22.8.06

yet another crush...

yesterday after work i went to the library, then came home and made broccoi soup, then wrote some more emails. they are just such slow going. i can't believe how far behind i am, how long i've put it off. no wonder i don't get interesting mail, i never write to people. sunday night i watched mi vida en rose, such a cute movie, that little kid is just adorable.

today i went to redmoon theater, where david had me sew miles and miles of curtains. i used a spool and a half of thread- i need to figure out how many yards are on a spool- but it has to be nearly a mile. just checked- i only sewed about a third of a mile today. that's not a very big deal. stiil, these curtains were over 12 feet long. redmoon is a magical place full of puppets peeking out of boxes and bicycles built to do things you thought only possible in dr. seuss books. here's a clandestine photo i snapped in the the office where i was working:


gosh, while looking up flickr to get that photo i found that mom posted bunches. z came home last weekend for a cousin's baby shower and other family happenings, and she brought her new dog-
" i can't believe how good they both look. z is supposed to be unphotogenic, at least, so i can look good in pictures and she could look good in real life. but really, i think she's flaunting which genes she got here.

and one more great picture- this is from the shower which i guess was in this mansion. everyone kept getting the tour and exclaiming. one of these is labled z's dream bathroom, but this one mom called, "c'mon in, there's still more room." and i think it's a great shot of z and my party in a box aunt showing how my family are goofy:


but anyway- have you noticed i've been distracted? my library book is far from xanadu by julie anne peters. i told you about endgame, which i read just because it was by nancy garden and how upsetting it was? well, i read this one just because it was by julie anne peters. it's one that i've made myself not read in bed, because i don't wanna waste it, i want to savor it as long as possible.

so about the crush in the title box. one of my favourite stories about my grandma (poor grandma, she's at the brunt of so many of my stories- but i gotta say, she deserves it...) is one day when we were fighting about me driving, and i finally said, "grandma, i am never gonna learn to drive. i will always live some place where i can get around wtihout it. i'm a hazard to society behind the wheel, there is no emergency that would be safer with me driving than in an ambulance." and she replied, all knowingly, "just wait, caity. someday you're gonna fall in love with a farmer, or some man who likes the country, and then you'll HAVE to learn to drive." i think i laughed out loud. "grandma, i can PROMISE you i will never fall in love with someone who lives in the middle of nowhere."

but that was before i met mike szabo. who knew grandma was right.

i never imagined i would ever fall in love with someone from coalton, kansas. i mean, i've always pitied christopher for being from kansas. but mike has shown me the heart of smalltown life. the town is her family, and she is so kind, and helpful to everyone. and she's SO buff! i've never met a girl so strong- but i guess she works off all her sadness and anger at the gym. and she's sooo hot dressed in her dad's old undershirts. from the moment i met her i was head over heels. i know there's lots of stuff she has to do first, some growing, some traveling, but i want to marry her and move to coalton. i want her to teach me to drive her pickup truck. i want to cheer her on at her softball games. i want her to take me to the top of the water tower to see the sunset. i will tell her all the colors, i will paint our house those colors, she will laugh at me and hold me and make me feel safe. i will make friends with all the neighbors, i will be the perfect plumber's wife, i will sing along to country radio. all this and more.

but i know it's impossible. so many of the diffuculties i think are surmountable: you could tell me how she's in love with that straight girl, but i understand that, we could comiserate together. she deserves better. or how she wouldn't like me, she wants a girl who looks more like the centerfolds she hangs in her room. but i think i could charm her, be domestic and cute, even if i am flatchested. i would grow my hair out for her. and i know she's 7 years younger than i am, but the older we get, the difference will seem smaller. i can be very patient, i will wait for her. there's the kansas thing, but i think i adressed that. besides, it's within driving distance of denver. a, stacy, the city would be there whenever i needed it. but there's the one thing, the big one that i don't have the answer for. how she's a fictional character. i don't know how to get over that. i know, because she's not real, she'll never be able to love me the way i love her. but boy i wish we could.

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