overwhelmed

i got all depressed last night. it's a total bummer. hopefully it will be over soon. need to get more sleep. i went to columbia today, had the portfolio center design me a business card, picked up my portfolio from frances, finally. she's looking for more stitching help, so i'm sewing for her tues & thurs next week. i had lunch with christopher, then went to pick up the dvd from my other job contact, then went to the west side for my job interview. and of course, once i'm in the botique, who's working there but alana. it's a little creepy. so welcome to the world of fashion. the designer liked my stuff enough to trust me with a sample. she has a pair of pants for me to pattern, alter, and duplicate. she's very committed and intense, and i still don't know if my skills are up to her caliber. but she wants them in a week, which certainly isn't unreasonable, but my planner is so filled right now! i still haven't finished those bag linings for this week. and there's all my pride activities this weekend, then i'm working 9-5 every day next week between ch and frances.... i'm just feeling very overwelmed, like i won't beable to complete it all in a timely fashion.

but whatever. i'm playing the a game now, saying that i'm wrong to have these feelings, because of all of the on the bright side things: i AM good enough, and i will stitch it till it's right, and i can sew faster than i think i can, and patternmaking is NOT scary, infact it brings joy to my soul, and i won't be working any harder than when i was in school, and if all else fails i can pull an all-nighter or two, and i have tom's phone number, and ch will always keep me even if everyone else fires me. so there.

it just totally sucks that i'm living my life just the way i want to, i'm on the brink of having the job that's been my goal for the past 5 years, and intstead of joy and excitement and contentment, i'm just stressed and nervous and paniced.

and what am i doing about it tonight? am i starting on these pants right away? oh no. i'm going to jen porter's cd release party. sigh.