the other side

Well. so thursday was so awful, and friday a slight climb upwards. well, yesterday was the manic side of it. i felt amazing. i met with jen for about an hour, then did all my christmas shopping on michigan ave. then i went to work, made the arrangement, delivered it, and headed home. i was listening to my new ipod, and had that glorious feeling of being in a movie- being blessed enough to live in a big city. looking cool, spending money, the soundtrack of my life playing in my ears. i love it. when the bus dropped me off to meet jen it was right by millenium park and the rink's open. i love that feeling of flying- mom and i will have to go skating when she comes next weekend. if a girl owns ice skates, she should use them, no? paid my rent, depostited my paycheck. the people at the opera house said that my arrangement was beautiful- and they liked my hair. what more could a girl ask for? drug my purchases home- and the sun was setting as i left the sears tower. it was so gorgeous- these little strips of vibrant colors, pink and orange and blue, bordered by the black of the skyscrapers' silloettes.
then last night ch was having a housewarmning/christmas/smash&grab with stacey in town party. g and i went! it's finals week for her, so that makes her whiny, and she's starting to seriously worry about writing her BA. so i was sure she was gonna wimp out. esp. when she called and said, how bout i drive? but no, we went, and she actually met the ellusive johnny b! so now everyone believes he exists. he's beleived by all now, i think. the party totally rocked. such a wierd combo of people. i was sure there'd be alot of spanish, but everyone stuck to english mostly- there was this guy oscar there who did an amazing job of translating for the spanish speakers. i looked fabulous, of course, with big hair and false eyelashes and my best black dress and my best black shoes... and red fishnets. g and i are a great pair going out, because i'm such a spectacle, and she's so hot... i'd look lame beside her if i wasn't so wild, and she'd be bland next to me if she wasn't so beautiful, so imagine us arriving at a party together! it was a wierd dynamic also being so very out there... i don't know if jim or johnny b or his boyfriend knew that i was gay before, but they do now. g was the only straight one, and she handled it very well. i guess i'm used to her-or whoever- being on my side at such parties, since i always feel like i stick out more by gender rather than sexual orientation. but there were 3 of us girls there, and she was in good company as far as people who like guys go, so perhaps she didn't feel uncomfortable being the only straight one there. she actually commented to me when everyone was talking about hot guys, "wow, this must be hard for you, at least i like guys too..." like she had just had this big moment of epiphany. i would blow it off like, well duh, but then i realized that having stacy there who likes girls was probably influencial in my feeling so out- there is so rarely an outlet for me to talk about girls. i certainly don't know any unmarried straight guys, and who else would talk about girls? i think we stuck out most by being so very young. and inexperienced. not that anyone is experienced compared to gay men, but christians in their early 20s are pretty close to the bottom of that list. we tended to tell other people's stories rather than our own. agan, worried a bit about g, but i knew she could handle it- she certainly had a good time- we stayed till 3. i was so shocked and pleased. thought stacey trying to come on to her would make her uncomfortable, or being so young and straight, but she as always was cooler than i am. and of course, everyone at the party adored her. she makes gay boys bi, she makes confirmed bachelors hum wedding marches, she makes felines wish they were human. it makes me confused- how can one person be so hot?- but also feel more confident- no wonder i'm in love with her, it's forgivable, everyone else is, to some extent, too. well, perhaps not allie and samir. but given a chance i bet they'd fall too.