so back to the weekend. before i left, ch and i had margaritas upstairs and he programed pearl with this AMAZING mix to listen to on the train. it's the "without skin" mix( from ani's garden of simple). it's full of all sorts of great love and advice: Butterfly boucher- another white dash; alanis morrisette- 21 things i want in a lover; ani d- garden of simple; pj harvey- bird of paradise ("and i feel like some bird of paradise, my bad fortune slipping away, and i feel the innocence of a child, everybody's got something good to say.. things i once thought unbelieveable in my life have all taken place..."); poe- another world ("another world another time another place, don't you worry, my baby"); no doubt- bathwater; erin mckeown- air; shannon mcnally- beautiful and strange ("it's beautiful and strange, common and plain, and the only thing for certain is all the uncertaintly you feel-you're numb, revealed and sometimes hidden from a truth that you know all too well it shines and these are only a few of the many contradictions of love"); holly cole- i've just seen a face; jem- finally woken; beck- girl; belly- king ("baby i can't take it i want to see you naked"); kirsty maccoll- head ("you go to my head, and i'm out of my mind...i don't wanna come down, just wanna stay lost in your eyes"). i felt so loved, and so prepared to arrive in detroit!
i got alot of homework done on the train, though i was so hungry from having margaritas and nachos instead of food for dinner. but i finally got to detroit, and laura! and there she was, and her little red car wasn't NEARLY as dilapadated as i had been warned! she took me home to her charming garrett under the eves, and fed me soup, and put me to bed.
we woke late saturday and went to ferndale to get some work done. then we came back and explored hamtramck. we walked to the pope plaza, of course. and to the fruit and vegetable market, and the polish bakery, and the dollar store. then we drove to the indian market for spices and then the real grocery store for everything that couldn't be found at any of the above! it was getting late when we got home, so we started cooking. we made a spinach salad with almonds, strawberries, and gorgonzola, gypsy soup (spiced with tumeric, paprika, basil and cinnamon), cauliflower cheese pie with grated potato crust, and had a pumpkin pie from the polish bakery with maple nut ice cream for desert. everything was baking and we cleaned up. i collapsed on the couch with the kitty- i hadn't really eaten all day. laura wanted to, as well, but she was feeling too manic and so ran back and forth between cuddling and doing final rearanging. and then our guests arrived! first nichole and laura short with her new haircut. then heather, the birthday girl, and LEAH (who really does give the most fabulous hugs for someone so small) and pria, heather's wife. finally, matt w and pat. that's 9 people- quite a party! i got all dressed up and laura, leah, heather, pria and i went to xedos coffee shop to hear a band they know play. it was lots of fun. the band was good, there were all sorts of random people and exgirlfriends and stuff to gossip about, and the vibe was just funky. elliot was there, but there were too many other people to distract me and i was too intimidated to meet him.
and after that... what you've been waiting for... stilettos. it's like a dyke bar in a movie. less trashy than i was warned, it really is right next to "henry the 8th topless a gogo". when you walk in, there's the pool table and the bar, the room to the right is the drag show, the room to the left is the dance floor... the place slowly got packed, we all took turns dancing, i took off my longsleeved shirt and heather pulled it through her belt, so the mirrored walls reflected this dreadlocked, false eyelashed girl in a corset, short skirt with sequins, and pink and black striped thigh highs dancing awful close in this group of hot chicks... who am i? how did this happen to me? there's this platform in the corner of the dance floor that has chain link walls and it's called the cage. i think all of stillettos can be summed up in this moment, though laura seems to think i've been harking on it. so laura and leah are dancing together in the cage, and heather and i are talking about them, and how we're apriciating the short time we have to watch them dance, and they're pulling out all their moves. and laura goes down on leah, then picks her up by the legs and leah grabs on to the chain link and hangs there... if you're wondering about laura's testimonial that she chipped her tooth on leah's belt buckle, this is when it happened!
i was having a marvlous time, knowing this was what i came for, it lived up to my expectiations, but i was dancing too hard and drinking too fast. coke and vodka and lots of secondhand smoke... for this homeopathic girl, that's some serious mixing of drugs. we left at last call to start the long ride home. heather had directions, but they HAD to have been wrong, beacuse it took us YEARS. pria had to go to the bathroom, and so we stopped at 4 or 5 gas stations, but there were none to be had. all i wanted was to be home and peel my eyelashes off. finally, finally, we were back in hamtramck, eyelashes off and in bed. i was feeling so strange, not sad or sick, but more coked up and drunk and exhausted than it seems like i should be. laura tells me something that surprises me, and i take it personally, and am mean, so mean, back, and make her cry. it's bad, it's been such a long, long fabulous day, and i make such a horrible thing out of the last ten minutes...
the next morning we wake up tired, testy, hungover. i get my period- i'm glad to have that as an excuse for being so fucked up the night before. however, i HATE having my period while traveling, and am so unprepared, having been completely in denial. laura is exceptionally kind to me. we creep around the house, cleaning up from last night's party. eventually it's spotless again, and i get something else that's been promised to me for this trip. laura draws me a deep foamy bubble bath in the clawfoot tubs under the slopey walls, and lights candles and reads out loud to me while i soak. i ask you, does it get any better than this? after my bath we take a nap together, and wake up refreshed and ready to roll! i was planning on reading, but fell asleep too. if you know anything about me and sleep, you know how exciting this is for me. so that alone would have made my day!
