i can't imagine mom's checking her friends photostreams on flickr regularly, so i feel fairly confident posting this picture because i mailed her this hat today, she should get it by thursday. of course, maybe she'll get me by thursday, too. i just don't know yet. i am so afraid i'll wait to long and she'll be too weak to move, to dry to talk, and too loopy to be familiar by the time i get there. i also know i can't handle more than a week or so of watching my mother die. i can barely stand to be around that long when everything's hunky dory. i feel like it's obvious why i'd want to go early, but i need more and more justification for staying in chicago. i can say it's stupid things like holiday plans or work or even gift shopping. but really, it's cause i don't wanna go. ever. i want to stay in this agonizing limbo for as long as possible.
also, i don't know why i insist on taking pictures in ellie's room. the light is warm florescent and it's just terrible. i just seem to be in there alot cause it's where my computer and sewing machine are.