guys and dolls

i was gonna be such a worker today. so i can play tomorrow. then anne called, then meike called. oh well. at least i got the paper written. mom's great at cutting people out of magazines for the stupid fashion notebook. if i could only get someone to do my research for sweet water taste. god, i can't believe i have to meet with frances again tuesday. so mom and i went to see guys and dolls tonight. the show i didn't assist in. it was really good. it was fun to tell mom everything i'd made as it walked on stage. glad to go with another pro-40s-musical person. rachel, a knitter in my theater history class was there- she was the lighting designer. she looked SO sexy, in this slinky halter dress- but then when i saw her at intermision, i saw it was pants not a dress. that made it seem a little bit more like her... i was gonna introduce mom to her, but then she was talking to the guy she was with. then she smiled at him, reached her arms around his head, and kissed him! i couldn't believe it! she was living with her girlfriend last year! girls are so wifty about their sexuality! even at this point, i'd feel a little ashamed dating a boy i think. but i also can't IMAGINE dating a boy at this point. did i tell you all i called justine friday night to try and cheer her up after her bad and lonely day? she and i had a really awesome talk, and i hope she felt as energized and connected as i did after it. anyway, one of the things she mentioned was how wonderful samir is, and how glad she was for allie, and how she'd want him if he wasn't allie's. now granted samir is the perfect guy (well, perhaps he could learn to pack lighter, but still) but i don't even want a guy like samir. i'll leave the samirdouble to justine. it's odd, sometimes, what can make you feel like a lesbian. i guess it's no wierder than the things that remind you of your childhoood, or your dead grandmother. or whatever it is that my laundry soap smells like. mom did laundry for me friday (i leave thursday!!! that's like in 4 days!!!) and the towels drying above the heater smelled like it. what is it? i had this vision of being at this big party and a girl walking by in this sexy blue dress, and me catching a whiff of her, and saying to whoever i'm with, "who was that? i have to meet her! i'm going to spend the rest of my life with that woman! she smells like THAT- it's the feeling my laundry detergent gives me!" i guess perhaps this woudn't be a good thing to pass onto my admirerers. i can see the guy who likes me in my text analysis class hearing about it, and i'd smell it on him, and think, shit he must be the one, and then have to date a BOY. eww. i'll leave em to rachel.