weekendy

i love that i've had a post titled this already. ok, so the party- no hookers, and only cocacola. but there were 2 kegs and lots and lots of college students. if you told me i was the oldest person there, i wouldn't have been surprised. lots and lots of straight people, and good number of gay boys too. i am quite confident i was the only dyke. oddly enough, i guess all the well primped straight girls made me uncomfortable, because i mostly talked to boys all night long. i did keep coming back to a circle with cathrine in it, which was nice, as she was the only person i knew there, but you never wanna be the guest clinging to the host, so i tried not to hover and to make new friends. i did meet a couple of nice guys- the gay guy bemoaning the fact that the straight man let him feel up his biceps before telling him he doesn't swing that way. the drunk drunk DRUNK freshman at his first kegger, who i played, not very nicely. but he was just so young and innocent and flirty and DRUNK that i couldn't help but give him stories he would be embarrassed to remember tomorrow. there was a guy with a stringy bob and a black fedora, and i asked him if i could borrow his hat- and oh, i looked fabulous with it. so annie lennox. (ha! that is a title i can only aspire to! but oh, how i aspire!) i was wearing- docs with purple-pink shoelaces, black fishnets, black miniskirt with purple-pink sequin fringe, sexy black tanktop, purple-pink lipstick, purple false eyelashes, silver eyeshadow, silver star dangly earings, spiky hair. so the back fedora was perfect- i need to get one of my own. i was telling another guy about my new gender identity, and he's like, you need to stick out your chest and say "what" and look people up and down and glare. so every time we bumped into each other all night, we got a butch and angry and tried to start something, but usually giggling happened first.

i didn't get home that late- i had to wake up in time for mr. rear window to come over, check out my swatches and pay me my deposit. so with the $200 cash burning a hole in my wallet, i went to vogue and proceeded to buy 11 yards of chiffon. eleven!! how could one dress use 11 yards of ANYHING? goddess. and then i only need 1 yard of velvet for the bodice. welcome to the 1950s. came home, wasted time. wasted time. went to the grocery store. wasted time. it was awful. got nothing done yesterday, nothing! then i looked at the computer clock and it was 6.15- i needed to get on the train NOW to see my movie! but i though eating something besides breakfast was important.

so i shoveled in my cauliflower millet cassarole, then hoofed it to the train- and saw my train pass before i crossed broadway. damnit! so i had to wait, like 8 minutes. so i knew i wouldn'd be able to do what the cta suggessted, which was take the irving park st bus. so i instead took the brownline. which i had to wait FOREVER for. i got out at southport and turned left, the numbers were 3400, so i knew i had a couple of blocks. the street looked familar- have i been to southport before? the addresses were by then 3200...wait- that's LOWER! i'm walking SOUTH! i'm almost to BELMONT! that's why it looks familiar! fuck it. so i turned around and headed north. it was much farther north than i thought, like 3700. i go in, say i want a pass, lay down my credit card- and it's cash only. so i go across the street, take out some cash from the ATM, and go back, try again. one for gabrielle? he asks. no, for all about my mother, if you'll still let me in, i say. thank goddess i've seen this movie before, otherwise i would have called it quits LONG ago. i missed over half an hour. but i sat down as she's just arrived in barcelona, and she's in the cab circling the prostitutes.

the moment when i first saw it when i'm like, WOAH, hold on, she is not the nice suburban mother whose life has always centered around her son! i love that character so much. the transexual friend and the actress got all the hype, but i love the mother. she portrays all that grief so well. it's so honest, the way sometimes she can just shove it in people's faces, and other times how off handed comments can make her just break down. and of course she has that unshakeable, unshockable characteristic i want so much. she's all wholesome, encouraging her son and his writing, taking in the sick nun... but really, the same tranny knocked up both her and the nun. ah, i can only aspire to it. it's not so much that i want a wild life, as i want to be the wholesome character in other people's wild lives. i want to be strong, fearless, unshakeable, unshockable. and i'm getting better, i'm good with sex, but i'm still scared of drugs- i coudn't drive huma around, finding nina's junk dealer for her.

anyway, enough about how much i love all about my mother. ch and i will see flower of my secret on tuesday. lots more almodovar to go, throughout semptember! after the movie i went to crew for booty's birthday. i do feel a special kinship to other people with september birthdays. ch and hugo quickly showed up, but it wasn't enough to intrest me. it was a nasty sports bar, and the wings smelled meaty, and the crowd was noisy, an i just wanted to go home. i ended up taking a side trip to ch's to see his new air plants (they're blooming! little purple brachs!) but finally made it home. where i wasted more time.

what is it with me and the internet these days? i can't seem to get anything done. it just sucks me in. i stayed up too late last night, and then ended up sleeping in this morning, skipping figure drawing. i will never get over my procrastination and do that. i dont' know why it's so hard, i'm so scared of it. i'm not sure what my problem is. i hope i do manage to make it there someday. still have a full schedule for today, though. sacred harp singing in evanston (so i'm in practice for when mom comes) and then kate peterson at the speakeasy tonight. wish i could get it together to get some letters to the post office somewhere in there too. but alas. i am too lazy and distracted.