beauty

i've been overwhelmed by beauty alot recently. particularly by art- just the vast quantity of it, and how little space there is for it all. i read the last nick bantock book in his griffin and sabine series last weekend, and i love the postcards and want prints of them. i own three books filled with beautiful postcards and envelopes, but open them so rarely. i have my art postcards hanging up on my front door, but there are so many collaged together it's hard to appriciate them as individual works of art. i can't imagine collecting art- how in the world could you choose? and i want to display some of my fave pieces, but they sit in a portfolio in my closet because i have so little room. there's not enough space in my life for all the color i'd like in it- and i guess it's also frustrating because my world is full of adversitsing, and stupid ugly things are taking up precious visual space where beauty could be displayed.

when i was walking home late last night across the funeral home parking lot, i got this creepy city feeling- and you know, that's one i very rarely get- because the parking lot was all big and empty and dark, and there was all this broken glass shattered into tiny shards all over the place. then i walked a little closer and the motion sensor light came on and i saw that what i thought was broken glass was actually petals from the flowering tree, raining down on the parking lot. it was a very cinematic moment.

after work today i went to the library and to the art supply store to try and find an extra portfolio page and to try and find someting to display my other work in. no luck- my portfolio pages only come in packs of 25 for like, $50. i only need one!! and there was nothing big enough to display my work from figure drawing- the little art portfolios only come in sizes up to 11x17, and to get something big enough for my 18x24 drawings i'd need to buy another real portfolio case and sheets- almost $100. i don't think so- my work doesn't need to be that well preserved!

so i was all grumpy about how hard it is just to organize beauty, and about how my precious upass runs out forever on saturday, and stomped down into the subway and there was a guy with an acoustic guitar and a harmonica playing pachabel's cannon in d. it was really amazing, just the thought of being coordinated enough to finger pick a harmony with my hands while blowing a melody with my mouth was amazing, and the music was beautiful. as joni says, he was playin' real good, for free. i gave him some change, and a suit gave him a bill- nice. so that cheered me up when the train came.

my kitty cried for the entire hour i made dinner. what is she going to do while i'm in bermuda? i leave next thursday and don't come back till the 29th. i can't imagine the havoc it will create in her world.

but right now i need to go write my cover letter. because z is iming me links to jobs i DESPERATELY want. who knew that they were out there?