basic average straight girl

guster- two points for honesty
elm- for trusting one has the help needed, letting go of undue worry

vibe was kinda wierd at work today. we're getting into the holiday swing of things, but i'm not used to such a full store- it's me, ch, jim and joe. jim moves so slow and seems to be everywhere at once, he manages to take up alot of space. and joe is new, he doesn't always know what to do, and i'm always looking over his shoulder to make sure he doesn't have any questions. he, ch and stacey were childhood friends, but only 2 of them are ever talking at any one time, it seems. i of course really like stacey, and i haven't been that impressed with joe, but he's been good around the flower shop so far. for them all being gay, they're all still masculine enough that i feel very girly. joe said something about the essence of my hippieness this morning, and i was confused- is this an insult? it ended ok, with him telling a story about a friend who never washed her dreadlocks and he was glad mine didn't smell. but it was still wierd. and then there as this awful bit in the afternoon, i'm still not sure what happened. i was talking about my obession with wasting water, and jim said, "you know, you have made me more aware of that." and i was so glad that he wasn't offended, but couldn't relate that. and i was starting a story with someday, i'm going to fall in love and..." and charles pushed past me and said, "i'm going to starbucks." and everyone laughed. what was that about? did i miss something? later, i ended up finishing the story- "i'm going to fall in love with a person who leaves the water running while washing their teeth, and it will be a doomed relationship." very gender neutral. and charles says something like, "no you'll marry a guy who drives a pick up truck and likes bacon." and i said, "i will never, ever be with anyone who likes bacon." and joe says, "you'd better get a cat, then." it was really funny, i think i missed some in the middle, but i was still hurt- first when charles puts this masculine spin on my future love- um, so i'm a lesbian when stacey's around but straight with joe? sure i 'm not confident enough to say "silly charles, you know i'm into girls, i'm not going to duck hunt with you" but i'm getting more and more settled into myself every day. and i know i'll be single forever because of choices i make, like never leaving the city and the bacon thing. (you are allowed to like it, but you are never ever ever allowed to cook it in my house. ever. ) but i hate to think that it's because i'm eccentric, i'm going to turn into one of those crazy cat ladies with the canvas bags and the frizzy hair and the fancy pins. i want it be that i'm too cool for a mate, not that no one wants me. it's like g's dessert party, if i'm an unapprochable person, i want it to be because i'm so freakin' cool no one will talk to me.
does ch still think i'm gonna end up married to some guy? or alone with a million cats? i'm still worried abou this. however, i came home and FINALLY got the box from my grandma, and there was carmel corn, and a rainbow striped scarf. i love my grandma, she's so kind and clueless. she knows i like rainbows. so i'll wear it with pride. giggle.