as you can surmise, i did end up going out. it was drizzliing and it was a BAD IDEA. for the black and white party i was wearing (from the top down) rubber spiking cement in my hair, silver eyeshadow, black eyeliner, black lipstick, dangly star earings, the supervillian top from patternmaking (waisting way too much time trying to find a image)
my silver gliltter belt, my black velvet micromini, leah's black and white striped knee socks,a nd my black docs. i like to think of myself as a goth annie lennox, but that may be too flattering. 
so anyway, i went to cvs for cash first, but they closed at 10, so i had to pay 2 bucks to use the atm at the train station. and i felt really uncomfortable inmy supervillain top, like i was asking for trouble. so i put on my hoodie, but then i was too hot. so i took it off and then i was too slutty. it was a terrible paradox. but then christopher called on my way there, and he was in rockford, so i realized it could be worse. he said he'd try and meet me when he got back to chicago.so it's still raining, and do i have a nce black gothic umbrella? no. i have nothing that even slightly matches my lipstick. i'm this hard looking girl with a pink flowered umbrella. somebody kill me. luckily no one did. i get off at addison and start walking south. meet some hecklers, look for addresses. finally ask the bouncer at hydrate. he tells me i'm much too far south. oh it's NORTH of addison. the heklers are on the other side of the street, but i fear they're tracking my lost pink flowered umbrella. fuckers. luckily i have to walk by the chicago police station. that always makes me feel safe, even in a whoring outfit. anyway. finally find circut, pay the cover, buy a drink- then what? i circle awkwardly, then finally set up camp at the rail aroumd the dance floor. count the sips, songs. i am so awkward, decide to leave when i finish my drink. everyone's so fucking paired. what is it with single lesbians taking friends places? there must be an in for me. finally gregarious dyke who's friends are grouped around me says someting as she moves her drink from my left to my right on the dance floor side of the bar. i take the opertunity, she introduces herself, and her girlfriend is just as friendly. their friend is a stick in the mud, so i provide entertainment. i say i can't dance, girlfriend says she bets i'm better than i think i am, and i'm under the bar, onto the dance floor, leaving my purse behind... emily and melody, i honor you. thank you so much for letting a stranger into your dance circle. you were so so kind to me, pushing me out there. i had a fabulous time, and it just flew by. when christopher came, i didn't wanna be standing lonely by the wall. and because of you i was grinding on the dance floor. thank you. christopher and i played wallflowers, watching the girls and drinking gin. i'm not sure which i liked better- it's always better to be with friends than strangers, but melody and emily made me feel so empowered.... it was very reminicent of dancing at stilettoes. after christopher and i finished our multiple gin drinks, he offered me a ride home. i wasn't gonna refuse, dressed the way i was, but i told him i needed to give black kisses to my new friends first. so that's what i did. i found them on the dance floor, and they were so excited to see me, and so sad to hear i was going, and they were glad to let me give them black kisses, which they will carry home on their cheeks....
and then i bitched to christopher the whole way home. about how i can't be a skank if i try. about how i haven't been kissed- on the lips- since november (with the exception of my grandfather, who obviously doesn't count) about how i'm not looking for a soulmate at speed dating, just some action, and how it's not fair, cause i'm not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, i'm out, i make new friends, i go to bars and other activities by myself, there's just some missing connection.... he was very sympathetic. and he gave me a ride home. i wish i could find a girl as loyal.
why is the cat crying? i don't understand. it is so far past my fucking bedtime, i can't even think about it. i better have drank enough water while typing this. i feel like i could sleep for weeks. my eyeliner is making me cry. time for some ben nye. then bed.
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