plastic angel

"...everything is broken, everyone is choking on ambivalence..." i actually read plastic angel by nerissa nields last week, did i tell you? it was good, though it's the same plot as this town is wrong. i did tell you. i remember typing how i got teary at the "you'll only need your toothbrush, fifty bucks that velvet shirt that brings you luck" part. anyway.

pearl's dead. she started clicking and now when you turn her on she buzzes and clicks and flashes the sad ipod face. it's bad. so i survived all day yesterday and today without her, and went to the apple store after work but the line was SO long, i left without getting help. i'll have to make an appointment before i go next time.

sunday night was also worried about my new piercings. they'd been doing so well, but they started getting sore again the past week or so. and i thought strange bumps were forming... ew, gross, i know. and then the old piercing, which i took out for the surgery, i wasn't able to get the captive ball back into the ring. and then sunday morning in the shower the ring came out.... so i went to the chicago tatoo and piercing company and that at least went well. rudy, who gave me my new piercings, was the piercer, and he put my CBR back in, said my new piercings look fine, just a little irritated, which is a common reaction to stress. plus, he said i was about ready to change jewelry, so i ordered in the custom piece i've wanted, all along. it'll end up being almost a year since i started this venture- but it will be so cool and totally worth it! not that i can afford it, but hey, v-day is comming up....

but first, about yesterday. basic miserable colaborative seminar, i worked hard on my corset in costume construction 2, but then i had to fit it, which was surprisingly bad for my body image. i'm usually pretty good about body image- i mean i have a pretty cute little bony body, and espcially since it's so small i feel like there's not alot of room for me to complain anyway with our culture drumming it's warped ideas of beauty into our counciousnesses, even if i wanted to. but still- i've spent the last week and a half stitching together these 12 curvy pieces, and voila, i have this victorian hourglass shaped corset. so i put it on, and tom safety pins it up to fit me, and i take in half of those 10 seams, and suddenly all of my curvy shapes are practially rectangles. it bummed me out.

so after that was fiction writing. there was alot of time spent on in class writing, and i don't know how it really happened, but i ended up writing about the fire. it's not fiction, really, at all. i may change the point of view, but really, that's it. and then i realized- it's the 30th. it's been exactly 2 years. and that really depressed me- i like to feel i have some kind of control over my subconsious. i remember all the post-traumatic-stress-disorder stuff that was happening last year this time. so far, none of those panic attacks and stuff have happened this year, but we'll see. it just makes me angry and scared- i'm supposed to be stronger than this, i don't like that i can be so upset, and i wanna know when i'll get over it. how many years am i going to need to process this?

then my fourth class of the day was figure drawing. we drew skeletons, and you know what? i'm not half bad at this shit. it was all big (18x24! my god! i paint on a 4x6 block!) and it was THERE, you know? i didn't have to set it up or make it up. how hard is it to draw what you see? and then we turned our easels around, and there i was, solidly in the middle of the class, skill level wise. about half of them were better than me, about half of them worse. DAMN frances. damn her for mindfucking me. i CAN draw. here, i took a picture of my verabrae just to show you:

i talked with l last night and it was so good. it felt like october again, and i've missed it. i'm so excited to live vicariously through her the next few months- she's got some really fabulous shit going down. pity she doesn't blog anymore so the rest of you will never know.

and then there was work today. i ordered balloons, office supplies, ch was paying bills with the credit card... it's panic time. january's a slow month, so we have no money, and it feels like this huge leap of faith to have this SHITLOAD of roses ordered. and we look at the pricing, and it's like, damn. no one's gonna pay that much for a dozen roses. that was our entire day end last tuesday. so pray, all of you who do. pray for customers for us. those of you who don't, well, come out and temp. we'd love to have you.

so what ARE we doing at the flowershop to prepare? well, here's today's floral lesson.
here is an echivaria:

and here is an echivaria made our of fritos:

'nuff said.