1.babe, tell me when we're roadtripping
amy said i could post this pic if i cut carl off, so here she is:
someday i'll add photos to my 100 things, and then you'll know who all the characters are. stay tuned.
2. the acoustic motorbike
had pearl on shuffle leaving the house this morning. it was raining, but warmish, appropriate spring whether. i was rocking out to luka bloom's acoustic motorbike while leaving the building, and as i'm crossing my street, a guy on a bicycle wizzes by and smiles at me. he seems happy to be out, and doesn't mind the rain. he's pulling a trailer behind him, and in the trailer is a small child, five or six, with a helmet and adorable froggy raincoat. i will miss my neighborhood when i'm gone.
3. crawling out
so, i think jen must have said something in the costume shop. cause, well, it's a long story. there's this cement garden gnome that appeared in the shop. when we were playing dress up last week, i put a grey wig on him. the end of that week, someone put him in my cubby. i moved him to pam's cubby. on wednesday, he was back in mine, with a little note: "dear caitlin, i think you're a cutie. maybe you could come over to my mushroom sometime. we could raid an herb garden together. call me. luv g" now, i won't even go into the irony of the initial. i was so super charmed by the note. at the end of the day we were doing nothing. we'd been rolling scraps into little bundles all day, and we had like 3 clothesbaskets full of them. tom had left early, and it was pam, jessie, michelle, and grant hanging out around a cutting table. and we were talking about the gnome, and i read my note, and everyone's joking, and jessie's like, how do you feel about this, since he only has one hand, and is very small, and is cement, and is a man? it was very clear then, that she knew exactly what she was saying. and i KNOW she wasn't in the costume closet last year, the first time i'd ever come out to anyone, with jen and rebecca. it's weird, being out to people who i haven't told, who know other ways. i guess samir. g's roommates. it's nice, being out without having to deal with coming out. wish it could work this way with my dad. or MAIREE. i don't know what to do about her. she's so important to me, but this is so big for her. (have i mentioned that her wedding recieption is at her alma mater in wheaton, and there will be no drinking or dancing?) i find myself playing the same game i did with mom, "she's got enough stress right now, i'll tell her after the wedding." i think i'm gonna tell audrey when she comes. i think that will be the christian trial. other scary truth telling plans for the future: think i'm gonna come out to dad at the beach. there is absolutely no precedent. i don't know what he'll think at all. i know he's homophobic and very moral. but he also loves me very much and wants me to be happy and doesn't belive alot of churchy things. so i have no idea. also, i think i'm gonna tell g she's the object of my affection when she leaves. i feel i need to tell her for my closure, and if she's leaving anyway, it will be easy for her to completely walk away from it all, and i don't like living the dual life anymore- you all know that i am honest to a fault, not only can i not lie, i also require everyone to know every intimate detail of my life. so these are my new reveals planned. and i still feel stupid coming out without a girlfriend. it makes me glad to know grown-ups, like tre, still have to do it, coming out is a lifelong task, not just for the newbies.
No comments:
Post a Comment