what she said!

well! for a girl feeling as lonley as i was, things sure brightened up the last 15 minutes! i have "create post" as my home page, so i always write my post for the day before i do anything else on the web. well, i checked the blog after posting, and i had not 1, not 2, but THREE new comments. and they were long and interesting comments, too! so i decided to dedicate a post to replying to them, so you don't have to scroll down and click open the haloscan window to see if i've said anything in repsonse. and while i was deciding all this, the aol icon started bouncing out of the side of my desktop, and so i clicked on it, and wouldn't you know, there's new mail from G! she didn't act like anything strange, not like she was mad, not like she was forgiving me, just making plans for this weekend. i have tech sun and mon so sat is free for me. i think i'm gonna go over there and she'll wax my hair and g and joe and helen and i will go to see jess ballet dance. doesn't that sound nice? i hope i don't have to back out due to sweet water taste. but while i'm feeling sad and lonely, i've got european encouragement! cecilia and jamie both say that everyone has unfriendly days. and cecila says my conversation with the cycler on the bus is how we make friends! so there's my answer- i've wanted to make friends outside of the blogopshere, real live friends who live in chicago- and now i know how to do it. i don't know what to do about being whiny and depressed and pissing people off, though. the answer i guess is to just avoid me, but when i'm at my worst that's when i need human communication most of all. i usally don't turn people off, in party settings, actually. i very good at pretending to be socialble, i think. but one on one, i can be disasterous. and i thank jamie for encouragement that it's just the stress, it's not symptoms of a pervasive disease, or a particular problem with me, but a normal human reaction to stress. and i am undeniably under tons of it, and after she gets used to her new job and my show is over we will both be wonderful charming people who people come up to on the bus, just cause they want to be friends with us!
on a separate note, have you all noticed the interesting jog down memory lane that kira and i have been taking? its about the letters we've sent to people in the past... to old crushes, boys in high school... scary to think of letters that, as kira put, are out there in the universe. just getting christmas cards from the guy i wrote love letters to in h.s., and his wife, is scary. (they were aparently a fundrasier from his most recent mission trip...) i mean, anyone's letters are gonna be embarrassing, but in hs you do so many stupid guy/girl things in fits of hormones. and then for me there's all that supremely embarassing christian crap as well. i have lots of acceptance for the sorts of xians i know now, even of the xian i was within the last, oh, 5 years. but my hs self? help! yet, somehow, this is still me we're talking about. in some ways i'm still the same person with the same thoughts embodying the same body. so i don't know- but i DO know i'm glad to here that other people have scary old letters out in the universe! i know the girl i slept with (from now on known as tgisw, i think, it's more polite) is a lurker here occasionally. i was wondering if she would read this post, and how she would feel about it, but i figured it'd either make her angry enough to post and tell me not to ever expose her or talk about her again... or perhaps she would like to use my blog to reveal her identity and share her stories. who knows? dearest tgisw, i hope you don't mind.
also on abriviations: i've always had a problem with amy and allie- amy is already a. so allie can't be. i've used a&s for allie and samir, but that just reminds me of a&s rosexpress, anne and somprasong's flowershop. and i don't like squishing their personalities together. however, since allie's the first entry alphabetically in my phone, she's always getting random calls when my key lock isn't on. she was saying she gets that alot, and i said she should change her name, and she said she's gonna be known as zelda from here on out. so now i will abriviate my little siz on my blog as z. please take note, and change your search engines.