girls and boys

so, remember yesterday when i said all i'd done was read? well, there's some childrens book of the week things thrown in there, but i've mostly been reading alot of gay teen stuff:
-breaking silence: coming out letters (i forget the publisher)
-two out of twenty ed. anne heron
-alex sanchez's rainbow books
-maya's speech in philly, which she's posted on her blog.

now, in many ways i can totally relate, as i feel i still have a high school mindset, i read so much of this stuff, it's hard for me to mentally believe i'm not a teenager any more. and i'm in general less assured about my sexuality than the characters. they're struggling with deciding who they are, what their future looks like, and how to come out to their parents the same way i do.
however, i'm 24 years old. i'm still singing linford's line from "fairpoint diary"- "it took me twenty some odd years to see i'd been born blind." i feel gypped- i missed my chance to come out in high school. i missed my chance to be questioning and get support from all sorts of places. everyone my age has now been out for years and being gay is old news. pout, pout.

which is really sick, as there's a HUGE difference between me and teens. i live in chicago. my parents live in PA. sure, they send me money and i'd be hard-pressed to keep up my student status on my own. but at this point i could do it, they could disown me and i'd still have my life- my job, my apartment, my friends. i don't have to LIVE with people i come out to, dealing with their reactions. and they don't have the power to screw up my life, to kick me out of the house, on the street. they can't cancel my scholorships, call the cops on my (theoretical) lover, or even spray paint my locker. for all the youth clubs i'm not allowed in, i'm old enough to go into any bar i want to. AND, i'm finally old enough to make good decisions. i'm not saying that i'm in anyway stable when under the influence of Luv, but at least i no longer have all those crazy teenage imbalananced hormones fucking me up. i want to adopt them all, have a big house where they can live. no, not really. i couldn't deal with all the stupid decisions. but i definately have a better idea who my population is, and it's not homeless latino families.

finally, in compairing myself to the writers, i have to make another list:
-i don't like sports
-i'm into long hair
-i'm flatchested
-i hate (most) dogs
-i love wearing skirts, fancy shoes and false eyelashes- i'm very stylish
-most of my friends are straight girls

so, as this short list shows, except for the vegetarianism, i'm obviously a gay guy. it only makes sense, doesn't it?
well, except for the whole liking girls thing.