
21.12.08
the fun of losing keys
(edit: i was hoping the temp. was attached to that pic, but no. type in zip code 60660 to weather.com and you get -3F, feels like -29F. and i high of 6F today.)
liz said it.
Right now i'm wearing: underwear, cotton tights, waffle weave long underwear, blue jeans, tank top, long sleeved tshirt, long sleeved silk underwear, cashmere sweater, wool socks and when i go out side i will add boots, coat, sheepskin mittens, fur hat, and wool scarf. BRRRRR.
20.12.08
as if cancer wasn't enough
i lost my keys in the past 24 hrs. I went to knitting, then out to dinner, then to lisas, and when i came home, they weren't in my pocket. they must have fallen out when i took out my knitting, and i didn't hear them fall over my ipod.
also, i think everyone's christmas gifts will be not just not finished by xmas, but also too small.
my life, it just sucks all around right now.
also, i think everyone's christmas gifts will be not just not finished by xmas, but also too small.
my life, it just sucks all around right now.
18.12.08
fairness
Hey, thanks all, for encouragement for life's deep questions. I don't really believe in god at all, but i certainly refuse to believe in a god like that. I think it came up because i've been thinking so much about my grandparents and i have so much anger towards them. I mean, i've always been sorta "fuck them, let them live in their old little world, they'll die soon enough and the world will be inherited by the next, open minded, generation." but now, that's all turned on it's head. z called again tonight and made me cry on the bus ride home. now that the dignosis is small cell instead of large cell, mom's only got 1-2 years left. Her dad is 83 and still farming. Her mom is gonna turn 80 in march. and they are the sweetest, kindest, most self-debasing people, completely christlike, except for being bigoted and homophobic. Even if i don't think of it as MY MOTHER, and just balance out who's on what team, i feel the circle of my relationships being unbalanced. I guess my mom always taught me how to be the black sheep, and while dan savage is right and we will outsmart, outlast, and outlive them on the grand scale, in my personal world...
well, no offence, but i'm making lots of trades. you wouldn't believe the people i would give my mother's cancer to instead. many of you. i'd feel sorry for you, sure, but my mom's real important to me. i'd even kill off both my grandparents if it meant my mother got to stay alive, and meet her someday grandkids.
well, no offence, but i'm making lots of trades. you wouldn't believe the people i would give my mother's cancer to instead. many of you. i'd feel sorry for you, sure, but my mom's real important to me. i'd even kill off both my grandparents if it meant my mother got to stay alive, and meet her someday grandkids.
17.12.08
question to the universe
So do you think that god is punishing me for being a dyke, or do you think it's just his bizarre sense of ironic humor that i was whining about not having anything to blog about?
16.12.08
new news
my sister called me today at work to say the biopsy's back and it's a different kind of cancer than they thought. so it's grows much faster... but it also dies much faster, so hopefully that will work in her favor. i've been getting used to the IDEA of it all, but then last night instead of talking just ABOUT it to lisa! or allie or anyone who will listen, i actually talked to mom again, and whew, this xmas is going to be hard. i think i've been coping, i've been handling it pretty well considering. but z just got there this afternoon, and it's not something i'm looking forward to doing. it's another situation where everything in me says RUN! and this time i'm actually not going to, i'm going to go there and follow my instructions. (z says the party line is "happi- no, CHEEFUL acceptance. we're not happy about it, but we're not repressing either.")
15.12.08
yeah so...
thanks so much for your love everyone. it's been just lovely to have a community whom i find so caring. thanks for all your stories of people who have lived for decades past their expiry dates, and for people who didn't really get sick from chemo.
i don't even know how to start blogging about it. or talking or anything. yet that's kinda silly, cause all i do is think and talk about it. i'm currently into living my life as if nothing is happening, but full of gallows humor. i'm sure it'll change by tomorrow.
in the meantime, thank you thank you for your sympathy and your good intentions to the universe. i don't understand how all that works, but i know it's important.
i don't even know how to start blogging about it. or talking or anything. yet that's kinda silly, cause all i do is think and talk about it. i'm currently into living my life as if nothing is happening, but full of gallows humor. i'm sure it'll change by tomorrow.
in the meantime, thank you thank you for your sympathy and your good intentions to the universe. i don't understand how all that works, but i know it's important.
13.12.08
the worst awfulness you can imagine.
my mom just called. she has lung cancer that's metastasised in her liver. your comments would be appreciated.
12.12.08
xmas plans
i'm thinking of switching to twittering. what do you think? i don't follow any tweets, i don't really know what the whole thing is about... but i think it's like blogging through text message, and since i'm all about writing short posts these days, and i always think of things when i'm out and about and never in front of my computer, it seems in theory a good match.
i'm going to PA for xmas. everything else fell through. i'm cool with it, it was my choice, but it's kinda unexciting and i'll miss lisa! something fierce. Lisa!'s all worried cause she doesn't know what to get me for xmas. But i told her she should buy me obama's senate seat, so it looks like we're set.
i'm going to PA for xmas. everything else fell through. i'm cool with it, it was my choice, but it's kinda unexciting and i'll miss lisa! something fierce. Lisa!'s all worried cause she doesn't know what to get me for xmas. But i told her she should buy me obama's senate seat, so it looks like we're set.
9.12.08
desperate
so...
what do you all want to hear about? i can't do the daily drama posts anymore. i'm sorry. and i get all overwhemed and so don't blog at all and that's a bad thing. so what shall i post about? i think with a little inspiration i can get this thing on a roll again.
btw, thank you a and liz for your fabulous xmas invites! sadly, PA won out. but maybe next year...
what do you all want to hear about? i can't do the daily drama posts anymore. i'm sorry. and i get all overwhemed and so don't blog at all and that's a bad thing. so what shall i post about? i think with a little inspiration i can get this thing on a roll again.
btw, thank you a and liz for your fabulous xmas invites! sadly, PA won out. but maybe next year...
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