found pieces

first: listening to the weepies on the way to michigan, i was captiviated by slow pony home- i feel it was the theme song of my trip. i didn't know, but now i do: i'm still waiting for a girl on a slow pony home.

"It's the second September I have known you
Four years or so ago, I rode a pony, called him "Truth"
We didn't know the way so it took us till today to get here

And all that time, I felt just fine
I held so many people in my suitcase heart
That I had to let the whole thing go
It was taken by the wind and snow
And I still didn't know that I was waiting
For a girl on a slow pony home

I can remember when I first saw you
You said in my photograph I looked more far away
I laughed and smiled and didn't say "I am a bit afraid to be here."

Setting free the anchor and looking past the shore
It's a sea of horses on ships with no sails, no motors, no oars

Now we're cleaning the windows between us two
Funny, you do it once, and then again, and pretty soon
the fingerprints and dust...
But I've begun to trust the view here.

And all that time, I felt just fine
I held so many people in my suitcase heart
That I had to let the whole thing go
It was taken by the wind and snow
And I still didn't know that I was waiting
For a girl on a slow pony home"


second: i re-read when the messenger is hot by elizabeth crane on the train back from michigan, and there is this big long quote which (with a change in pronouns...) that really resonated with me. keep in mind, this is over half of the entire story:

"maybe i'll always be thinking that she's really in love with me. that there's an in in that sentence. i don't know. she thinks that if she says i love you and means it as a friend which i know she does, she thinks that i will hear the in in the sentence whether it's there or not but i'm not stupid i may go ahead and think that she is really in love with me but i will never again think she is going to be with me. i know that we will go on with our separate lives and become involved with many other or several or with any luck just two other people (one per), people with whom we will be awake at the same time and when we meet parents she will not refer to me as her friend and we will be happy and she will tell me she loves me and there will always be an in in the sentence and maybe there will even be beautiful babies but i will know that we had that thing even though she thinks she thinks that we didn't have that thing, even though she thinks she thinks that it was never a full-on thing, that it was another thing, a thing that had something to do with us being in the right place at the right time for this particular greater purpose, that god may have been involved even, but not for the other thing, not for love. ( and i know why she thinks that, and i get it, i do, it's just that i don't think the possible god thing is exclusive of the other thing, the love.)"

third: ch totally empowered me when i got home- in a lot of ways, the most fun of which was this week's romance planet horoscope:

"libra: as two planets enter your sign, you're feeling invincible. you're not the man of steel, you're the dude of titanium. you're not wonder woman, you're wonder fucking woman. your honey might have troubles keeping up with you as you battle supervillains and save the world."

which makes me feel bad about my blog title change, so i'm going to change it back to the superhero name. it's so optimistic i feel stupid typing under it these days, but ch says the funny honest one is too much of a downer, and i'll be making myself feel smaller each time i see it. i think i need to learn to be satisfied with reality, but i've lived this long under unglaubliche and no one's called me on it yet, so i might as well pretend a little longer.

fourth: at two this morning. my phone woke me up with a text message. when i checked it this morning, it was from a classmate of mine in fiction writing. it said:

"party friday! tons of hookers and coke. plus a keg or two. 8pm, [address] right off the red line. be there! -cathrine"

the thing is, i don't know this girl all THAT well, but she's the type of person that i could believe that would make this joke... or the type of person who would really have this party. so now i'm going to have to go, just to find out.

finally, i don't have a piece of found text for this one, but i want you to know anyway: today was my first day of circus classes. and i LOVE THEM! they were fabulous. we did tumbling and juggling and trapeze. i can juggle 2 balls and i can do a catcher's position, and a mermaid, and sit on top of, and get down from, the trapeze. oh yeah.