what they think of me

samir: "I don't really know why I decided to start up the blog, I think my inspiration is Caitlin. It's always interesting to read her blog, although she is a much more interesting person that I ever could be (if you ever met her, you'd know) ;)"

kira: "You should pay a visit to get a good feel. I know you’ve been here before, but I bet you’d fall into a crowd right away. You seem really outgoing."

nan: "Caitlin. I admire your ability to look at this situation as an opportunity, not a low blow. I have such fond memories of my times with you in your peaceful and inviting home and your grace- and joy-filled hospitality."

does anyone else think this fits the character they've met on this blog? i mean, i'm not one to turn down complements, and i'm truely happy that those are the things that are coming across. but i certainly don't feel like any of those things, not interesting or outgoing or optimistic and hospitable. i feel, in fact, pretty lonely and whiney. and even when i'm not actively lonely or whiny, i think i tend to be so here. nan remembers when i used to be an xian and have friends and be hosptitable. now i have too much homework. no, i still love to have visiting guests, but i can't seem to have people for dinner anymore. i've never called michael. amberlee- i'm totally embarassed about ignoring her. i'm SO snobby about who i become friends with! sometimes i worry no one in chicago is worthy.
i think what it is that i do right, my little part of acting "as if," is not being outgoing, but going out. i like being independent (or at least i tell myself i do) and i'm not afraid to go out, or come home, alone. if i had to wait for a date before i went to a restauraunt or a party or a concert, i'd be in big trouble- esp. if i waited for one who would walk me home. watching movies in grant park is about the only thing i won't do by myself. i don't really like plays, either, as i prefer having someone to talk to at halftime. but i really like going to movies and dinner by myself (with my book, of course!) NOT that this means not to invite me! it just means...
well, it just means i look interesting and outgoing, apparently. but don't be decieved. i'm actually a very boring, introverted hermit.