jim ch and i went for drinks after work upstairs at dos hermanos, which i haven't done in ages and ages. that's about it for news from my world. one of the things i am perhaps lax on is answering comments. i am made aware of this perhaps most from kira, who answers each and every comment i make with a personal email. i am not as organized or gracious, and have been thinking about posting responses to so many for ages. so i'll try and clear up bunches of them here.
first, haloscan seems to be working. its so much easier for the posters, and and not that much harder for this reader, so i guess the trial period is over and it's here to stay. thanks jamie! and cecila, have i ever said welcome? i of course at this point you are more than welcome. i'm glad you like my name, i'm rather fond of it myself. i really don't like my last name much (it's an ok last name, but it's alliterative, which i REALLY hate, it makes me sound like a cheerleader) so a good first and middle name make up for it.
sheesh, and now we're already in the heat of things with sex. it was wild, that post, i got 3 long comments right away. so i thought someday i'd write a whole post in reply, start diolgue, change the world, etc. but it didn't happen. so it will just be this little part of a post. perhaps its because i'm so unclear with where i stand myself. i really like how the three comments showed such different opinions, cecilia finding love so important and making such a difference for sex, jamie's lack of enthusiasm for "saving myself," amy's open relationship with carl. i guess i- and perhaps this is a side effect of working with gay men- feel so often that "everybody's story is more interesting than mine, it took me 20some odd years to see i'd been born blind." i guess i don't think about sex all that often as i'm not in a relationship- or perhaps i think about it often but come to no conclusions because i'm not in a relationship. i absolutely agree with cecilia, you need to be devoted to me for it to work out- i would have more and more fun, but keep feeling worse and worse about myself if i slept around. but i'm so shy and prudish, i can't imagine how i would make that happen if i wanted to. in answer to amy's post, while i would like to believe that i will find the one of my dreams and we will dance forever under the full moon together, i have to quote jessica stein. a cousin says to her, "you always talked about "the one"- i just never imagined it would be a woman." and she gets all flustered and responds, "i don't even know if i believe that anymore, i don't think there's just one, i believe there's more like, um, seven." so, yes, i would expect to have several relationships, inside of which i am monagamous. and of course at this point, i have a hard time imagining ever meeting anyone i could put up with.... thinking about sex makes me think alot about high school. perhaps this happens to everyone. i was of course going to stay a virgin until i got married. i couldn't imagine marrying a man who had slept with someone else before me... but now it seems more like i couldn't imagine marrying a man. the biggest draw for me in highschool was the finality of it- you couldn't go back- but i wanted to know so badly just how it felt. it wasn't until i was 22 that i discovered GIRLS could masturbate too, and now i could imagine it, and that gave me even more freedom from the tyrany of my christian high school thoughts. but i definately reflect jamie's attitude of, darn, lets just get it over with. i still don't regret it, even if i wasn't in love. and now it's over, and i can move on!
the show is going to be in march. i will want pics for my portfolio, so if i can get them digital, i will certainly post them here. i don't even wanna think about it with vday. it's apparently going to be a huge family affair- allie and samir, mom and marty and my aunt deann (justine's mom) and my grandma are all flying in to see it. the pressure!
ch has been having stomach problems, and so hasn't been going out drinking much, which is sad, but has also switched from coffee to tea, which makes me happy! i love tea drinkers! tea is so wonderful. i fully believe in it. i love what my flower remedy book says about the placebo effect. scientists are all upetty about whether flower remedies actually work or if it's all placebo, and they're like, it's the placebo effect itself that should be studied! isn't it amazing that just by thinking the brain can heal the body? shouldn't we learn to harness this energy and make the placebo effect work for us? i found it very interesting. and it makes me not worry if it's "real" or placebo. it doesn't matter as long as healing is occuring!
as far as my 100 goals- i don't work really hard at them. it's just a bit of shape showing me what's important in my life. it was an assignment in a's positive thinking class in high school, so i made the list then, and have been editing it and adding to it ever since. it used to be very polarized, i felt like i could become this musical woodsdwelling craftsman mennonite, or a wild punk hippie artist pagan. i seem to have chosen that latter, and my acchievements seem to reflect that. but i may swing back around.
cecilia, my director also thinks lapels can be romantic, and i have a whole character whose costumes i need to make less lawyery and more feminine, so this was good advice! and think about all the fancy chocolates you get in exchange for having to drive out of the country to go to lush.
i do use blog explosion. and i like it to read new blogs, but i haven't found any super winners yet, though i'm sure i will. it's good for getting my counter numbers up, though i haven't had anyone from blogexplosion comment yet. and lets face it, the commenters count more than the readers do!
as for blogging itself- the relationship a blogger has with one's blog is always facinating. and where the diologue occurs. for instance- when i wrote this entry, i had just made a comment on cecilia's blog with what i thought was righteous anger- someone had dissed my friend cecilia and i was sticking up for her. i would have liked that in the midst of all the you poor thing i'm sorry for you comments (don't get me wrong, i'd want those too!) but then someone else didn't, she posted, "umm, caitlin, we're supposed to be cheering cecilia up here" (which i thought i was doing, but i guess it could be interpreted differently) and it could have scared me away from commenting forever if cecilia hadn't posted a thank you for it on my blog. this and blog explosion have helped me see that it's not something magical or revealing about blogging that's special, there are the same relationships in the outside world as in this little inside one. all the rightwing blogs have taught me that!
it's funny to me that all of jamie's readers are strangers. all my commenters (well, except for a allie and justine) are strangers, but i think i have friends far away who read. that was how i started, so i would have to type fewer emails. and look where it's gone from there! hours and hours online every night!
nothing is better for insomnia than sympathy. nothing is better for depression than sleep. and baths and candles really do help with both, often. thank you all. i promise to learn to use my camera before i meet you, so i will take wonderful pics.
jamie, i'm sorry but i don't have a scanner, so i don't think i'll ever be able to post more baby pics. perhaps justine will oblige, though! cecilia, it actually wasn't lollypops but popsicles! there's another family story about grumpy kids not wanting to have the family picture taken, and my youngest cousin was crying cause she wanted a popsicle. and so there were arguemnts about which was more unsightly, having a crying kid or a kid with a popsicle... there are some of both, and at the end there are pictures of the whole family with popcicles...
anyway. consider yourselves answered. i promise to do a better job in the future. don't let it deter you from commenting!
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