so, up waaaaay too late packing thursday night, my megabus experience pretty uneventful. we left about 35 min. late from chicago- but got into cleveland about 15 min. early. i folded cranes for nan and watched goodbye lennin on the travel dvd player dad gave me for xmas. very posh. mom's been bugging me about goodbye lennin forever, and i could see why she liked it so much. i of course, will watch absolutely anything in german with subtitles. aunt janet and aunt deann picked me up in cleveland then we continued on to wooster to pick up justine. i had aunt janet take a fast pic in her dorm before we ran out.
way too much driving for me! but finally back on the farm we had dinner and took a walk. here's aj ad grandma by the barn.
grandma has these little blue flowers in her garden- does anyone know what they are?
what was so wierd to me was how familiar everything was. like it or not, the farm is very much a part of me. so many easters, so many thanksgivings, weeks and weeks and weeks of summertime were spent there. it used to be where i went to try and escape my real life. granted, the things that i hated about real life were even worse there, but still, sometimes change is more important than improvement. also, as there's so little left of my childhood in eastern pa, it's nice to have someplace with pure memories still attached.
mom and marty were driving there and picking up z from the airport, and her flight was really delayed, so they didn't get in until late, but i waited up for them, since z and i were sharing the camper parked in the driveway. it's always fun to share a room with z, it makes me feel sisterly. you know, we can whisper and stuff. but boy was it cold out there, gma did not leave us enough blankets! here's my fave pic of z from the trip. i was making her uncomfortable with my camera, which i felt bad about because i know how awkward i feel on that side of the camera, but i wanted to really capture her and i think i managed to in this shot.
don't you think she looks like la movie star? if you know which one, leave it in the comments!
saturday was busy. z and i both woke up early, embarrassed to sleep in or be the last one up. she got up, i didn't, but it was ok, cause j&j were much later than us. aj had hard boiled about 3 dozen eggs, so we dyed those, it was much fun.
the prettiest we kept for decoration, and the rest we broke for deviled eggs the next day.
then mom pulled out all the old band tshirts she'd been saving for me. rock on! i immediately started cutting, and g'ma brought up her sewing machine for me. mom got it working, and i whipped up this out of the torn over the rhine shirt:
then z got out all the tshirts she'd brought and i made a rocking little skirt out of a RIT volunteer t of hers. it's really f-ing cute, and it's one of my biggest photo regrets. my other is the filing cabnet, with the photograph of george and laura bush, saying thank you for your generous donation to the republican fund. my goddess. we wanted to graffiti it so bad. mom thought maybe we could tape hats on them. z wanted to give them little signs, like "where are you, osama?" i thought if we covered it with saran wrap we could draw mustaches and glasses on that. but we ended up not defiling it at all, just talking about it.
anyway, saturday night we all dressed up and took g'pa out for dinner. and took lots of group shots.
it was this italian joint, they'd never been there before but knew the head chef. so that was cool. the food was good, for west pa, and they put happy birthday to g'pa on the marquee. we waited for it to go the whole way around so aunt janet could photograph it.
here we are in the restaurant:
and justine is famous for eating olives off her fingertips at thanksgiving, so the whole table full of olives got passed to her (from me, and mom, and z, and aj... it was pretty funny.
afterwards we went to aunt deann and uncle dave's place, and had cake and ice cream and played cards- 2 tables of 500. marty's not a card person, which i get, but it's amazing to me that justine and jenna aren't at all. i mean, that's what my family does for fun. if you don't play cards, can you even HAVE fun with them? i guess i was raised with the party-in-a-box on the other side of the family as the ultimate goal in family relations. i've been taught you don't see family often enough so be nice- i see that as being entirely present while i'm there. i've made this committment to go to the farm for 48hrs, and that's to see the family, so that's what i'll do while i'm there, whatever that is, you know- dying eggs, playing cards, taking walks, whatever. just 'cause i'm introverted doesn't mean i hate and avoid social situations. but in general, the trip was good, i was in a very healthy, open mental place for it. i let everyone, including myself, be who they are, and there was alot of space for that. i mean, yeah, i'm totally wierd, but really everyone doesn't fit in somehow, and i'm very solid and unashamed about who i am, so that gives me confidence to be who i am and patience with others being themselves.
of course, having little judgement directed at me helped. cause, for this trip, i felt my most distinguishing feature was being the skinny one. my grandma had a skinny perfect older sister, and i think that's always made her feel bad and angry about her weight. i think i've always been difficult for her, because i remind her of aunt mary. it just upsets me so, the way everyone's weight is so featured in conversation. it makes me sick, yet i feel that it's not something i'm allowed to have an opinion on, because it's not my issue- like men who think they can have strong opinions about abortion. but i sometimes felt as if i wasn't a woman when among them, because how you're currently watching your weight isn't a discussion i can participate in, and it's a common struggle among all women. don't get me wrong- i can't imagine what hard work dieting is- watching what i eat would be just impossible for me, so i have such respect for people who can. but i don't think it should be required, and expected acchivement. college graduation, sure, that's ok to expect from my family. but, i mean, look at these photos! look at how beautiful they all are! they're all curvy and lovely and well dressed.
i think grandma needs to shove it. mom told me she's too uncomfortable about her weight right now to buy new clothes, but marty doesn't care and buys her these great ones, and that's why she's looking so sassy. it's probably my favorite thing about marty, and you know how few and far between those are. ANYWAY.
sunday, easter, church, etc. big potluck up at the archery shop for g'pas birthday, then back to cleveland for me. mom drove j and i back this time, and z came along.
it was this fabulous freeing time, we listened and sang to ani d, and it was so nice to just rap with the ones who are liberal and not so xian and know i'm a lesbian. we all cracked jokes, mom is still laughing about j going, "man, my parents pay for everything with cash. my formal dress? mom opens out her wallet and starts peeling out the hundreds. it's so sketch. my parents are drug dealers. it's true!" the thought of the presbyterian farmer drug dealing family cracks us up.
the megabus was TWO HOURS LATE getting in to chicago. i swear, she must have driven 55 the whole way. thunderstorms across ohio. agony in my heart. i don't know what happened. ch said busses can do that to you. but i was so depressed, loney, back in my recent funk. it's a combination of fear of the future- coming ever closer- and my perpetual loneliness. i know that things are happening in my friends' lives too. i feel like i'm having such a hard time relating these days though. i can't communicate clearly with anyone, i'm in my chestnut mood, covered with green spikes, sweet inside but oh so prickly and un-cuddle-able. need to take flower remidies and ward this off.
ugh, i've been typing forever and still have to tell you about my day in hyde park!
here are the hits:
-i miss the co-op so badly. bought all my fave instameals, and bulk spices.
-i love that neighborhood. 53rd st, you are beautiful!
-my dentist rocks. i love all her hygenists. i love how it's not some assistant who calls, it's linda. it's worth the trip down south every 6 months.
-especially if it means i can hang with the purifoys. they're so sweet and kind and yet interesting. they're expecting another baby!
-g doesn't live there anymore. neither do i. i can't seem to accept either of these facts. wierd. very wierd.
-it's probably a bad thing to do in a funk. as i'm looking ahead to what i'll be doing next, i started to wonder about my decisions, not quite regret them, but to consider my life if i would have stayed in hyde park, how such tiny things turned my life into what it is now instead of christie's, and who would i be if i was still a christian, still straight, still a southsider? if i had been an english major instead of costume design?
anyway, enough for tonight! congratulations for making to the bottom! i will forgive you if you just looked at the pictures.
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