pathetic

god i live such a pathetic life. i push so hard through the week, i just can't make myself work on the weekends. woke up at 10, dozed till 11, read l's valencia till 1. then my mom called (we talked about smoking, oddly enough. she said the most fabulously quotable line, "i'd probably smoke pot. if it wasn't illegal. but it is. so i don't. well, unless it seems like a really good idea at the time") , talked to her for an hour. then amy called, talked to her for an hour. then ch called... i didn't get into the shower till 4. wasted time online, didn't eat "breakfast" till 5. how does this happen? thunderstorms outside, no way i'm biking to andersonville. or even leaving the house. did a little reading for school, but really just flopped around. organized my earring collection... whatever, it needed to be done. how can 13 pairs of dangly earrings take up so much space? typed up my liner notes for quinessential now. i know i was supposed to mail them 4 days ago. whatever. they'll be out on the 14th, that's only a week late. and i haven't gotten any yet, so keep the pirates away from me.

have i mentioned yet that i'm a disgusting slob? i lied to l twice today, cause i am so embarrased about my personal hygene. "PLEASE tell me this isn't the first time you've showered since you were here!" she said. so i did, i told her i took one tuesday, but it wasn't true. then i asked the hypothetical question, if there's mold on the lid of the jar of spagetti sauce, but not on the sauce itself, is it still good to eat? she was so disgusted, i told her i was throwing it away. but i didn't- i ate it. i was hungry. so not only do i feel dirty because of the gross things themselves, but because of lying about them.

oh, i did register for classes for the spring. i thought i wouldn't be able to, cause i still have a balance, but no, there wasn't any problems. taking fiction writing II, figure drawing, ceramics I. along with the last class i really need, collaborative seminar. Costume Construction II is full already, but i'm sure tom will let me take it anyway.

really, i should focus more on passing the classes i have now. i don't know how it's going to happen. i can't see the steps between where i am now and that final goal. lighting is just unconquerable. but every other costume designer has done it, so apparently there will be a way for me to do it too. i'm a smart cookie. i'm just so exhausted. especially mentally.

so now, i'm in my houseshoes, jeanskirt, and the enormous pilly wool sweater of ruth's that i love so much that kept me so warm in nürnberg last new years. it's quarter to 11 and i'm eating box macaroni and cheese right out of the pot. don't worry, it's not kraft, it's organic whole foods made with soymilk and olive oil. Still. did you know i was so slummy?