little blue river

i don't like the otr song all that much, but it's probably my most oft-quoted line: "everybody's story is more interesting than mine- it took me twenty-some odd years to see i'd been born blind." i know i'm pretty cool and funky looking right now, but sometimes i feel like it's all a ruse, i'm much more shocked and naive than you'd know. i remember watching cabaret and when liza asks the guy if he'd have sex with a dwarf, i was so impressed with his answer. i want to be like that- completely unshockable, always have a comeback. but it's such slow going. and i guess it's like any kind of growing- it happens so slowly you don't realize it's happened until you look back.

(there's some plot missing here- i'll add it back in when i get a chance)

last night i had another dream- although there's another more important theme. it's friday night, and i'm coming home late, excited i don't have to go to bed on time. there's music blasting out of the third floor balcony. when i get to my front door, there's a box from z (now you know it's a dream!) by my mailbox. inside it are little gifts from my family and, inexplicably, from some guys on bear411. i start to carry it upstairs and the music stops. i decide to not even stop at my place but to go right up to hannah's and ask her over for tea sometime while she's still up and i still am feeling brave. so i do and she invites me in and her place is much cooler than mine- there's all these eves and sunlights. and we're chatting, being nice, and i'm glad to be there, though it's kinda awkward cause we don't really know anything about each other. but then her friend comes over, who is anna, one of the dreadlocked girls from my figure drawing class. and anna brings a bag of pot with her. and while she's packing the bowl, i start to freak out. because although i learned how to light a lighter at sisters on new years, i have never actually LIT anything, especially not anything as complicated as a pipe. i really wanna smoke with these nice girls and have them think me hip and cool, but i don't know them well enough to admit my deficiency or ask them to light it for me, and i'm probably going to either burn my nose off or look like an ass, and i'm so paniced about it i wake myself up.

the reason i'm dreaming so much is my sleep's been off. last night i ended going over to ch's, though i probably shouldn't have. he and joe were too drunk when i got there. i brought my new card game which joe liked, but ch hated, and he kept wandering off to chat on bear411. here's him, typing and smoking.

i left at 11, but he was up till 4, typing and smoking. and we both had to process all those flowers today. those tens of thousands of flowers. 3,000 roses. 150 stems of baby's breath. 350 tulips. and so on and so on and so on.
i ihave a grea picture that belongs here, but i can't seem to get flickr to acknoledge the recipt of it. will post it tomorrow.
the colored roses are fabulous this year. lots of varieties i love, like movie star orange and rafaela pink. and new fabulous ones- a two tone yellow inside pink outside called cherry brandy. a green outside yellow inside called limbo. but it's so hard on my hands. i've already got an embedded thorn and lots of cuts- bled on the roses twice. at some point you just get past the whining. i need to do my usual saturday tasks, now, however. i lost so much time working. just cause it feels like a weekday doesn't mean i don't still need to water my plants, do my homework, shower.