lazy

oh, i am so lazy. i can't even begin to descibe the extent of it. i got so much done yesterday, and i've barely moved today. i read a really good book in bed this morning. not started it. not finished it. read the whole thing. makes me feel a little sick inside. but still, i wanted to see if he was going to get into julliard. and then how he was gonna pay for it. and the lovely prank of dressing up in the nun costume from sound of music to buy beer- no one ever cards a nun. though, sometimes you have to hear a confession or two. and another book with a character who bounces her boobs in her hands every once in a while to make a point. this facinates me. i'm not really sure how it works, i tried, but my hands are too big (yes it's the HANDS that are too BIG); i have to kind of move my pinkies out of the way and just use three fingers. they don't really bounce, they're too well attached, but i can kind of get the idea. anyway, it seems strange to me that this is done by at least 3 characters i books i read in the past week. what does this say about me? answer: i read far to many books.
the other one i finished this weekend was the other side of venus, one of my lesbian pulps. after much trial and tribulation, they get back together in the end. it's agonizing. she gives up her job, her friends, everything to be with this girl. it ends with a thought like, we're dealing with the disaproval of society this summer. we'll stick to gether as long as we can stand it. we'll deel with next summer and the summer after that as they come up, this is all we can handle right now. it makes me so greatful to be living in the 21st century, i wonder how anyone could be gay 50, 60 years ago. as if being in love isn't hard enough. and people kept saying things to them like, I don't know what to do, can't you see how morally wrong, how evil this is, if you were men i'd call the cops. it's so messed up.

i must be becoming a real writer, because it's been so hard to write this week. yesterday i thought there was no way i could finish it, but then after talking to a on the train ride home from vogue, i had inspiration- my characters actually don't end up having sex! as soon as i thought it i realized that's exactly what they'd do, so at least i knew what i'd write when i sat down today. but still, it's been just agonizing, like i'm writing a term paper or something- i'm not sure what's wrong. thank goddess i got steven the 21yearold to do my research for colaborative seminar for me. i don't know how i'd fit that into my lazy day. it's now quarter to 9 and i need to eat something. it's way to late and i'm way too hungry to cook. the blue elephant closes in 15 minutes. i hate myself but i just called in an order. i'll clean up all the fonudue in my kitchen as my penance. tonight. i promise.