terribly, terribly depressed. your basic friday night funk, i guess, but it's been all day. l has a 3 day weekend, but she's in detroit and i'm here. i'm pretty sure we'll never see each other again. she called in tears this afternoon at work, and i felt so powerless and helpless. it's a powerful cloud- i brought ch down with me. i put on acoustic ebtg, he put on eliza gilkison, i put on guster, he put on KRISTIN HERSH to end out the day. so you can see how our collective depression spiraled downward. i wanted to talk to l, but no daytime minutes can be used for weeks. a called, but she's got her own problems, and just as i was starting a customer walked in and i had to hang up on her. don't know what i'll do tonight. ch invited me over to watch my netflix. i want to go to belmont and get some piercings. violent acts of cash therapy. maybe i'll just go to osco, buy some razors and take a bath.
l's gonna read this and take the blame, and i'll have one more thing to feel bad about. it's not her fault, she can't help being the catalyst. it's just me, i'm so fucking empathetic. has anyone read this week's life in hell? i can't find it on the internet anywhere to post here. but it's perfect. i'm just so sad, cause being in love has kept me from being really depressed for so long, i'm so upset it's back. stressed, yes, friday nighty, sure, but this is the first time i've actually been down since meeting l, i think... maybe it's all in my head. someone can go to my archives and prove me wrong. i am, as usual, just being the whiny bitch running around screaming about the falling sky. and it's even worse, i can't do the fucking" oh me oh my feel sorry for me in my loneliness" bit when there's l. if swmnbm is right and there's some kind of contest i've won, i should be disqualified from life for doing jack shit with my prizes.
but my god, it feels the same to me. so the longing and loneliness has a specificness now, a person, a distance. it's still the same fucking longing.
so what exactly was all that crap about the strong independent pagan woman singing? the chick with the spiritual gift of fucking singleness? who the hell am i kidding?
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