stories from the flower shop

ok, so the backstory and in-jokes you need to know.

a. stacy called with the news report about getting microchips inplanted in your kids so you always know where they are. better than cell phones. just like your pets. we discussed the all round creepiness of it.

b. we make jokes about how sending a man pink flowers will emasculate him, but not as much as balloons will. in fact, any poor man who recieves balloons will be immediately struck gay.

ok, so this story is actually from yesterday, when we were feeling all tired and dark. a woman calls, from a suburb of boston mass, and wants to send a balloon boquet to her son. this story is much funnier if you heard ch's new england accent. "no, i think the medium will be to laaage. he ownly has a cubicahle. yes, include some of those smiley face balloons, he always enjoyed those when he was a child..." etc.

we blew them up, tied on the weight, delivered them. ch said, this man will see the balloons, open the card and read it ("may the smile these balloons put on your face stay with you forever. xoxo, mom") and walk away. the balloons will not have struck him gay, but actually made him transexual. he will walk down the hallway and push the elevator button. the doors will open, and he will walk in. he will ride down to the first floor and walk out of the building and no one will see him again. he will carve the microchip out of his ass and leave it and his penis in a bag in the chicago river, which his mother will find when they start tracking him. i added, someday, he will be in bed with his lover and will be asked, what is this strange scar you have, this dent in your ass, and he will tell the long and sorrowful tale. but he has a new life now. the balloons freed him.

between ch's blog and my fiction writing class, the imagination is working well.

if anyone wants to hear about my fit of depression and cash therapy session last night, i'll blog about it, but i think the most important people i've already talked to it about. so leave a comment and i'll post the story of my first visit to the sex toy store, otherwise, i'll move on to the much more cheerful today.

so today i was doing the new customer letters. you remember those right, stamping floral experience on them? here, i took a picture today:

when i took the alphabet stamps out, however, i realized someone had re-arranged them:

i snapped the shot and showed ch when he came back from watering plants. he just LOST IT. when he could talk again, he said hugo had done it the friday he'd been in the shop 2 weeks ago. isn't it fucking hilarious? brought joy to my stamping experience.

but now i need to play with my kitten. will type more later.