wasted time

72 hrs. left and what am i doing? printing out papers for class tomorrow? doing very necessary research for my show? mailing back the rebate for my printer my mother needs me to do before i leave? of course not. i'm replying to one of those stupid questionaires ruth send me. you know, what's your name fave toothpaste flavor color of your car etc. in german. i've been online an hour and a half. this is crazy. i was gonna pack tonight. figure out how i'm gonna get all her frosting to germany. now it's nearly bedtime. and i've done nothing. eaten dinner. wow. haven't even updated my blog readers. mom left today, so now i can get packing for my trip. ch made me feel really bad. he was angry at me for yet again bringing up how mom's favourite movie is chocolat and we dis her for it. why can i remember everything about ch's life and nothing about mine? he was angry at me last time she was here and i did this. why can't i remember? he also thinks she's different- relationships do change people. haven't gotten a chance to see what it is he's noticed. perhaps at the company christmas dinner wednesday night. i can't even remember what i've written and what i haven't. yesterday mom and i went shopping. all the way up north to waxmans for candles. we went to su van's for lunch. i haven't been there since they moved, and it was SO nice. their veggie chili is AMAZING! and still just $3 for a bowl. anyone in chicago must eat there! we met g downtown. she was late showing up, so mom and i went shopping in borders. i'm so embarrassed. it's not hard for me to boycott starbucks or walmart. but borders i have a hard time with. it's so tempting! we bought me christmas dvds- it's a wonderful life, miracle on 34th st, and the muppets christmas carol. joe finally dropped g off, and she was walking to meet us when i was stopped by the channel 7 news people. they saw my wonderful hat and wanted to ask me person on the street type questions about the wind. it was pretty mundane. g and mom and i wandered around christkindlmarket, drinking our glüwein and chatting. my mother is such a chatter. she just adores small talk. she seemed to get along well with g. being my mother, i bet she's prolly figured out my crush on her. my sexualty is pretty much a nonsubject, though. i wonder what makes her so uncomfortable? (perhaps she isn't. it could very likely just be me. but assuming she is...) granted, i can't imagine her or anyone else talking to her parents about sex. (if anyone can get babies from a cabbage patch, it's my grandparents). but it's pretty much been my mom's job for a long time to talk to girls about sex. perhaps she's better in spanish at this point? she gave me the line that it's just as wierd to think about your kids sexuality as it is your parents. but i don't think it's cause i'm her daughter- she doesn't seem to have any problem working my sister about birth control. perhaps she doesn't want me to be thinking about her fucking marty? but that's not because she's my mom- i don't like to think about the freaks ch fucks either. on that thought- i don't want to skip over coming home and watching a movie and ch calling and saying i WAS on the news, but- you'll never guess who called me tonight! r. yes that's right, of ch&r. he was in a fabric shop in pilsen and thougth of me. he was raving about it. it was totally wierd. it's like he wants to still be connected in my life, he kept saying, it's not like i dissapeared. but it is, for me. he and i had nothing i common besides our love for ch. and now that he and ch aren't together, i don't know why he would want me in his life. esp. as i'm so very inclined to take sides- and the the side i'm definately taking in this one is ch's. however, it's always nice to know of new fabric shops in the city. i wasn't rude to him particularly. it was just super wierd. can't wait to tell ch.