Originally uploaded by unglaubliche caitlin
merry fucking christmas, mom. Have y'all heard the target radio commercials where the lady is so excited about what she buys at target she tries to get people to open her gift right NOW? that's what i feel like, i don't care about surprises at this point, i want everyone to know what i'm knitting them out of malabrigo.
i can't imagine mom's checking her friends photostreams on flickr regularly, so i feel fairly confident posting this picture because i mailed her this hat today, she should get it by thursday. of course, maybe she'll get me by thursday, too. i just don't know yet. i am so afraid i'll wait to long and she'll be too weak to move, to dry to talk, and too loopy to be familiar by the time i get there. i also know i can't handle more than a week or so of watching my mother die. i can barely stand to be around that long when everything's hunky dory. i feel like it's obvious why i'd want to go early, but i need more and more justification for staying in chicago. i can say it's stupid things like holiday plans or work or even gift shopping. but really, it's cause i don't wanna go. ever. i want to stay in this agonizing limbo for as long as possible.

also, i don't know why i insist on taking pictures in ellie's room. the light is warm florescent and it's just terrible. i just seem to be in there alot cause it's where my computer and sewing machine are.

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