did i tell you monday was awful? every class was something worse. frances yelling at me for not doing senior showcase. tom telling me he won't pick my accessory for me, i have to do it myself. a sub in fiction writing who reads from everyone's work except mine. figure drawing the professor didn't even wanna grade last weeks project- all that time i spent, hating it, wasted. luckily we got out early so i could come home and go right to bed.
yesterday i felt better, and the sun was out. i don't like to think my mood depends on the weather. it's a really depressing realization about myself- makes me a weak and flat person, i think- like the way i really will like any music if you just play it enough. it's more familiarity than passion. but back to the day- it was spring! the trees in the neighborhood are all blooming, they're dropping these bright neon seed pods everywhere, and the sidewalks are a mess with the fuzzy carpet of them. and there's one amazing pink blossomed tree on my block- it's a dark rich pink, the color of my 1869 dress. there's one in the courtyard of ch's building too, and it's just breathtaking. it nearly brought me to tears on saturday when i went over there. i'm sure i've said this before, but it constantly amazes me how much more connected i am to the outside world now that i live in the city. it's not just working at a flowershop i don't think (it's not like i know the name of the pink trees) it's more of a being present. in the suburbs we just zipped from indoors to indoors in our cars, the streets didn't have sidewalks, even all the windows had awnings. and ah, weather! i love weather. and there are few places in the world with more weather than chicago. dar williams was singing enthusiastically on pearl, i was wearing g's jean jacket which i'd lusted after so long, and life was good.
yesterday i finished up my last nasty project for collaborative seminar. it was meeting with the director again, at the coffee shop. so that was freeing, to have that done, and it was the beatiful day, and i had lemon ginger tea, so that wired me (shut up. i know it doesn't take much.) g called, and she made me feel fabulous too (i will always be in love with her) and then i called l and made her laugh at me and my monologuing self. so that was good too- connections were happening.
but then i had collaborative seminar again this morning. and that pulled me down again. it totally sucked. i just hate how much they're asking me for, the last week of the semester. i'm willing to paint this shit, get to class an hour early next week, no problem. but to be there to set it up on friday? at EIGHT THIRTY in the MORNING? the LAST day of CLASSES? the DAY of MANIFEST? sorry. they were all looking at me, saying you have to work, don't you? can you take off? and i'm like, well... it's the weekend of graduation. my mom's in town. we're going out late the night before. we're spending the day at manifest. my subtext was totally, please don't make me do this. and frances is all, oh, well then, bring your mom. it was all i could do not to start crying. there's really something wrong, isn't there, when the thought of having to wake up early on my day off for the school's graduation festival can move me to tears? hmm.
still felt shitty in the costume shop, but finished early there. so i said, see ya, i'm leaving, i'm going to target, get some retail therapy done, i'll be back eventually. i ate lunch, the LAST of my indian food, and started my new book which was excellent, then spent WAAAY too much money at target. but i'm such a sucker for their shoes. flipflops, sandals. michelle said she'd seen garter belts there, but i couldn't find them. but i ended up buying all this clothing, black pillazo pants (i think that's what they're called) an adorable black cardigan, a tank top i really don't need, lime and very low cut with a lace doily on the front, but i bought it because it looked so good with the.... purple flowered push up bra. yes, i bought a bra. i don't know what inspired me, i guess i just wanted to feel uncomfortable and sexy, and they were so cute hanging on the wall in bright colors. it makes the tank top look awesome. there's no cleavage, sure, but there's an absolute defined SHADDOW, and not just when the light's right. but oh i feel bad spening all that money on clothes. i have so much clothing already. and i have no money. but it did feel good and i like them so much.
as i was leaving target, michelle called to make sure i hadn't been hit by a bus, and that made me feel all loved, like the costume shop was looking out for me and making sure i was ok, and recognized i'd been in a step out in front of a bus sort of mood. i didn't feel guilty at all missing some of my hours at work- it's mostly cleaning up these days, anyway. i told you about the gnome last year, right? well, this year there's this plaster david sculputure someone's taped a fabric grape leaf to. well, apparently last friday kim and michelle transformed david into a cowboy:
that's how you waste time as a costume designer. much more interesting than building paper clip sculptures, i think.
anyway, after work i drug all my target purchases home and i had another package waiting- my bathing suit from shopping with z finally came!! she wanted to see what it looked like, which is practically impossible with a cell phone, but here's the best i could do:
so my life is full of new clothes, which is a good thing, but wil be sad when it gets cold again tomorrow. still spring in my life though- i made cream of asparagus soup for dinner. and finally washed the dishes. yes, all those tupperwares from the indian food. i feel like i deserve a medal. but instead i painted my tonails lime green to match the seed pods so i can wear my new sandals tomorrow. maybe, just maybe i'll do laundry tonight, too. that would give me even more new clothes.
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