happy pride

ch & his partner took me to the pride parade today. i, as always, dressed up- my rainbow shirt and glitter lipgloss.
"we'll see you there!" jen and rebecca both said. i knew that wasn't true, it would be too big and crowded, but i thought i'd have enough fun with ch it wouldn't matter. well, ch and rafa went home right after the parade, and i called rebecca, no answer. so i called jen. she and her roommate were going to lunch with garrett (a "friend" of jens, though no one understands what this relationship is based on)
god, what a nightmare! i felt like no one was communicating with me all day. not ch&r about their post parade plans, not rebecca obviously, and when i found jen sara and garrett, we went to his apartment and watched bad movies till his parents came- then they left so he couldn't go out? and sara wanted to grocery shop instead of eat? and she didn't have money to do both? and jen wanted to do whatever sara did? i don't know. i certainly didn't understand anything that was going on, all i knew was i had to get out of that house so i could just GO HOME!
it was so depressing for me, it really got me down. i felt so so lonely. single people are supposed to stay at home and only go out in groups. love that patty griffin- everywhere is somewhere and nowhere is here/ everybody got somebody with their wine and their beer/ so i'm just this tragic figure in the corner over here...
fuck, everybody's got somebody. i have no pair, no mate, i'm not even looking for someone romantically, but just someone who i can rely upon to be my foil.
not that i have any fucking right to complain. jen's single and does lots of things with me(if we could just have her stop talking about garrett). ch & i always have a marvelous time together (but that doesn't mean that anyone but rafa comes first, of course) and gabrielle is of course wonderful to me, i mean really, whenever she's around... and joe isnt.
what do all the other lonely people do? do they sit at home and just watch tv? no, i guess they go around in large hordes of friends. how do i meet them?
fuck it. i'm just feeling depressed, and doing shots of my flower essences is helping enough to keep me from jumping out the window, i guess. still, i don't feel much better. i'll go to bed. we'll see what i'm like in the morning.