kill me

it's been the kind of day that makes you want to jump into lower level three.

the cat woke me up twice last night. what is with her penchant for playing with noisy things at 4 and crying at 6? exhasuted when i woke up. bad sign. ch and i both were just dragging. he's been getting even less sleep than me. luckily it's been the holiday that's dragging us down, so we're kinda going together and holding each other gently, rather than carefully walking around each other in awkward bubbles of miscommunication. but oh, it was a long day.

and my house is so cold. i slept with my sweatshirt and a scarf over my pjs last night, under my feather duvet and a quilt, and my hot water bottle. it took all my strength of will to leave bed this morning. wore a tanktop, a tshirt and a thin sweater to work today and was still cold. ch joked it's my indian food not giving me enough protein, but perhaps he's right. i'm so tired of it that' i've been eating very small portions. and i'm not allowed to buy more food until the week is over. even our holiday pizza i was too busy to eat more than a piece or two of yesterday, and ch and i both counted on having it for lunch today, so we shared and it wasn't very much.

the crowning moment of the day was this awful order- someone from the bank brought down balloons for us to inflate for first thing tomorrow morning. it's a sucky order anyway, cause it's so much labor and no profit when they provide the balloons. and first thing tomorrow is kicking us while we're down. there was no way we were coming in early tomorrow, so we filled them with hi-float, this expensive liquid latex snot that makes balloons float longer. so i was squeezing snot into all of them, and they were these little cheap old balloons, and ch was blowing them up and they kept popping. wasting our time, wasting our helium, scaring us, fracturing our poor frazzled nerves. but they're so cheap they'll shrink by tomorrow morning, so we had to over fill them, and oh, i just wanted to cry. ch was covered in balloon snot, our floor was covered in the brightly colored condom pieces, and it was just an agonizing end to our agonizing day. they gave us 57 balloons and we were able to inflate, tie, string and bag 40 of them.

we rode the train home together, basically propping each other up. i got really depressed, i think i may shave my head tonight. i mean, i'm going to be doing it in 2 weeks anyway for graduation. but i don't know, who should i have help me, or should i do it alone? my mom will be here right for graduation. and did i tell you?!!?? gabrielle's coming for u of c graduation the begining of june!!! so she'll be here right after the cruise- i'm thinking i should keep them that long then have her help me.

maybe i'll just go to bed, get my 12 hrs. sleep, and TRY and be human tomorrow.