we stop at rite aid to buy me tampons natürlich, and then are off to visit trish and ratboy (her mom and brother respectively.) her dad called too, so i feel like i've been exposed to the entire clan! i'm sure i would have been overwhelmed if i hadn't been warned. but since i knew they were going to fight and wrestle and joke, i was prepared. it reminds me alot of the affection ruth's family has for each other.. and really, the arguments are much less of a big deal when they're happening in english and i know what's going on. and really, who doesn't want a golden retriever puppy? even i joined the pleading!
but we had to hit the road to get to ann arbor in time for the dar williams concert. i'd had a good time at the coffee shop the night before, and was really glad i didn't have to sit through another concert. laura loves the opener, girlyman, but i hadn't heard them yet. so i was fine with not having a ticket... other than, of course, a bit nervous about hanging out with elliot. but i knew i didn't have to worry, because he would be as cool as advertised. indigo girls were playing on the mix laura had burned at her moms house, and we got to sing along- i find it a bit odd how seldom our music collections overlap. i think this will be the postcard i'll choose for my trip... no, i think i'll blend a bunch of moments all together, or choose the one the day before. the picture on the postcard's of laura driving me in her little red car down 8 mile, while my hand's on the back of her neck massaging her tattoo and playing with her hair and we're singing along to erin mckeown's "we are more." (and, to be ablsolutely and honestly truthful, 8mile was much closer to the begining of the album, by the time we got to we are more we had just gotten off 75 and were driving down caniff. i remember exactly what it looks like, though i had to mapquest hamtramck to remember the name caniff.) it's strange to me to see myself falling in love, as i keep slipping into being an outside observer. it's like how i pack, or even how i dress everymorning: i'm a costume designer designing the clothing worn by a character playing me. what i say, it's like fiction writing. i am interested in observing, what pet names does this character choose? what gestures do they pick up? the back of the neck while driving is a choice gesture of mine, it reminds me of jamie and pi- he had a gesture i just loved, where he rubs the back of his knuckles against her cheek.
eep! but i'm waxing too poetic, it's time for me to go to bed. i've spent way more than my allotted time on this entry! elliot and i ended up going out for chai. the plan was for him to study and me to knit, but we ended up just chatting. ok, i babbled all my stories while he listened. but what can i say, he's a good listener! i was reminded of anne, how she communicates the same way as i do- elliot does as well, i think. i was glad i got time with him alone, because i think with laura being so outgoing she would have overshadowed us. and then there's that theory floating around that i am a feminine version of elliot...
ok, i guess it's a little off subject again, but i need to talk a bit about how i take everything on faith, and i'd like to include gender in that as well. i'm reading laura's "read my lips" by riki anne wilchins for gender and culture class right now, so i guess my views of gender are different than popular culture. sure, my thinking's as binary as the next unenlightened chump. but i don't care much. apparently, people get really mean and angry when they can't fit others into neat gendered boxes. i don't really mind. at the womyn's music fest (as ch has been calling it, the femme-boree), debating their "womyn-born-womyn" policy, my question was, how would they know? if someone comes to the front gates saying they're a woman, i'd probably let them in. i wasn't asked to drop my drawers prior to admission... perhaps others were. i think you look like a boy, i'll treat you like a boy. i think you look like a girl i'll treat you like a girl. i'm not sure, and you say your name is lampshade, well, i'll probably ask you which pronoun you'd prefer. so my two gender blips of the evening were when it took me a few minutes of looking at the obs on elliots bookshelf to realize this was odd. and when the waitress at the pizza place looked at me and said, "what can i get for you miss", then looked at him and said, "what can i get for you, sir?" then, i analized this thought, why do i think it's odd for elliot to be called sir? and the answer had very little do do with gender: because he's much too young! if i'm still miss, he shouldn't get to be sir! he has to wear a glow necklace at stilletos, for crissakes!
i know it's a big deal for lots of people, so i don't wanna be flip just cause it doesn't factor so big into my life. did i tell you a. called me confused after watching transgeneration? and i explained that if i was born male i would be transexual, because i love being a girl and being feminine in each and every stereotyped and subconcious sense of the word. (or the vast majority of them, anyway.) i took the joke one step farther to laura while i was reading read my lips and said, 'I'm supposed to be transexual, but i was born into a woman's body."
sigh. this is so out of control. anyway, elliot's dorm room is full of renee's "we love everybody people" posters and photos from south africa. elliot reminds me so much of meike- not just leaving a large portion of his heart in south africa, but also being so nice and kind and loving children and alway seeing the good in people.
we did more, too. we went over to erinfromspain's and i met her and betsy, but it was under exreme circumstances, so i feel like i can't form an opinion yet. laura and i went back to hamtramck, and spent monday planning for my eminent departure. i packed up my suitcase, and we went to the polish cafe for perogies. we went to the yarn shop in the basement of the fisher building, then off to the train.
my train was late, and laura waited with me. we stood huddled on the platform, kissing and cuddling. kissing at the train station was very important to me. i mean, sure, i'm a fan of kissing in general, but i'm not a touching-in-public sort of gal. but i needed to make sure of myself, from the very begining, that i can do this. it's those christians, again, you know. they're on every street corner, glaring at me with their dissaproval. they've sent me running back to bed crying before, and i wanted to make sure this time they got the reaction i wanted to give them. and i did- they only exist in my mind, so i flipped them a mental bird and kissed at traffic lights.
and then i was on the train and chugging home. you've heard about everything from then till now. even if you haven't, i've stayed up too late again. so that's my whirlwind tour of detroit. comments, anyone?
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